Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

HARPER

I watch him grab everything from the cabinets except standard toiletries, throwing them at Chase before he pushes them out. My heart is racing so loudly I can hear it. My eyes meet Asher’s, and all I can see is panic in them.

“I wasn’t gonna…”

He nods. “I can’t take that risk, Harps. I’m sorry, but I can’t go through that again.”

“Again?”

I watch a flash of pain come over his face, but as quick as it was there, it’s gone again.

“It doesn’t matter.”

I let my arms fall to my side.

“Angel, we really need to get you into this water, but I’m going to be honest. I’m not leaving this room; I’m not leaving you alone. I can turn my back and give you some semblance of privacy, but I’m not going anywhere.”

For years, I wanted Asher to care for me, and now that he does, it’s from pity. Despite everything that’s happened the last few days, all the men that did this to me, that hurts in a spot more than anything you couldn’t see.

I realize I haven’t spoken. I don’t know what to say or who to trust anymore, and I think he senses that.

“I’m not going to hurt you; I could never do that to you, Harps. You know that, right?”

“The men that took me, they said I could thank you for what was going to happen to me, that it was your fault.”

I watch his face drop as he nods. “They wanted to hurt me by hurting you.”

“I… Why? Why me? What did you do?”

“It’s a long story, baby, and not one I think we should talk about right now.”

He takes a step forward and I try not to recoil, but it’s so difficult. My body automatically tenses as he gets closer, and he notices and stops.

“Will you get in that tub for me?”

I nod shakily. I step forward one foot at a time. My dress is ripped to shreds, covered in filth and dirt, and my own blood. I was looking at myself in the mirror earlier, trying to figure out who that girl was staring back at me. Am I still me under all those bruises? He must hate looking at me right now. I wiped the filth from my face, letting the water clean the dirt away, but it only made the bruises more prominent.

I walk over to him slowly, willing my body to trust him. “My zipper is broken,” I whisper, my voice raspy. I haven’t had a drink today, maybe not yesterday. Everything all blurs together, except the pain. Each bruise, each mark they can’t see. They all hold their own agony.

“Do you want me to help?”

I pause because that means I have to let him near me. I know Ash. I know he wouldn’t hurt me, but the thought of anyone near me right now makes me want to vomit.

“I…” I trail off—the words don’t come. How can I explain it?

“I know, baby.”

Why does he keep calling me that? My heart is broken. Everything in me is broken, but when I hear him call me that it’s like something else in me breaks all over again. The shattered pieces of me turned to dust and ash.

I take a small step forward, barely. My breathing ragged

He nods waiting for me to get there, letting me make the moves myself. “Take your time. I’ll stay here until you’re ready.”

It feels like forever as time passes. I stand there, unable to move, frozen to the spot. If I don’t move, we’re going to be here for hours.

Those five steps between me and him seem like miles, and as I get closer my body starts to tremble. The thought of being near anyone right now, let alone a man, makes me want to bolt.

I finally got there, turning my back. His fingers go to the back of my dress. He’s careful not to touch my skin. He carefully analyzes the zipper, and I feel a small pull, but then I hear the familiar sound of the metal as he unzips the dress. I hold the fabric up to me to stop it from falling.

“You need to turn around,” I whisper, and he does it without me asking him again. I let the dress fall to the floor, covering myself with my hands before I step into the tub.

A burning pain sears through my body as the warm water reaches the cuts I have on my legs. I try to force it down because I’ve endured worse. I sink straight down into the tub, an agonized sob leaving my mouth. He turns just slightly.

“Are you okay? I mean…fuck, that’s a stupid question.”

“It just hurts.”

“Do you need help?”

I look down in the bath that’s full of bubbles. Brooke must have put oil in the tub, shielding me a little from him.

“I, uh, I could use your help washing my hair.”

He turns around slowly walking over to the cabinet and removing a bottle of shampoo. “I don’t really have any girly ones, so uh, nothing coconut or anything.”

“Coconut?” I look at him, confused.

