16. Christa

After a long dayat the church, I just didn’t have the willpower to go home and sit by myself in my depressing house that smelled like Max. I thought about walking around with incense and potpourri to rid any lingering fragrance, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I walked into the bar and tossed my purse on the counter. I hadn’t even bothered to call my friends. This was what sad, pathetic losers did, right? They drank in bars by themselves and grumbled to the bartender about how shitty their lives were. Not that I would do that. It was way too personal to share with anyone. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t drink.

“What’ll you have?” the bartender asked.

He was a handsome guy, a little older with salt and pepper hair. He had that somewhat fatherly look to him, but not so much I wouldn’t consider dating him. The scruff on his jaw reminded me of Max, but it was those blue eyes that really pulled me in.

“Miss?”

I blushed as he stared at me with knowing eyes. “I’ve always wanted to try a Long Island Iced Tea. Is it any good?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s not bad. I have to warn you, it’s a little strong.”

I waved him off. “I need something strong.”

“Okay,” he grinned. As he started mixing the drink, I glanced around the bar—the same one I met Max in. Maybe it was stupid to come here, but I liked the atmosphere.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks…” I cocked my head at him, waiting for him to answer.

“Mike.”

“Mike.” I took a sip of the drink and winced at the strong flavor. “Wow, you weren’t kidding, but it’s good.”

“Just be careful with that. So, why are you in here drinking alone?”

I sighed. “Because I’m an idiot.” I took another long sip of the tea, finding it rather refreshing.

“I can’t believe that,” he grinned, flashing those sexy dimples at me. I think I just fell in love.

“It’s true. I’m the proverbial girl that falls for the first guy she sleeps with.”

Whoa, I had to slow down on this drink. The last thing I needed was to tell secrets to the first man who talked to me, which happened to be the bartender.

“Honey, I can tell any man would be lucky to have a woman like you.”

“You’re so sweet. But I have to be realistic. I’m not what men are looking for. They all want women who have certain…characteristics to them.”

“And what would those characteristics be?” he asked, leaning on the counter.

“You know, sexy, confident…experienced.” I took another long sip, shaking the glass when all I came up with was air. Wow, that went fast. “Can I have another?”

“Maybe you should have water.”

“Yes, but make me another.”

He slid a glass of water to me as he got to work on my drink. I looked around the bar again and tried not to be jealous of the beautiful women who could easily get any man they wanted.

“Look at her,” I muttered, watching the woman across the room dressed in a form fitting black dress. “That’s a woman who knows how to get what she wants.”

“She’s a regular,” Mike answered, sliding the drink across the bar.

I quickly abandoned my water for the wonderful tea. Why hadn’t I tasted this sooner? That’s right. Because I was always a good girl.

“I wish I had her confidence.”

Mike leaned on the bar and lowered his voice. “That woman takes a different man home every night. I’m not sure she’s the woman you should aspire to be.”

“But look at her!” I practically shouted. “She has gorgeous hair and a killer ass. And her breasts. Oh my gosh! I would kill to look like that.”

I didn’t really realize I was shouting until I caught the woman’s attention. And she looked really pissed as she made her way over to me. “Is there a problem?”

“No!” I gasped. “No, I was just telling Mike how jealous I am of your confidence.” I took a long sip of my tea and continued. “You have this amazing body and I bet you know how to use it, too.”

Her eyes flicked to Mike. “Is she for real?”

“Yes,” he winced.

“Do you have any idea what I would give to have your boobs and ass?” I giggled, slapping a hand over my mouth. “I can’t believe I just said boobs and ass out loud.”

“It’s not the first time,” Mike grumbled.

“I want your confidence. What do I do to get your confidence?”

“Do you know what I do?” she asked curiously.

“No, is it something fun?”

“I’m a stripper.”

My eyes went wide as it all clicked together. “No way! That explains the body. And the confidence. What’s it like?”

“To take my clothes off for men? Not the way I thought I would spend my life.”

I raised a glass to her. “Mike, a drink for my friend…”

“Sasha,” she sighed. “Well, if I’m being honest, it’s Joanne. But that’s not sexy enough.”

“What would my stripper name be?” I asked, giggling into my drink.

“You don’t need a stripper name. You have so much else going for you.”

“Like what?” I snorted. “I had this really great guy and I ruined everything.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” she said, sliding onto the stool beside me.

“It is.” I took another long sip of my drink and plopped my chin down in my hand. “I was giving him a…” I glanced around and cupped my mouth so no one else would hear. “Blow job!” I hissed. “It was my first time.”

“Girl, men love a woman who doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

“Not this guy,” I said sadly. “I hurt him.”

