32. Attainted

Chapter thirty-two

Attainted

Mila

W e lay together tangled in his bed. I rested my head on his chest. "I'm glad you're back safe," I whispered.

His fingers comed through the curls at the end of my braid. "I wasn't in any danger. We didn't even join battle."

Then my message had gotten through to Tsar Borislav in time. "What happened?"

"Either our spy was wrong, or they got word that we were coming. They took a different route. Circumvented us completely and reached the castle before we'd even realized we were in the wrong place. Borislav took the castle without any opposition."

It had to be an important victory, and we'd managed it without bloodshed. A blessing.

"It's selfish," I said, "but I'm glad you weren't in any danger. Even if it means we lost the battle."

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I'd fight a thousand battles if that was what it took to come back to you."

"I'd rather you not have to." I snuggled closer.

A frantic knock at the door made me jump.

"Just a moment!" Alexey dragged himself into a sitting position and reached for his pants.

"Get your ass out of bed!" Izolda hissed through the door.

I looked wide-eyed at Alexey. His expression mirrored my own. I threw my shirt back on and pulled the covers back on as he put on his pants.

Not bothering with a shirt, he opened the door, and Izolda flew inside. Her brows raised slightly as she saw me, but she didn't comment.

My mouth went dry. Something horrible must have happened.

She rounded on Alexey. "Did you know?"

"Know what?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

"Lady Heli's been arrested. And the baron."

Miroslav knew everything. He knew about the rebellion, Lord Ilya and Lady Heli's involvement. They'd be looking for me and Izolda next.

Alexey's brow furrowed. "Did you hear the charges?"

"What else could it be?" She crossed her arms. "Miroslav's suspected them both of treason since the first rebellion."

I clambered out of bed, modesty forgotten in my fear. Alexey wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me to him, and I curled into his warmth. "Did they arrest the rest of the household? Will they be looking for you?"

"I don't think so, but I should probably lay low for a while."

"I agree." He looked down at me. "If the tsar decides to question Lord Ilya's household, they may remember Lady Heli recommended you for your position and question you, as well. If that happens, just be honest. Tell them you knew the baroness very little, and you know nothing of any plots against the tsar."

If I hadn't been so terrified, I might have laughed. He didn't know how wrong he was, how much I actually knew about the rebellion. I stared at the ground, swallowing hard.

"I'll keep track of things in the palace," he said. "Lord Kazimir may not have known about the arrests before they happened, but the tsar won't keep him in the dark about it. I should be able to get news to both of you if there's any danger." He looked at Izolda. "Do you have enough money for a private room?"

"For a few nights, at least."

"Good. The Frozen Boar should be safe enough. Get a room there, and I'll get word to you if anything changes. And Izolda?" he said as she turned to leave. "Be careful."

She grinned halfheartedly. "Thanks, Alexey."

Once she left, he wrapped me in a tight embrace. "It's going to be alright, my sun."

I didn't answer. He couldn't know that. Not with who I was—what I was.

"I need to find out what's happening. Will you be okay alone tonight?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. If Lord Ilya and Lady Heli had been discovered, it was only a matter of time before someone found the connection to me. And even if they didn't, I couldn't be sure our contacts hadn't been caught as well. Izolda might know, or at least be able to find out, but I'd have to wait until later to speak to her. I couldn't let Alexey find out about my real connection to Borislav. Not now that he meant so much to me.

We dressed in silence. As he helped me into my coat, he kissed my neck. "You're quiet."

"I'm…worried."

"It's going to be alright," he said again. "The tsar doesn't pay much attention to the lower classes. Even Izolda should be fine. And your connection to the baroness is so minor, he likely won't even consider having you questioned."

I prayed he was right. For all our sakes.

When we reached my rooms, he pulled me tight against his body, claiming my mouth in a hungry kiss. "I know it didn't end the way we wanted, but tonight was…" He trailed off, searching for the right word. "Indescribably wonderful."

"Was it?" My cheeks flushed, and I lowered my gaze.

"Yes! By the Blood, yes." He put a gentle hand under my chin, making me meet his eyes. "You are the answer to every prayer I've ever prayed and every dream I've ever dreamt. Don't ever doubt that." He kissed me again, softly this time. "I'll come by tomorrow evening. Be careful, my sun."

*****

I woke before dawn and hurried through the frozen gray light to the inn to find Izolda. She'd managed to get a private room, and she answered on the first knock.

"Fia! Thank Otets." She ushered me in and closed the door, locking it behind us. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. You?"

She was a mess, her clothes and hair rumpled from sleep. Dark circles surrounded her yellowish eyes, and her face was completely colorless, devoid of the vast amounts of rouge she usually wore. She sank down onto the bed. "Worried about the baroness."

"What happened?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. Miroslav's suspected them for years. It could have been anything."

"What about Sevken?" I couldn't regret passing along the information that led to Borislav's bloodless capture of the castle in Sevken, but I would hate to find it was something I had done that led to the baroness's capture.

