19. Message From The Past

After bringing Austen and Levi to the infirmary, Dante also made sure I got checked up. I have a few bruises, but nothing serious. Gisela leaves us to go home, and the twins say their goodbyes, promising to see us all later before heading off to meet with their brother.

After an hour or two, Dante and I return to our place.

"And now?" I ask Dante. "Are you not going to yell at me?"

He sighs. "I think you know very well where you went wrong," he says. "But I think we should discuss this as a family, the three of us."

"You are not mad?"

"No, just very worried," he says. "Charlie, there is a potential hitman after you."

"I know," I say quietly.

"Okay," he says. "Let's talk about it later."

I retreat into my room for now, grabbing my notebook and doing some homework. I'm pretty good with math and numbers in general, but I suck at remembering stuff. There is a test for my history class coming soon, and I don't want to leave Ella and Dante hanging.

Once I am done, I go through my pictures again. I have quite a lot of new ones with Austen and Gisela, Ty, but also with Ella and Dante, Luna Annie and Alpha Liam, Dave… I really have a whole new family here. I swallow down the lump in my throat and click on the video that shows my mom. She twirls around and laughs.

While I keep watching, a drop of red falls down onto my screen. I wipe it away with a frown, only to realize another drop follows. What? I touch my nose, realizing that warm liquid seems to pour out of it.

My nose is bleeding. Why? I put my notebook aside and grab a few tissues, trying to stop the bleeding. Maybe because I got hurt today, or maybe it's just all been a bit too much for me. I toss another glance at my notebook, noticing that I stopped the video right at the part where Mom is looking towards the camera, smiling.

Fuck. I close the notebook, stand up, and head to the toilet to flush the tissues. I'm not bleeding anymore anyway. Then I grab my sweater and climb out of my window. Once down I just run. I don't leave the pack grounds; I wouldn't be able to, as I can see one of the guards following me. I don't care, though. I just want to run, run, run.

I don't know how long I run, but my sides start to hurt, and my lungs scream for air, but I can't stop. I don't even know what keeps pushing me forward, an instinct maybe, but I just don't seem to be able to pause. This is until I feel a presence approaching me and I run right into Ella's arms. She catches me, wrapping her arms around me and preventing me from running further.

"It's okay," she mutters. "I'm here." She turns her gaze and nods at someone, probably my guard. "You can leave now, Tristan. Thank you for keeping an eye on her." Ella waits for me to catch my breath before putting her arm around my shoulder. "Let's go home."

I look at her, suddenly realizing I left the beta suite without saying anything. "Oh no, I didn't even think about telling Uncle Dante I left."

"He knows," she reassures me. "He told me he went to look for you after you disappeared and saw you running around like a dash. He called your name and then realized you probably needed this me-time."

"I didn't even notice."

"It's okay," she reassures me. "You made poor Tristan work for his money, but that's what he is here for. If you need time for yourself, you can have that anytime. That's okay."

I let her words sink in. "But it's not okay to sneak off school grounds."

"Exactly," Ella says. "Come, let's head home. I don't know about you but I'm hungry."

I feel relieved instantly. I love Ella, but her cooking is a different kind of finale boss. Ella and I make it back to the beta suite and greet Dante, who is making something that looks like a lasagna, before we head to my room. I freshen up in the bathroom while Ella goes and fetches us some hot tea to drink.

Once she is back and I'm ready, we settle down. Ella sits on the small sofa chair in my room while I take the bed. It's silent for a while. "Why did you do it?" she asks. "Sneak off school and shake off Tristan."

"I just felt like it."

"That's not enough explanation for me," she says. "And I don't believe it. Why did you do it?"

I feel the usual wave of anxiety and anger wash over me. "You are not my mom, Ella!" I blurt out.

Before I can even regret what I said, Ella nods. "I know," she says quietly. "I'm not trying to be any replacement for her. I'm just trying to be family to you, with all the love you deserve and should have received ever since you were born. I didn't know Candance, but I know that even before you were born, she already tried to be the best possible mom, by protecting you. No one can take that away from her."

