Chapter 25

25

" L ydia?"

Lydia looked up at the sound of her sister's voice. She'd been sitting in a quiet corner of the gardens, petting Hector and ignoring the dog's attempts to get her to play. She felt listless and weary, her eyes sore from the countless bouts of crying that had overtaken her the past week.

It had been seven days since she'd returned to Nora's home from Lochlann Castle, and she'd yet to find the strength or energy to do anything, lost as she was in the numb haze of hurt that filled her.

Waking and sleeping she was plagued by thoughts of Murdoch. She'd never thought she'd be like one of those pining maidens in stories, but the reality was that everything reminded her of the man she'd begun to love, then lost.

And she did love him, had loved him. She knew that to be true, just as she knew that if she had a chance to change the past, there were many things she'd do differently.

Why had she pushed so hard on the subject of his wife's passing, particularly when she'd determined he was telling her the truth about his innocence? Why had she pressed him to know secrets that were obviously painful for him to speak about?

She wished she could go back and make it so she hadn't been so cold to him, so demanding.

"Lydia?"

Startled out of her melancholy thoughts, she looked up to see that Wilma had joined Nora. Both of their faces wore matching expressions of concern.

Nora crouched to look her in the eye. "Are ye feelin' better? I'm worried about ye."

"Aye." Wilma joined them on the grass. "Ye've been so distressed as of late. I ken some of the reasons why, but…"

"I ken. I ken. I just…" Words failed her. She couldn't seem to find the strength to explain how she felt. In fact, even thinking about it made her eyes sting with renewed tears.

"Och, lass, everything will come out all right." Nora's voice was soft, comforting, like the hand she ran gently through Lydia's hair before pulling her into a hug. "I ken it doesnae seem possible just now, but ye'll nae feel so hurt forever."

"I ken…but it…but I…"

There was a faint sound of jingling from the courtyard. Hector's ears perked up; nose lifted as he sniffed the air. Before Lydia could react, the big dog surged to his feet and bounded toward the courtyard with an excited bark.

Curious, the three of them stood and followed the dog.

There were two horses in the courtyard and a rider dismounting from one. The figure was wrapped in a traveling cloak, but there was something familiar about his build. He bent to scratch behind Hector's ears. "Good lad. Is yer mistress nearby, I wonder?"

Lydia's heart skipped a beat at the familiar voice. She stumbled to a stop, unable to move or even draw a proper breath. It was Wilma who surged forward with a startled exclamation. "Murdoch! What are ye doin' here?"

Murdoch raised his head. "I was lookin' for Lydia."

"And what would ye be seeking me sister for?" Nora stepped forward, her expression one of cool disdain. "Ye were quick enough to send her away without a word of explanation. I daenae see why I should let ye say one word to her."

Murdoch grimaced. "I ken ye've nay reason to welcome me, but as for permission to speak to Lydia, is that nae a decision for the lady herself to make?"

Nora turned to her. "Lydia?"

A part of her wanted to ask him to leave immediately. Another part of her wanted to turn around and walk inside without uttering a single word to him. In the end though, curiosity and courtesy won out. "I'll speak with him, at least for a moment."

Nora studied her face, measuring Lydia's temperament in the same way she'd learned how to gauge a patient's health and whether or not they were lying to her about how much something hurt. She then nodded. "As ye will. However, me Laird Lochlann, if I return to find ye've reduced me sister to tears again or distressed her in any way, then I'm nae above making sure ye're very uncomfortable for the next fortnight or so. And if ye ken anythin' of me from Lydia, then ye ken I'm a healer, and I ken ways of making ye miserable that ye will never see coming."

Murdoch nodded, hands upheld in surrender. "I ken what a healer is capable of doin'. Wilma's nae fully trained, but she's left me regrettin' me folly a time or two when I upset her."

"Then ken that I can do worse and keep it in mind when ye're speakin' to me sister." Nora tipped her head at Wilma and the two of them withdrew. Hector stayed, but he moved to lean against Lydia's leg, providing a comforting support for her.

Lydia waited, but Murdoch didn't seem inclined to speak first. "Well?"

"Well…I'm sorry I sent ye away. I shouldnae have, at least, nae without an explanation. But…" Murdoch ran a hand through his hair, his expression weary. "I was afraid."

"Afraid of what? That I'd learn yer secrets? That someone might get through that iron guard of yers? Afraid to let someone come to ken and care for ye? Was the idea of me carin' for ye that repugnant?"

"Nay. It was nae any of that." Murdoch heaved out a breath that seemed too strained and deep to be a sigh. "I'd solved who was behind the attack in the village. I'd kent then that they might have been involved in the attack that killed me first wife. I dinnae want ye where ye could be harmed until I'd proven whether I was right or nae."

"Ye…how?" But that wasn't the most important question. "Who?"

"Me uncle, Arthur Nairn. He was behind both attacks. I never suspected before that day, but when we returned to Lochlann Castle after the attack, he asked if we'd been injured."