“No matter what they say, never use your teeth. It can go wrong so fast.”

My eyes widened as I sat up. “You too?”

“More than once,” she nodded.

“I didn’t bite him. I uh…got my retainer stuck on him and?—”

She winced, taking a drink of the fruity concoction in front of her. “Ooh, that doesn’t sound good.”

“It wasn’t. And then he stormed out and said he never wanted to see me again.” I spun to face Mike. “Are all guys like that?”

“Uh—”

“I mean, I was doing my best down there. I was giving him all the moves. I had my jaw open for a good ten minutes!”

“Impressive,” Sasha nodded. “For a first time, that’s really amazing.”

“That’s what I thought! I mean, it wasn’t like I was trying to hurt him. I was simply doing what he asked!”

“Girl, men don’t get it. They don’t know what they want.”

“Well, they should clue us in. Up until him, I was a v-i-r-g-i-n,” I said with a wink. “Well, sort of. It depends on your version.”

“Maybe we should stop the drinks,” Mike said, pulling my empty glass away from me.

“No,” I snapped. “You know what? I’m tired of being a good girl. I’m tired of listening to what everyone else thinks I should do. I’m me and I want to…be me!”

“Maybe some water first,” Mike offered.

“Yeah, water. Because that’s what every girl wants after a sexy man walks out on her. Please, sir. May I have a cup of water to wash away the memories of the last twenty-four hours?” I said in a British accent. “Said no woman ever!”

“That’s right, girl. You tell him,” Sasha grinned at me.

“I will. I’ll call him up right now,” I said, pulling out my phone.

“No, I meant the bartender. Not the ex.”

“Why not? Why can’t I call him? Why can’t I tell him that I might be falling for him?”

“Because you’ll scare him away,” she said slowly. “He’ll think you’re insane and run for the hills.”

I slumped on my chair, pouting at Sasha. “Why? I don’t get why?”

“Because men are…terrible with their feelings. So, when they finally have them, women flock to them and fall for this man who finally knows how to open his mouth and speak. But if you fall for the unattainable man, you’re seen as crazy, and men warn other men to stay away from you because you’re clingy. And don’t even get me started on what happens if you confess your feelings before him.”

“But how will a man know I want more if I don’t open my mouth and say something?”

“When you figure that out, let me know.”

“Oh, I will. In fact…” I spun around, nearly hitting the ground. “Hey, you!” I shouted to a man across the bar. He was courting a woman who didn’t seem all that interested. But when I called out, he turned to face me. “Yeah, I’m talking to you! Can’t you see she’s not interested? And why is it perfectly understandable for a man to go crazy for a woman? Why does society think that’s natural? Yet, a woman can’t fall for a man without being seen as the crazy woman who’s stalking a man! Why is that? Oh, it’s sexy when a man will go to any lengths for the woman he’s attracted to, but women are seen as crazy!” I said, swirling my finger next to my head. “Do you get that? Crazy! We’re the crazy ones,” I said, waving my arms around at all the ladies in the bar. “But you know who’s crazy?” The man actually looked scared to hear the answer. “You,” I pointed at him. “You’re the crazy one!”

“I’m just talking to her,” he huffed.

“Yep! That’s right. And you’re crazy! Can’t you tell when a woman doesn’t want to be in your company?”

“This is my wife,” he said, his nostrils flaring.

“Oh. Well…maybe you should consider getting a marriage counselor.”

Two hands pulled me back from my soapbox and back onto the stool. “I think maybe that’s enough for today.”

I snorted, taking her drink and downing it immediately. Warm tingles spread through my body, making me feel delightfully happy. “You know what I need?”

“A very long nap?” Sasha retorted.

I burst out laughing, pressing my hand to her shoulder. “I need to call my Max and tell him what a terrible mistake he’s made.” I pulled out my phone, frowning when I realized I didn’t know his number. But then I remembered where he worked and somehow had the brainpower to find the number online.

“OPS.”

“Yes, I am looking for a man who smokes a cigar, has very naughty, fowl language, and loves to drink. Oh, and his name is Max.”

“And you are?” the woman asked.

“I am the woman he does dirty things to in bed. Just tell him I said that. Oh, and tell him I’m really sorry about the retainer.”

“The retainer?” she asked curiously.

I nodded, but realized she couldn’t see me. “Yep, the retainer. I feel horrible. In my defense, it was my first time giving a blow job. I had no idea what I was doing.”

“Uh-huh. And where does the retainer come in?”

“Oh!” I grinned, just remembering why I was telling her that. “Because it was broken and it caught on his man thingy. You know, his penis,” I whisper-hissed.