"I don't know," I blurt out. "I don't fucking know. I just got Rob's message and thought, why not? Finally, a boy who doesn't find me weird or loud or obnoxious. I'm trying so hard to make them like me. I know I'm not enough. I just want to be normal so bad." I feel how angry tears fill my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so fucked up."

Ella comes over to me and pulls me into a hug. "You are enough, Charlie. And there are many people who like you. And I'm certain there are many boys who like you."

"I feel guilty whenever I start feeling happy," I admit. "I watched mom's video, and I just… I know she isn't here, and I should always miss her, but sometimes I forget about feeling sad, and I know that's not okay."

"But it is okay," Ella says. "Candy wouldn't have wanted you to cling to your grief." She pauses. "We will get you the help you deserve. A proper grief counselor. Believe me, this is going to help a lot. Would you be willing to try that?"

I nod. "Why are you like this?" I ask finally.

"Like what?"

"So… nice… You could be mad at me. I gave you so many reasons to hate me, but you are still here."

"I didn't grow up in the system," she says. "But I grew up as an orphan. I know how it feels if all you can do is rely on yourself. I know how it feels to grow up without having anyone around you, no parents, no family. And to feel all alone, angry."

"Did you have an Ella in your life?" I ask her.

"No, but I had an Annie in my life."

"The luna?" I ask curiously.

"Yes, she became my best friend in school, and I learned from her and later Dave that I deserve to be loved and that I'm not a failure. That it's not my fault my parents died." She pauses. "It's easier said than done, though, because when I met Dante, I just wanted to run."

"But you are so perfect for each other!"

"At that moment I was just terrified that he would see the real me and be disgusted by who I really am."

I stare at her in shock. We are so similar. I didn't even realize how much our stories resemble each other. "I'm so happy you found me," I tell her. "I know I never told you, but it changed my life. I don't even know anymore how it felt not to have you and Dante around me. It's so scary."

"I feel the same," she admits. "Sometimes I have nightmares that it's all just a dream, and my life is still empty and lonely."

"You have those too?" I exclaim.

"You and Dante make it complete," she says. "We might not have any blood relatives left, but we are going to build our own family and surround ourselves with friends who will become our chosen family."

I let her words sink in. "I like that thought. It's just"—I pause, not sure how to continue—"I still feel sad sometimes."

"Me too," she admits. "Charlie, we lost a lot, and we went through a lot. And I strongly believe we are allowed to grieve and to be irrational at times. Or angry."

I nod tentatively before I press my hand against my heart. "I don't know what to do with these feelings, though. It just hurts."

"We will find a way to deal with it," Ella promises. "Maybe we can learn from each other?"

"I think I'd like that," I admit.

Ella reaches out her hand, and I take it, squeezing it a bit. "Come," she says. "Let's go and have dinner. Don't worry, I didn't cook. Dante did."

"Thank Goddess." I chuckle.

Dinner is surprisingly pleasant. Aside from the lasagna, Dante has had more food brought up from the kitchen—chicken drumsticks with mashed potatoes and salad. He doesn't reprimand me for what happened earlier, but I make sure to apologize once more.

"Well, at least we now know that you can defend yourself," Dante says. "Rob looked terrified of you."

"Is it true that you bit off one of the guys' ears?" Ella asks while taking more of the lasagna.

"I didn't bite it off," I say.

"You have good instincts," Dante says. "Commendable. And very unusual for a young werewolf like you who never trained."

"Is that bad?" I ask.

"No, just unusual," he says.

"Maybe it's the genes?" Ella asks.

"It could be," Dante says to her. "You never had real training either, Ella, but you caught up very fast once you had. You were a natural too. Maybe it's in your blood."

I like the thought of Ella and me having superhero blood. I need to incorporate that into my comic. I could actually center it around a niece and her aunt. The uncle can make an appearance too… occasionally.

"By the way," Dante adds. "Charlie met the twins. Liam's brothers."

