Chapter 28

BENNY

Leaving Harrison naked and alone in bed is a crime I don't want to commit. I love lying there and tracing his freckles, finding where one tanned shade blends into the next before tapering off to his stark white ass.

"Where are you going?" he mutters, half-asleep. It won't be long until he's up for his morning jog, but I want to get home and ready for class so I don't miss anything. There's also a rumor we're supposed to be getting our stats grades today, and I don't want to be around Harrison when they come in.

The last thing I'm going to do is tell him that, though, because he's always so endlessly positive about it. Poor guy doesn't realize how shitty that makes me feel.

"Home. Gotta shower before class since someone decided to give me a cum bath last night."

"What can I say? It looks good on you."

I smirk as I step into my shorts and T-shirt from yesterday. Even after a few years in California, it's still odd to be mid-October and not need a jacket.

"What do you have on today?" I ask.

"Going to work on your charity idea. Think it could be fun, and I had some ideas last night."

"That's awesome." I lean down to kiss him goodbye, but all it does is make me want to crawl back into bed. It's stupid how quickly I've become addicted to this, and it scares me. Going all in with someone, giving them the power to hurt me, it's not something I do lightly. Emotions and feelings are something I avoid for exactly that reason. I loved my parents, and look where that got me.

I might not be able to remember a lot, but I'll never forget how it felt when they were gone.

I'm sure Harrison isn't planning on dying on me in a hurry, but deciding he's done with me and my shit, that's a real possibility, and I'm constantly having to remind myself to play it cool.

No matter how desperately I want to be around him.

I pull away and stuff my feet into my flip-flops before heading to the door. "I'll text you later."

My phone beeps in my pocket, but before I pull it out, I glance back over at him, finding his phone in his hand.

"Beat you," he says.

I act like I'm embarrassed by him, but the second I step outside of his room, I grab my phone, open the message, and almost die at the heart hands emoji he's sent me.

I'm in so much fucking trouble.

I don't think my heart has ever felt like this before.

My bossy GPS gets me home, and just as I've pulled up in one of the vacant spots out front of the DIK house, my phone goes off again. I'm assuming it's Harrison, so when I find a notification for the student portal instead, my good mood takes a rapid nosedive.

Fuck.

This has to be my result.

I stare at my phone without seeing it, no clue how long I sit there, debating with myself over my next step. If I don't open it, I'll never know how bad it is. Living in delulu-land sounds like a fucking perfect decision to me because it comes with Harrison and orgasms and no knowledge of just how much I've fucked up my degree.

If I don't open it, does it even exist?

Ithink no. Not so sure Professor Brooks would agree with me, but so what he's a qualified professor? That doesn't mean he's right.

I'm on the verge of opening it when I swallow, shove my phone away, and climb out of my car instead. I know I've failed—there's literally no way I could have passed—but it doesn't stop that hopeful little voice that's crying out for some miracle here. And that hopeful voice feels nice.

Opening this stupid result puts an end to that.

The first thing I do is creep into my bedroom, where Em is sleeping, grab some clean clothes, and then shower. I'm done faster than I thought because the house still has that pre-dawn stillness to it, and it's not until I'm done making a shake that people finally start to appear. Brothers come in and out, getting ready for their day. Even though we don't exchange many words, I still like this, the being around people. The company gives me a boost, even if I don't do anything with it.

Until Big Wally walks in and grabs me in a headlock. "Dalty-boy. Make me breakfast? You shouldn't have!" He swipes my shake and drinks half of it in one go.

What was that I said about liking people?

I pump my eyebrows at him. "How'd my boyfriend's cum taste?"

"What?"

"Gotta get that extra protein in early."

Wally looks from me to the shake and back again, skin slowly tinging green. "You're fucking with me."

"Okay. You gonna drink some more and call my bluff?"

He scowls and sets my cup down, looking disgusted when I pick it up to finish off. Fuck him. That'll teach him to swipe something from me again.

"Boyfriend?" he finally says when he looks like he's not going to be sick anymore. "Is that why you've been all sunshiny and shit?"

"What?"

He laughs. "You've been a real Miss Congeniality lately."

"Fuck off."

"The guys and I were talking about it the other day. Happy looks good on you, Ben."

It sinks in that they're not talking about me at all. Em has obviously been spending some time with these doofuses and ruining my street cred. I'll have to remind him that if he wants to be me around the house, he's going to have to learn how to scowl more.

