Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Just keep walking, and they will simply pass you by.

Claire summoned her courage and kept her head held upright as she did her best to walk with clear intention and focus. Were her hands trembling? That would not help her any should this man choose to attack her. She needed to remain calm. That was the best thing to do.

Only as the man grew closer to her, he started to seem familiar to her.

And the moment the moonlight revealed his face, relief nearly made her dizzy.

Dorian.

A soft whimper left her lips before she gathered her skirt and cloak in her hands so that she could move more easily and rushed toward Dorian. Dorian, seeing that it was her, hurried toward her as well.

His long legs made easy work of their distance. Claire lifted her arms at the last moment, flinging herself into the air at Dorian and knowing he would catch her. The force of the impact made him spin them in place as he held her so tightly that it almost pushed the air from her lungs.

She could hardly breathe, but she did not wish for him to ever let her go. However, while she could stay in his arms forever, there was still so much to be said.

Dorian's hands slid from where they were wrapped around her to rest on her waist as he eased her back down to her feet gently. It was good that he did not release her fully. She could not explain it, but having his hands on her somehow seemed to give her courage.

Her hands cupped his neck as if she could not bear to be parted from him any further than that. It mattered not to her how it might look should some random soul oversee them or how indecent it would appear.

"I am so sorry, Dorian. Please understand I never intended to keep Eleanor a secret from you. It was not my intention to harm you or do anything other than guarantee that she would have a chance at living the life that she deserved."

Claire tried not to cry, but the tears welled in her eyes anyway. "If I were to attempt to raise her on my own, there was no telling if she would have survived. My parents would have disowned me and I would have been forced to live by any means necessary."

The implications of that hung in the air between them for a long moment before she summoned the courage to continue.

She just needed to get everything out into the open. If she was perfectly honest and Dorian had all of the information then he could make the most informed choice possible.

"I did not even know that I was with child right away. Rather, I suspected, but I was in denial of the truth. I wanted to believe I was simply late on my courses because of how heartbroken I was. I had heard stories about stress and the things it could do to a woman's body.

But then the symptoms became so much that I could not ignore them. As heartbroken as I was for your sudden wordless departure, I knew I was being left with a piece of you. Only, I did not even have the luxury of feeling blessed."

Dorian's eyes scanned hers as he watched her. She could see the conflict in his eyes as he struggled to stay silent while she spoke. He did not release her, and he did not move away from her. She had to take that as some sort of sign.

"I knew it would not be long before I started to show that I was with child. I could not allow your name to be wrapped up in scandal any more than I could allow my reputation to be so wholly ruined. I did not wish for our child to be born with a stain to her name. It was pure fortune that I happened to turn to Richard. I had turned to the church for guidance as I did not have any other options… and he was kind to me. He offered to marry me."

The tears flowed freely now, pouring in rivulets down her cheek, but her voice stayed steady. For that, she was grateful.

"Richard was a widower, and childless. He and his late wife had tried time and again to have a child of their own but were met with misfortune and miscarriage every time. Years into our marriage, he confessed to me that his heart was not in having a child of his own with his wife, that his interests had always lain elsewhere.

He always said he believed it was all for the greater purpose that the lord had placed in front of him. He thought God had sent me and the baby to him for a chance to have a child and a loving family. He was endlessly kind to us both and gave us every luxury he could manage. Eleanor has been nothing but loved."

"But he—" Dorian started to interject. Claire could see the concern on his face and she shook her head.

"We never consummated the marriage. He never laid a hand on me in anything other than companionship. It was only for Eleanor's future and prospects that we married at all. I grieve for him every day, that is true. But I grieve for my dearest friend. I do not mourn him as a lover," Claire clarified.

"I would have come back," Dorian said softly, his hand shifting to brush his knuckles along her jawline. "Had I received any word that I would have been welcome, I would have returned immediately."

She believed him.

