50. Katrin

Chapter 50

Katrin

I waited for a sunrise that did not come—not in the dramatic sense anyway. Slowly, the overcast sky lightened from blue to melancholy gray, the clouds heavy with rain that refused to fall.

Evander's chest rose and fell in the deep, even rhythm of sleep. Laying in his arms, I could almost forget the world crumbling around me.

Almost.

My thoughts strayed to my mother. I hoped she was safe. I hoped that Death would not find her before I could. It was the only plan I had. With Evander unable to leave The Between and my mother an unknowing pawn in Death's games, it only made sense to bring her here. Only once she was secured could we explore the other options Evander had mentioned. Tyr Anigh was compromised, but there had to be somewhere in this cursed land that was safe from Behryn.

Slipping from the bed, I padded across the room and picked up my shoes from where Evander had discarded them earlier. A glance back confirmed he still slept. He'd told me once that he rarely required sleep, but when he did, he slept like the dead. I could only hope that was true.

I said I'd stay, and I had. I'd stayed when everything in me had screamed to find my mother. I'd stayed though it hurt my heart to learn how perfectly our bodies fit together. I'd stayed through the dawn, knowing Behryn would return at any moment.

And now, it was time to leave.

Time raced on, and I felt my heart beat like a ticking clock counting down the seconds to my doom. I wished I had the time to write Evander a note. He deserved an explanation, but every second I delayed put us all in danger.

I made a stop at my room to grab my old glove, the match to the one I'd left at my family estate. It was time they be reunited. The woman that had worn these gloves was gone, but I could pretend to be her for one more day.

A shadow stretched across the floor. I jumped and whirled, but there was no one behind me. Confused, I turned back to the shadow. It stretched far longer than my own, longer than was natural with the direction of the sunlight through the window. Now that I examined it, I could make out other differences as well. The edges were too sharp, the color too dark, and as I watched, it shifted as though caught in a current.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared down at the shadow. "What are you doing here?"

The shadow morphed, mimicking my stance in a way that I took to mean "what are you doing here?"

I snorted in recognition of Inky's impudence and glanced around for his companion guard. "I'm leaving," I said.

As soon as the words left my lips, Storm slithered out from beneath the bed. Together, the shadows rose to my height—taller—their forms coalescing into an uncanny likeness of Evander. My eyes darted away from the dark copy, remembering the way his stubble scratched my cheek. "It is safer for us both."

Shadow Evander made a show of placing his hands on his hips and sticking out one foot, a gesture the real Evander would never make.

"Fine." I threw my arms in exasperation. "My leaving does nothing to diminish the risk to myself, but it is safer for both Evander and my mother if I can find her in time. You heard Behryn. I'll not see Evander punished for trying to keep me safe." I rose and tilted my chin up. "It is time for me to take control of my own destiny."

Inky and Storm shrank to their usual amorphous selves, swaying uncertainly.

"You can do something for me, though," I said.

They straightened, soldiers reporting for duty. Even shadow creatures needed purpose it seemed.

"When Evander wakes, tell him—" My voice broke, and I inhaled deeply before I could begin again. "Tell him that I left of my own free will, and that I couldn't stand by and watch others fight my battles. Tell him that I hope our paths cross again someday." I blinked at the ceiling to keep the tears from falling. "And tell him thank you for seeing me beneath the shadows when no one else did."

The words tumbled out of me without thought. I planned to return. I would bring my mother in tow, and we would live forever sustained by the magic of The Between. But something in me knew the truth. I could be walking right into Behryn's trap and the likelihood of me making it back was slim. No matter what I wanted the outcome to be, I wouldn't leave without a proper goodbye. I'd made that mistake once and paid for it dearly.

My lips trembled as I offered my guardians a half-hearted smile.

A path opened between them, an exit large enough for me to pass through to the doorway beyond. I stepped between them and was immediately wrapped in their cool embrace. They smelled of The Between, of mist and loam. I closed my eyes and committed the scent to memory. Too soon, the light beyond my eyelids lightened. The air around me warmed as they separated again. I opened my eyes and gasped as I stepped into the Corridor.

Tyr Anigh was gone. Evander was gone. Though my surroundings looked just the same as every other stretch along the endless winding road, I trusted my shadows had led me to the right place. They'd given me this chance, and I would not squander it.

Inky and Storm faded from view, blending into a darker patch of shade beneath the trees. I whispered my thanks and turned toward the land of the living, toward home.

As a mortal not bound by the magic of The Between, the doorway would always be open for me to return to the mortal world. Once there, I would be trapped until Evander or Death came for me. Perhaps I would beat Death in his own games and be reunited with Evander come nightfall. More likely, this was the last I would step foot in this world.

A faint shimmer marked the passageway, and I halted with my feet mere inches from it. Lifting my unmarked hand, I slid my fingers over the seam between worlds. There was no resistance, only a drop in temperature to let me know I'd reached into another world. A breeze slipped through, blowing my hair back from my face.

