Chapter 30

Skipping' School and What I Saw…

NOW

(Beth)

I curled myself up tight in the bedsheets and told myself I was never going to get out of the bed. It was the most comfortable bed I ever felt. And the thick, dark-brown shades blocked out enough sunlight to keep the room dark but not pitch black.

It also didn't hurt that I could hug Leith's pillow and smell him.

When I opened my eyes for a fiftieth time and saw the clock on Leith's nightstand, I sat up and gasped.

It was already after nine in the morning.

Which meant he was supposed to be at work.

Teaching.

I threw the covers off me and got out of the bed, standing there completely naked. My clothes were scattered on the floor in the order Leith had taken them off me. I opted for the bedsheet and wrapped it tight around my body and left the bedroom.

My mind raced with too many thoughts at once.

He had left me to sleep in his bed.

Which was perfect.

But I had no way out of here. He was the one who drove me last night.

I didn't even have time to think about the little bit of a headache I had going on as I raced down the steps.

As I turned to walk through the living toward the kitchen, Leith appeared.

I let out a louder gasp and froze in place.

"Now that's the best morning sight I could have ever imagined," he said.

"Leith? What are you doing here?"

"I live here. It's my house. At least it was the last time I checked."

I shook my head. "Why aren't you…"

He coughed. "I feel sick today, angel."

I smiled. "You called in sick to be with me?"

"Made us breakfast. Was going to bring it up to you."

"Breakfast in bed," I whispered to myself.

That was something I never got to experience with Leith before.

"Or you can just drop that blanket and we can pick up where we left off," Leith said.

"Ha. Nice try. I'll take my coffee in bed too."

I turned and walked away, back up the stairs.

I licked my bottom lip as I did so, fighting the nerves and the need to smile.

This wasn't going to be a casual fool around thing with Leith for long. It probably never was that to begin with anyway. We were too close. We were always too close.

I climbed back into the bed and sat there with the sheets up, covering my chest.

Leith was there a minute or so later, carrying a plate in each hand, a mug of coffee balanced on the plate.

It was impressive to see.

I smiled, but I felt a sinking sting of guilt. And jealousy.

His house. This house. How many times has he done this exact thing… for someone else…

I took my plate from Leith and he sat on the edge of the bed.

He kept looking at me, smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said. "I'm just thinking of everything. All at once."

"Not too much, Leith."

"Never too much with you, Beth."

I sipped the coffee and raised an eyebrow. I put the mug on the nightstand and began to eat.

"How's your friend?" Leith asked.

"Which one?"

"You know which one."

"Well, my friends are interesting, Leith. You have Nelle, who has a goal to sleep with as many guys as she can. Which is good for her. She's proud of it. Then there's Maria… but she's quiet. I don't talk to her all that much. Oh, and Holly. She's a mess. Getting married. Terrified of it."

"The one who is sick," Leith said.

I smiled. "I know. I was messing with you. She's, uh, okay. I guess. She has to have surgery. And then they'll go from there. I didn't know what to say to her. She got really upset about having kids. Or not being able to have kids."

"Is that what the doctor told her?"

"No. But she keeps looking stuff up online."

Leith groaned. "That's the worst thing to do."

"Yeah it is. But I can't blame her. It's all so sudden for her. And really sad too. She's a good person, Leith. I love Dani. She gets it. She gets me. She was there…"

My voice trailed off.

I looked down.

I felt like there was no way around the obvious between Leith and me. And that there was a certain amount of time Leith and I weren't together. And in that time, things happened.

Leith reached for my face and leaned back a little, putting his back to my legs.

"I love you like this, Beth. In bed. Having breakfast. Talking about life."

I took a shuddering breath. "Yeah. I'm getting used to it myself."

"I don't want this thing to be… I don't know. I don't want it to be about our past. I don't want it to be about when we weren't together. I want it to be like this. Right here."

"It is," I said. "It is."

The guilt and doubt crept up inside me again.

This wasn't my house or my bed but I was in it.

And Leith… my heart felt like he was mine, but what did that actually mean?

His words were perfect. Everything he did for me was perfect.

We ate breakfast together.

We drank coffee together.

He kissed me and without trying to be subtle at all, pulled the cover down my body. I sighed into his mouth as his hands touched my chest. He broke the kiss and I put my head back as he helped himself to me. His lips and tongue working together down to my left breast.

And he didn't stop there.

