40. Valerie

40

VALERIE

“I can’t believe we’re on the sidelines at the Super Bowl,” Megan squeals in my ear, hopping up and down. “This is insane. ” Her wide eyes follow the group of football players running across the field for their pre-game warmup. “I’m so freaking excited!”

I should be just as excited.

Standing on the sideline of the most important football game of the season is a privilege not many experience. We’ll have to take our seats before the game starts, but for now, we are enjoying the sights along with the rest of the coaching staff’s families until the officials tell us it’s time to leave.

But instead of soaking in this experience, my skin feels too tight and my nerves are frayed.

I try not to, but I can’t help but search the field for Carter. I’m wound tight at the thought of seeing him this close. Will he notice me? If he does, will he come over to talk to me? Do I even want him to?

“We don’t have to stay down here.” Megan’s words pull me away from the questions disturbing my peace of mind. She looks at me with knowing. “If you want, we can just go up to the suite. We don’t have to stay down here.”

She means it.

It doesn’t matter how much fun she’s having. If I asked, Megan would go up to the suite with me so I don’t have to face what will happen if Carter and I see each other. She’s an amazing friend.

“No, it’s okay.” I can’t rob her of this experience. “Let’s stay.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay!” She perks up and begins to look around us. “I wonder if there are any celebrities here. I mean, we’re in LA. Surely there are celebrities here. I hear Jonah Powell is a big football fan.”

“Cool.” I make a show of acting like I’m looking for the man recently crowned the sexiest man alive when the reality is the crowd around me is just a blur of faces.

“Valerie!”

My heartbeat falters.

Time seems to slow as I turn and watch Abby and Andy weave their way through the crowded sideline. It speeds back up as I prepare for them to tackle my legs in an embrace, but they stop short and share a loaded look.

The disappointment feels like a strike to the chest.

I struggle to clear my throat. “Hey, guys. How are you?” I look above their heads to see who they’re with. One part of me hopes it’s Carter while another part dreads the possibility. I can’t tell if I’m relieved or saddened when I see their grandparents following in their grandkids’ wake.

“We’re good,” Abby answers.

“We miss you,” Andy doesn’t beat around the bush.

My heart squeezes. “I miss you guys, too.”

“Do you like California?” Andy asks. Mr. and Mrs. Jones arrive at their grandkids’ sides and lift their hands in silent greeting just before they get roped into conversation with an older-looking couple. Based on the fact they're wearing number 72, I’d guess they’re related to that player.

“Then why don’t you come back?” This time, it’s Abby who doesn’t beat around the bush.

I’d almost rather face Carter than the twins. I doubt the linebacker would be so bold with his questions.

“I have a job,” I tell them. “Remember? That’s why I moved there in the first place.”

“It wasn’t because you broke up with Dad?”

He broke up with me…

“No.” My voice cracks. “That’s not why.”

Megan clears her throat. “Hi.” She steps to my side and waves at the twins.

“Who are you?” Andy frowns.

“I’m Megan. I’m Valerie’s best friend.”

“Oh.” The twins say at the same time. Their shoulders relax. I imagine their run-in with that Sara woman has made them wary of strangers.

“Are you guys excited for the game?” Megan asks, continuing to give me time to regain my composure.

Both twins nod enthusiastically. “Yeah! Dad’s team is definitely going to win,” Andy says just as his grandparents rejoin our group.

“Of course, they are,” Mr. Jones says, ruffling his grandson’s hair.

“But it will be okay if they don’t,” Mrs. Jones interjects, shooting her husband a meaningful look. “Not everything is about winning.”

“Grandma,” Andy bemoans. “Don’t jynx it.”

All of us laugh.

“It’s good to see you, Valerie.” Mrs. Jones smiles kindly. “How have you been?”

“Good.” I force my lips into a polite smile. “I’ve been good.”

“I’m glad.”

To prevent awkwardness from settling, I introduce Carter’s parents to Megan.

After they finish discussing her job in Houston, Mr. Jones clears his throat. “Well, we should be getting to our seats.”

“Aw,” Andy and Abby moan.

“But we don’t want to leave until we see Dad,” Andy adds.

“He’s too busy to say hi right now,” his grandmom tells him. “He’ll talk to you after the game.”

“Fine.” Andy huffs, then looks at me. “Are you sitting with us, Valerie?”

“No, I’m sitting in a box with other coaches’ families.”

Both Andy and Abby pout, and it takes everything I have not to tell them I’ll join them in their private suite.

Through my dad, I learned Carter and a few other players bought out a box for their friends and family to watch the game. Dropping a couple hundred thousand dollars on a half-day event seems excessive to me, but then again, I don’t have a couple million to spare. I’d probably think differently if I did.

“Will we see you after the game?” Abby asks.

I should say no.

I don’t want to get their hopes up. I shouldn’t get their hopes up.

But I can’t stop myself from saying, “Maybe.”

“Okay!” Abby grins.

“See you later!” Andy waves excitedly before slipping his hand into his grandad’s palm. Abby holds onto her grandmom and then the group is on their way to the suite where they will watch the game.

“They’re cute,” Megan observes.

“Yeah.” I watch until I lose sight of Abby and Andy in the crowd then look back at my best friend. The stadium roars as the rest of the Rough Riders run onto the field for their warm-up.

“You know,” she begins gently. “It’s not too late to change things.”

I don’t have to wonder what she means.

Megan is ever the optimist. It’s one of the things I like about her.

Unfortunately, in this situation, her optimism is misplaced.

“But it is too late,” I disagree.

And as if fate wants to confirm my words, I feel the brush of someone’s stare on me.

My gut already knows who it is.

I brace myself before I turn and find none other than Carter Jones standing on the thirty-yard line, surrounded by his teammates, staring at me.

My heart jumps into my throat. Adrenaline urges me to either fight or take flight pumps through my veins.

Seeing Carter in person is so much different than seeing him on TV.

I knew it would be, but I’m still unprepared for the tumultuous emotions racing through my head, rendering me immobile.

I want to go to him. I want to go to him so bad it hurts.

But I can’t.

We broke up.

It’s over.

I need to get a handle on the lingering affection that haunts my dreams—I need to silence the torturous musings of what could have been if only we’d been able to meet each other at different times in our lives.

“Valerie, you good?”

I inhale sharply.

Megan’s eyes dart between me and Carter with concern and uncertainty. She doesn’t know what to say or do.

That makes two of us.

“Let’s go.” I croak. I cough and say with more strength, “Let’s get out of here.”

Without another glance at Carter, I spin around and begin to nudge my way through the crowded sideline.

I’m disappointed in myself for how desperately I want to turn and see if he watches me go, but I’m far too cowardly to check.

Because no matter if he watches me or not, our relationship is over. It’s time to move on.

And maybe if I keep telling myself that, I’ll actually be able to do it one day.