She remembered that. She hadn't thought anything of it at the time, especially since he'd said some villagers had informed him about what had happened. She frowned. "I thought it was because the villagers came to warn him of the attack. Was that nae correct?"

Murdoch shook his head. "Nay one from the village ever came to Lochlann Castle that evenin'. Nay one left the square before we did. Gordon's men had them constrained."

"But that…och…I see." Lydia swallowed hard as the pieces fell into place. "He'd kent the attack was going to happen."

"Aye. After ye left, I confronted him and learned his truth - that he'd arranged that attack and the one before to either kill me or leave me without wife and heir, to convince the Elders that I was unsuitable as a laird."

Murdoch's eyes were full of grief, haunted by a deep regret that he wasn't bothering to hide behind his usual mask. Lydia's heart went out to him.

He loved his family, and a member of his family had betrayed him. Betrayed his trust and plotted his death. "Why would he do such a thing?"

"Resentment. He and me father were twins, their births separated by minutes. He dinnae like that he was the younger and never had a chance to claim the lairdship. He wanted to take it from me for himself or pass the title to Gordon."

She'd never really gotten a chance to know Arthur Nairn or his son, but she'd seen that Gordon was close to Murdoch. "Surely Gordon dinnae…"

"He dinnae ken anythin' of his father's plans, nor help with them."

That was a small mercy. "And yer uncle?"

"Dead. He went mad and attacked me, and I couldnae stop him without killin' him." Murdoch grimaced. "I dinnae inform Wilma yet, but I need to. But before that…"

He stepped closer to her, his hand rising to brush a stray lock of hair back from her face. "I dinnae want to send ye away. I thought I was keepin' ye safe, and mayhap I was, but that doesnae mean I daenae regret it, for I do. I've regretted that decision every moment that ye were gone from me side."

A part of her was thrilled to hear those words, but so much time had already passed. She couldn't deny that she'd been hurt by his actions and was still aching from the sting of his rejection. It didn't matter how justified his actions had been or how good his reasons were.

She stepped back, putting distance between them once more. "Ye dinnae even try to explain before ye sent me away."

"I ken. I was a fool. I'm used to keepin' me own counsel, and I dinnae think of how ye'd feel, nae kennin' why I acted as I did."

"Ye think a simple apology is enough to make me forgive ye? To make me forget the hurt ye caused? Ye think I'll trust ye nae to make the same mistake again, when it seems to be a habit with ye?"

"I dinnae say that."

"Then what is yer purpose here?"

"To apologize, and to ask ye to return with me to Lochlann Castle. There's somethin' there I want to show ye, and a question I want to ask. After that, if ye wish to return to yer sister, I'll nae hold ye back. If ye wish to have nothin' else to do with me, I'll tell the Council that the betrothal willnae work and I will find another way, even if I need to step down as laird."

"So ye hope to show me a trinket to win me back, and if I daenae agree, ye'll nae even fight for me?" Perhaps it was rude, perhaps it was even petty to say such things, but she was in no mood to be gentle with his feelings. Not after he'd pushed her aside so often.

There was a wry quirk to his mouth when he answered. "I dinnae say that. I'll nae hold ye back if ye wish to cancel the arrangement between our clans, but that's nae the same as sayin' I'll cease tryin' to win ye on me own."

He stepped closer to her once more, his eyes dark with passion and promise. "I'll own I dinnae want this contract when first I came to yer door, but ye're a rare woman, Lydia Knox. Ye've made me feel things I've never felt before, and I'm nae so eager to lose that. I've made a fair fool of meself in this contest of hearts and wills, but I told ye that I've never lost a war, and I'm nae of a mind to start losin' here, even if I've well and truly mismanaged a battle here and there."

"What if I choose to withdraw from the field? Will ye deny me that right?" She glared at him.

"Nay. But it daenae mean I willnae seek a way past the gates by other means." He looked so utterly serious that she wanted to believe he meant it.

Believing in Murdoch would be difficult after what had passed between them. She didn't want to risk being hurt again, especially not by his silences or his unwillingness to let her come close. "I daenae ken if I can believe ye again."

"I ken. That's why all I ask for now is that ye return to Lochlann Castle with me, to see what I want ye to see."

"And ye'll nae try to use Finn to manipulate me?"

"The bairn will be happy to see ye, for he's sore missed his three playmates this past seven-day, but I'll nae try to use him to win yer heart back. There's nay point, when I want yer heart for meself, nae Finn."

Lydia felt a flush rising to her cheeks at his candid speech.

She still felt the urge to refuse him and send him away. However, his words intrigued her, and curiosity had always been her weakness.

Besides, in every story she'd ever read, there was always some trial to test the lovers before they achieved a happy ending. She'd yearned for a romance like the ones in her stories. What point would there be in such dreams if she could not see them through? She owed it to her own heart to see if there was happiness past the pain his actions had caused.

"Very well, Laird Lochlann. I will come with ye." She paused. "I need to speak to Nora before we go, and ye should speak to Wilma."

Murdoch nodded. "Aye."