When he nestled between my legs as I was still sitting up in bed, I looked down and bit my bottom lip, watching him claim another round of my pleasure from me. His strong hands resting against my lower stomach as I began to breathe heavier by the second. His tongue racing in all directions, forcing my hips to gently rock in all directions, trying to keep up with him.

My hands slid into his hair as I pulled him closer to my body. I bent my knees and dug my heels into the bed and lifted, gasping for a breath as the orgasm attacked me in a way I never felt before. The way he danced around my clit before suckling it gently was enough to almost kill me.

Before I could exhale a breath or reach for another sip of morning coffee, his hands grabbed my legs and he pulled me down the bed. A second later, his jeans were open and he stroked himself once, pressing against my aching core, thrusting with enough force that the bed groaned almost as loud as me.

This was everything I had ever wanted with him.

Falling asleep in his arms, feeling his heart racing after enjoying each other's pleasure. And now the next morning, without a care of the outside world, just me and him, going one more time together.

He kissed from my chest to my neck, his teeth tugging at my earlobe. I had no idea what kind of chills that could send down my body, between my legs.

My hands were restless.

Pulling at his back. Scratching at his back. Smacking against the bed. Smacking harder against his rock-hard shoulders.

I was at the mercy of his need and that was the only place I felt safe.

His breath moved along my ear as he grunted louder with each hard thrust.

"Yes," I managed to say as I kissed his neck.

Tasting his skin and the scruff on his neck and face. I moved fast and bit at the bottom of his ear.

He growled and moved his hands to my lower back. Holding me right there, against the bed, I felt him swelling. Moving faster. I put my head back and saw the ceiling for a second. My head kept going until I saw the top of the headboard. It rocked back and forth, moving against the wall.

We were going to leave marks on the wall.

Or were those marks already there?

The question hit hard but Leith's ending was harder.

I shut my eyes and cried out as he came, holding me tight, plunging deep into my core and holding there.

We were both reduced to nothing but gasps for air.

And that was all I needed.

I hugged Leith tight as he kept his head buried into my neck.

I blinked fast and smiled.

But the feeling of guilt wouldn't go away.

Leith kissed my forehead and stood up from the bed. I was curled up tight under the covers. I wished I could stay there forever. Just let the days and weeks pass like they weren't important. Leith could take care of me. We could find ways to define time and take what was always ours.

"Mind if I shower?" I called out to Leith as he stood in the hallway.

He looked back. "My place is your place now."

The words were the sweetest thing he could have said. I had always dreamed of living with Leith. Of what was happening right now.

Leith disappeared and I slowly climbed out of the bed.

I had no clothes but the ones from the night before. It wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing to do - putting on clothes from yesterday. But oh well. I wanted a hot shower to go along with my morning breakfast, my morning coffee, and my morning Leith .

My body tingled and I quietly groaned as I thought about him kissing me. Kissing me everywhere. The sounds he made when he touched me. The sounds I made. Some of them I only made with Leith.

As I stood in the bathroom, I looked around.

It was a very white and clean bathroom.

I wasn't sure why that struck me the way it did.

A fluffy black towel hung over the shower curtain.

I touched it and pulled it down, cradling it to my face.

It smelled like Leith.

I shut my eyes and sighed.

I loved the way he smelled.

I loved the way he tasted.

I loved the way he tasted me.

I loved everything about him.

I draped the towel over the sink and turned on the shower water.

When I stepped into the warm water, I let out another sigh and melted into it.

There was nothing like a shower. Some woman liked to take hot baths with fancy stuff in the water. That wasn't my thing. I just enjoyed a hot shower. Standing in the water, letting whatever was on my mind just wash away.

I reached for the bottle of Leith's soap, flipped open the cap and smelled it.

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

This was a little crazy, even for me.

The surge of giddiness hitting me.

I wanted to scream with laughter.

I put the bottle back on the shower caddy and it tilted to one side. I wrestled to get it balanced only to realize something was under it. That something was a razor. A hot pink razor. I lifted it carefully as though it was going to hurt me.

I gently placed down and looked at the wall.

That's when I saw a few random strands of hair.

They weren't my hair.

And they certainly weren't Leith's hair.

And it wasn't as though I thought Leith had another person in his house besides me.

Which I wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or not.

I shivered in the hot water, almost wanting to touch the hair.

It was Amy's hair.

The woman he had loved after me.

The woman who had just been in his life not that long ago.

