13. Max

I walkedinto work hours later, still scratching my head over what happened. It didn’t make any sense. I knew last night was good. I wasn’t nearly as drunk, and I remembered most of what happened. She was into it. So, why the hell had she kicked me out this morning?

FNG flagged me down, jogging over to me after leaving the IT room. “So, how did it go last night?”

“Great,” I grumbled, not really into it. I pushed past him, not really wanting to relive what happened this morning.

“Wait, if it was great, why do you look so glum, chum?”

I rolled my eyes at his terrible attempt at bonding. “Can we not do this?”

“Talk? Hey, if we’re gonna be on a team together, we need to have an open and honest relationship.”

“Or we could just not do that,” I muttered, continuing down the hall. I wasn’t even sure where I was going. Hell, I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t passed out in bed right now, enjoying the rest of my day. I had a great night and woke up to the scent on Christa’s pillow. All in all, it was a good experience. I should be basking in my conquest.

“Uh-oh. I know that look.”

I was so lost in thought that I hadn’t realized Fox had joined us, or that I was sitting in the conference room. Or that Cash was there, along with several other guys.

“What?” I asked, shifting uncomfortably from all the attention.

“Max has a crush,” Fox said in a sing-song voice. “Man, I knew she was the one.”

“Wait,” Cash sat up in his chair. “Our Max is falling for a woman?”

“I’m not your Max,” I snapped. “And I haven’t fallen for anybody.”

“Boss, you should have seen it,” Fox said excitedly. “He dragged us over to her house and everything.”

“I didn’t drag. Why are you telling stories?” I scowled at him.

“Yeah,” IRIS snorted. “You should have seen him. He actually wanted us to seduce her friends.”

Cash shot him a dirty look.

“What? It’s not like we did it. I love my wife very much,” IRIS reminded him.

“I didn’t want you to seduce them. I just wanted you to remove them from the premises.”

“Why were you even there?” Thumper asked. “We didn’t get a call out.”

The way Thumper was glaring at him, I knew he was going to fold.

“I thought it was a job. Would you relax?”

“Actually,” FNG cut in. “I was thinking maybe we could do some rearranging of the teams.”

Cash leaned forward, a curious look on his face. “Sorry, do what?”

“You know, IRIS really fits with us more.”

“Fits with who?”

FNG paled slightly. “Uh…” He cleared his throat, looking to me for help. “Well, Fox, Max, and me.”

Cash narrowed his eyes. “Fox, Max, and you.”

“Right. We thought since none of us had a team, it was the perfect idea.”

“You thought it was the perfect idea,” Cash repeated.

“Well, you never put me on a team. And Max is just wandering around wherever he’s needed. I just thought?—”

“You just thought,” Cash cut in.

FNG chuckled slightly. “Boss, you’re just repeating everything I say.”

“That’s because I can’t believe the words that are leaving your mouth.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” IRIS shrugged.

“Excuse me,” Thumper snapped. “I have not put up with years of being abused by you, only for you to walk away and join another team.”

“Abuse?” IRIS chuckled. “Name one time.”

“Okay, when we were in the basement of that building and you used my leg as a torch!”

“That was one time,” IRIS shot back.

“And what about before I got the bionic leg and you wanted to take out your frustrations by chopping up my wooden leg?”

“Seriously?” I barked out a laugh. “That’s fucking hilarious.”

“It wasn’t hilarious when I submitted the insurance claim,” Thumper snapped.

“I said name one,” IRIS grumbled. “Besides, if I cause you so much trouble, you should be glad to get rid of me.”

“Hold on,” Cash stood, holding out his hands in a calming gesture. “Let’s say that we actually considered this—who would replace IRIS on Thumper’s team?”

“Edu,” Slider spoke up instantly.

“Yeah, so ready to replace me,” IRIS muttered. “You just had that answer waiting in the wings.”

“Hey, I’m just saying…Lock is the team leader and way too anal. Brock is too obsessed with his looks, and Scottie vomits any time he’s in the air. Edu is the logical choice.”

IRIS nodded. “Yeah, but he hates eighties music.”

