Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-Five

" W here the fuck is she?" As much as I try to keep my voice calm, low, I fail. My words come out harsh and loud. But can you blame me? I fucking woke up to my girlfriend missing from my bed, where I'd fallen asleep next to her.

I'm fucking fuming. How dare she just up and leave like that. No note, no discussion, just… gone. Well, fuck that. If Zoe wants to put distance between us, she's going to have to try harder than just running back to her house. I'm not letting her go. Ever.

I don't care how hard she pushes. I will just push back harder. She can build all the walls she wants, because I'll knock them down. Leaving nothing but rubble where they once stood.

I will not let her break us, because I know she's it for me. If I don't have her, I don't want anyone. I don't want to breathe without her being mine.

"She will be down in a minute. She knows you're here," Izzy says.

She knows I'm here. I look up the stairs but my gut tells me she's not up there. Walking past both Mikhail and Izzy, I head through the house to the back door. I slide it open and pause on the threshold when I see Zoe sitting next to Santo on the bench seat.

Their backs are to me, but I know by the stiffening of Zoe's spine she heard me open the door. Santo pushes to his feet and turns around, making eye contact with me. He gives a slight nod before walking to the side of the house and disappearing around the corner.

For a moment, I don't move. Almost too afraid. Worried that if I do, Zoe is going to either take off running or shut down on me completely. When she doesn't acknowledge my presence, I walk over and claim the spot Santo vacated.

Zoe's gaze is fixed on something in the backyard. Even when I turn to look at her, she doesn't move. "What did I do wrong?" I ask. Because right now, I have no fucking idea why she left and even less of a clue how to fix this.

"Nothing." Zoe's response is barely a whisper.

"Then why'd you leave?" This question has her turning to me, tears running down her cheeks. I reach up and wipe them away with my thumbs. "Don't cry. I'm sorry. Whatever it is, we can work it out, Zoe."

She shakes her head. "I thought you were dead."

"I'm very much not dead, babe." I smile at her, hoping to ease some of her sadness, her pain.

"That's not the point. I thought you were dead and I wanted… I wanted to die too. I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't fight. I just waited to die," she says.

My heart stops, and my mouth goes dry. "The thought of you dying breaks me, Zoe. Don't go doing that. Always fucking fight for yourself. Even if I'm not here anymore, I want you to live. I want you to live a long, full, happy life."

"I don't want to feel like that again, Marcel. I can't," she tells me.

"Babe, we can't live our lives scared of all the what ifs . If you do that, you miss out on all the good things that could be as well."

"I've never felt so much pain before in my life. You have taken my heart, Marcel, and it shattered. I'm not sure it can heal from that kind of breakage."

"I know that you're scared. I get it. When I found out you were… gone, I was fucking petrified I'd never see you again. I get it. I love you."

"I know," she says. "But I don't think I can love you anymore, Marcel."

Her words knock the wind out of me. I don't let her see that. She needs me to be the strong one. "That's okay. I can love myself enough for both of us," I tell her. "This isn't the end of our story, Zoe. This is just the first act. We have so much more coming."

"You don't get it. We need to end this before it's too late. I can't do this. I can't feel like that again. I won't." She stands up from the bench. Her voice rises with each breath she takes. Each word she sends my way.

Good, let her get angry. Anger is a feeling I can handle. It's far easier to see her angry than it is to see her fucking cry.

"No, you don't get it. There is no ending to this, Zoe. You and me, we're not fucking breakable. You got hurt. I'm sorry for that, but you are not the only person in this relationship. I'm right here too, and I get a choice. My choice is you, always you." I stand and take three steps, closing the gap between us. "Try your best to push me away, Zoe. I'm not going anywhere."

"No. We can't keep doing this. It's going to end badly. There's no such thing as happily ever after, not for us." She shoves at my chest.

I don't budge. "We have the chance to make our own happily ever after, Zoe. I'm not letting that go."

"I. Don't. Want. You. Here!" she yells out, landing her fists on my chest with a little more force.

Still, I don't move. But something crosses over Zoe's face. She stops, takes two steps backwards, and her eyes widen. She's scared.

"Yes you do," I tell her. "You can hit me all you like, Zoe. Fuck, shoot me if you have to. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"You know I'm not that guy. I will never raise a hand to you. I will never hurt you." I step closer to her. "I don't fucking like seeing you scared of me," I say while wrapping my arms around her back. Then I pull her against my chest.

"I know you're not that guy. But I shouldn't have hit you either. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she repeats.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." I kiss the top of her head.

"I'm ruining everything. I don't know what to do anymore."

I can feel her tears soaking through my shirt. "It's okay, babe."

"It's not," she says.

"Zoe, whatever happens, it's you and me. We will find our way. I promise."

"I'm a mess, Marcel. You don't deserve to be stuck with someone like me."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I'm here for all of it. The messy parts and the clean parts. I want them all. As long as I have you, I don't care what else happens," I tell her. "I love you, Zoe."

"I love you too much. It scares the crap out of me," she says.

"Well, we can be scared together. We can be happy together, sad together. Whatever we're feeling, we're doing it together."

She sighs, shaking her head while peering up at me through her damp lashes. "Why are you so perfect?"

"I'm far from perfect, babe. But for you, I'll never stop trying to be everything you need and want."

"You are so much more than that already. I'm sorry I ran… again."

"It's okay. I'll find you and bring you back every time," I tell her.

"What do we do now?" she asks.

"Now? You marry me. You let me have you for the rest of our lives."

"Okay," she says.

I blink down at her. That seemed way too easy. "Okay?" I repeat, questioning if she's really agreeing to my impromptu proposal right now.

"Yes. I'll marry you. Not that you actually asked the question. But my answer is yes."

"Holy shit. Yes? Shit. Babe, I'm going to make you the happiest wife in the world. I'm going to give you that happily ever after." I lean down and claim her lips, doing my best to express everything I'm feeling with this kiss. Showing her that my love will never falter.

She and I, we are one and the same. There isn't one without the other.