Still, I can't find even a shred of annoyance that Em has been hanging out with my friends as me.

I kinda like it.

He needs more people to be around.

I just wish he could do it as himself. Maybe it's time to revisit the college conversation. I'm still struggling to believe my brother lit a fucking fire, even as an accident, but mistakes shouldn't ruin your whole life. I mean, shit. I'm getting a second chance to make mine right.

With that thought comes the reminder of my test results, and my gut crashes through the floor again.

"Still." Wally pulls out some cereal. "Can't believe you're settling down with someone. Who the hell wants to be crippled by commitment junior year?"

"Well, that's not something you need to worry about. No one wants to commit to you."

"Thank fuck. I couldn't imagine anything worse than being locked down. Campus is big, but it's not that big, y'know. Imagine trying to pick up at Shenanigans and your ex is there?" A shudder ripples through his body.

"Just because you've fucked half of campus and regularly get drinks thrown at you doesn't mean we all do."

"Be real, Dalton. Relationships at our age don't last. So what's the point? College is all about sowing your seeds, and boyfriends will just get in the way of that." He nods at me like he's just given life-changing advice. "You know what I'm saying."

"Sure do." I'll say anything at this point to escape, and once I've dumped my shake cup in the dishwasher, I swipe a banana and leave.

Emmett's awake when I get back to the room, still in bed, though, and scrolling through his phone.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Just realizing that while I might have hung out with a bunch of these people, I was never actually friends with any of them. I thought you were supposed to make college besties and whatever?"

"Kinda have to be in college for that."

He blows me a kiss, courtesy of his middle finger.

Normally that kind of shit would make me tackle him, but between Big Wally's life lessons and this test result hanging over my head, I'm deflated.

I drop onto the side of my bed, and Em's immediately on high alert.

"Why are we sad? What happened? Do I need to kill Harrison?"

I snort and kick him. "No. It's fine. I just …"

"Yeah?"

"College relationships don't last forever."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Em screws up his nose and lifts his phone, showing off a picture of Asher, his boyfriend, Kole, and their fur babies. "You gonna tell them that?"

"They're the exception. Not the rule."

"Ah. So, you're just going to freak out over something that hasn't happened yet. Makes sense."

It's my turn to flip him off. "Big Wally's an idiot. I don't know why it's sticking in my brain."

"Well, that's easy—you like him. Harrison. Not Wally. I like him too, by the way—even before you started dating—and Harrison isn't the kind of guy to play games."

I give Em a dry look and wave my hand down the front of myself. "It's not him I'm worried about. Kind of a hot mess over here."

"This better not be about the math thing again." He sounds at the end of his patience. "He doesn't give a shit about that."

"Yeah, but maybe I do. I got my results."

Em goes from exasperated to wary. "How did you do?"

The worry in his voice matches what I'm feeling, and it's a relief that he's not pretending to be optimistic. That voice in my head is already too far out of line.

"Haven't opened it yet."

"Then do it now."

"I don't want confirmation of how badly I did."

Em's back to being exasperated, and he climbs up beside me and takes my phone. He opens it with his own face—smart-ass—and logs in to the student portal. "You ready for this?"

"Nope."

"Too bad."

The sharp intake of breath doesn't tell me anything, only that the result is a shock. Fuck, did I get a zero?

I snatch my phone back and take a second to look at the grade on the screen. Thirty-two percent.

The sinking feeling in my gut tells me it's not good, but it's also not a zero. I just don't get what thirty-two means. "How … how bad is it?" I ask.

"It's … it's an F, Benny."

An F. F. I'd been pretty sure it was coming, but being faced with the reality … fuck.

"I was really hoping—" he whispers, but he's drowned out by the ringing in my ears.

The test was open fucking book. Open book, and I still failed big-time. It doesn't matter how much I blink back the frustrated shimmering in my vision, the numbers don't change. Just get bigger, brighter, taunt me that I don't even understand one stupid fucking grade, yet I somehow have to pass a math course to get my degree.

I unstick my throat. "Think they have first-grade math on the curriculum?"

"Don't joke."

"Why not? I am one big fucking joke."

Like it's timed, a message from Harrison comes through.

I saw the email go out that results have been posted. How did you do?

All I can picture is writing back that I got an F and seeing his face fall. Seeing how disappointed he'd be.

I close out of the message, knowing I can't reply.

I don't even know how I'll face him after this.