Chapter 16

16

A t some time during the night, Edina woke up. She sat up in bed, not knowing where she was for a moment. When she realised she was in Aidan's room, she put out her hand to touch him, only to realise that his side of the bed was empty. He was standing by the window looking out, so she rose from the bed and went to join him.

When she reached him, however, she realised that there were tears streaming down his face.

"Oh, my love," she whispered, as she wrapped her arms around him. "Are you feeling okay?"

Aidan wiped his tears away irritably. "What a weak man I am. You should be glad you are not marrying me." His tone was bitter.

"Do not say that!" Edina begged. "I would give anything to marry you, Aidan. You are the love of my life, and I do not think it is weak for a man to cry. You just lost your brother, and all your hope. It is a strong man who can show his emotions. Why should it only be women who are allowed to weep?"

Aidan cupped her face in his hands, and by the dim light of the moon looked again into her fascinating eyes. Fenella's were a rather ordinary shade of hazel, which did not have any effect on him at all.

"Thank you," he whispered. "No one understands me as you do, Edina."

She took his hand, and they climbed back into bed.

"You were thinking of Lewis, were you not?" she asked tenderly. "You must miss him so much. I wish I had not been the one to tell you."

He shrugged. "It's done now, and in some ways, Edina, it is a relief." He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I always suspected that he was gone. Countless times, I tried to imagine that he would walk through the door, hale and hearty. I thought of him putting his arms around me and giving me one of those hugs that used to nearly break my ribs!"

He laughed, but it was a sad sound.

"Do you remember the time I caught him with a pair of scissors he had stolen from the kitchen?" Edina asked, chuckling. "It was the only time I remember that he ever did anything naughty. He didn't realise I had seen him, and he was very surprised when I asked him what he was going to do with them. He told me he was going to cut off my pigtail because I had broken his favourite toy soldier, General Stewart, who was commander of the whole regiment!"

"And you never told my father," Aidan said admiringly.

"No, but there was a reason for that," Edina told him. "I blackmailed him for years!"

Aidan threw back his head and laughed heartily at that, then looked down at Edina lovingly. "Only you could cheer me up at a time like this. What am I going to do without you?"

It took every ounce of willpower she had, but Edina smiled at him.

"You will go on with your life and be happy with your bride," she told him, in a voice that was valiantly trying to stay cheerful. "What is she like? I have seen her from afar, but never met her."

"Are you sure you want to know?" Aidan asked, frowning.

"I know it seems strange," Edina answered, "but it will give me some kind of consolation to know that the man I love is marrying a good woman."

Aidan sighed. "What can I say?" he began. "I have never heard a bad word about her, but she does nothing for me. I will do my duty to her and be a faithful husband, but I will never love her as I love you."

Edina gave him a brave smile, but her heart was breaking.

"One day you will have children. Two little girls and two little boys."

"I don't want boys," he said firmly. "Only girls. Boys only become pawns in successions and inheritance wars. My poor brother had so many expectations weighing on him since the day he was born because he was heir to the estate that it eventually crushed him. Everyone thought he drank so much because he became involved with a crowd of criminals, but that is only part of the reason.

The pressure of the responsibility that my father placed on him made his life a living hell, and he was trying to run away from it. Drink was his escape. When he was drunk, he escaped into a world where nothing mattered; where he was happy. Instead of being made to keep accounts and go to endless meetings, trade fairs and all the other duties involved in being a Laird, he could be happy. He told me that when he was drunk, he went into another world where nothing outside mattered. Even the headaches the next morning did not discourage him. He could take some willow bark tea to soothe those.

I was not a hero for escaping all that, Edina. I did not have to carry the burden my brother did, so it was much easier for me to get away. I felt like such a traitor for telling my father how bad the problem had become, but I think he was coming to the same conclusion. I suppose you know the rest of what happened."

"My father told me," she said. "But our parents are the only people who know the truth, Aidan, and I think that was because they had to."

Aidan sighed. "Enough, my love," he murmured. "We have such a short time together. Let us make the most of it."