Izolda shrugged. "Who knows? They were taking them when I got back. Lady Heli was already in her nightdress—practically naked!" Her voice shook with rage. "She was walking on her own feet, at least, stately as any royal, as though they hadn't just dragged her from her bed in the middle of the night. As soon as I saw, I ran back here to find you, but you'd already left. You weren't at your quarters, either." She turned blazing eyes on me. "I went to see if Alexey knew what was happening, and there you were in his bed!"

I cringed, cheeks burning. "I didn't mean to worry you."

She sighed, and some of the anger went out of her. "You didn't do anything wrong. I just—I panicked when I couldn't find you, and then you were there with him, safe, while I was running all over the palace terrified out of my mind. I should have guessed you'd be there, honestly."

Silence fell between us. Below, I could hear the clatter in the kitchen as the inn workers began their morning preparations.

After a moment, she reached for a bag. "Since you hadn't planned to sleep with him, I don't suppose either of you thought about contraception?"

I went cold. I hadn't even thought about the possibility of pregnancy. It had taken so long to conceive with Han. But I wasn't with Han now. I wasn't even Mila now. Who knew how fertile Sofia's body was?

"Your stunned silence is reassuring," she said drily. She rummaged through the bag, pulling out a small glass bottle and tossing it to me. "Drink that."

I peered inside. A viscous green liquid filled it, letting off a sickly sweet smell. "What is it?"

"Potion from a Blood Bastard." She leaned against the headboard. "It'll keep you from conceiving. I keep a couple on hand in case of emergencies."

I dropped it like it was a snake. "I'm not taking that."

"Why not?" She frowned. "The last thing you need right now is a baby."

"I can't—" My chest tightened. Had the room always been so small? I walked to the window, pressing my head to the cold glass. "I—"

"Fia." Izolda's voice was distant. "What's wrong?"

"I can't take it." Was that my voice, weak and pleading?

"You don't have to take it!" Cloth rustled, followed by glass clinking together. "It's gone. Da?"

Breathe. In. Out. I forced myself to turn and face her. "I'm sorry."

"I mean, it's your body." Her face screwed up. "Well, you know what I mean. I just thought it would be hard to do what you're doing while pregnant."

Another breath. "I know." The sensible thing would be to take it. I closed my eyes and breathed deep. When I opened them again, Izolda was staring at me.

"My baby died," I blurted.

Her eyes widened. "Spider's Blood. What happened?"

I sat down on the bed, my breathing almost normal. "I was raped."

I'd never said it out loud, I realized. Never told anyone else. My vision was blurry. I touched my cheek; it was wet with tears. Strange. I hadn't noticed I was crying.

"Oh, Fia." Izolda sat down next to me and placed a hand on my back. "I'm sorry. If I'd known…"

"No, it's fine." I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve. "I just—" A sob tore from my throat. "It took us so long to get pregnant. And then those bastards showed up and murdered my son and took everything from me, including my husband. And now I realize I might have a chance to have another baby, and everything's all wrong. He doesn't even know my name! Fuck!" I grabbed my head, deep, gasping breaths wracking my body. "Would it even be my baby?"

After a moment, she asked quietly, "You love him, don't you?"

I let out a humorless laugh. "Does it matter? If he ever finds out who I am, he'll hate me forever." I'd deserve it, too.

Izolda was silent. What else could be said, anyway?

I wiped at my face again. "Sorry. I shouldn't have gone off like that."

"Fia." She grabbed my hand. "Really. I'm here for you."

I choked back more tears. "Thank you, Izolda."

"What are friends for?"

I gave her a watery smile. "I came to make sure you were alright, and here you are comforting me."

"I'm fine." She flashed a grin. "I'm worried about the baroness, as I said, but Alexey brought me some of my things a couple hours ago and told me what he'd heard."

I ignored the flutter my heart gave at the mention of his name. "Anything new?"

"No. Lord Ilya's being questioned, which is no surprise, but the baroness likely won't be, on account of her sex and relation to the tsar."

Questioned. My stomach twisted at the word. Lady Heli had warned me what questioning would entail, were I ever to be arrested. I shuddered to think of the tall, commanding baron subjected to Miroslav's cruel imagination.

"Has anyone else been arrested?" I asked. "Will we still be able to pass on information?"

"No, as far as I can tell, everyone else is unaffected. The baron and baroness don't even know the names of most of our contacts, let alone how to find them, so we should be able to go on as normal."

I swallowed. It was hard to imagine going back to normal with Lord Ilya and Lady Heli in Miroslav's power. "There's got to be something we can do."

She fixed me with a stern look, uncannily reminiscent of the baroness's. "We can. We help the tsar win the war. The sooner we win, the sooner they're free."

"Can't we get them out?" Lady Heli was strong for her age, but who knew what the conditions of the dungeon would do to her? The noblewoman was far from young. If there was something I could do to help her…

"Do you have any idea how to do that?" When I didn't answer, she snorted. "I didn't think so. No, you need to pretend nothing has changed. Keep your eyes and ears open, and help us win this war."

I bit my lip and nodded. I could do that.

I had no other choice.