"I never wished to be parted from you. I swear it, Claire. I was young and I made many, many foolish mistakes. I never should have trusted the word of my sister. There was a time when I thought she truly had my best interests at heart, when she would have done nothing to harm me. I had thought we might grow closer with time when the opposite happened.

She has grown crueler and more manipulative, and I have only just begun to untether the knots that she has tied in my life. I should have known better. I do not expect you to ever forgive me."

Dorian's eyes shone as he looked down at her. He was not asking for forgiveness, but she could feel her heart forgiving him nonetheless. The question was what would come next. Claire's thumb swept over his jaw, gazing up at him in silent question.

"I would like to take my place in your life, in both of your lives. I-I would like to be a father to her, if you would allow such a thing," Dorian said with more vulnerability than she had ever heard from him before.

She could say no, she knew that. There was a version of her that did not wish to disrupt the memory that Eleanor had of Richard, the man she believed to be her father. It would be difficult for her to grasp, and she was so young. Furthermore, Claire would have to reveal to her daughter that she had lied and had been keeping her parentage a secret. She was too young to realize it was for good reason.

Eleanor should have her father. She deserved that truth, no matter how uneasy the transition could possibly be. Perhaps it would end up being the most natural transition in the world. They were already fond of one another.

Slowly, Claire allowed herself to see the possible version of a future that might exist between them. She envisioned walking through the gardens and parks with Dorian at her side, Eleanor between the two of them. She imagined Eleanor dragging Dorian every which way to inspect the various bugs and lizards that always fascinated her so much.

"I think I would like that very much," Claire admitted.

"I know it will be a long journey to make that sort of relationship work, but I will do everything within my power to make it work. Whatever that entails and whatever I need to do in order to gain her trust and build the relationship."

Dorian's voice softened as he spoke. She could not tear her eyes away from him. Everything she had dreamed of him saying to her over the years was coming out of his mouth. It was as if he had read her mind. She nearly felt the need to pinch herself to ensure she had not fallen asleep and was presently imagining the whole thing.

In Claire's weaker moments, she had worried he might not be interested in their daughter simply for the fact that she was a girl.

"I am so pleased to hear this. You have no idea how full my heart feels at this very moment." Claire smiled, her tears finally drying. "I did not know the depth of your desire to be in her life was so vast. I know traditionally men are normally more interested in their sons and heirs but—"

"Nonsense," Dorian interrupted her. "There is a life that we have created together. It was not the way I had originally planned, but it seems fate is giving us a second chance at the future we had once envisioned for ourselves. Our love has created a human beings, and I will forever be in awe of you for creating her."

Dorian pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. She indulged in the familiar scent of him and relished in his warmth. "Come, let us get you out of the cold."

With his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist, they headed back to her home. The clouds parted above them and gave way to a stunning, glittering overlay of stars and the brightness of the moon shone their way forward.

How lovely it would have been to have been doing this the whole time, if their lives had not been so disrupted that they had been married before she had ever found out that she was pregnant. She could imagine breaking the news to him and seeing Dorian's eyes light up before he picked her up and spun her around the room in his happiness.

He would not have had to miss out on all of Eleanor's important firsts or other milestones. Would they have already had another child by now? Perhaps two? Did Dorian even wish for more children? There was still so much left to discuss, but there was not a word that she wanted to ask now. She was more than content to have the love of her life in her arms as he walked her back to the house.

When they arrived, she did not wish to go inside. It would have been practical to tell Alice that she was home and unharmed. But she found herself lingering on the doorstep.

Dorian seemed just as reluctant to leave. He was a gentleman and did not ask to be invited inside. He simply held her hand, and bent at the waist to kiss her knuckles. It felt like goodbye. There was the promise of tomorrow, but why waste tonight?

"Walk with me a little longer?" she asked, motioning with her head toward the modest gardens behind her property. A small gazebo and field lay just beyond the hedges and would offer some privacy for them to continue catching up. Though, there were plenty of other things that she desperately longed to do that would be wholly unladylike to mention to him.

Dorian smiled down at her and placed her hand on his arm. "Nothing would make me happier."