Edina felt him stroke her hair, then his hand travelled down her body, and he kissed her, and in another moment they were lost in each other again.

"You sent for me, M'Laird?" Edina asked, as she stood in front of Laird Findlay the next morning.

The Laird narrowed his eyes and looked her up and down.

"I did, Edina." He sounded a little regretful.

Many things are changing for him too, Edina thought.

"You know that Aidan is betrothed now?" he asked.

Edina bristled. Did she think she was stupid?

"Of course I do," she replied. "Even if I had not been told by my father, the news is all over the castle."

"Then you know that Aidan's bride is coming to live here," he went on, "and it would be better if you moved somewhere else."

"Are you throwing me out?" Edina asked silkily. A feeling of trepidation stole over her.

The Laird hesitated. He had backed himself into a corner and was unable to say yes or no.

"Not exactly," he replied awkwardly. "I merely wanted to warn you. You may stay if you wish, but it might be unpleasant for everyone, if you are truly in love with my son. It will also be uncomfortable for him and his wife to see you every day, too."

"I had thought of that," Edina told him. "I'm making arrangements to solve the problem."

The Laird raised his eyebrows, looking interested. "Tell me more," he said.

"Well, the school in Achnabreck is such a success that I would like to open another one," she replied. "Minister McLintock's daughters are running it on their own now, anyway, so I would very much like to see if another school is welcome in Drumnaird. The only problem is, it is five miles away, and I cannot make such a long journey every day."

"That is easily solved." The Laird's voice was filled with satisfaction. "I own a cottage there. It is currently being renovated, but it is almost finished and should take only another few weeks. In the meantime, you will be able to make yourself ready. Aidan will not be married for three months anyway, although I must warn you, Fenella will sometimes be visiting."

"I understand," Edina said.

This was something she had not considered, but she decided she would have to take things as they came. If she and Fenella met, she would greet her politely and make her escape as fast as she could; the last thing she wanted was to create tension between them. That would put Aidan in a very awkward position, and she loved him too much to do that to him.

"Thank you for the house," she told Laird Findlay. "I appreciate it very much."

"It will be furnished to your taste, of course," he informed her. "And you may take your maid with you and employ a woman from the village to look after the place."

"That is very kind of you." Edina was incredulous.

He must really want to be rid of her! She did not know whether to be flattered or insulted. She stood up and took her leave, then went to see her father again.

When he heard what had happened, his face broke into a wide grin.

"This is the best thing that could have happened," he observed. "It will solve many problems, my pet. I know how you feel about Lewis—Aidan—and I know that your heart will hurt for a while, but time will heal it, and in a while you will meet someone else."

Edina could not imagine that ever happening, but she said nothing, merely gave her father a tense smile.

"I think I will go to start preparing now," she told him. "There is a lot to be done."

Indeed, there was much more to be done than she had realised. Edina took out her entire wardrobe and meticulously went through it with the experienced eye of Mairi, whose advice she often sought on matters of style and fashion. She wanted to pare it down to the absolute minimum that she would need so that she had as little as possible to take with her when she moved into her new home. After all, what use would she have for more than one ballgown? The chances of her even being invited to ceilidhs had almost disappeared.

When asked if she wanted to move to Drumnaird, Mairi was thrilled. "Two o' my sisters live there, Mistress," she said happily. "It will be a pleasure, but why are ye goin' there?"

"Because the school here is doing well on its own now, so I really don't need to be here any more," she answered. "I want to open another in Drumnaird."

"Oh! Mistress, ye are so good tae us!" Mairi exclaimed. "My sister Maggie was tellin' me the last time I saw her how much she wanted tae have a school in their village as well. She says they talk about it a' the time."

"Really?" Edina was pleased and amazed. "I had no idea, but at least it looks as if I will not have to spend much time convincing the parents it is a good idea."

"An' Laird McGowan is a decent kind o' man," Mairi said firmly, nodding.

Laird McGowan owned the village and the estate it was on. He was a kind man and a good friend of Laird Findlay. Things were falling into place nicely, she thought.

