29. Fox

I was in the zone,ready to prove that I could do this. There was only one problem. The Kamau was here, and he was watching me. My idol was about to see me perform for him, and I would be lying if I said that didn’t make me nervous.

I snagged Hunter’s arm as he passed, pulling him into the alcove just before the interrogation room. “Hey, uh…is he in there?” I asked, biting down on my thumbnail.

“Is who in where?”

“The Kamau,” I answered, my eyes widening.

“We’ve been told this is your show. You’d better get us something,” he growled.

“Oh, I’m gonna get something,” I snorted. “Trust me, it’s coming.”

“What’s coming?” he asked in confusion.

“You know…”

I was nodding my head like a lunatic, and I could see the irritation on his face. But I was so fucking nervous that I couldn’t stop doing it. The man I admired most in this world was about to watch me work, and it was nothing like anything he was used to. If I couldn’t convince him this was the new way of our world, I would be the laughing stock. What assassin would want to hang out with a man who couldn’t do his job?

“He’s right behind you,” Hunter said, jerking his head.

I spun, laughing nervously. Man, I was never like this with The Kamau. I was always confident, but right now, I had butterflies swirling in my stomach. “Hey, it’s The Kamau!”

He stared at me with that blank look he always gave me. Man, he had the coolest steely face I’d ever seen. If I didn’t know him, I’d be super scared.

“Don’t fuck this up,” he rumbled.

“Oh, you can trust in me. I got this.”

“You’d better. A little girl’s life is on the line.”

“Totally. Trust me, I have a plan.”

His eyes narrowed, making me shake slightly. Okay, maybe I was a little nervous around him. Maybe it was those damn hormones I had taken. I felt off my game ever since those damn Funyuns made a reappearance in my life, and I was struggling to set myself straight.

“Are you gonna get in there or stare at me all day?”

I would totally stare at him all day. I could get lost in the dark depths of his eyes. Not in a romantic way. Just a purely awe-inspiring way. It was like when I put his boots on for the first time. Or when I wore his leather jacket.

Damn. I didn’t bring them along.

Now I knew why I was feeling so off-center. Of course, at the time, I hadn’t known I would need to impress the very man who inspired my own work.

Then I remembered he was staring at me for a reason. He was waiting for me to get started. “Right! Yes. I’m going right now.”

“Good.”

I bowed to him. Actually fucking bowed. I spun and ran into the wall, then laughed and glanced over my shoulder as I turned beet red. Kill me now. Just put a bullet in my head and shoot me dead.

I chuckled at my unintended rhyme and pulled the door open, immediately putting a look of determination on my face. I could do this. Max nodded to me and strolled out the door.

And then it was just me and the man I needed to break in the chair. I walked around him, staring him down as I assessed the best way to go about this. My palms were sweating at the prospect of The Kamau watching me through the two-sided glass.

“You got this, buddy,” I murmured to myself. “You are a strong, confident man. Prove to these men that you’ve got this.”

I strolled around the room, pumping myself up. After all, I had a lot to prove. If I wanted to be on a team, I needed to show them I wasn’t useless. And this was my prime opportunity. I nodded at the glass separating this room from the viewing room. They were all behind that glass, watching and waiting for me to fuck this up.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I tried to center myself. “You are the man. You rock at this, and they’ll see that. You just have to show them.” I cracked my neck and turned toward the suspect. “He’ll never see it coming.”

I stalked forward and stood in front of the man who was just rousing. I tapped him on the side of the face and grinned at him.

“Wakey, wakey.”

“Fuck off,” he grumbled.

“You know, that’s not a very nice thing to say to the man who holds your fate in his hands. I could handle this nicely or things can get…dicey. Which will it be?”

He spit at my feet. Blood splattered around my legs in dark red puddles.

“I get the feeling you don’t want to cooperate. Do you mind if I ask why?”

“I ain’t got shit to say to you.”

And this was the problem. In the past, I always knew how to drag the truth out of a man. A weasel like this would crack in five minutes. However, I had different plans. I walked slowly over to the door and flipped the lock. The ominous click echoed around the room and it didn’t take a genius to see the fear in his eyes triple.

“Now that we’re alone, let’s try this again.”

His nostrils flared. “I—I said I ain’t sayin’ shit.”