Another Evander-shaped shadow stretched along the ground to my right. I laughed even as a deep ache settled in my chest. "Come to say goodbye again?"

"Katrin." The whisper was a benediction.

My heart stuttered as goosebumps rose along my arm. I turned, mindful of the doorway a step away. The man standing before me was not a fearsome reaper hell-bent on revenge. Nor was he the stoic guardian determined to protect me from my dark fate. Looking at him now, barefoot, hair mussed, and shirt unbuttoned to reveal the hard lines of his chest, I could see only the funny, caring man who made me feel things I refused to name.

"Evander," I breathed.

His eyes scanned the trees, taking in the subtle differences that marked the location. "Why?"

It wasn't an accusation, but I winced as the question struck me like a blow to the gut. "My mother. I cannot let her fall for me, not after—" I broke off, unwilling to poke the wound of my father's passing, still too fresh and raw.

He shook his head. "What's worth living for isn't always worth dying for. I would know."

A flash of utter devastation crossed his face, wiped away with the palm of his hand. After all this time, he was still hiding the broken pieces of himself, all the human parts he strived to be rid of. Would my leaving be his ultimate undoing?

"There's no guarantee Behryn is even waiting for me. I can find my mother, and you can retrieve us tonight. I'll only be gone a few hours." I smiled, but it was an approximation of the real thing. We both knew the probability of this being a trap, but Behryn had known exactly where to strike, and I wasn't willing to gamble away my mother to protect myself.

He stepped forward, and I slid my foot back until I felt the change in temperature. Evander's gaze tracked the movement, and he froze, despair pulling down the corners of his mouth and brows. His eyes lifted to mine, wide in panic. I watched as if in slow motion as his knees buckled, and he sank to the hard-packed road, palms open in surrender.

"I love you." Compared to his movements, his words came out in a rush. They hurtled for me across the short expanse, too quick to dodge.

"That is a cruel trick," I replied, the falsehood sticky on my tongue.

"I swear it's true. I can't go on pretending I don't love you, that I'm not in love with you. Tell me you feel it, too."

I shook my head, tears pooling at the edge of my vision. "I can't. I don't." Because if I admitted that I loved him, how could I ever walk away? But I knew the words for the lies they were, and I could not bear to voice them again. I turned my head so that only my darkened eye faced him. "If you love me," I whispered, voice breaking, "find me again."

I stepped backwards, the sound of Evander's scream following me into the living world. The forest came to life around me, and I knew there was no going back. Though the trees were still bare in the early winter chill, a muted rainbow of color littered the ground from the recent autumn shedding. The sunbeams shone brighter, birds called to one another, the wind smelled of crisp pine, and all of it paled in comparison to the beauty of being loved.

Tears ran freely down my cheeks as I reached for the world—the man—that was beyond my grasp. "I love you too," I said to the wind, if only to speak the truth once before the end.

Swiping my cheeks with the back of my hand, I dusted off my dress and pulled a single glove from my pocket. It was strange to cover my marks after weeks of not hiding, but my shadowed hand slid easily into the worn glove. I flexed my fingers, reacquainting myself with the feel. After pushing my hair forward over my mark, I set off for my home. If something happened to my mother while I delayed, then it was all for naught.

I exited the forest not far from Felwyck. While I'd expected there to be more traffic at this time of day, I stumbled at the first sign of the busy street. The road teemed with people heading into and away from town.

I checked the positioning of my hair over my face and kept my chin down. There wasn't time to hesitate, so I scurried as fast as I could manage without appearing suspicious. It was difficult to navigate through the overladen carts and carriages with only one eye. More than once, I collided with something and had to quickly change direction before anyone looked upon me too long. Someone called out in the crowd, but I couldn't know if it was to me they spoke without looking up. Ignoring them all, I gathered my skirts and broke into a run.

My family's estate lay on the close side of town, but my lungs heaved by the time the peaked roof came into view. I slowed as I turned a corner and was struck by the full majesty of the estate. If possible, the large white manor house looked more imposing in the light of day.

Once I veered from the main road, I saw no other servants or travelers on the way to the main house. It was possible the chill had driven them all inside. More likely, the upheaval of my father's passing had not yet settled among the household.

Ringing filled my ears as I stepped up to the main door. The sound pulled at a thread in my memory, but I shook my head and tapped three quick knocks on the door. The ringing persisted. A shiver snaked up my back, and I held my cloak together against the winter wind. Opening my fist, I pounded on the door. My ungloved hand stinging with the effort. The ringing took on a fever pitch.

Concern mounting, I tried the handle. It opened without constraint. I pushed through the door, alarmed when there was no footman to be found. I closed the door to the outside world, but the vexing sound persisted.

"Hello?" I yelled over the din.

A figure appeared from the hall, distinctly male, his features hidden in the bright backlight of a window. His steps were slow and measured as he approached. I danced from foot to foot, trying to get a better view.

The ringing silenced as he stepped into view.

"Hello, Katrin," Death purred.