"Now," Edina frowned as she laid out her two oldest ball gowns on the bed. "What am I going to do with these perfectly useless things?"

"Give them to the seamstresses, Mistress," Mairi said eagerly. "They can cut them up an' make Sunday dresses for the wee lassies."

"What a good idea!" Edina clapped her hands. "You are so clever, Mairi."

"Thank ye Mistress." Mairi was delighted.

Her whole life had changed for the better because of Edina. She would never leave her.

Days went by, and Edina counted every one as they turned into weeks and seemed to speed up as the date of the wedding loomed nearer and nearer. Fortunately, her time was so full establishing the new school while managing the old one and keeping track of her other enterprises that she had little time to think of Aidan, except in her dreams.

These tormented her at night, bringing back memories of their tender lovemaking, Aidan's rasping kisses when he had not shaved, and the feel of his big calloused hand teasing and caressing her.

Edina had been obliged to stay at the White Stag in Drumnaird a few times, always taking two of the castle guards with her. Although many wastrels spent time in the inn, she met and established relationships with some decent local people, and she knew this would make her passage into village life easier.

She had just come back from Drumnaird one evening a little over a month before the wedding, exhausted and still drowsy from dozing in the carriage. Her hair was tangled into something akin to a bird's nest, and she was grubby from walking with the village children in the dusty street.

Edina stumbled as she alighted from the carriage and began to walk inside, wiping the sleep from her eyes, but suddenly, she squealed as she collided with someone in her befuddled state.

Stumbling backwards, she looked up into a pair of hazel eyes that belonged to a tall, slender woman with dark brown hair and regular, but unremarkable features.

"I-I'm so sorry," Edina stuttered. "I was not looking where I was going."

The woman smiled kindly. "We have all done the same at one time or another," she told her. "Are you all right? Are you hurt?"

"Only my dignity, thank you," Edina replied, feeling herself flushing hotly. "That really was stupid of me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," the woman told her. "What is your name? I am Fenella."

Edina already knew who the woman was, but it was still very unnerving to be standing, speaking to Aidan's betrothed like this.

"I am Edina," she replied.

"Ah!" Fenella said. "The advisor's daughter."

Her tone was no less polite, but a good deal less friendly than before. Was it just because Edina's social standing was lower than her own, or because she had heard about Aidan and her?

"Yes, I am," she replied, tilting her chin up defiantly. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must go and bathe." She nodded politely and left, practically running up the stairs in her haste to be away.

Edina looked back at the top of the staircase to find that Fenella was still watching her. She thanked heaven that dinner was over and that she would not have to make polite small talk at the table—not yet, anyway. That was the nightmare she would have to endure at breakfast tomorrow.

With her spirit thoroughly broken, she trudged along the passage to the door of her bedroom, and was about to open the door when a familiar deep voice said, "Edina."

Edina turned and smiled a huge, relieved smile as Aidan came forward and enveloped her in a tight embrace before kissing her hungrily, and she gave herself up to it, loving the caress of his lips.

When they drew apart, she opened the door, and they went into the bedroom. Mairi had long since been apprised of their secret, and had kept it completely to herself, proving her trustworthiness.

"I just met Fenella," Edina told him as they sat down on the sofa by the fireplace.

"I know." Aidan's tone was resigned and he sighed. "I was watching you from the top of the stairs. That's why I waited for you. This is the last time we can be together, because I intend to honour my marriage vows. I will not be an adulterer."

"I would expect nothing less of you, my love," she whispered.

Edina was consumed by sadness and burst into tears on his shoulder, while Aidan held her tight, his heart breaking.

They made love tenderly and slowly after that, both of them knowing that this would never happen again.

Afterwards, he asked, "Will you be coming to the wedding, sweetheart?"

Edina shook her head. "No, Aidan," she answered sadly. "I have been invited, but I will have to think of an excuse not to go. I simply cannot bear to see you being married to someone else."

Aidan kissed her forehead and rose from bed, giving her another glimpse of his magnificent male body before dressing. He came back to plant one more soft kiss on her lips, then left.