5. Sofia

Chapter five

Sofia

I sat in the quiet of my car, the hum of the engine the only thing tethering me to reality as the December air pressed in from all sides, turning the windows foggy. It had been … what, ten minutes now? Ten ridiculously long minutes, and I still hadn’t stepped out. My fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter, cramping, but I couldn’t seem to get them to relax.

“Come on, Sofia,” I muttered under my breath. “You’ve done scarier things than this. It’s just a house. With people in it that you actually like.”

For the Goddess’s sake! I ran the Bottley Bar and Coffee Shop, I managed a team of eight, dealt with angry customers, drunk werewolves, and humans who were too touchy for their own good on a daily basis. Now, here I was, parked outside a family party, acting like an awkward teenager at a prom. Because of him.

Damn it, Derek.

I hated the reaction my body had to even thinking his name. The sudden jolt in my pulse, the heat that curled low in my stomach. He had no right to make me feel like this—undone and out of control—and yet here I was. Derek Shaw, the infuriating enigma that he was, had slithered beneath my skin and taken root there, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get rid of him.

I should just go home. Forget about all this, go back to my apartment, crack open a bottle of wine, and watch a holiday rom-com. Derek didn’t deserve a second of my time—but more than that, I didn’t deserve to turn into the confusing puddle of a mess every damn time he entered the same room as me.

No. I was not going to let him chase me off. Me, Sofia Miller. The woman who’d fought alongside the best of our Pack in defeating Brock and hadn’t flinched once.

No. Hell, no. I wasn’t running just because of Derek fucking Shaw.

I breathed deep, turned off the engine, and grabbed my bag from the passenger seat.

As soon as I stepped out, the cold hit me, and I put a smile on my face—the cool air grounding me in a way I couldn’t. I was here for Ben and for my Pack. My family. I just needed to remember that.

I glanced up at the Alpha House, its massive outline softened by twinkling Christmas lights strung along the roof. The windows glowed with soft, golden light, warmth seeping out like a promise. It was beautiful, inviting—and for a moment, I let myself feel comforted by the idea that inside, there was laughter, joy, and probably a ridiculous amount of food, if Sylvie and Wally had anything to do with it. This wasn’t about Derek. It was about spending time with the people I cared about and making some damned good memories that had nothing to do with Pack battles or missions gone wrong.

Pulling my jacket tighter around myself, I squared my shoulders and put on my game face—the one I had perfected over years of smiling through the pain of my parents leaving, my best friend Mai leaving, Derek fucking Shaw up and joining the military, coming back to woo the pants off me, literally, and then ghosting me for months.

No, I was confident. Unshakable. I was Sofia Miller, barista extraordinaire, who welcomed everyone into the Bottley and made sure they felt like we were their family. I wasn’t going to let anyone see how lonely I really felt.

I could do this. Really, I could.

I pushed through the door and was immediately hit in the face by a flying cushion.

“What the f—?”

“Language, Sofia!” Wally appeared and took the cushion from me. “Sorry, darling! I was aiming for that devil cat!”

“Gremlin?”

“No, Gremlin is sweetness personified. She is adorable. I can only conclude this is Gremlin’s evil twin, who is hell-bent on bringing the whole tree down so she can spend the evening batting all the baubles around the house.”

I glanced into the living room to see a Christmas tree sparkling in the corner. Gremlin was sitting by the sofa, nonchalantly licking her paw.

I looked back at the front door. “Wally, she is nowhere near the door.”

“You know his aim is terrible!” Thomas said as he kissed my cheek.

“Sofia! Get in here!” Mai shouted.

I walked into the living room to see Mai smiling at me with her arm around Ryan’s waist. It suited her—this role as the Alpha, and now the freaking pregnant Alpha. I couldn’t wait to meet the little pup. Without a doubt, I would make sure I was their favorite aunt.

This was why I had come. Mai, Wally, Thomas … they were my family. They were the reason I was here, despite everything rattling around in my chest, despite the constant storm that brewed whenever a certain someone decided to stroll into the room.

And speak of the devil.

I casually glanced toward the far end of the living room, and sure enough, there he was, leaning against the wall, wearing a fitted black shirt that did absolutely nothing to diminish the strong, lean lines of his body. Of course, he looked ridiculously good, despite the tension I could see pulling at the hard lines of his jaw. His arms were crossed over his chest, and those cool gray eyes were already locked onto me. His scent hit me like a hot splash of water—pine and moss, unmistakable even with the scent of mulled cider floating through the room. And then there was that feeling—that distinct awareness coursing through me whenever he was in the same room, like every nerve had been rewired specifically to know when he was near. It was ridiculous how my body responded to him. The temperature could have dropped twenty degrees, and I still would have heated up at just the sight of him.

For fuck’s sake! It was like this every damn time. It made me want to throw a cushion at his head. A solid, soul-satisfying toss right between the eyes.

