Chapter 19

Felix hadn't said the words that she longed to hear, that he loved her, but she had claimed his heart, and it was the same. And he wanted her with him.

He also hadn't asked her to marry him, but the intention was there.

Now she understood his nervousness when he first brought her to Sydney Gardens. Admitting feelings that one has for another was scary when you weren't certain if they were returned, which was the very reason she had never spoken of her heart to him.

All of that was settled now. He just needed to say the words—ask her to marry him and she would happily answer yes.

"We should return you home." He smiled with relief. "I am so happy that everything has been settled."

Carina nearly laughed. He hadn't asked, simply assumed.

"I look forward to sharing the cottage with you, a home, without intrusion of our employers," he grinned.

"Is privacy all you seek?" she teased.

"Yes, but not simply because of desire," he answered. "I like spending time with you Carina and look forward to when I am free of my duties so that we can sit on your bench in the garden."

"I look forward to our evenings as well."

"Now, we will have all night and the mornings."

Was it truly necessary that he say those exact words, they both knew what he meant when he asked her to share his cottage. She was certain that he would eventually mention marriage and it was his nervousness of today that likely made him forget.

He stood and offered his hand to assist. Carina happily accepted then took his arm as they turned and strolled toward the entrance of Sydney Gardens.

She wanted to skip and dance.

Felix loved her, even if he had not said those exact words. And she loved him.

When Felix stopped walking, he looked ahead, then to the left then right.

"What is wrong?"

"I just wish to avoid Clarkston."

He was approaching with the same lovely blonde woman from the other day by his side. Except there was no other path that she and Felix could take because they currently stood on the bridge over the canal as they were on their way to the curricle.

"We will go another direction."

He started to turn, taking Carina with him.

"Mr. Knight," the woman called.

Carina stopped and turned back to the woman with Clarkston.

"We should go," Felix hissed.

"She called to you," Carina said. "It would be rude to ignore her."

Felix closed his eyes and blew out a sigh.

"Who is she?"

"It is not important and I would rather not speak with her or Clarkston."

"I fear it is too late," Carina whispered for the two were now too close to be ignored.

"When Lord Clarkston wrote and told me that I could find you in Bath, I needed to come and see for myself."

Felix slowly turned. "Hello, Miss Daphne."

He ignored Clarkston, but Carina didn't mention that fact because she had no wish to acknowledge him either.

"You disappeared without a word," Miss Daphne said. "One day we were at Hartfield Park, making arrangements and the next day you were gone."

"Where is Hartfield Park?" Carina asked.

"It does not matter," Felix ground out.

"It matters to me," Miss Daphne argued.

Carina's stomach tightened in fear that Miss Daphne knew Felix better than she did. Had he broken her heart?

"You and I both agreed that we would not go along with the plans made for us."

"Yet you abandoned me and I have been the one to face the consequences and pretend that all is well while everyone has searched for you."

"What plans?" Carina asked.

"They are betrothed, Miss Leonelli," Lord Clarkston answered.

Her blood ran cold and Carina stepped away from Felix.

Betrothed!

No wonder he hadn't asked her to marry him. He was to marry someone else.

Horror filled her as she realized that when he asked her to share the cottage…to live with him...it wasn't to be as his wife, but lover—mistress.

"You are betrothed?" Carina asked, her stomach churning.

"It matters not," Felix answered.

That was not a denial and it most certainly did matter.

Carina stepped further way. She had allowed him to kiss her and hold her, nearly seduce her and all the while Felix was betrothed to another.

Felix truly was a scoundrel, more than she ever thought possible.

He turned toward her. "Carina, it is not the betrothal I wanted. It was forced on me." He reached out but Carina pulled her hands back. She did not want him to touch her ever again.

"How could you…" she couldn't voice what they had shared. "How could you have not told me you were to marry someone?"

"I suspect there are many things he has not told you," Clarkston chuckled.

"Leave off Clarkston," Felix warned.

"What else are you keeping from me?"

Clarkston arched a brow. "Shall I tell her, or should you?"

"Carina knows my heart and that is all that matters."

Except, Carina wasn't certain that she did. "I do not believe I do, which only makes me the fool." Humiliation washed over her.

"She believes that you are nothing more than a lowly coachman, correct?" Clarkston taunted.

Carina turned to Felix. "What does he mean?"

"I am now an estate manager," he announced.

"Still beneath you," Clarkston retorted. "But, as Knight is ruining my life, I have no difficulty ruining his."

"I am not ruining your life," Felix argued. "Is it Miss Daphne that you wish to wed? If so, do so with my blessing."

"Her parents will not free her from the agreement reached between her parents and your grandfather."