“Your hair…it smells of coconuts sometimes… I figured it was your shampoo or something.”

“Oh, uh yeah, I think that’s what it is.”

Confusion tears through me, but I force it down. The last thing I need right now is to deal with the enigma that is Asher.

He grabs a tumbler from the side, “I’ve never washed a girl’s hair before.”

“None of your whores stay for that?” I ask viciously, surprised at the venom in my voice, let alone the fact that thought came into my head and spilled from my lips.

“Not really, they don’t ever stay the night.”

Why does that surprise me?

“Oh.”

He walks over to me, taking a seat at the edge of the tub, slowly showing me what he’s doing as he pushes the tumbler under the water.

“Can I?” he asks and I tip my head back for him to wet my hair.

We spend a few minutes in silence as he washes my hair. He’s so gentle, I almost want him to be rougher, pull that dirt from my scalp, but actually it’s perfect. He’s slow and steady as he massages the shampoo into my hair. I almost forget myself until I hear his breathing in my ear. I try to stay still to let that fear wash over me, but it doesn’t. It just keeps getting louder, banging on the door in my mind to be let in until the door bursts open and I push myself away. The water flows over the tub as I rush to get away from the sound of his breathing, his hands on me.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

The banging of the drums gets louder in my mind as I shake my head. “No, it’s just…you’re breathing in my ear… I can’t bear it.”

He pauses. “What happened to you, Harper?”

“I can’t talk about… I’m sorry I can’t.”

“It’s okay, you need time, and I’ll give you it.” He stands up, backing away toward the door.

“Wait, don’t leave.”

“I’m not leaving. I’m just giving you some space—you said my breathing hurts you.”

“I’m sorry,” I cry out.

“Oh, Angel, you have nothing to be sorry about. I don’t have words to say that can make this go away, to understand what you’ve been through. All I can do is promise to be here to help you through it if that’s what you want.”

I nod, pushing myself backward into the water.

“Do you need help getting the shampoo out?”

“Please,” I whisper.

He walks back to me, picks up the cup from the floor, and helps me wash it out.

He hands me a bar of soap and I take it from him. My fingertips lightly graze his palm. I breathe, in and out I tell myself as I make contact. “Thank you,” I say quietly.

“You’re welcome.”

We stay in silence as I wash myself, the water getting dirtier and dirtier. The sins of the last few days wash off me, floating in the water, yet I can still feel them. They’re not on me—they’re in me. They’re a part of me now. He reaches over to grab a towel, standing in front of me and holding it open as he closes his eyes and turns his face from me.

There was a time I would have flung my naked body at him, but now I just feel ashamed, dirty, broken, and I’m glad he can’t see me. I step out of the bathtub, and I wrap the towel around my body. “You can look now,” I whisper.

He turns back to face me, walking over to the bathroom door and opening it. I walk out and over to the bed and see the clothes Brooke laid out for me.

“Do you mind?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Not at all, but those sweatpants aren’t going to fit.” He walks over to his closet and pulls out a pair of basketball shorts. “These should be better; you can tie the waist up.” I nod, looking at him as he puts it on the bed.

We stand there in silence for a few moments, just looking at each other.

“I should…” I point to the clothes.

“Yeah, erm, absolutely. I’ll give you some privacy. I’ll be in the kitchen.” He points toward the kitchen.

“I’ve been here before, Ash; I know where the kitchen is.”

He runs his hands through his hair, “I remember.”

He clears his throat and leaves the room.

I dry myself off and quickly get into the clothes set out for me. They’re clean—I smell the laundry detergent—and I wrap myself up in Ash’s hoodie, inhaling it deeply to get myself grounded before leaving this room.

I feel the tears coming again, but I fight them back, choosing to focus on the voices coming from the kitchen. They’re muffled. I can barely hear them, but then I hear a knock on the door. It makes me jump, scared to leave the room, but then I hear Jax’s voice wafting through the house. “Is she okay? I rushed over as soon as I got your text, but I was on the other side of town.”

