Chapter 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Ellery

I almost melted into his embrace when Ryker’s arms swept around me, and he dipped me. I remained stiff as I guarded my heart and body against him.

His lips brushed my ear. “I’m sorry, Ellery. I love you. Meet me in the garden.”

My eyes widened, but before I could respond, he lifted me and spun me toward the next man. I stumbled and nearly tripped over the man’s feet as Ryker’s words rebounded in my head.

He loved me. Had he really said that?

I’d never heard the words from him, but I was certain that’s what he’d said. He loves me.

Unable to concentrate between the excitement and uncertainty cascading through me, I bumped into another dancer before righting myself. I had to get it together before I drew attention to myself. I was sure the duke would have questions about what had me so rattled if he noticed my new, jerky moves.

I steadied my trembling hand as I wrapped my arm around my next partner’s. Ryker loves me.

Or did he just say that to get me to meet him?

But the second the doubt ran through my mind, I knew it was wrong. Ryker would never say such a thing to get his way. He was many things, but he wasn’t manipulative and didn’t play games with others… that was his father.

If he’d said the words, he meant them. I couldn’t stop myself from grinning like an idiot, though I should have been protecting my heart. He’d said he loved me, but that didn’t mean he wanted anything more from me.

I’d hurt him badly and wasn’t sure he could forgive me. And I couldn’t be with someone who constantly held my past mistakes against me.

I wanted to get my hopes up that those words meant we could move beyond our past, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what any of this meant anymore.

Thankfully, as discombobulated as I was after those words, I didn’t encounter the duke again, and the music ended shortly after my last dance with Ryker. Stepping away from the line, I had to concentrate on walking normally as I slipped away from the crowd.

As I moved, I searched the crowd for Ryker but didn’t see him among the guests. My mind spun, and my stomach churned as I tried to figure out what to do.

After those words, I had to talk to him, but meeting him while the duke was here was extremely risky. What if he noticed we were both gone?

However, Ryker’s words haunted me. I love you.

It was the first time he’d said it to me. It was the first time I’d believed there was a chance he did love me.

Before his father threatened me and told me to end things with Ryker, I’d believed he cared for me. Back in those early days, he’d told me things he’d never told another and held me so tenderly, but I wasn’t sure how deep his feelings ran.

Had he loved me then? I didn’t know the answer to that.

But I did know that so much had changed since those early days. After I’d hid things from him, he’d put up a wall against me, and I understood why. I’d left him, lied to him, and hurt him deeply.

I’d come to believe that wall would never come down.

Things had been so arduous between us for so long that I was sure I’d broken us forever, but he’d asked me to meet him in the garden because he loved me. If he’d said those words, he meant them, but why would he suddenly say them now? What had brought about this change?

Just yesterday morning, after having sex again, I’d woke to discover him gone from beside me as he’d distanced himself from me yet again. What had brought about this sudden change from yesterday to tonight?

I required answers to those questions and had to know what was between us, but I shouldn’t go. It was too risky to meet tonight when so many others were around.

We could talk in the Revenant Woods tomorrow or the next day. We still had to hand out some of the money we’d stolen from Ivan and formulate a plan to continue our plot against the king and nobles.

I was going to see him again; we could talk then, but excitement pulsed through me, my fingers itched to touch him, and my heart yearned for him. I should wait….

The large, ornate clock hanging over the open doors to the garden steadily ticked away the seconds and minutes as I slid into the shadows. I could hear it steadily ticking away to when I was supposed to meet Ryker.

I leaned against the wall and rubbed my temples as the musicians stopped playing. Lifting my head, I watched as Callan set his lute down and moved to the front of the dais.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he declared loudly and concisely. “The Earl of Oakley has asked me to announce dinner is now being served. You can continue dancing as we will resume playing again soon.”

Some of the amsirah broke off to head for the buffet established on the veranda. As they walked, the music resumed, and many amsirah returned to the floor.

With everyone moving freely between the ballroom, veranda, and dining room, it would be a lot easier for me to slip away without being noticed. I studied the open doors to the garden as I chewed on my bottom lip and debated my choices.

It wouldn’t be my best decision if I met with Ryker, but I’d made many bad ones over the years. I should have learned from them and the consequences I’d faced because of them, but when it came to Ryker, I was incapable of making sound decisions.

I searched for my mother in the crowd. I was more worried about what would happen to her if I got caught with him.

She stood in line for the buffet, chatting with a woman I recognized from a neighboring farm. She was safe right now, and I had to ensure I didn’t get caught.

There was nothing wrong with walking in the garden; I’d seen more than a few amsirah slip out the doors over the night. I wouldn’t be the only one out there and would have to be careful not to be seen with Ryker, but I could do this.

I bit harder on my bottom lip as my eyes darted from the clock to the doors and back again. You won’t be gone long.

I glanced at Ivan on the dais with the earl and his sons. The duke was near the doors to the entrance, talking with a group who had gathered around him and his fiancée. If I was going to go, now was the time.

Without stopping to think it through more carefully, I pushed myself away from the wall and headed for the doors to the garden. I had to see Ryker. I had to know.

I shouldn’t go, but I couldn’t stay.