Chapter 20

The Hart Ranch was stunning.Vast. Beautiful.

Maddie leaned forward, scanning the oasis as Lucas drove down a dirt road that wound through the property. There were numerous paddocks with horses. A gorgeous barn. Several beautiful houses perched on hills with scenic vistas. Acres and acres of pasture.

"I feel like I could run forever out there," she whispered.

"This is magnificent," Huck said.

Lucas smiled. "Thanks. We"ve worked hard on it. We"re all a little different, so each house is unique, but we all agree on the horses, and keeping the land untouched as much as we can." He paused as a horse and rider approached from a nearby pasture.

Maddie instantly tensed, suddenly worried about facing Jacob. About what seeing him might trigger in her memories.

"It"s my sister, Bella. She was very excited you were coming."

Maddie let out her breath. "You have a sister?" Maddie had forgotten that. Lucas and his brothers seemed to be all-encompassing with their maleness.

"Two of them." Lucas pulled the truck over and rolled down the window. "Hi, Bella."

"Is she here? Is she in there?" Bella leaned down, peering into the truck. Her face was friendly and warm, blue eyes glistening with delight when she saw Maddie. "Maddie! It"s so great to meet you! We need more women over here. I"m Bella!"

Maddie smiled, feeling the warmth pouring off the woman. Her tension eased slightly. "Hi. Nice to meet you."

Bella"s skin was a gorgeous medium brown that made her blue eyes seem even more vibrant. Her cowboy hat had a string of beautiful lace around the crown, and her chestnut horse was gorgeous. She looked like a dust-covered model, except that her smile was so radiant and full of life that Maddie felt an instant bond.

"Do you cook?" Bella asked.

Maddie raised her brows. "Cook what?"

"Anything. Do you like to cook?"

"I"m capable of keeping myself alive," she said. "Not much more than that."

Bella shrugged. "That"s fine. I can teach you. Cooking is my super power."

"Bella," Lucas interrupted, amusement dancing in his voice. "She just got here. Don"t put her to work already."

Bella rolled her eyes at her brother. "I need help, Lucas, so stay out of it. Maddie, I run a restaurant on the property. We host dude ranch vacations on the west side of our ranch, and I have one starting soon. I need help in the kitchen. You want in?"

Maddie was almost tempted to say yes. Bella"s warmth reminded her of her friends, and she realized how much she already missed them. "I?—"

"She needs to stay off the radar," Lucas said.

"I know, but she can"t live locked up in your basement the whole time." Bella patted her hip. "I"m always armed, Maddie. I don"t get to shoot bad guys nearly as often as I"d like, but maybe we can shoot yours. Wouldn't that be fun?"

Maddie smiled. "I can shoot, too."

Bella brightened. "Really? Do you have a gun?"

"Yeah."

"That"s amazing. Most women don"t have guns. Definitely come over to the kitchen. We"ll cook and shoot. It"ll be great."

Maddie felt like Bella actually meant it, which felt good. She"d been worried that the Harts would trigger her, but Bella felt like home. "If I can dig Lucas"s overprotective claws out of me, I"ll come over."

"Claws? I have claws?" Lucas sounded amused.

Another rider came into view behind Bella, and this one was clearly a man. He was too far away to see any facial features, but his broad shoulders and tall stature made it clear.

Lucas swore under his breath. "That"s Jacob. We gotta keep going."

Fear shot through Maddie, even as her dad bolted up. "Jacob? Where?"

Maddie sat back and closed her eyes. She didn"t want to even see him.

"That"s Jacob? I want to talk to him." There was a sudden scuffle, and then Maddie heard Lucas yelling at her dad.

Maddie opened her eyes to see her dad already out of the truck, limping hurriedly toward the approaching horse and rider. Crap! She leaned out the window. "Dad! Don"t you dare approach him! You don"t have that right!"

Her dad kept going, and Lucas bolted after him, shouting at her dad and Jacob.

Jacob reined in his horse, paused, then turned and rode off in the opposite direction in a fast gallop.

Maddie watched Jacob go, panic gripping her chest. That man was her past. He knew things about her that she couldn't remember. That man was the life that had tormented her for so long.

She didn"t want to see Jacob"s face. She was so scared that when she looked into his eyes, she"d suddenly remember everything, things she didn"t want to know, unleashing emotions she couldn"t handle, memories that would scar her in ways she"d never recover from.

Bella and Lucas had caught up to Huck now. Bella was chastising him, her voice strong and furious, but in control. Lucas had her dad"s arm, and was speaking in low, terse tones, no doubt ordering him back to the truck.

Maddie felt her heart sink as she watched the Hart siblings deal with her dad.

Bella had made her feel so welcome. Lucas had taken them into his family sanctuary, and the very first thing her dad had done was violate the Harts" trust and seek out a damaged, traumatized man that they"d made very clear he could not approach.

Maddie put her arm around Violet. What if the Harts kicked them out? It would be their right. And why was her dad so obsessed with Jacob that he couldn"t follow basic rules?

Lucas opened the back door. "Get in, Huck." His voice was terse and clipped, barely holding onto his anger.

