48. Katrin

Chapter 48

Katrin

I stepped into the foyer, my footsteps silent on the marble floor. Where I'd expected to be greeted by a lost soul, there was nothing. I was grateful for Evander's stoic presence at my side. The urge to lean into him nearly toppled me. Though he was no longer doubled over in pain, I managed to keep myself upright without his aid.

"Where?" I breathed.

Evander's shadows melded with those cast by the flickering candlelight. The air was heavy with tension as he interlaced his fingers in mine. I could feel his eyes upon me even as I refused to look. If there was any hint of sadness or pity in his gaze, I thought I would crumble to pieces. He gestured to the left, to my father's study.

I ran, already knowing what I'd find, but unwilling to accept the truth until I saw it with my own eyes.

The door was open, the first sign that something was amiss. In all my years, my father had never left it ajar. Its gaping maw threatened to swallow me whole as I barreled toward it. I froze at the scene inside.

Like something from a dream, the room I entered belonged to another world. There was the desk and the bookshelves, but nothing else aligned with my memory of the room. Gone were the haphazard stacks of research. Gone were the relics of a life gone by. The hardwood floor shone as if from a fresh mop. The shelves were neat and orderly, no book out of place. And seated at the great desk, not a scrap of paper upon its surface, was my father.

Well, my father's soul.

"Katrin?" My father's brows shot to his hairline. "What are you doing here? Where have you been? What's happened to you?"

His questions slid off me like raindrops in a storm. I felt them land but paid them no heed as I stalked across the room.

"Father," I started then paused, unable to find words for every emotion spilling from my heart. "How?"

It was the only question that mattered. Had I done this? Had I angered Death into taking my father prematurely? Or was it a coincidence that he should meet his end as I became entangled with Death?

His eyes grew distant, forehead creased in concentration. "I was sleeping, and then, I wasn't." He frowned. "I was more asleep than I'd ever been, and yet somehow, more awake, too. There was no pain. It didn't feel like what I thought dying ought to feel like. It was like waking up to a different life."

"And Mother?" The sour taste of fear coated my tongue, but I needed to know.

My father shook his head. "She's fine—alive," he amended.

His focus shifted over my shoulder, and I knew Evander had joined us.

"Can I see her?" I asked Evander. "Can she see me ?" I heard the desperation in my own voice. I started to step around him, prepared to search the entire house if need be.

"She's not here." It was my father who answered.

My head whipped to him. "What? Where is she?"

The floor tilted, or maybe it was me. It only stopped when Evander's hands gripped my arm, holding me steady against the raging current of emotions.

My father's eyes dipped to that point of contact. When they lifted back to mine, there was no judgment, no reproach, though something like understanding flickered across his features. "She left to stay with her sister for a few days. She's supposed to return tomorrow."

"We can come back tomorrow night." Evander's words were a gentle murmur, too quiet for my father to hear. He meant to comfort but nothing chipped away at the wall of dread building in my chest.

I nodded—more for his benefit than my own.

"Your Grace," Evander said, addressing my father.

"There's no need for fancy titles. We're all equal in death, are we not?"

Evander dipped his head, a small smile on his lips. "As you say. We have come to guide you to the next world."

I didn't miss the way he included me in that statement. Whether Death knew it or not, this time with my father was a gift—a chance for us to have a proper goodbye.

We left as we'd entered, this time with my father in tow. I joined him in the carriage, Evander fully capable of driving now that the source of his pain had disappeared.

For several long minutes, the only sound was the crunch of gravel beneath the wheels and hooves. From the unhurried pace, I knew Evander was granting us what time he could. The hours until sunrise were too few, the things left to say too great.

I chewed my lip and twisted my skirt between my fingers. My leg bounced incessantly, but my father remained the picture of serenity. Peace had settled over him like it never had in life.

"I'm sorry," he said, folding his hands in his lap.

My eyes widened at the statement. "What do you have to be sorry for? I am sorry. For leaving the way I did, for not saying goodbye, for doubting your care when you wanted only what was best for me."