I don’t hear the reply, but I hear the steps on the stairs as they make their way through the house to the kitchen. I can’t move yet. The problem is I left things in a way where I told them I was done with all of them, including Brooke. Who knew it would be the biggest mistake of my life? They were right about Kyle all along. Oh god, Kyle, I have to tell them.

I walk out of the room, pushing myself forward one step at a time.

“I don’t know how she’s gonna survive this. She wouldn’t even let me touch her.” I hear Brooke say.

“She’ll survive because I’m going to be there every step of the way to help her. Don’t underestimate her B—she’s stronger than both you and me.” I hear Asher, he sounds angry as he sticks up for me. I don’t know if he’s right, but his words give me the confidence I need to make the final step and push open the door.

Everyone stops talking, going silent. Asher’s eyes immediately go to mine.

I hear Jax swear under his breath as he looks over me. Asher shoots him a look of anger in response.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Harper,” Jax speaks first.

“I don’t know about that,” I reply, being honest. “Okay is a word I don’t think I’ll ever be again.”

It gets awkward—quiet.

“Do you want a drink? Something to eat?” Asher asks me, and I shake my head in reply. I haven’t eaten in a couple of days, and I think if I did, I wouldn’t be able to keep it down.

I walk over to the table, pulling out a chair. “I think it was Kyle who took me. I remember hearing him when a bag was put over my head.”

“We know,” Brooke says quietly.

“Oh, ok. Is he… I mean, has he been arrested?”

The room goes quiet again.

“He’s still out there…” I can feel panic in my voice. “What if he comes back? What if he tries again?”

Asher lowers himself to his knees in front of me.

“He will never be able to hurt you again, Harper. I can promise you that.”

“But he could come here…or to my house.”

“No, he can’t because he’s dead, Harper.”

I feel my chest tighten. Am I relieved he’s gone? That he’s dead? There were so many people in that room that I was taken to first. Twelve, to be exact. I remember each one of their faces. Kyle was just one of them, which means there’s still more out there, let alone the animals that followed.

“What happened?”

“I killed him,” he answers.

I laugh a little hysterically and think it’s a joke until I see all their faces, and I know it’s true.

“You killed him?”

Ash nods at me. “I got your voicemail, but by the time I did, I was too late. You were gone. We went to his house, and he told us everything.”

“So, you killed him?” I’m in disbelief. I feel like this is some horrific TV show, but it’s not; it’s my life.

“We did,” Brooke says straight-faced.

“I… This is too much.”

Asher reaches out to touch my hand and I yank it back. I watch his eyes fall in pain and rejection, but I can’t bear anyone to touch me.

“I’m sorry, I forgot,” he says quietly, stepping back up and taking the empty seat beside me.

“How?”

“How what?” Chase asks me.

“How did you kill him?”

“I shot him. He’s never going to hurt you again. No one will, Harper, you hear me. I couldn’t protect you before, but I will now I promise, I’ll never let you down again.” I hold my hand up to stop Ash from talking.

“Where is he now?”

“I took care of it, Harper. He’ll never be found.”

Am I surprised Asher is capable of killing? No. I suspected it before. Asher has always been capable of darkness, but hearing him say it, I don’t know how to accept it. Would I take a life? Before, I would have said no. The thought takes me back to when I told Brooke about my suspicions about Ash. Now, I’m different, and I know I’m capable of it now. Something in me has gone, that feeling of compassion, empathy. All I feel now is an all-consuming emptiness and pain that rips through me constantly.

“Harper, do you want me to take you home? Or you can come stay with me for a bit?”

I look over at Brooke. I feel numb. Home…there’s no such thing anymore. I don’t think it ever was, but now it feels like a horror scene, one you see on the news where people were murdered horrendously.

“No.”

“What do you want to do?”

My eyes meet Asher’s, “Can I stay here? With you?” I ask.

He seems surprised. “Yeah, of course you can, if you want, I mean.”

“I’m not ready to leave here yet, but I do, um, I need to sleep. I’m kinda tired.”

He nods and looks at everyone, a sign for them to leave us alone.