I nodded. “Yes, I heard that. Very interesting that you’re willing to give your life for a simple mistake.” I dragged a chair over and sat down across from him. “Because that’s what this was, right? A mistake. You didn’t really want to take her, did you?”

His chin quivered slightly, but he stayed silent.

“Things happen. I get it. You make a plan and it spirals out of control. I’m a pro at that. I know all about things getting out of control. It happened the first time when I was a kid.” I nodded as I stared at him. “I bashed a man’s head in. And the relief I felt was…” I sucked in a breath, feeling calm wash over me. “It was like heaven on earth. Does that happen to you?”

His eyes dropped to the ground. I could smell his fear in the air.

“There’s a way to get past that, you know. You have to achieve a state of mind that allows you to transcend that anger. Now, if I were still that man who took lives without a thought, I might torture you for information, but I have something different in mind.”

His eyes finally met mine and I knew I had him. Men would always take an alternative to pain. This was going to work.

“Now, what I want you to do is take a calming breath and go to your happy spot.”

“My what?”

“You—you don’t have a happy spot?” I asked, my brows furrowing in confusion.

“No,” he snapped.

“Hmm, okay, this is going to take a little more work than I thought. I just naturally assumed you would have a happy spot.” I stood and shoved the chair aside, but whipped back around to face him. “How is it that you don’t have a quiet place you go to in your mind? I mean, everyone has one of those.”

“Not me,” he snarled.

Man, I was getting some seriously fucked up vibes from this guy. He was going to be a challenge.

“Okay, then imagine someplace that makes you feel at ease.”

“I would be at ease if I put you in the ground.”

I nodded. “That’s good. I mean, not the part where you want to kill me, but imagine that place. Where are you?”

“In the trees.”

“Good, good. And what do those trees represent to you?”

“A good burial spot.”

His answer wasn’t quite what I was looking for, but I’d run with it. “Okay, you’re in the trees and the birds are chirping. The sun is beating down on your face, warming your body and?—”

“There are no fucking birds!” he snapped. “And there ain’t no sun.”

I sucked in a breath. “Okay, it’s your happy place. But seriously, you should reconsider a new place to center yourself. Now, you’re in your happy spot. What are you doing?”

“Burying a body.”

I winced. This wasn’t exactly going how I wanted it to. “Right, but if you weren’t burying a body, what would you be doing?”

“Digging the hole.”

I clenched my jaw harder. Man, this guy was fucking up my own centering. “Let’s say the hole is already dug and the body is buried. What now? What makes you happy?”

“I stare at my souvenirs.”

“From trips?” I asked excitedly.

“No, from my kills.”

Someone was pounding on the window now, but I wasn’t about to answer them. I was on a roll, and I knew it would only be a matter of time before he broke. I just had to get him to a place of peace.

“Okay, so you’re looking at your souvenirs. You’re peaceful and happy. Let your mind drift. Let yourself feel the calm of your surroundings. Take a deep breath and?—”

I was cut off by more pounding on the window. Gritting my teeth, I tried to get back to the babbling brooks and a rushing waterfall.

“As I was saying, a peaceful feeling washes over you. You’re floating above yourself, ready to change your world and step into a sense of calm.”

I peeked one eye open and saw the man staring at me like I was crazy. Okay, this guy was a tough nut to crack. He wasn’t exactly keeping an open mind about this.

“You have to try. You can only achieve a true sense of enlightenment if you put in the effort.”

He snorted at me, shaking his head. I got the distinct feeling he wasn’t all that convinced this would work. And the banging started again behind me. They were really throwing off my jam.

“Okay, now try to center yourself again.”

“Fuck off,” the guy sneered.

My nostrils flared and my need for Funyuns kicked into overdrive. I would not break. I was stronger than this. I started doing my Icelandic throat singing. That always pulled me around and broke my inner turmoil.

The banging continued and the man in front of me started shouting at me, taunting me. The chaotic thoughts in my head spiraled out of control. I couldn’t organize them anymore. They didn’t fit into the tiny boxes I’d set aside in mind. My thoughts started spinning out of control, refusing to obey my commands. The chaotic noises taunted me until it was too much.

I pulled the gun from the holster I’d hidden at the small of my back and spun, shouting obscenities as I unloaded my magazine into the bullet-proof glass behind me.

The room went silent and I could finally hear myself again. I took a deep breath and refocused my mind. Everything would be okay now.