30 Honor Laps and Hopeful Stars

Honor Laps and Hopeful Stars

Savannah

Harvard College

Seven weeks later

T HE STADIUM WAS PACKED. I STARED, WIDE-EYED, AT THE CROWD, ALL dressed in red. Music was blaring, and the excited shouts of students were deafening. I clutched on to Cara like my life depended on it.

This was Cael's world. The scrimmage was nothing compared to this. Being on the trip had made this part of who he was so distant, almost conceptual. But this was his arena. My nerves were high, and I had to take long breaths to settle them down. When we reached our seats, we had a perfect view of the rink. Lights danced on the ice to the rhythm of the song playing.

An announcer spoke stats as I waited with bated breath to see Cael take the ice. He was feeling anxious about this game. I'd had to meet him behind the stadium an hour ago …

"I'm nervous," Cael said and ran his hand through his hair.

"You're going to do great," I said, trying my hardest to quell his nerves.

Cael closed his eyes and tipped his head back to the sky. He was focusing on the stars, and I knew he was fighting back tears. His eyes were shining when he met my gaze again. "I just always thought he'd be here, you know. In this moment." Cael sighed. "I suppose it just hit me again that he's not."

I pointed at the stars. "He's here," I said, and his face softened.

Cael wrapped his arms around me. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Peaches," he said and kissed my lips. His team taking to the ice to warm up sounded behind him. "I have to go."

"I'll be in the stands," I said, and Cael nodded his head. He gave me a small smile, and I prayed he would get through this first game …

I blinked back to the here and now, and a million thoughts ran through my head. All about Cael. Enough so that, in what felt like no time at all, the music lowered and the announcer began to speak.

I focused on that tunnel where they came out. Then suddenly, the lights dimmed, and the announcer said, "Tonight, this game will be played in honor of Cillian Woods, our former star center who sadly passed away. Here to take a lap in remembrance, in his honor, is his younger brother and newest center for the Harvard Crimson, Cael Woods."

Everything seemed to stop in that moment—the music, my breathing, my heart. My stomach turned, and a heady mix of sorrow and pride swirled within me. The crowd got to their feet, clapping in support as Cael, without his helmet and gloves and wearing a black arm band around his bicep, took to the ice and began to skate for Cillian. For the brother he loved so much, but had lost so young, so tragically …

I gasped when Cael skated in the opposite direction, and I was given a view of his back. Because the boy I loved, who I had given my whole heart to, was no longer wearing number eighty-seven on his jersey. Now, number thirty-three was printed on his shirt.

Cillian's number.

He was skating for Cillian.

He was honoring his brother in the best way Cael knew how.

A quiet sob ripped from my throat as I watched him slowly skate around the rink, his stick held in the air, a tribute to his big brother, a man who should have been here to skate beside him. This was why Cael had been so nervous earlier. He was going to honor Cillian on the ice that they both adored so much.

I believed Cillian was here, right now, chilly wind flowing through their hair, his arm around Cael's shoulder like I'd seen him do in that picture so many months ago.

Cara had joined me at the game and put her arm around me just as the rest of the Harvard team took to the ice, skating in Cillian's honor too—a team mourning one of their own. I watched as Cael approached where I stood. My hand covered my mouth as he drew closer.

"Cael …" I whispered as he stopped in front of me. His eyes were streaming with tears, and he pressed his hand to the glass before me. I reached out and touched it too, like there wasn't glass between us, and our palms kissed. He dropped his forehead to it—I did the same. I shed tears for the man I had never met but already missed so much. And I cried for the boy I was madly in love with, who was sharing his pain with the world, to honor the brother he missed so much.

When he pulled back, I mouthed, "I love you. I'm so proud of you."

"I love you too," Cael said, then made his way to the tunnel. I kept my hand on that glass as he came out again to play. And I never looked away from him as he flew around the ice like he was born with steel blades on his feet and a stick in his hands.

He played with his whole heart.

He honored the brother he lost.

Cael scored four goals.

And Harvard won.

For Cillian.

Cael

Adrenaline was surging through my veins as I sat down at my locker in the changing room. I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, hearing the team celebrate our first win of the season. Sweat dripped down my back, and my heart thundered in my chest.

We had won. We had won for Cillian. I turned my head, like he was here beside me. I'd felt him beside me on that ice tonight. After he'd passed, I'd felt robbed of our future playing together. But he was there tonight, I knew it. And one thing I'd learned over this past year was that Cillian would always be with me, as he was a part of me. Not even death could take that away.

I smiled as I pictured him beside me. You did it, little brother. You did it!

We did it, I would say. We did it, like we always planned.

A hand landed on my shoulder. I looked up to see my coach. The whole team was looking at me. Most I knew. They were Cillian's friends. And by the tears in most of their eyes, they felt him here with us too.

"This game puck belongs to you, son," Coach said, and I took it from him. I wasn't one for words, so I simply stood, kissed the puck, and held it up to the heavens.

This one's for you, Cill. This one's for you.

I walked out of the changing room and smiled when I saw Savannah waiting for me. She was huddled against the wall alone making herself as small as possible, her friend clearly having gone home. She would always be my highly introverted girl. The look of relief and pride on her pretty face and bright blue eyes when she saw me nearly knocked me over.

As soon as I went to her, I scooped her up in my arms. She melted against me and whispered, "I … I don't have the words for tonight, baby. I …" She tipped her head back and said, "I'm just so proud of you. And your new jersey number, how strong you were …" She shook her head when words escaped her.

"I love you too, Peaches," I said, and she cast me a shaky smile just before I kissed and kissed her, not wanting to ever stop.

"Cael?" A familiar voice cut through me kissing my girl. I laughed when I turned, and my mom and dad stood there, amusement on their faces. Savannah must have seen the family resemblance, as she instantly turned red with embarrassment.

"I take it this is the famous Savannah?" my dad said and held out his hand to Savannah.

"Yes, sir," Savannah said, melting me with her shyness and impeccable southern manners.

Dad shook her hand, but my mom stepped closer and wrapped Savannah up in a hug. I didn't miss it when she whispered "Thank you. Thank you for helping save my son," into Savannah's ear.

Savannah held my mom back, tightly, then said, "It's so nice to meet you, ma'am." She gave me a shy smile. "I love your son very much. He helped save me too."

This girl …

"We'll leave you two alone," Dad said, then hugged me, hard. "I've never been so proud of anyone in my entire life, son," he said, making my throat clog up.

Mom came to me next and said, "She's beautiful, Cael. So gorgeous and sweet." I couldn't wait for my parents to get to know Savannah. Mom stepped back and took tight hold of my dad's hand. "I'm making dinner this Sunday." She turned to Savannah. "We'd love for you to come, sweetheart."

"I'd love to. Thank you, ma'am," she said and fucking destroyed me again. I could not love this girl more if I tried. Mom and Dad had given me space while I settled into college. But I wanted them at my first game. And I really wanted them to finally meet the girl who'd saved me.

To think I'd resisted Leo and Mia's trip all those months ago. Fought it with all I was. But the universe had set me on a journey to heal. And it had brought me to my girl, to the other half of my heart, my soulmate. I would strive every day to make her happy, to make her proud. And we'd walk through life holding each other's hands, with our siblings walking beside us, their hands on our shoulders showing us the way.

And we'd be happy.

We'd be together.

And we'd forever live in honor of those we have lost.