“I’ll come by and see you tomorrow.” Brooke walks toward me and I shuffle my seat back.

“I actually need some time. Can I…can I call you when I’m ready?”

Her face falls—she wants to help, but I hate the way she’s looking at me, I don’t want her to look at me with such pity in her eyes, any of them.

“Sure, I’ll drop by your house and bring you some of your things if you want.”

“No, I don’t want anything from there.”

“Clothes?” she asks me and I shake my head. There is nothing in that house that isn’t tainted.

“I can take care of it. We can order you some clothes online and anything else you need, okay?” Ash speaks.

“Okay.”

With that, they all walk away from the table. Asher goes to see them out, but he catches my eyes and can see how frightened I am. I don’t want to be alone anymore.

“I’ll call you guys later,” he says and they all nod, walking out and leaving us alone.

“Angel, you need to eat. I can cook you something or we can order in, or well, at least drink something you need to stay hydrated.”

“I don’t think I could keep it down.”

“When was the last time you ate?”

I try to think about it. I vaguely remember being thrown some dry bread after they left me that first night, but I don’t think I touched it. Then the second guy gave me something, but it looked like slop, and I was in so much pain.

“Okay, you need to eat. If you’re sick, it’s fine. Just try it for me, okay?”

“I’m really tired.”

“I know and I promise after you eat something, I’ll let you sleep. But you’re already pale and if you don’t, it could make you worse. I’ll make you a sandwich?”

The dry bread flashes through my mind and I just look at him blankly.

“Okay, no sandwich… How about some fries?”

I nod, thinking I can manage a couple of them. He starts busying himself in the kitchen making me a drink as he orders food on his phone. I wonder if he’s ordering from Kezzie’s.

“Are you getting Kezzie’s?” I ask.

He nods, smiling a little sadly at me, “Caught me.”

“Can I get shoestring fries?” I ask, hunger suddenly ripping through me as I imagine the smell and the warmth of one of my favorite foods. No one does shoestring fries like Kezzie’s.

He smiles again. I love when he smiles—it changes his whole face.

“Absolutely, shoestring fries it is.”

He brings me over a cup of coffee and a bottle of water, along with some blue liquid.

“I wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

“Why didn’t you just ask?”

“I think enough people, including me, have thrown questions at you today.”

I sigh. “What’s the blue thing?”

“It’s just flavored water, but it has added electrolytes. I drink them when I’m at the gym.”

“Oh.”

I take that, figuring I might need it. I’ve only been given water for days, and the thought of coffee turns my stomach. I take a small sip, but as the liquid touches my throat, I realize how thirsty I really am and then proceed to down half the bottle.

“Do you want to go to the living room? We can go to the sofas. They’re a little more comfortable than here.”

“Um, sure.”

I push the chair back. It hurts to walk, if I’m honest, and I wince.

“What’s wrong?”

“My chest really hurts.”

“Like your heart?”

I shake my head, “No, like my ribs.”

“Can I see?”

I pause for a second before lifting his hoodie a little bit.

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“Can you come with me? I need to get some bandages.”

“Why?”

He swallows, “Harper, I know they hit you, but did someone punch or kick…” He trails off because he knows the truth.

A memory flashes through me of me cradling on the ground as a man I didn’t know proceeded to kick me repeatedly. I can hear my own screams, begging him to stop as I cradled myself in the grass. I can smell the dirt as my nose is shoved into it.

I obviously flinch and I hear him exhale. “Okay, I think you might have a rib or two bruised or maybe even broken. The hospital won’t do anything for that, but they will tape them up and I can do that here for you, but I’m gonna need to touch you. If I can’t, then I have to take you to hospital.”

“I don’t want to go there.” Panic rises, knowing I would have to explain what happened and where I’ve been.

“You don’t need to, but I need to look at you properly to see if there’s anything else we need to look at, okay?”

I think about standing in front of him so exposed, him seeing every mark on me. I feel a tear slide down my face as he speaks.

“Baby, I’m not gonna judge you or think about you in any other way than who you are, but you need to let me do this.”