Chapter 14

14

B oth Edina and Aidan slept restlessly that night, neither of them able to stop thinking about what had happened the day before, and their conversation the previous evening. Aidan spent half the night pacing the floor, and the other half lying in bed, tossing and turning in a futile attempt to fall asleep. He succeeded at last just before dawn, but when Mick came to wake him up he was grouchy and irritable, and decided that a hot bath would be just the thing to calm him down. It usually worked, after all.

However, this morning was different. This morning, the water was not hot enough, soap got in his eyes, and when he asked Mick to cut his toenails, he was so restless that his manservant accidentally cut him.

"For god's sake, watch what you are doing," Aidan snapped. "You stupid man!"

"Master Lewis," Mick said angrily. "What is wrong wi' you today? Ye are actin' like a spoiled bairn!"

"You know, I could dismiss you for talking to me like that," the furious Findlay heir growled, his face like a threatening thunderstorm.

"Aye, I know ye could," Mick answered, nodding. However, he had been a soldier, and did not back down easily. "An' I cannae stop ye, but I have my pride an' a', Master, an' so ye may dismiss me if ye wish."

He knew that there was no chance that he would not be let him go, since he had told Mick a hundred times that he had never had a better manservant. He was the only one who had been able to improve the Laird's son's skills with a sword.

The two men stood staring at one another for a few tense moments until Lewis's shoulders slumped and he sighed.

"I am sorry, Mick," he said wearily. "I slept badly last night, but I should not be taking it out on you."

Mick nodded, then smiled understandingly.

"Trouble wi' a lassie, is it?" he asked, looking at him keenly.

Aidan tensed, then lied, "Of course not. Trouble with my father, as always."

Mick said nothing. He knew the truth, but he reasoned that it was better to keep his own counsel at times like this.

Edina had woken up with the bedsheets tangled around her so tightly that she almost had to fight her way out of them. She had been having nightmares about Aidan getting on a ship and sailing away into the sunset, but she knew, as soon as she opened her eyes, what her dreams had been about. She was so scared of losing Aidan that she imagined him leaving the same way as his brother had.

Then a wave of grim determination swept over her.

Not while I can still do something about it!

After she had dressed, Edina went down to the school in the village, but the children could see how distracted she was.

"What is wrong, Mistress?" Two of the little girls came to see her as she was sitting staring into space. "Are ye well?"

"Of course I am!"

Edina came out of her reverie at once, her conscience pricking her at the sight of their sad little faces, then she went to play with them as she usually did before she left.

She was preoccupied with thoughts of Aidan all the way home and wondered what she would do when she saw him. It would likely be very awkward, and she only hoped that she could handle the situation without giving anything away.

By the time she arrived back at the castle, Edina's head was throbbing painfully with the stress of worrying about him, but little did she know that he was feeling exactly the same way.

I have to put a stop to this, she thought wearily.

She had drunk a cup of willow bark tree for her headache, but it was not working, and she knew that nothing would take the pain away unless she addressed the problem. The only way to do that was to get it out in the open, and she realised that she had to speak to her father, who was closest to the Laird. It was not a prospect she relished.

Accordingly, she went to the small office he usually worked in. It was mainly used for keeping the ledgers and accounts for the estate, and was much smaller than Laird Findlay's, as befitted her father's lesser status. He and Laird Findlay may have been close, but they were still employer and employee. However, it was a cosy space, and Edina much preferred it to the Laird's cold and spartan study.

Now, however, as she stood outside the door, she almost changed her mind since she had no idea what the next few minutes were going to be like. Would her father be pleased to hear what she had to say or not? There was only one way to find out.

Go in, Edina, you coward, she told herself. The worst he can do is shout at you.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door, then, when she heard her father's voice bidding her enter, she went in.

"Edina!" He smiled, looking pleased to see her, if a little puzzled. "You never come to see me at this hour of the day. To what do I owe the honour?"

"Can I not come and visit my dear father when I wish?" Edina asked.

She tried for a carefree smile but failed, and her voice sounded over-bright even to her own ears.

Roy frowned at her. "Of course you can," he answered. "But somehow, I think that this is more than a social call. Is something worrying you?"

Edina sighed with relief and let her mask drop.

"Yes, Father," she confessed. "I have something to tell you."

"Tell me? Edina, you are frightening me," he said fearfully. "Is it serious?"

"I love Lewis," she blurted out, avoiding his eyes. "And he loves me, Father. I know it is not what Laird and Lady Findlay wish to hear, but we cannot help how we feel."

"I was afraid this might happen."

Roy ran his hand over his thick tawny hair and said, "Edina, you cannot be with Lewis. His family and ours—well, we are not on the same level of society, and never will be."

"If I hear that one more time, I will scream," Edina yelled. "Father, neither of us cares about those silly rules! All that matters is that we love each other and want to be together."

