38. Christa

I wiggled on my back,adjusting my sunglasses on my face as the sun beat down on me. Sweat beaded on every surface of my skin, but I didn’t care. I was enjoying the sun and relaxation. Our vacation was almost over, and I wasn’t sure I wanted it to end.

I’d never felt more alive than I did this week. There wasn’t a single night that either of us got drunk. Max still smoked his cigars, but that was the extent of his bad habits. We spent our days on the beach and our nights tangled in the sheets. I told myself it was fine since this would all end in another day. We’d go back to our lives and end this sham of a marriage.

But it was sad. For a moment, I could imagine what it would be like if I was really Max’s wife, and this was really our honeymoon. I was happy, more content than ever before in my life. But like all good things, they had to come to an end.

“You’re burning,” Max rumbled beside me.

I sat up, ready to reach for the sunscreen when he snatched it and poured some into his hand.

“Scoot over,” he grinned, wiggling his white-coated fingers at me.

“Max, it’s my chest. I think I can manage.”

“As your husband, it would be wrong if I didn’t take care of you.”

He’d been saying things like that a lot over the last week. Let your husband get that for you. Or It’s your husband’s job to please you. And my personal favorite, Mrs. Huxley, you look amazing tonight.

I knew he was just teasing, but it warmed something deep inside me. “Fine, you can do it this time, but remember that we’re on a beach.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t do anything inappropriate.”

Somehow, I didn’t believe him, but I scooted closer. His large hands spread the lotion over my body, running along my collarbone and down the valley between my breasts. But despite the evil grin on his face, he never slid his hands under the fabric.

“What?” I asked, sure he was about to do something I would hate.

“Nothing. I was just thinking about how much I’d love to take you in the ocean. You know, before we head home and officially end this marriage.”

I smiled despite the pain lancing through my chest. Did I want this marriage to end? I wasn’t sure anymore. This week had been amazing, but it wasn’t real life. It was just a few days of relaxation. That didn’t make a relationship or a marriage. Besides, it was like Bridget said—I fell for him because he was my first. Those feelings would go away in time. I would look back on our strange relationship and realize how obvious it was that this would never work.

“Christa,” he said slowly, staring into my eyes.

“Yeah?”

For just a moment, I thought he was going to tell me he loved me, that he wanted to make this work. I was lost in his eyes, in the way he stared at me like he loved me. I wanted it so badly that my heart actually ached with need.

He cleared his throat, shaking his head slightly. “We should get your back, too.”

And just like that, all my hopes were dashed. I smiled up at him, hoping he didn’t see the disappointment in my eyes. “Yeah, we should.”

“You know,” he said as I turned around. “The beach is pretty much deserted...”

“I’m not having sex with you on the beach.”

“I was going to say…”

I felt the straps of my bikini slowly come undone. Gasping, I clutched the fabric to my front and held it in place as I frantically looked around for anyone who might see me in this state. “Max!”

“No one’s going to see. Besides, you’ll be laying on your stomach.”

“Max, I’m not?—”

His lips brushed against my ear. “Lay down,” he murmured.

I did as he asked and laid on my stomach. His hands brushed over my back in soothing strokes that made me shiver. I squeezed my eyes tight, despite my sunglasses covering my eyes. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before I just rolled over and grabbed him.

“There,” he said, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “All done.”

I couldn’t do this anymore. I needed to know where we stood. “Max…what are we doing?”

“Having fun in the sun,” he grinned.

“No,” I said, sitting up, clutching my bathing suit to my body. “I mean…what are we doing? How does this end?”

His smile slipped from his face. “It ends with…you go your way and I’ll go mine.”

“But we live in the same town. Won’t that be weird?”

He huffed out a laugh. “Well, it’s not like I’ll be seeing you in church. I’m pretty sure most of the customers wouldn’t be too happy with that.”

“They’re called churchgoers.”

“That too,” he grinned. “I sort of ruined things the last time I was there.”

“But…what about us? Can you really forget everything that’s happened between us?”

“Don’t you want me to?”

I wasn’t sure anymore. “What if I said no?”

The indecision on his face didn’t make me feel much better about any of this. “What would you do with a guy like me?”

“What I would do with any guy. We would date and get to know each other.”

“I’m not much for dating,” he said, scratching his jaw. “Not that it couldn’t happen, but…it’s not me.”

“So, that’s it? It’s not you, so you don’t want to even try?”

“Christa, against all odds, I actually really like you. But I don’t fit into your world, and you don’t fit into mine.”

“Who says?”

“So, you would stay down here with me?”

I wasn’t sure what I was more shocked about—that he was asking or that he was staying. “Um…what about OPS?”

“That’s just a job. This week has been one of the best weeks of my life. Why can’t we have that?”

“Because it’s not realistic. Neither of us has a job right now. There’s a future waiting for us in Kansas. All that’s here is a good time.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“We would have no way to support ourselves. Not to mention, I would be away from my family.”

“I’m away from mine,” he argued. “Look, I live for myself. I told you that a long time ago.”

“It was like two weeks ago,” I muttered.

“The point is, I already told you this. I’m not sure what more you want me to say.”

Frustration built inside me. It was like he was purposely being obtuse. “Say that you want me. Say that you think we could make this work. Say that you would do anything to have me!”

“I—” His jaw clenched hard as he looked away from me. “I won’t change who I am. I can’t.”

My heart sank as the words left his lips. Deep down, I always knew it would be like this. As much as he may want me, he liked his life just the way it was, and that didn’t include any kind of responsibilities.

I scannedthe crowd for any sign of a familiar face. I wasn’t sure who was picking me up, but I was desperate for someone to get me out of here. A car moved from the curb, and there she was. Dressed in another sexy outfit, Emily stood beside Bridget, grinning and waving at me like a fool.