My wolf perked up at the sight of him. She had no doubts about who her mate was and thought I was being ridiculous for not jumping him wherever he was in range.

“Earth to Sofia,” Wally said in a sing-song tone, pulling me back to the present. He nudged my side with his elbow, giving me a knowing look. “You okay? You look like you just swallowed a particularly spicy candy cane. And I don’t mean the pepper kind.”

I forced my eyes away from Derek, though every cell in my body screamed in protest. “Just wondering if Ben is going to like the present I got him.”

“Deflection!” Wally waggled his finger at me. “That’s deflection, honey, and we both know it. You haven’t taken your eyes off our resident brooding wolf since you walked in. Well, except for right now, when you’re very deliberately not looking at him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, straightening my sweater with far more attention than it needed.

“Oh, honey, the sexual tension between you two is so thick I could frost a cake with it. And trust me, I know my frostings.”

Oh, wonderful. Of course Wally had noticed.

I put on my best I-don’t-have-a-care-in-the-world smile and waved my hand airily. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m just here to celebrate the best birthday party the Three Rivers can put on. Where is the birthday boy, anyway?”

“Girl, you might get away with that at work, but you can’t fool me. Besides, Derek is over there not only looking like he wants to devour you but that, in his mind, he is doing precisely that.”

I swallowed; that image in my mind was making my panties wet.

“Wally,” I warned, “now is not the time.”

“Sofia,” he mimicked back, “it is never the time with you. I want to know what is going on! I thrive on gossip! You and Derek are a hot cake of the good stuff, but you never tell me anything anymore! I need my daily dose, girl!”

He looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth. “But not today. We’ll do a girls’ night with Mai and Shya, alright?”

His grin widened, “I knew you wouldn’t let me down!”

I knew Derek was watching. Always watching. He had this irritating talent for being able to sense when I was frazzled, or worse, pretending I wasn’t frazzled.

I plastered a smile on my face and focused on the swirl of whipped cream in my mug, the sound of Sam and Mason bickering in the background, and the gentle hum of holiday music drifting from the speakers Ryan had installed around the house. Anything but the constant pull in my gut that told me, over and over again, that Derek Shaw was standing just over there, watching me.

I heard the footsteps first, the soft click of his boots across the hardwood floor. And then, without even needing to turn around, I knew he was near. Not right beside me, but close enough to make the back of my neck tingle, to make my wolf rise to meet the challenge of our proximity.

“Sofia,” his voice drawled low and controlled, the way it always did when he was about to say something infuriating.

“Not tonight, Derek.”

He leaned casually against the edge of the table. “Not even hello? And here I was thinking you missed me.”

“I don’t want to play your games, Derek.”

“I’m not playing, Sofia.”

I snapped my gaze to his face, ready to lay out all the games he’d played in the past—but instead, I froze, my breath catching in my throat. His gray eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that made the air between us feel like it was going to combust.

I was damn tired of how easily he could do this to me. Goddess, it had to stop.

He leaned down, his lips next to my ear as he whispered, “I mean it. I’m not playing.”

It took a herculean effort for me to step back. “You’re about as subtle as a gnat trying to land a bite, Derek. All this,” I waved my hand up and down, “being broody and sexy. It has no effect on me whatsoever,” I lied.

He lifted a brow, the smirk on his face making me want to kick him.

“Broody and sexy?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “No. Effect. Whatsoever.”

I made a move to flounce away—I’d always been good at flouncing and had used it to good effect as a teenager. I needed to put space between us, but his hand shot out and gently grasped my arm. It wasn’t forceful, but it sent a jolt of energy through me, as though he’d just injected me with pure adrenaline.

“Sofia,” he said softly, but there was something firm, something pressing behind his words. Oh, no. Not this again. Not the soft, vulnerable voice, not the way he said my name like it was some kind of sacred chant. It was always like this—Derek being a fortress of steel until, suddenly, he wasn’t. And each time he’d crack, each time he’d say something that made me believe—just for a moment—that I was important to him, it only made me angrier when the walls slammed back up.

I didn’t want to be important. When I got involved with someone, I wanted to be everything.

“Just—“ I sighed, voice cracking in frustration. “What do you want, Derek? Besides tormenting me.”

A shadow crossed his face. “I don’t want to torment you.” His tone was too raw, too honest. The kind of honesty that threatened to dismantle every defense I’d built around myself. “But I can’t—“

”—can’t stay away and can’t stick around either?”

His fingers flexed around my arm, not gripping harder, just … holding me steady, as though even his body was begging me not to misunderstand.

“It’s complicated.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re a hot-shot military intelligence guru. Make it uncomplicated. Then we’ll talk.”

With that, I yanked my arm out of his hand and performed a flounce that my teenage self would have been proud of.