Of course Lucas would be angry. The Harts protected each other, and the person he"d brought inside his family circle had just threatened his brother, at least that"s how his brother might interpret it.

"I just wanted to talk to him," Huck grumbled.

"Get in." Lucas glanced at Maddie, but his face was inscrutable.

Bella hadn"t come back to the truck. She was still on her horse, but she"d pulled her phone out and she was talking on it. Calling Jacob? Calling his wife? Calling the rest of the family to tell them the Vales weren"t welcome?

Huck got in the truck, scowling as he slammed the door shut.

Lucas climbed into the front. His jaw was hard, and he didn"t look at Maddie as he started the truck again.

The tension in the truck was palpable, and Maddie felt it seep into her skin, unraveling all the good feelings Bella had given her. She took a breath, trying to stay calm. "Dad. Apologize."

Huck threw up his hands. "I didn"t do anything wrong! I just wanted to talk to him."

Lucas gripped the steering wheel tighter. The truck was bounding over the ruts in the dirt road, and Maddie knew Lucas was driving too quickly.

He was visibly mad, and it was her dad"s fault.

"Dad!" Maddie scowled at him. "The Harts brought us to this ranch to protect us. You know that Jacob is vulnerable. Lucas very clearly told you that you can"t talk to him unless Jacob consents first."

Her dad looked at her, his eyes glistening. "I need to talk to him?—"

"No, you don"t." Anger coiled through Maddie, the same anger that had made her walk out on her dad earlier. "I don"t understand why you have such issues with him, but they"re yours to solve. It"s not Jacob"s job to make you feel better. It"s not his job to forgive you or not forgive you. It"s yours. Just because you"re near him doesn"t give you the right to put your baggage onto him."

Her dad narrowed his eyes at her. "Jacob wants to talk to you. The reason this Les bastard found you is because Jacob looked for you. Why is that okay, but it"s not okay for me to talk to him?"

Maddie hadn"t wanted to think of that, but now that her dad mentioned it, she couldn't deny the truth: it was possible that Les found her because the Harts had tracked her down. "The difference is that I don"t want to talk to Jacob, so he isn"t trying to get to me. He"s respecting my boundaries. You"re not respecting his."

"He tracked you down!" her dad shouted. "Why are you so obsessed with the Harts that you ignore that? These Harts are the reason we"re in danger now! When they tracked you down, they exposed you!"

Maddie had to fight not to cover her ears. Her dad never yelled. Ever. Because she hated it. Even as a little girl, she"d hated it, and couldn"t handle it. Adam had shouted at her before he"d hit her. "Don"t yell," she whispered, her voice strangled. "Don"t yell at me." Violet climbed onto her lap and licked her face, but Maddie was too tense to hold her.

Her dad grimaced. He lowered his voice, but the undercurrent of yelling was still there, already given life. "Jacob endangered you! The reason we"re here now is because the Harts exposed you! And after that, he won"t even speak to me?" Her dad"s voice rose again.

She pressed her hands over her ears. She knew her dad was upset. He was having his own trauma, seeing Jacob again, and not being able to get to him yet again. Always elusive. She got that. She didn"t blame her dad. But she didn"t have to take it. "Lucas. I need you to stop the truck. Right now."

Lucas looked over at her, and immediately pulled over.

She didn"t wait to explain herself. She just bolted from the truck, slammed the door behind her, and started walking, Violet pinned to her side. Her hands were shaking. She couldn't breathe. Her vision was blurry.

She didn"t know where she was going. She just had to get away.

"Maddie!" Her dad shouted. "Come back! I'm sorry!"

"No!" She held up her hand, but didn"t turn around. "I need a minute. Don"t follow me."

"Maddie—"

"No, Dad! You"ll make it worse!" She kept walking, her hands clenched as she fought not to lose the battle waging inside her.

"Maddie." Lucas"s voice was soft, and she jumped as he came into view on her left side.

"Don"t touch me," she snapped.

"I"m not going to. I"m just going to walk with you. Okay?"

"Yes, okay." She kept walking, fast, as fast as her legs would go, her right hand searching for her dog. Violet kept jumping up so she could touch her without bending down, but Maddie couldn"t slow down enough to pat her.

"No, Huck." Lucas spoke in a low, but commanding, tone. "Stay in the truck."

"Maddie!" Her dad shouted.

Maddie covered her ears and kept walking. "I"m safe," she whispered. "I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe."

Lucas kept pace just off her left shoulder. "I"m going to make a call, Maddie. I"m with you, but I need to make a call."

She nodded, but she didn"t answer. She had to keep talking. "I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe."

"Tristan," Lucas said. "I left Maddie"s dad in my truck near the north stables. I need you to get him, take him back to your place, and lock him down for the moment. He was trying to get to Jacob."

Maddie kept walking. "Don"t hurt him," she whispered. "Don"t hurt my dad."

"Keep him safe," Lucas added. "But keep him away from the family. Someone might try to shoot him. Don"t let them."

She nodded at Lucas"s words. Her dad was safe. "I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe."