"I did, but possibly at the expense of what was actually best for you." His gaze dropped. "You were a duke's daughter, but you were so much more. You could have been so much more if I hadn't failed you. Even before you left, you were trying to tell me, and I wouldn't listen."

I shook my head, blinking back tears. "It was unbelievable."

"It was true. Even if it hadn't been, you believed it to be true, and a father should always trust his daughter above all else, even reason."

A laugh bubbled out of me, half sob. "You were the only one that fought for me. I could never fault you for that."

He smiled, but I couldn't find it in me to return the expression. Nothing could erase the very real possibility that I was to blame for my father's death.

As if sensing the direction of my thoughts, my father cleared his throat. "Tell me about this reaper fellow. You and he seem to have grown close in your time away."

My cheeks heated at his insinuation, but I was grateful for the change in subject. "His name is Evander, and he is the Ferrier of Souls."

I told him everything. From my plan to leave to its execution, to my bargain with Evander and the threat that Death posed. I told him of Moira and Sam, of Death's demon beasts and Ani. All the while, my father listened. Occasionally, he'd nod or ask for clarification. By the end of my tale, his serene expression had morphed into one of concern.

"And what do you plan to do now?" he asked, reaching across the carriage to capture my hands in his.

I shrugged, unable to speak around the knot in my throat.

The carriage slowed and halted.

"We're here." Evander's voice filtered into the cabin clearly enough that I suspected he'd heard our entire conversation.

My grip on my father's hands tightened as my heart beat faster. Too soon. It was too soon. The door opened, and I couldn't let go. I wouldn't. Not yet.

"I will be accompanying my father." My tone left no room for argument. "As far as I can."

Evander nodded like he'd expected as much.

We trekked through the forest, following no discernible path. I kept hold of my father's hand the entire way for fear he would slip away to The Beyond before we said our goodbyes. Evander led the way, speaking quietly about what my father could expect moving forward, the trials and the demons he may face to gain entry to the Afterworld. Though he'd likely recited the same information hundreds of times, his voice was soft, compassionate.

I did not think we had crossed into The Between, but the world around us was just as eerily quiet. There were no sounds of life beyond our footsteps and the calm, even cadence of Evander's voice. No animals sounded. Even the leaves did not rustle in the breeze.

Eventually, trees gave way to shrubs and the view opened to reveal a large body of water. The glassy surface glistened in the moonlight, giving the appearance that you could walk right onto it. Whatever existed on the other side was hidden by a thick layer of fog.

A weathered dock jutted out from the shore with a small vessel tied at the end. Evander took my other hand, helping me into the boat. My father and I took a seat on one of the built-in benches and Evander the other. He faced towards us and picked up a set of oars, placing them into the oarlocks on either side of the boat. With strong, steady strokes we moved across the water, ripples left in our wake.

We entered the fog, so dense I could make out nothing past the ends of the oars. I gripped my father's hand in both of mine, placing a kiss on his knuckles as tears rolled freely down my cheeks.

"I love you," I whispered, certain I hadn't said it enough during his life.

"I know," he said, patting my hand. "You were my everything, Katrin." Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to my brow.

The small boat ran ashore, throwing me forward. My father's hand ripped from mine as I careened into Evander. I looked around, but still the fog remained too dense to see beyond.

"It will clear for him alone," Evander explained.

A splash sounded, and I twisted around to see my father standing knee-deep in the water.

I screamed. "Father!"

Evander's hands wrapped around my middle as I reached for the man who had devoted the last years of his life to helping me.

He looked at me, took in Evander's arms around me, and smiled. "I always told myself I would not rest until you were taken care of. It seems I may rest easy now."

I leaned into Evander's strength, giving my father this final gift, even if it wasn't real. As he faded from view, I was overcome by the sense of being unmoored—only in part due to the boat in which we stood. In the space of a single night, I'd lost one of the few tethers I had to the mortal world. Only my mother remained there. With my father beyond and Evander at my side, I was stretched thin by the desire to be in three places at once. I knew then that wherever I ended up, I would abandon parts of myself with those I did not choose. The woman I'd been on the eve of my birthday had been irrevocably severed, but I needed to decide who I wanted to become when I was forged anew.