“It doesn’t matter, because we’re not handing over IRIS,” Thumper snapped. “Besides, why should your team get four people?”

“A—” FNG stated. “Because Fox doesn’t actually do much other than get people to meditate.”

“And sing. I’m a great singer,” Fox winked.

“B— because he’s more like us than the rest of you. It’s a given he should be on our team.”

“That’s true. They probably do have more fun,” IRIS agreed. “I bet they wouldn’t mind me blowing up shit.”

“Yeah, none of this is happening,” Cash decided. “The last thing we need is the four of you getting together and fucking up missions.”

“Hey!” the three of them said.

When I didn’t join in, they all glared at me. “What? I happen to agree. I may be a drunk, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy blowing up buildings, meditating, or randomly trying to kill myself just because I can.”

“It’s a fucking lawsuit waiting to happen,” Cash agreed.

“Exactly, and since that’s been decided, I’ll just be heading out.” I started to stand, but sat back down when Cash made it clear with just one look that he wasn’t through with me yet.

“On the other hand, the team could benefit from your…influence.”

I snorted at that. He was batshit crazy if he thought I would be a positive influence on Fox or FNG.

“No offense, boss, but I think IRIS is better with us,” Thumper stepped in.

“IRIS isn’t leaving your team.”

“Man,” FNG groaned. “He would have been a great addition to the team.”

“And you’re not getting your own team,” Cash burst his bubble.

“What? But you just said?—”

“I know what I said. Maybe the three of you should try…hanging out.”

Thumper snorted. “Boss, if you want them to get arrested, just send the police to the bar any night of the week.”

“I resent that,” Fox said, his eyes lit with fire for the first time since I’d known him. “I’m a peaceful person. I don’t drink anymore.”

“What I mean is that the three of you—” He looked pointedly at Fox, FNG, and me. “—are all a little lost. Maybe if you hang out and…commiserate, maybe you’ll find your way.”

“You know how else we could do that?” FNG asked. “By forming a team.”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Cash retorted.

FNG shoved back from the table. “You know what? You can’t stop me. I hereby declare that I’ve formed a team consisting of Fox, Max, and myself. We will be training together in preparation for our next mission, and if you need us, we’ll be…training,” he finished with a frown.

“Uh, except for me,” Fox spoke up. “I’ll be meditating. By the way, this afternoon’s session will be moved back one hour due to unforeseen complications.”

“Such as?” Cash asked.

Fox’s nostrils flared. “I don’t want to talk about it. Now, if you’ll excuse me?—”

He turned to leave, but Cash jumped out of his chair and dragged him by the arm back into the room. Fox fought him, and that’s when something was yanked free from his pocket in the form of a small yellow packet. Cash gasped, stepping back and pointing at the treat on the ground.

“You fell off the wagon!”

“It’s not mine!” Fox shouted. He turned and shot daggers at me like this was all my fault.

Cash bent over and picked up the snack-sized Funyuns, holding it between two fingers. “Fox…what does this mean?”

“It means nothing. Absolutely nothing!”

“You’re eating Funyuns again?”

“It’s not my fault!” he cried out. “It’s his!”

His finger stabbed in my direction and all heads swiveled toward me. “Sure, blame the new guy.”

“Hey, I’m the new guy,” FNG said sourly. “You don’t get to steal my name.”

“Trust me, I wasn’t.”

“He took my stash off the plane and brought them onto the helicopter. I couldn’t help it!”

“Is that why you didn’t catch me when I fell out of the helicopter?” FNG scoffed. “Because you were eating Funyuns?”

Fox paled slightly, stumbling to a seat and plopping down. He dropped his head into his hands and…started crying. “I didn’t mean to. I swear!”

“It’s okay, Fox,” Cash said, patting him on the back. He jerked his head toward me.

I frowned, unsure of what he was expecting. He waved me over, but there was no way in hell I was doing that. Cash’s nostrils flared in anger, but it wasn’t until he pulled something out of his pocket that I really got worried.

A small figurine of Betty Boop was set on the table and the air in the room shifted. Everyone stood immediately, crowding around Fox and offering sympathetic words. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I took advantage of the distraction and beat feet.