"Oh." Ella smiles. "Dario and Felix?"

"Right, they were pretty cool," I admit.

"That's good to hear because they are staying for a few days, and we thought maybe you could finally start your training," Ella says.

"Wait, are you for real?"

"Yes, Dante already talked to Livia, and she is excited to work with you. The twins will join her to learn how to lead a training."

"Liam wanted me to ask you if that's okay with you," Dante says.

"Sure," I say. "The more the merrier."

"So, they are cute, huh?" Ella says while smirking at me.

I feel my cheeks heat up while Dante looks horrified. "I don't think Charlie is at the age to date," he says, a truly terrified look in his eyes. "I mean, she is so young, and teenage boys are assholes!"

Ella looks like she is close to dying by suppressing her laugh. "Are you saying that the alpha's teenage brothers are assholes?"

"They are fine, but they are teenagers," he grumbles. "They clearly have only one thing in mind."

I decide to play along with Ella's teasing, but for a moment I feel annoyed he wants to prevent me from dating—I'm not a kid anymore!—but this is too funny. "And what's that?" I ask, looking at him innocently.

Dante looks seriously shocked at having to answer that question while Ella grins. "I'm all ears too," she says to Dante.

He mutters something under his breath about bees and flowers. It's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. "Uncle Dante," I say. "Are you aware that I've had access to the internet ever since I was a child? I'm very well aware of how babies are made. Besides, in the orphanage they made sure to teach us about our bodies and how to take precautions. We had a nice nurse there, and she always told us about how the right to our body belongs to us and how to watch out for groomers."

"It's good that she did that," Ella says quietly. "But it's sad that it's necessary."

"Some people are just assholes," I shrug. "Apparently being orphans makes us particularly vulnerable to those who want to exploit us. To kindness, you know? Kindness that isn't kindness."

"Did it ever happen to you?" Ella asks. "It doesn't matter if you don't want to answer this," she adds hastily.

I'm surprised I don't feel awkward talking to them about it, not even to Dante. "Once," I admit. "An older guy in his late twenties tried to hit on me over an online video game. Then he found out where I go to school." I shrug. "When he found me and tried to invite me out, I kicked him in his balls. Never heard from him again."

Dante looks very content at my answer. "That ball-kicking move, remember it, just in case."

"Please don't kick Felix and Dario just because they want to show you some self-defense moves," Ella says with a chuckle.

"I think that's exactly the time to kick around," Dante mutters. "Charlie said she finds them cute."

"Not like that," I hurry to say. "I'm done with boys for now. Rob, the loser, was enough for me."

"What about Austen?" Ella asks casually.

"Austen? It was cool how he defended me," I say. "But he is my best friend.

Dante seems satisfied by that, while Ella just smiles. "We also need to discuss what you want to do for your birthday," Ella says. "I know it's still two months ahead, but I think we could start making plans. Sweet sixteen, after all."

"You didn't forget?" I exclaim. I thought after all the shit I put them through, they would pay me back and punish me by canceling everything. But they don't! They still want to celebrate my birthday. It's the first time I will have a party like that.

"Of course not," Ella says. "Right, D?"

"We are already looking forward to it," Dante agrees. "I think—"

I don't get to know what he thinks because his phone starts ringing. He grabs it and looks at it with a frown. "I don't know the number," he mutters.

"Then maybe it's important," Ella says.

"Country code says France," Dante concludes. "It might be from the Council. I will take it swiftly. I apologize, ladies."

He is so old-school sometimes. Like any of us would care if he is on his phone during dinner. But it's nice that he respects us so much.

Dante gets up, takes a few steps towards the living room, and answers the phone. I don't realize anything is wrong until I feel Ella freeze next to me. She clasps her heart slightly, standing up abruptly and hurrying towards Dante.

"Dante, what's wrong!?"

I feel anxious instantly. She must have felt something through their bond. I try to catch a glance on his face, and there is pain written all over it.

"Mom?" he mutters.