Chapter 18

Carina was bothered by Felix avoiding Clarkston in Bath. It wasn't as if the man would harm him. Though, on further consideration, maybe it wasn't Felix avoiding, but more protecting Carina to keep her from having to encounter Clarkston since he had issued the insulting proposal that night outside of The Assembly Rooms. Luckily, they did not encounter Clarkston again and the following days of courtship were quite pleasant. Felix still wanted her to visit his cottage, which she finally did with Gaia. He also returned to his duties for Lydell, which left Carina with more free time. Prior to being courted by Felix she would have spent her time reading. But, after coming to realize that neither one of them could cook and she was hopeful that he would come to love her and ask for her hand, she now spent her mornings and afternoons in the kitchen.

Gaia considered it a waste of time because she assumed that if Carina ever did leave the household that she would go to one that had a cook.

Did her friend still think she could wed above her station? Certainly, Gaia must realize by now that it would not happen. If a gentleman who was wealthy enough to have servants was going to pursue her, he would have in the five years that she'd been in Society as Gaia's companion. It should have made no difference if she was with the wallflowers or not. None had shown their interest, other than Clarkston, so it was unlikely any would in the future.

"Carina, leave the bread. You have a caller," Gaia announced as she walked into the kitchen.

"I simply cannot abandon bread. It must be kneaded before it is set to rise," she argued. At least she had learned that much.

"I will see to it Miss Carina," a young kitchen maid came forward. "You will be given another chance since we make bread practically every day."

"Oh, very well," Carina mumbled and wiped her hands on her apron as she followed Gaia from the kitchens. "Who has called?"

"Knight, who else?"

Carina brightened. She had not expected to see him until later. Now that he had returned to his duties, they only had the evenings, which took place in the gardens if the night was pleasant, or in the parlor if it was not. Unfortunately, when in the parlor, they were chaperoned by Gaia and her husband. Not that it was uncomfortable, as they got along more as friends than employers and servants. They just couldn't kiss and she so adored Felix's kisses.

She entered the parlor after Gaia and Felix came to his feet and looked at her up and down and chuckled.

"What?"

"You are absolutely adorable."

Gaia turned then shook her head. "Perhaps you should have removed the apron and wiped the flour from your cheek."

Carina rushed to the mirror and nearly gasped. Her hair had frizzed at her temples from the heat of the stove, there was flour on her cheek and the apron was stained from her attempts at cooking.

"I apologize. I shall repair my appearance immediately."'

"Do not do so on my behalf," he insisted.

"I look a fright." She had seen for herself.

"I shall ring for tea." Gaia crossed and yanked on the bellpull.

"Do you now have a sudden interest in cooking?" Felix asked after she took a seat. There was no point in correcting her appearance since he had already seen her in this state.

"It occurred to me after our discussion that I too may wish to have my own home but would starve if I could not feed myself."

"Then you should marry well and have a cook," said Gaia.

Carina quickly glanced at Felix and hoped that he was not insulted.

Instead, he laughed. "I agree. I have considered hiring a maid of all work to clean, do laundry and prepare meals, but not a servant who would live in the home, just one that will do the things I never learned how to do."

She wanted to ask if he could afford such, but it was not her place. He also gave no indication that he would be bringing a wife into that home, only a maid.

Was he courting her with the intention of a potential future or was he not serious in his intentions?

Oh, how she wished she knew what Knight's true feelings were, besides desire and a need for kissing. Yes, he was courting her, but that was not a betrothal or marriage and she'd witnessed couples who had courted for years.

"I was not expecting you to call this afternoon," she finally said after the tea was delivered.

"I wanted to know if you were free tomorrow."

"I will be unless Gaia is in need of me."

"I am not," her employer answered with a smile.

"There is something that I wish to discuss with you and thought that perhaps we could enjoy Sydney Gardens."

Her heart began to pound. Was he finally going to confess any tender feelings that he might have for her? If he was going to end the courtship, it wouldn't be in such a lovely place, but here.

Carina quickly pushed the hopefulness aside. Knight could wish to speak with her on any matter, even where he should buy drapery, which he claimed he needed. "I look forward to our outing."

Why was he filled with a nervousness never experienced in his life?

Felix had known Carina these past six months. They had shared many conversations, and several arguments. He wanted her. He desired her. She was the most beautiful woman of his acquaintance. Carina was everything he had ever wanted in a wife so why was he nervous?

Because he had never told anyone that he was in love with them or asked them to marry him.

What if she declined his request? What if all she wanted was conversations and kisses?

Had he found a way to obtain a cottage in which they could live, a better position and better wages for nothing?

"It is a beautiful day," he offered as they strolled along one of the walks through Sydney Gardens. They weren't the only ones out today. There were several couples, groups of friends and children playing while servants watched over them.

"Yes, it is," Carina agreed. "Thank you for bringing me here. I do enjoy Sydney Gardens."

They continued, but in silence.

Felix had never been without words when with Carina. Yet today, they completely failed him.

"Is there something on your mind, Mr. Knight? You are unusually quiet."

"Yes, there is."

"Would you like to discuss it, or shall we continue to stroll without speaking?"

"It is…well…" This conversation could not be had while they were walking and he drew her over to a bench where they could sit.

"What is it, Felix? You are scaring me."

Deep concern filled her brown eyes.

"You know I care for you?"

"And I care for you."

"It is more than simple caring. I believe you have my heart."

Carina's face softened to a smile and her eyes brightened.

"Except, there are things about me that you do not know."

"Are they so important?"

"Yes, but…" If he told her now, she might reject him. "It is not important at the moment."

"I am just as certain that there is much you still do not know about me."

Except, he knew her past and her family and how her father ruined them. There could be nothing worse in her past.

"You have my heart, Carina. Can I hope that I have yours?"

Felix nearly held his breath waiting for her to answer.

"Yes. You won it long ago. I feared you did not feel the same."

"How can you believe otherwise?" he asked and leaned forward. "We have shared delightful moments alone, which I enjoyed very much."

"You are also a scoundrel, rake and rogue who enjoys kisses and caresses without consequences."

"You think so little of me?" Had Carina truly thought he only played with her heart?

"I feared to hope for more," she answered.

Felix could not blame her for such, given her opinion of him, and that he often kept company with Bolton.

"I was thinking…well…now that I have a home, a better position…well, I thought we could share that home."

"Neither one of us can cook."

Her teasing helped lessen some of his tension "We will hire one, I suppose."

"I will learn," she offered. "And try not to kill you."

Felix nearly blew out a sigh of relief. Carina had not rejected him.

Neither had spoken words of love, but hearts had been exchanged and she wanted to live with him in the cottage. Now, he just needed to see that they were married as soon as possible. He had already waited too long.

He needed her. Ached for her.

Except, Carina did not know everything about him.

Guilt niggled at the back of his brain, but he didn't want to tell her just now and spoil this perfect day.

What she needed to know could wait and hopefully she would not change her mind about being his wife.