Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Lothar returned to the house with Gemma at his side. It felt right to have her there, it somehow felt more like home with her being here than it had before. Mrs. Castwell was having a pleasant conversation with the baroness, and he was pleased. He noted that he was more worried at the prospect of Henny being unkind to Mrs. Castwell, than he was worried about it happening the other way around.

When they arrived, he was told by a footman that his sisters did not wish to see the baroness Whitcombe and they had instead passed their time playing cards.

“Thank you,” Lothar had said as they headed to the tearoom to see how Gemma’s mother was faring.

“Having a good chat, mother?” Gemma asked with a loving smile.

“Yes, we were till now.” Henny replied.

“It is quite agreeable even though it lacks a certain level of intelligence,” her mother said as she stared Henny down.

“Enjoy your tour around what is left of the place? The meniscal pumpkins are adorable, are they not?” Henny said ignoring the older woman.

Lothar felt his temper rise to an alarming rate and opened his mouth to stop Henny.

Gemma spoke before he could.

“Actually I find this place to be marvelous. Lothar has made remarkable strides in starting to take advantage of the potential of it all,” Gemma said in a bright voice. He could hear by the tone in her voice that she was having trouble with controlling her temper as much as he was having controlling his. Gemma however had the ability to sound calm and speak quietly.

She is utterly amazing! Lothar thought with admiration. I am not used to having someone stand up for me either.

“You cannot be serious,” Henny said and laughed.

“That is enough!” Lothar yelled. “Henrietta, you have come to my home that you so easily insult, uninvited. Then on top of that, you insult my guests who were invited. I suggest you take your leave and do not return. Especially seeing as this is all not good enough for you!”

“Lothar, what are you saying?” Henny said.

“Do you see what I mean about the lack of intelligence?” Gemma’s mother said.

“It is very clear now. You were correct as always, Mother.” Gemma replied.

“Who do you think you are?” Henny said in an outraged tone.

“I think I am one of the few people who would rather speak their minds than impress you,” Gemma answered in a flat tone.

“And I think…” Henny started to say when Lothar instinctively stepped closer and stood slightly in front of Gemma in a protective manner.

“I know that I have asked you nicely to leave my home. Allow me to escort you to the front where your carriage awaits as it always does.” Lothar had never been that angry with Henny in all their shallow, one-sided relationship. He now saw her with new eyes and could not find one thing he liked.

I must have looked the picture of a fool in love. Most people must have known how she really is and have wondered why I was by her side. No wonder my mother had such a difficult time accepting Henny!

“Lothar, now I know that I have upset you but there is no need to raise your voice. I will leave and come back when you have come back to yourself.” Henny said with a smile.

“Do you mean when I once again follow you about and am at your call, when you need me day and night? That is no longer an option and will not be in the future either, so I suggest you do not waste your time in returning.” Lothar knew he meant every word. That he was well and truly free of the hold she had once held on him.

Lothar walked only to the door with Henny. He could be clearly seen from where Gemma and her mother stood. He was not going to give Henny the chance to get him alone in order to attempt to convince him back on her side. Lothar turned the moment he could see her carriage ride away and could not wait to return to Gemma’s side.

“I apologize Mrs. Castwell, My Lady. Henrietta might be an old friend, but she has no right to speak to anyone in a rude manner. I hope you will forgive me any insult caused.” Lothar said with genuine embarrassment.

“It is not your fault, Your Grace.” Her mother said.

“I agree, Your Grace.” Gemma said.

“Your Grace. I do not mean to sound forward but perhaps you should not be so harsh on the baroness. I take it the two of you have been friends quite long?”

“Since we were teenagers, My Lady.” Lothar replied.

“Your Grace, perhaps you should not throw that away, in case after our three months we do not get married.” Gemma said gently.

“I think you both have a few things to discuss. I saw a lovely, seated area near the front entrance. I shall wait there until you are done,” Mrs. Castwell said.

“I would not want to inconvenience you Mrs. Castwell. I could call tomorrow or another day.” Lothar offered.

“Do not worry, Your Grace. I need to move about, or these old limbs will not let me make it to the carriage later,” her mother said with a smile. The moment Gemma’s mother moved out of earshot, Lothar went closer to Gemma.

“Are you alright, My Lady?” Lothar asked and found that he was deeply concerned for Gemma’s wellbeing and had not felt any remorse for his outburst towards Henny.

How dare she speak to other people in that disrespect way. She had looked down on me and my farm, but it had not hurt as much as when she had been so snide to Gemma. Lothar thought as he took a seat next to Gemma.

“I am fine, thank you Your Grace. I am more concerned how you are currently,” Gemma said with concern.

“I was embarrassed, My Lady. Henny was someone I would vouch for. Well I would have till now,” Lothar replied.

“And what has changed, Your Grace? I very much doubt years of knowing someone and having them in your life can simply go away after one short conversation.” Gemma gave him a gentle smile. There was no anger or jealousy, only understanding. It only made Lothar more attracted and in awe of her.

“What changed is you, My Lady. I see her now for how she really is instead of my idea of her,” Lothar answered.