“That’s unfortunate.”

“It was. He was very mad at me,” I added, my head bobbing over and over again. “He stormed out and said he was through with me. Can you believe that? I’m gonna go be a stripper.”

“Because he said he didn’t want to see you?”

I was confused. “No, because Sasha is here and she has really nice boobs.”

“You know, I have a lot of questions, but I think I’ll just pass along your message instead.”

“But I haven’t told it to you,” I mumbled.

“Oh, I think if you give it ten minutes, there’ll be no need for a message.”

The phone went dead and I stared at it in confusion. “What was the message?” I asked Sasha.

“You forgot already?” she laughed, taking a sip of her drink.

“Oh well!” I laughed, tossing my phone in the new Long Island Iced Tea that Mikey had made for me. “Here’s to retainers!”

She raised a glass and clinked mine. “And sexy men.”

“Sure, we can throw that in, too,” I giggled, taking a sip of my drink.

“Are you going to take your phone out of there?”

I lifted the glass, then looked at her and burst out laughing. “I put my phone in my drink!”

“I know,” she grinned. “You’re not going to be able to use it if you leave it too long in there.”

But I was too busy laughing my head off over the whole thing to worry about something as trivial as a phone. I wasn’t sure how many drinks I had or who was talking to me. I was having the time of my life, and I had no regrets.

But then the bar went deadly silent. “Mikey!” I shouted, slapping the bar. “Give a girl another drink!”

“Do not give her another drink,” a deep voice said from behind me. It sent chills down my spine, and even in my drunken state, I recognized the tenor of his voice. I spun around, nearly falling off the stool in the process.

Max stood in front of me with a cigar hanging out of his mouth and a look of murder directed at anyone who dared to look at me. It was totally hot.

“Max,” I said in acknowledgment but I had no idea what to say after that.

He stalked toward me, his eyes firmly planted on mine. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Having a good time!” I cheered, throwing my hands up in the air, nearly falling off the stool. Max caught me and hauled me up against him. “Ooh, you’re so hard. Is all of you hard?”

He groaned as I rested my head on his shoulder. “Christa,” he growled.

“I’m really sorry about your wiener. Is it feeling better?”

“It’s not a wiener.”

“Sorry, is your penis better?” I leaned back and cupped my hand around my mouth. “Sorry I nearly cut it off with my mouth.”

“Stop fucking talking.”

That just made me rub myself against him. “I love it when you talk dirty to me.” My eyes lit up and I jumped back out of his arms, grabbing Sasha by the arm. “This is my friend Sasha. She’s a stripper.”

“Good for her,” Max snapped.

“Don’t you think she’s hot? I’m gonna have her teach me to strip.”

“The hell you are!” he growled.

I nodded over and over again. “I want to learn to be sexy like her. Don’t you think she has a great ass?” Then I giggled. “I said ass. I’m so going to hell.”

“That’s it. You’re cut off and coming home with me.”

I slapped a hand over my mouth as my eyes went wide. “I can’t. That would be so wrong.”

“Relax, we’re just sleeping.”

“But if I do that, I’ll want to touch your wiener. And if I do that, you’re going to want to put your wiener inside me. Which sounds pretty good at the moment, but then again, you did say you never wanted to see me again,” I rambled.

I grabbed my drink, sloshing it all over. “Why are you here again?”

“Because you called Rae.”

“Who’s Rae?”

“I work with her. Apparently, you told her and half the people in the IT room that I’m the man who does dirty things to you.”

I giggled, turning to the bar. “Maxie, get my friend a Long Island tea thingy.”

“It’s Mike,” he corrected.

“Right. You’re Mike and he’s Max,” I said, jerking my thumb over my shoulder.

I turned back to Max and pouted. “Just one drink?”

He sighed heavily, but nodded. “One drink.”

I stepped right up to him and carefully took the cigar from his mouth, placing it in my own. After a deep inhale, I started coughing like crazy. “I’ve never smoked before.”

“Then, now’s not the time to start.”

I took another puff, this time only coughing a little. “It’s not bad. I didn’t want to go home tonight. It smelled like cigars in my house.”

“Then why are you smoking?”

“Because I wanted to smell like you.” I leaned in closer and whispered. “I’m not supposed to say this because I’ll sound crazy, but I really like you, Max. Like, I could be falling for you.”

His eyes watched me carefully before he turned to Mike and slapped the counter. “I’m gonna need a scotch. Now!”

Laughing, I snuggled into his body. “We’re gonna have fun tonight, aren’t we, Maxie?”