"I am afraid that will not be possible," Roy said. "Edina, there is not just the social aspect to consider, although that is bad enough, but there are secrets within the Findlay family that you are unaware of."

"What kind of secrets?" Edina asked. "Tell me, Father. You cannot deny me the man I love without giving me a reason why. Is Lewis a criminal? Does he have a wasting disease? Is he dying? Tell me! I think I have the right to know."

Roy looked over to the window. There were storm clouds gathering outside, which suited his mood perfectly, and he wished the room were a little bigger so that he could pace up and down. He stood and went to look outside anyway to avoid looking at his daughter as he told her what he hoped he would never have had to divulge to anyone, especially not one of the dearest people in his life.

"This is not something I ever wanted to tell you, Edina," he began. "And if the Laird found out, there would be hell to pay, so I must ask you not to tell him that you know."

"I promise," Edina said solemnly.

"It is a long and very sad story," her father said.

He paused for a moment before he went on, "You see, a while ago, Lewis and Aidan were—they came under the influence of a crowd of disreputable young men who frequented the Fatted Calf.

It started with a game of cards, which Lewis lost, so he had to buy drinks for everyone. You have never been a young man, Edina, so you do not know how much fun it is to be among others who are just like you. This is not something that girls, especially well-brought-up ones like you, usually do, but we men are much coarser and much more stupid creatures.

Anyway, after a few games of cards—which, strangely enough, Lewis always lost—he began to love the fellowship of the young lads, and the drink they all enjoyed. Alas, he was too silly to realise that his friends were cheating. The Laird noticed how much of his allowance Lewis was spending with nothing to show for it.

Anyway, Aidan told him. He had also been spending time with the lads, but he began to distance himself from them, and tried to persuade Lewis to do the same thing, but he refused."

Roy gave an angry sigh and thumped one of his fists into the palm of the other hand.

"It was pathetic to watch, Edina. A young, strong, intelligent man was falling to pieces before our eyes. However, the Laird was not going to stand by and do nothing. One night he sent his guards in to capture them all, and they each spent a month in the dungeons. They were not quite as cocky when they came out as they were when they went in!"

He turned back to her. "The Laird shut Lewis away in a chamber in the west wing of the castle for a while to keep him away from all alcohol. I realise that it is hell to recover from that addiction, because I know people who have managed to do it. Most do not. "

Her father looked at Edina with such pity in his eyes that she was suddenly aware that he was about to tell her something dreadful.

"Lewis was isolated for three months," he said gently. "And the Laird hoped that would be the end of it, but the lure of drink was too strong, and even the fact that the Laird locked away all the wine in the castle did not stop him from getting hold of it.

After a while, it was decided that he would have to go somewhere else to recover, and he was sent to a sanatorium. For that period, Aidan was to take his place as an heir, and continue working along with his father, to keep the clan running peacefully. Aidan agreed because he loved his brother and felt it was his fault Lewis was found in that situation. Aidan was willing to sacrifice everything—his identity included—and pretend to be someone else, till his brother came back and resumed his position.

Unfortunately, though, his brother did not want to come back to this life. Edina, I'm so sorry to tell you that Lewis is no longer with us."

Edina felt a shock so overwhelming that it seemed as though a massive weight had been rammed into her chest. She collapsed into a chair and put her head in her hands, and after a few moments she looked up, her eyes glittering with tears. Her father handed her a small measure of whisky. Usually, she hated it, since the fiery spirit made her throat burn, but now she hardly noticed it.

"Tell me more. Please, Father," Edina forced the words out.

"He was found dead in his bed one night. We are not quite sure how he died, but the healer in the sanatorium said that he was becoming weaker and weaker, and one day his heart just gave out. He had no will to live, any more, Edina. I was watching him all this time struggling to please his parents, his friends, his people… Ale was his way out. We would only smile genuinely at Aidan, and when they separated them, Lewis had no motive to live no more."

"So the man you have been seeing and talking to since you came here is Aidan. Not many people know this, and those who do are trusted allies of the Laird."

She had already known he was not Lewis, but she could never guess that matters had come to this. Lewis was dead… She felt utterly devastated.

"I had suspected something was not right, Father," she confessed. "I know people's faces change as they grow older, but I knew as soon as I saw Lewis—Aidan—that something was not right.

His habits are different too. Only Aidan wanted to hunt big game. Only Aidan was scared of heights, and only Aidan hated sweet foods. Lewis was always more respectful to his father, and Aidan was much less so. There are many other things that give him away too."

She shook her head and sighed. "At least now I can grieve for Lewis. Does Aidan know?"

"No, my daughter. His parents feared his reaction. He is the future of the clan, he can't back down now." Roy gave her a sad smile.

"That is cruel to say the least! Lewis—Aidan—is still waiting for his brother to come back! He has the right to grieve!"