I started running to them like something out of a movie, but tears clogged my eyes as I reached them and flung myself into their outstretched arms. I knew we were supposed to move. Security didn’t like it when people lingered in the pickup lane. But I couldn’t help myself. I was devastated and it was my own fault.

“Hey, what happened?” Emily asked. “I thought you were gone on your honeymoon? What happened?”

I hiccuped a sob, trying to control myself, but nothing helped. “He…didn’t…want me.”

“What?” Bridget snapped. “How is that possible?”

“He…said…” I sucked in a breath, trying to calm down. “He…said…”

“He said what?” Bridget screeched.

“He…only wanted…to live…there!” It ended on a horrible wail as I threw myself back into their arms and cried uncontrollably. This was so ridiculous. I wasn’t this woman. I didn’t cry over men. Hell, I wasn’t this upset when I found out that my boyfriend of five years cheated on me the entire time.

“Honey, I don’t understand. You went down there and married him. Why would he?—”

“Because we were drunk!” I shouted. “It wasn’t a real wedding. I’m not really married. I’m not really a new bride. I’m just a stupid woman who fell for a man who’s totally not right for me and got crushed! He’d rather stay on his stupid island, pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist!”

I tossed myself back into their arms, feeling completely depleted. I wasn’t normally like this, but I was sleep-deprived, starving, and missing the man who I thought I could build a future with.

“Ma’am, this isn’t the lane for reunions. Do that somewhere else,” an officer shouted.

Emily, bless her heart, was on it in a flash. “Hey, buddy! Do you see her? She’s clearly upset. And do you know why?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Because some douchebag thought he was better off without her. Do you know how amazing my friend is? She’s the best person in the world, but your species is too fucking stupid to see it. You just throw us away like we’re not worth the effort. But let me tell you something, women are worth ten of any man! That’s right, you think you’re all amazing, but you can’t find the pickles in the fridge on the shelf right in front of you. And don’t even get me started on how fucking hard it is for you to pick up your socks. I swear to God, it’s like dealing with a toddler! If I have to pick up after one more man?—”

“Alright, alright,” the security officer shouted. “Geez, calm down, you crazy lunatic.”

I winced. That was the wrong thing to say.

“Lunatic? Oh, is that what I am?” Emily snapped. “Because I value reason and accountability over your macho bullshit, I must be crazy, right? I bet you put on that belt every day and think you’re hot shit. Well, let me tell you something, until you’ve had to get yourself, your kids, and pack all the shit for the day while your husband sits on the couch groping himself, you have no idea how lazy and fucking useless your kind is. I bet you’ve knocked up like twenty women and you don’t even know it. Do you know why? Because no woman would willingly ask for a man’s help when she could do it faster and better on her own.”

The man was flaming red and instantly backed off. I chuckled under my breath, trying not to give it all away. He held up his hand, backing away from my crazy friend. “Take your time.”

“See? That wasn’t so hard.”

“But completely unnecessary,” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. “We could have just moved.”

“Honey, you were barely breathing. Come on, let’s get some milkshakes and you can tell us all about it.”

When we reached the diner, I was slightly calmer. However, my makeup hadn’t withstood the test of hysterical crying. I had to wipe myself down before I even headed inside. Looking in the mirror, I grimaced.

“Do I look okay?”

Bridget winced, nodding. “Nobody will notice a thing. But maybe put this hat on,” she said, reaching into the back seat. I pulled it down over my eyes and she shrugged. “Well, it’s better than nothing. We can always tell people you were mugged.”

Rolling my eyes, I got out and headed inside, closely guarded by my best friends. I was shocked to see Amy waiting at a booth. Of the three of them, she disapproved the most of my actions.

“Hey,” I said, wondering what she would say.

She stood and wrapped her arms around me, consoling me in a way that almost made me start crying again.

“Alright, none of that,” Emily said, shoving me into the booth. “So, tell us what happened.”

I didn’t even know where to begin. The whole thing was chaotic and too much to even think about. After relaying the parts I could remember from the excursion down there, I moved on to the week after.

“And he was so amazing,” I said sadly. “We had this perfect week. It really felt like we were connecting. But maybe that’s all it was meant to be—a perfect week.”

“I say screw him,” Emily said, sipping her coffee. “No man should have that much control over your heart or your head.”

“But she’s clearly in love with him,” Bridget said, defending me.

“Yeah, but was this ever going to work?” Amy asked. “I’m not trying to downplay what you had with him, but it’s clear you’re very different.”

We were, and that’s what hurt so bad. Despite being total opposites, I found myself feeling more alive with him than I ever had in my life. But whereas I wanted to capture a piece of that happiness and work it into my life, all he wanted was a carefree life with no responsibilities.

“I had a lot of time to think about it on the plane,” I sighed. “The truth is, it never would have worked, no matter how much I wanted it to. That life he lives is for people who want zero responsibilities. I can’t live like that. I want kids someday. I want the house and the yard. I want a minivan! If I stayed with him, I wouldn’t get any of that.”

“Do you want me to kill him?” Emily asked. “Because I will. I’ll fly down there, scope out the lay of the land for a few weeks, and then just when he’s comfortable, I’ll suffocate him in the sand.”

“For a few weeks?” I questioned.

“Well, there’s no point in going down there and not enjoying myself.”

“You did the right thing for you,” Bridget said, rubbing my shoulder. “If you had stayed any longer, it would only hurt more.”

Maybe that was true, but I couldn’t imagine it hurting more than it did right now. I’d never truly had a broken heart before, but right now, it felt like my heart was shattered.