She was gone and Leith came right back to me. Or I went looking for him. Or maybe we were looking for each other.

I lifted my left hand and stared at my ring finger.

When Leith and I were done and I took the rings off my finger, there had been a mark. My skin had been tan thanks to the summer sun, but not that part of my finger. So it was like I had to wear the fucking rings even after it was all over.

And now I had to see another woman's hair in Leith's shower. And see her fucking razor. And of course if I really wanted to look, there would be her pearly white bar of soap and her fancy shampoo.

I turned the water off and hurried out of the shower.

I put the black towel to my body and dried myself, not wanting to find any more signs of Amy in the bathroom. Or in the house.

But she was everywhere.

Everywhere I was not.

The pillows. The sheets. The bed. The room.

My entire body started to shake.

I hurried to the bedroom and got dressed.

Everything was hitting me at once.

Everything.

That's how it went for me.

I could carry only so much before one little crack would show.

Once that happened, I needed to get away.

I needed to get out of this house.

This wasn't my house.

This was Leith's house.

A house he had shared with someone else.

And if he hadn't seen me that night…

The guilt crept up inside me one more time. I felt like my morning breakfast was going to make a return.

I had myself mostly together as I walked down the stairs.

The second my hand touched the doorknob, Leith was there.

"Where are you going?"

"For a smoke," I blurted out.

"Oh yeah?" he asked, laughing.

I forced a smile. "I have to get going. I'll catch you later."

"Beth…"

I got outside and stopped.

I had no car.

I was stuck here.

As I fumbled to get my phone and call for a ride, the door opened behind me.

"What's wrong?" Leith asked.

"Nothing," I said without looking back.

My phone became blurry.

Shoot.

Leith's hands touched my shoulders. "Please, talk to me, angel."

I wiggled my shoulders. "I just want to get home."

"That's what you want?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll drive you home."

I shook my head as I swallowed hard. "I need to…"

I lost my words for a second.

Leith made his move, turning me around.

I looked up at him and lost myself.

The one crack led to twenty others.

I was used to crumbling though. It was just part of me.

But I wasn't used to someone being there to catch the pieces.

"You took off a day and I'm ruining it," I whispered as I sat at the kitchen table.

"Never," Leith said.

He sat so cooly and bold.

I had my legs crossed and was curled up into myself.

"She's everywhere in this house," I said. "And it shouldn't be a big deal. It's not like you lied to me. Or you are lying to me. But she…"

"Fuck," Leith said as he gritted his teeth. "I'm so sorry, Beth. I didn't even think…"

"No," I said. "This isn't me, Leith. I don't get like this. You know that. This stuff doesn't bother me."

"But it is bothering you."

"I know," I said. "I can't figure out why."

Leith reached across the table and took my hand. "I feel the same way."

"What?"

"I keep looking at your hand." Leith rubbed the ring finger of my left hand. "I keep thinking about it. How it happened. What he said to you. Why you said yes. That you really did it. Then it fell apart. How we let something get between us this much. It was our thing, Beth. Our sadness. And we forgot to hug each other. Even if we were mad. We forgot to hug each other."

I turned my hand. "I feel guilty. Why the hell do I feel guilty?"

Leith grinned. "The sweet and crazy girl has a heart now."

I pulled my hand from his. "I don't want heart, Leith."

"But you have one, Beth. You've always had one. You just didn't know what to do with it."

"Leith, did I fuck up what you had here?" I asked.

Leith sat back in his chair. "No, angel. No. I fucked up what I had here. I really fucked it up. Believe me, if anyone should feel guilty, it's me. For the time I wasted. Not just for my own life. I walked away from you, Beth. I walked away and when you told me to stay away, I did."

"You listened finally," I said. "At the wrong time."

"Yeah. The wrong time. It was a terrible idea."

"Which is what we always seem to have," I said.

Leith stood up and walked around the table. He crouched and grabbed the legs of my chair and forced me to turn and face him.

"Leith… please don't…"

"If you want to take off, I'll give you a ride home," he said. "If you want to hang out here, then we'll hang out here. I'll go clean the bathroom for you."

"Asshole," I said.

He laughed. "Sorry. Had to. But you're right. With everything you've said and how you feel. I didn't expect this. But it's here. I'm not letting go, angel. Even if you tell me to again, I won't. Not this time."

I inched forward and moved from the chair to the floor, on my knees. I touched Leith's face.

I nodded.

"I know, Leith… that's what scares me the most."