Edina's tears were escaping her eyes uncontrollably now. She was shaking from anger and frustration. Poor boys…

"There is one more thing, Edina." Her father tried to change the subject. "The Laird has chosen a bride for Lewis—or Aidan."

Edina's heart sank. "What does he say about it?" she asked, trying to keep her tone level. "Is he happy about it?"

"Not at all," her father answered. "They had a huge argument—two huge arguments in fact, but there is nothing he can do, since the marriage contracts have already been signed. My dear, keep this conversation to yourself. Don't let the truth travel outside the castle. Our Laird's reputation is fragile."

"That was never my intention," Edina said.

She was only concerned about the man, not his name, and now it seemed that the one she loved would never be hers.

"It's only a name, after all."

She did not care if that name came with a title; she had no interest in titles or riches. Many women would be glad to marry for those reasons, but she was not one of them.

She excused herself, and with trembling knees she walked to Aidan's chamber. He was not there, so she asked one of the guards if he had seen him.

"I saw him climbin' the stairs tae the battlements, Mistress," the young man answered. "I noticed because he doesnae go up there very often."

"Thank you," Edina said, before climbing the stairs to the first tier of turrets.

He was not there, however, so she made her way to the second, but he was not there either.

There must be a misunderstanding, Edina thought, as she stood at the button of the staircase leading to the top tier of battlements. Aidan would not climb up here.

But stranger things had happened, she thought, as she mounted the stairs; a whole host of them, in fact. And now the strangest thing of all had happened. Aidan was standing with his back to the wall of the castle, six feet away from the crenellations of the battlements, looking outwards.

From his position, he could not see over the wall, but the fact that he was here at all was a miracle of courage. His body was visibly trembling, tense as a bowstring, and his jaw was clenched, but he showed no sign of moving.

"Aidan," Edina said gently in a low voice.

He started at the sound of her voice.

"Edina, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," she replied, moving towards him. "It is so brave of you to overcome your fears this way. I am very proud of you."

She put her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder, hoping he would not notice her teary eyes.

"It is the start of a very long journey," he told her. "But a wise man told me that to overcome my fears, I must face them. Those six feet to the outer wall are going to take a long time, but I think I can do it in time."

"I know you can." She smiled on his shoulder. "Come, let us go downstairs again. There is something I need to talk to you about."

Aidan followed Edina down the stairs, his heart in his mouth. They ended up in Edina's chamber, where she poured herself a glass of wine and gave one to him.

"One will not do you any harm," she told him.

He took the glass reluctantly, but sipped the wine anyway, enjoying its fruity taste. He had resolved a long time ago that he would not make a habit of drinking during the day, but a small indulgence now and again could do no harm.

"What did you need to tell me?" he asked, looking down intently into the smoky violet eyes that had always enchanted him.

Then he noticed they were red and glossy.

"What happened to you, Edina? Were you crying?" He tried to keep his temper down, and comfort her.

"I know about your marriage," she replied. "My father told me. I wanted to wish you well."

She was lying, he hoped.

"Wish me well?" His voice was stiff with anger. "You claim to love me, yet you are wishing me well on my marriage?"

"And you claim to love me, yet you are marrying someone else!" Edina shouted.

"I have no choice!"

He reached out, intending to put his arms around her, but she took a step backwards, her face thunderous.

"My father and Laird Anderson have signed the marriage documents already, Edina. I have no say in the matter, and neither does my betrothed. She is as trapped as I am. We have talked about this, we knew it was coming. You seemed to have realised that!"

"I know you are the heir, I know that your parents will never accept me as your wife, but I hoped you would fight for me more! I thought you wanted to spend more time with me."

"I do want that, Edina. I would give up everything to be with you longer, but there are things happening in my family that you wouldn't understand. It is my duty to the clan?—"

Then, to his astonishment, Edina's tone and expression changed.

"I understand a lot more than you think. I understand that what I suspected is true; You took your brother's place, while he was away recovering from his addiction. He is not at the sea, as you tried to convince me, and he is not coming back, Aidan."

Aidan stepped closer to her, his temper rising in seconds.

"You know nothing! He will be back, he promised me," he yelled.

"He is dead!" Edina screamed back. "He is gone, and no one ever cared to tell you this because they need you to keep playing Young Master. You are trapped in this game, Aidan. When are you going to realise that?"

For a tense moment, they stared at each other, then he turned away and made for the main stairs, which he took two at a time.

Edina instantly regretted her outrage. She shouldn't have told him like that; it was his brother, for god's sake!

"Aidan, wait! I'm sorry."

He looked back to see that Edina was following him, and he began to move faster, and by the time he reached the top of the stairs he had left her far behind. He ran along the passage as if the hounds of hell were chasing him until he arrived at the door to his brother's chamber. He went inside and stood with his back to the door for a second, then pulled a chair towards him and wedged its back firmly under the door handle. Nobody was strong enough to enter now; he was sure of it.