“Your Grace,” Gemma started to speak and then paused for a moment before she continued. “Love does not go away. It may become less or more but it does not go away. I will help you with your land, Your Grace. I do not think that we will get married after our three months are over. I would hate to think that I had ruined your chances of being with the woman you love. Think of it this way, Your Grace. In less than a year you could have your estate thriving and upon seeing how great it could be, the baroness could change her mind by then. You would then have the home you have always wanted and the woman you love to share it with,” Gemma said with a lot more enthusiasm than he felt.

The home I have always wanted, with the woman I love? That would be you, Gemma. Lothar thought as it dawned on him that Gemma was still no closer to wanting to marry him than when they had started their courtship.

“I do not want to see her again,” Lothar said with frustration.

“That does not mean that you will not feel differently in a few hours or days, Your Grace.”

She keeps thinking of a future that does not have us together. Can she not understand how little any other woman means to me compared to her. Lothar thought and wished he had the words to let her know how he felt. He had told Henny how much he loved her, and it had caused him years of torture.

I had waited patiently. I had loved without return, cared without being cared for. Lothar thought and willed the words to leave his mind and be spoken, they would not no matter how hard he tried.

Coward! Lothar thought with disgust. He had always been the type of man to stand up for what was right. He had run into a group of men who had ganged upon one to rob him. Lothar had not recognized the man or known if he would win a fight but, the man had needed help, and he could not stand by while someone was in need. It was something he admired in Gemma. He had encountered few people that thought the way he did. She was a rare jewel indeed.

“My Lady you are very kind. Especially in light of how Henrietta treated you. I do not agree. I do not believe that my feelings for her will ever return.”

“Anger is a very powerful emotion, Your Grace. It usually indicates other strong feelings. In other words your anger means you still have feelings for her,” Gemma said. Lothar wondered if the sound of disappointment in her voice was real or if it was his desperation for it in be true.

“I was angry because of the way she treated you and your mother, My Lady. I do not think that you fully understand. I have seen actions in her that I was blind to. Now that I have seen them, they cannot be unseen. I shall never again feel for her anything close to my previous devotion,” Lothar said.

“I am just trying to help, Your Grace.” Gemma said.

“I know. Please just give me a fair chance, My Lady,” Lothar pleaded.

“I am, Your Grace. You did win two more months fairly,” Gemma said with a smile that did not reach her eyes.

“Be that as it may, My Lady. I am firmly under the impression that you have already doomed our relationship to end with no chance of marriage,” Lothar said gently.

“I know how I feel, Your Grace. I do not want to mislead you,” Gemma replied.

“There is a vast difference between misleading and not being willing to give something a real chance.” He did not want to push Gemma, but he needed to be as clear about how he felt as was possible.

“Then I shall endeavor to give our courtship a chance, as you say, Your Grace.” This time her smile was genuine.

“It is settled then. Now, My sisters have been waiting to meet you, My Lady.”

“We should not keep them waiting, Your Grace,” Gemma said as he led her to where his sisters usually liked to pass their time, the gaming area.

When they entered the room the two girls ran to Gemma. Lothar was touched by how much Gemma looked to match their excitement.

“Miss Castwell, as you know from earlier, I’m Charlotte and this is my younger sister Colette. We look forward to getting to know you better.” Charlotte said, and they both beamed at her.

“I cannot tell you how pleased I am to hear you say that. Lothar is so proud of the both of you.” Gemma replied.

“We have been equally excited to meet you, Miss Castwell. My brother tells me you are a writer, a real writer. Would it be too forward to ask your advice?” Charlotte asked.

“Not at all Charlotte and please do call me Gemma. Colette, what are your interests?” Gemma asked ensuring his younger sister was part of the conversation. Lothar watched as the three women went to sit and chat. If he did not know any better, he would have sworn they were old friends who had not seen each other in a long while. Not being a direct part of the conversation, he found his mind wondering. His thoughts went to the night she had been so afraid.

She had trusted me enough to show her real feelings. More than that, she had held onto me for protection. She had shown that she has a vulnerable side. Lothar thought and could not deny how good it had felt to have her in his arms.

She is the first woman I can hold in my arms without fear of hurting her. She is made for me I know it. I will not give up on us even if she has. I will show her how good we could be together, Lothar vowed as he watched how well Gemma was getting along with his sisters.

It had never been like that with Henny. She had not even tried to get to know them, and they had not liked her very much. With Gemma they laughed, and the conversation flowed. He could hear his name being mentioned occasionally but could not focus on hearing what was said.

I may fix things with Henny as it is wrong to leave things as they are. She will have to understand that our time has passed. I may have wanted to marry her and all it would have taken was for her to say yes. Now I would not marry her if she begged. Gemma will be my wife, she is the woman who showed me what real love looked like. Unselfish, caring, nurturing, all the things I know now Henny cannot be.

He vividly remembered how Gemma had felt in his arms. He remembered how she had held on tightly to him, her scent one that haunted him until he saw her again. It was not that alone. She had a refreshing view on life and how things are done. She thinks of others and is the one person who should think highly of herself, but yet does not. To be so unaware of how beautiful she was inside and, on the outside, was intoxicating.