"Put eyes on me and Maddie, but no one approach," Lucas continued. "I want people nearby. Get Dylan"s people on us, but again, no one approach."

No one approach. Lucas wasn"t going to let anyone come near them. "No Jacob," she said. "I don"t want to see him."

"No Jacob," Lucas added. He paused, then, "Thanks. I"ll be in touch." He hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket.

Silence fell as the three of them walked. She didn"t even know where she was going. There was grass under her feet, not driveway. They were off the road, and she didn"t care.

She just kept going. "I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe." It was the mantra that her therapist had helped her create. The words always worked for her. But they didn"t right now.

"Maddie," Lucas said gently.

I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe. "What?"

"I"m right here with you." His voice was very soft and gentle. Soothing. It felt like a warm blanket settling over her skin. "How can I help you?"

She stopped suddenly and turned to face him. "It"s not working." She felt panicked.

His expression was schooled into serenity and peace. "What"s not working, sweetheart?" Again, his voice was gentle. Calm. Serene.

"My mantra. It"s not working. It always works. I"m freaking out." She couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. "I can"t breathe. Don"t tell me to breathe and settle. I can"t. I"m—" She bent over, bracing her hands on her thighs, fighting to breathe. "I feel like I"m going to die."

Lucas bent closer to her, but not so close, not too close. "Do you want to sit?"

"No. I"m trapped if I sit. I need to move."

"All right. Let"s move."

"I can"t walk. My legs feel frozen. I don"t think I can stand up anymore." She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting not to spiral. Fighting to hold onto some semblance of sanity. She dug her fingers into her thighs, trying to feel pain from her fingernails, trying to feel anything that would draw her back from the vortex she was in.

Lucas paused for a moment. "How about a piggyback?"

"A piggyback?" I"m safe. I"m safe. I"m safe.

"Yeah. I"ll carry you, but you"re not trapped on my back. You can get off at any second, but we"ll keep moving."

Piggyback. She nodded. "Okay. Yes. Okay."

"All right. I"ll kneel in front of you, and you climb on when you"re ready. Okay?"

She nodded, not looking up, still fighting for breath that felt dangerously elusive.

Lucas went down on one knee in front of her, his back toward her.

She stared at him, but didn"t move.

"Put your hand on my shoulder. See if it feels all right." His voice was still so calm, no terror for her to grip onto. "One hand, Maddie. That"s all."

She stared at his shoulder. She"d touched him before. She"d felt safe with him. She remembered that. Violet nudged her hand, jerking her back to the moment.

She lifted her hand, unable to stop it from shaking violently. But she put her hand on Lucas"s shoulder. The moment she felt the heat from his body against her palm, her body shuddered, and she felt a wisp of calm in the storm fighting to consume her.

She immediately grabbed onto him, locking her arms around his neck. "Help," she whispered, her voice strangled.

Lucas reached back, helping her get her legs around his hips. The moment her feet were locked around his waist, he rose to his feet and started walking. "Come on, Violet," he said, snapping his fingers. "Let"s go."

Knowing he would keep an eye on her dog, Maddie closed her eyes and pressed her face to his back, trying to focus on the feel of his body against hers. On his muscles, flexing as he moved. Of his steady stride. His strength. She focused on grounding herself in him so that the panic had nothing to hold onto.

The heat from Lucas"s body seemed to penetrate the chill that had gripped her, allowing her to breathe through the wall trying to suffocate her.

She gripped Lucas more tightly, afraid that the relief he was giving her would disappear. "Talk to me," she whispered. "I don"t care what. Just say something."

"We have wolves on the ranch," he said, after a brief pause. "At night we can hear them howling. It"s such a beautiful, eerie sound."

Wolves. "Do they attack the horses?"

"No. We bring all the animals in at night, though, just to be sure." He was still moving fast, his stride even and purposeful, his grip on her legs supportive and reassuring.

"How many horses do you have here?"

"It varies. We rescue horses. Sometimes they get adopted by someone, but often, this is their forever home."

Forever home. That sounded like an elusive dream. "You save them?"

"We do. We"re a sanctuary."

A sanctuary. Suddenly, she felt like crying. "I feel like one of your horses. Broken."

"Not broken," Lucas said. "Alive, healing, beautiful."

"I can"t even walk. I"m hanging onto you like a backpack."

"Backpacks are valid, contributing members of society."

She let out a snort of choked laughter. "Well, that"s good to know."

He chuckled. "You can walk just fine. I have news for you, Maddie. The Harts are a family full of traumatic pasts. We all handle it differently. The fact that we"re all alive and functioning is a victory every day."

She kept her cheek resting against his back, her feet swinging with the rhythm of his stride. "So I"m a winner, then?"

"Yep." He didn"t elaborate or try to explain. It was simply such an unequivocal statement of her worth that she felt it deep in her gut.

She sighed, a shuddering deep breath that was the first sign that she was going to be all right. She stopped talking, this time, to focus on her own body. On her muscles starting to relax. On her mind beginning to settle.

They fell silent, not talking, but she felt connected to him.

Safe.

Worthy.

Like she could breathe again.