"I cry off. Take her off to Gretna Green and then nobody can say anything."

"Unfortunately, your grandfather has too much power and would see my family ruined," Miss Daphne said.

"Therefore, by you not doing your duty, it leaves us all in a precarious position. Just face your grandfather and call off the betrothal."

There was a small bit of comfort knowing that Felix didn't want the betrothal, but it changed nothing. He was still destined, if not required, to marry someone else.

Yet, she still didn't understand why anyone would claim so much power over him. It made no sense to her.

"You know that I cannot. He signed the contract, which leaves him vulnerable if Miss Daphne's father chooses to file a claim for damages," Felix answered. "Only he can break the betrothal, which we both know that he will not. However, he cannot force me to the altar to recite the vows and the very reason that I have broken ties with him, severing any control he has over my life."

"Why pursue Miss Leonelli if you are in love with Miss Daphne?" Felix demanded and Carina realized that she'd like an answer to that question as well.

"So that you would know what it was like to stand by and be denied the woman you wanted and could not have. Unfortunately, she did not reciprocate my attempt to engage her heart. However, you did act with jealousy as I anticipated."

First Felix lied to her and then Clarkston simply wished to use her to make Felix jealous, or had he intended something worse?

"If I had the power to break the betrothal, I most certainly would but every solicitor I've visited and shown a copy of the contract, they agree that the power is not with me, but my grandfather."

"I do not understand any of this," Carina cried. "Who has so much power? Who is your family?" she demanded of Felix.

He simply stared at her, helplessness in his blue eyes and her heart sank further.

How many lies had he told her?

"He is the second son of Viscount Ormonde and the grandson of the Earl of Chedworth. His grandfather has made demands, one of them being the betrothal to Miss Daphne. When Knight did not agree with his grandfather, he left. Disappeared." Clarkston looked at Felix. "How long has it been since you"ve seen your family? Two and a half years?"

"It is none of your concern," Felix bit out.

"I suppose it is not," Clarkston agreed. "Except, it keeps me from marrying the woman I love."

It was all Felix could do not to punch Clarkston, but for what reason would he do so? Telling the truth.

Carina kept stepping farther away from him as if he were a leper. He could not lose her.

"Carina, please let me explain." He reached out to her.

She took another step back and slapped his hand away. "You lied to me."

"I never lied," he insisted.

"You might as well have, for not once did you ever mention a betrothal or who you really were."

"I am Felix Knight and have always been."

"But not a coachman turned estate manager. A spare to a viscountcy."

"It makes no difference," he argued. This was one of the things he feared. Because of what her father had done, the scandal, Carina didn't believe she belonged in Society. Her fear was that if a gentleman did court her, that when he learned the truth, he would discard her. Except, he knew that truth and did not care.

"But it does," she answered. "You know that as well as I do or you would have never kept the connection or your betrothal a secret."

"Only because I feared that I would lose you."

"With good reason." She turned to Miss Daphne. "I am sorry for what you have endured because of Mr. Knight. Lord Clarkston, thank you for telling me the truth." She started to turn away from Knight. "Well then, good day."

"Wait, Carina. Let me explain."

"You have explained enough for one day, Mr. Knight. I will see myself home."

She turned and crossed the bridge back into Sydney Gardens.

He had to go after her.

"Miss Leonelli is too angry to listen to anything you might say," Miss Daphne offered. "You should give her time and until then, decide what we are going to do about our situation."

"I already told you. Run off to Gretna Green. I do not care. We never loved one another. We were simply pawns."

"I would except my father would see me ruined and deny Clarkston my dowry."

Felix blew out a sigh. It was no secret that Clarkston needed to marry an heiress, which was why Felix had questioned his pursuit of Carina in the first place. At least now he knew the truth.

"What was your plan, Knight? Were you ever going to tell Miss Leonelli the truth?"

"Yes, after I secured her hand in marriage."

"Why wait?" Miss Daphne asked.

"She didn't think herself worthy of anyone above a servant," Felix answered.

"That is what I assumed as well," Clarkston offered.

"What do you know of her?" Felix demanded.

"When you were so clearly infatuated with her, I investigated. Your grandfather will not be pleased to learn of the scandal she hides."

"And you will not tell him," Felix warned.

"What scandal?" Miss Daphne asked.

"It is not important," Felix answered. "But, if you would have waited until I was wed, then you would have been free to marry. Instead, I have now likely lost the only woman I have ever loved."

Miss Daphne gasped and placed a hand against her breast. He knew that she was not hurt by his words because they had already admitted that there was only fondness between them.

"You may have just ruined everything for not only me, but yourselves." With that, Felix turned and marched away. He needed to find Carina to make her understand and hopefully earn her forgiveness.