Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

W hispered voices break through my unconsciousness. Waking me up. I open my eyes to see a sleeping Marcel right next to me.

Am I dreaming? Or is this heaven?

I glance around as recognition sinks in. I'm in Marcel's room. Which means this can't be heaven. Because surely I'd be in a better designed room if it were.

Those same whispered voices have me stilling. I turn my head and see Izzy and Mikhail standing in the corner. Something I never thought I'd wake up to while sprawled out in Marcel's bed.

Marcel's bed. My head snaps back to him. He's here. But I saw him… I saw him on the ground with all the blood pooling around him. My eyes run up and down his torso. There's a huge bandage that covers half of his abdomen. He's not dead.

"Zoe? You're awake. Thank God!" Izzy takes a step closer to me.

I turn back to face her. She's standing right next to the bed now. "What happened?" I ask her.

"You passed out. Marcel insisted on bringing you here," she explains.

I look back at the man in question. He's still asleep. His hand is firmly clasping mine. I can't be here. Why would he bring me here?

"Izzy, I want to go home," I tell her. A stray tear escaping. I know what I have to do. I'm not going to like doing it, but I can't stay.

"Um, okay. Are you sure, Zoe?" she asks me.

I nod my head, not taking my eyes off Marcel. "I have to," I whisper. He's alive, but for how much longer? I can't do this. I can't do love. The heartbreak is just too much.

It's easier if I break my own heart now. It has to be. I can't be the reason Marcel takes his last breath. I can't watch him die. I don't want to know that kind of pain again.

"Okay, give me a minute," Izzy says.

I nod but I don't take my eyes off Marcel. Then, untangling my fingers from his, I slowly slide out of the bed, trying not to wake him. Mikhail is standing at the doorway with a strange look on his face. He doesn't say anything, though. He simply takes my hand and leads me downstairs.

"Going somewhere?" Vin asks when I reach the lower landing.

"I…" I don't know what to say. "I have to go home."

He dips his head in acknowledgement more than agreement, if his next words are anything to go by. "You know he's not going to like waking up and finding you gone. Again."

"But he'll be alive to not like it," I remind him. "I'm sorry."

Vin continues up the stairs while calling out over a shoulder, "See you later, Zoe."

"Take me home. Please," I plead with Mikhail. If I don't do this now, I might not get the courage to do it at all.

"Let's go," he says, leading me towards the front door, where Izzy is talking to Marcel's brother.

Gio looks at me with… pity. I know how close Marcel and his brothers are. None of them are going to be okay with me walking out on him, like Vin said… again . I'm not okay with it either. I hate that I'm doing this. I just don't know any other way to protect myself and him.

"It's going to be okay," Izzy tells me. Wrapping her arm around my shoulder, she pulls me against her chest.

"Call if you need anything, Zoe," Gio grunts before walking away.

As soon as I walk into my house, I head straight for the shower. I stay under the spray of the hot water until my skin is red raw and I'm out of tears. Dressing in a pair of sweats and a hoodie, not thinking about the fact that said hoodie is Marcel's, I walk out to find Izzy and Mikhail in the kitchen.

"Where are the kids?" I ask, noticing how quiet the house is.

"My parents took them to the zoo," Izzy says. "Come sit down. You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry," I tell her.

"And I wasn't asking. Sit down," she says more firmly—in her mom tone—before placing a plate with a sandwich on the counter.

I lower my butt to the stool and glare at the plate. I wasn't lying. I'm really not hungry. All I want to do is go up to my bed, cover myself in the blankets, and forget the world exists.

"You know I'll go along with whatever you want. And, personally, I don't like the guy. But…" Mikhail says, picking up half of the sandwich from my plate and holding it out to me. I take it from him. "He loves you and he's not going to just let you walk away without a fight."

"He might." This is the second time I've walked out on him without an explanation. How much fight does one person have?

Mikhail's phone rings and he answers it, carrying out a conversation in his native tongue until the last sentence. "Let him in," he says while looking at me.

I shake my head. "I can't see him." I get up from the stool.

"You have to talk to him. If you want him to leave you alone, you can either convince him to do it with your words or I can make him disappear." Mikhail shrugs before adding, "Permanently." Just in case I didn't get his message loud and freaking clear.

"I'll talk to him." I sigh. "Just give me a minute." I walk up the stairs at the back of the house. I need to prepare myself to see him. I need to be able to look at him without crumbling, and I don't think I can do that just yet.

I walk back down when I hear Izzy and Mikhail leave the kitchen. I know it isn't right. But I just can't do this right now. I can't face him.

My own heart? I can break it. His? It'll be harder to see the hurt in his eyes. I open the back door and take one step on to the deck before a deep voice has me jumping on the spot.

"Sneaking out?"

"Santo, what the hell! You scared the crap out of me," I tell Marcel's brother.

"Sorry," he says. "Where are you going?"

"Why are you snooping around my backyard?"

"I came with Marcel. He used the front door. I figured I'd come check out the back." He shrugs. "Where were you planning on hiding?"

"I wasn't," I lie.

"You were, but you should know, he'd probably sniff you out like one of those search dogs. He's not going to give up just because you run," Santo says.

"You were right," I tell him.

"I'm usually not, but what was I right about?" He chuckles.

"Love," I say. "It's only going to destroy us. There's no such thing as happily ever after. Love is a disaster waiting to happen."

"I was wrong." He shakes his head. "If you have love, Zoe, then hold on to it for as long as you can."

"I thought he was dead," I whisper. "I wanted to die too." Again, I don't know why I'm opening up to him.

"But he's not, and neither are you."

"It hurt. I can't do that." I lower myself onto the bench seat that faces out towards the garden.

"It does hurt, but that doesn't mean the days where you have each other aren't worth it. The days where you're beyond happy. That's an experience you shouldn't rob yourself of." Santo sits beside me.

"I don't think I can do it. It's my fault he got hurt. I can't be the reason he dies," I admit.

"There is no better reason to die than love, Zoe. Think about it. Are you really going to be okay if he chooses to move on? Marries some other woman and has that life that you two should be living together?"

I don't like the thought of Marcel with another woman. Not one bit. But I also don't like the thought of him being hurt. Or worse… killed. Because of me.