Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

" A re you sure about this?" Izzy asks for the tenth time in the last ten minutes.

"I'm sure. I need to go back, Iz. I can't keep hiding out in this house," I tell her.

"I don't see a problem with you staying and hiding out here forever," Mikhail says, his arms folded across his chest and his signature scowl on his face.

"I know you don't, but it is a problem. And as much as I'd love to stay here, it's not what's best for me. I have a good life in Melbourne."

"What if I get rid of him? Your life would be better without him." Mikhail smirks—his way of trying to play off his very real suggestion to get rid of Marcel.

"Don't do that. He's not my problem." I sigh. "I like him. Which is my problem . I don't want to like someone this much."

"You deserve to be happy, Zoe," Izzy says while baby Lex babbles at me from where he's perched on her hip.

"I know." I made a decision to go back to Melbourne and to give this thing with Marcel a real chance. I want to be able to have the life that I see others have. I want it so desperately. I just fear I'm never going to be able to.

"This will always be your home, Zoe. You can come back anytime," Mikhail reminds me. "I'll wait out front. I'm driving you to the airport."

"You don't have to do that."

"I know. I want to," he says before walking out of the room. Leaving me alone with Izzy.

"I know that you're an adult, but you're still my responsibility. If you need anything—and I mean anything—you call me." Izzy wraps her free arm around my shoulders and tugs me against her.

"I will. Promise."

The moment I step foot onto the tarmac, I find Lucy waiting for me. Mikhail insisted that I make use of the Petrov jet to get back home. I tried to argue that flying commercial was completely fine, but he wasn't budging. And I didn't have the energy to win the argument this time. Truth is, I'm kind of glad. Flying private is better. Plus, there are no crowds to fight my way through.

Lucy lets out a high-pitched squeal as she runs towards me. Her body slams into mine, and her arms wrap around my neck tight. Too tight.

"Lucy, I can't breathe."

"Oh, shit. Sorry. I'm just so excited you're back. Don't leave me for that long again ever." She pouts while loosening her hold on me slightly.

"Okay," I say. "I missed you too."

"Come on, let's get you home." She releases my body, her arm hooks through mine, and we make our way over to her car.

There's this sense of freedom that comes with being back in Australia. I'm not sure if it's Melbourne in general, or just being away from New York. I tried really hard to fight the panic attacks while I was there. And for the most part, within the walls of the Petrov compound, I was fine. But the few times I tried to venture out… well, that was a different story. Izzy had to talk me down more than once.

It's embarrassing. I should be able to move on. The people who hurt me aren't even alive anymore. Logically, I know they can't come back for me. But there's something about New York that just draws the fear out of me.

I climb into the passenger seat and buckle up because I value my life. And Lucy's driving is… well, let's just say I've seen calmer NASCAR races. "I really am sorry I left you the way I did. At work, I mean. I promise I won't do it again."

"Don't be. It's okay. We all need to get away at times." She lifts one shoulder into a shrug, as if me leaving at the drop of the hat is no big deal.

"So, what'd I miss?" I ask her.

"Apart from one of the De Bellis brothers getting arrested last week? Not a lot."

My heart literally stops in my chest and suddenly I understand the meaning of the phrase my heart skipped a beat . I've been talking to Marcel. He's very much not in jail. I try to keep my voice calm as I pivot in my seat to face Lucy. "Who got arrested?"

She turns her head to look at me. "Marcel didn't tell you?"

"No. He didn't."

Why wouldn't he tell me? Maybe I've built this whole relationship up in my head. I could be in this alone. But the way Marcel talks to me… the things he says… They make me feel like he's just as deep in this as I am.

Could I be hearing what I want to hear? Possibly.

"Gabe got arrested in Sydney. I don't know all the details. But I do know that they have my brother as their attorney, so he'll likely get off. Xavier is the best at what he does," Lucy says confidently.

Lucy's brother happens to be Melbourne's best criminal defence attorney. Of course, I've never needed his services, but I have met the guy a few times. And if I ever did need a lawyer, I'd pick him. He's intense and just has that look about him that lets you know there's no point arguing with him because he will win.

"Lover boy really didn't say anything? Odd."

"It's his family, Lucy. And I know how these kinds of things work. He can't tell me. Just like I wouldn't tell him anything I know about Mikhail and Izzy. It's just not how things are done." Even as the words leave my mouth, I can't be sure if I'm trying to convince her or myself. Marcel obviously has reasons for not wanting me to know his brother got arrested. And whatever they are, in the end, the decision to tell me is his to make.

I'm not going to get upset over the fact he doesn't feel like he can confide in me. Why would he? I ran. Whatever we were building scared the crap out of me and I ran to the other side of the world. I've been gone for a month. Yes, we've spoken on the phone every day, exchanged text messages, but that's not the same as being here. Marcel has no reason to trust me, because I haven't given him one.

"If you say so." Lucy shrugs.

As soon as Lucy stops out front of my apartment, I look up and am relieved to see the familiar building. I just want to jump in the shower and then climb into bed. I might have slept on the plane, but I'm still drained. The time difference between the two countries is a lot to get used to. It will take a good three to four days before I'm fully functioning in Aussie time.

"Thank you for picking me up." I lean over the centre console and kiss Lucy on the cheek. "I'll be in the office bright and early tomorrow morning."

"I'll see you then—oh, and say hi to lover boy for me," she replies with a smirk.

I nod, get out of the car, and grab my bag from the trunk. I have no intentions of seeing Marcel yet. I didn't exactly tell him I was coming home today. I don't know why. I just didn't.

I think I want time to settle back into life here before facing him. I also want to see him so much, and like I said to Mikhail, that's a problem. I'm in too deep, and it's only going to get me hurt in the long run.

A few minutes later, I'm walking into my apartment. I drop my bag in the entrance hall and head straight for the bathroom. I need to rinse off the full day's travel and sleep for a decade. Then I'll call Marcel and let him know I'm back.