Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Lothar could not contain his excitement as he waited for Gemma and her mother to arrive for tea. His mother had taken quickly to Gemma and her family, and it just served to make him believe in their union even more. When their carriage arrived, he almost ran down the stairs to go to her.

What will I do if she does not want to marry me? I already cannot live without this woman. Lothar thought as he stepped outside.

Gemma looked like a vision. Her hair was styled to perfection with the fringe curling down the sides of her face and the rest twisted into a neat bun. She wore a blue dress with pale silver inserts that brought out her eyes. When he approached her to greet her, the wind carried notes of vanilla and honey.

“Good afternoon, Lady Castwell, My Lady. Welcome to our home. I am so glad you could make it today. How did you find the trip here?” Lothar asked quickly. He hoped they could not see that he was more nervous today. He had not slept more than an hour or two last night.

I must know if I stand a chance with Gemma. Her father gave me three months and one is already at its end. Today I must ask her the question that steals my sanity and my rest. I must ask if she has changed her mind and will marry me. What if she says that she will not. Lothar thought as his mouth went dry with the emotions churning in his stomach.

He took them to see his mother who had arranged an impressive amount of eats. He worried that she had prepared their entire pantry and would now be without food for weeks.

It would be worth it if only she would be mine. Lothar thought as he pulled a seat out for Gemma and her mother.

“I am so glad the two of you could make it today,” his mother said as she poured their tea for them.

“Thank you so much for having us, we are delighted to be here,” her mother said as she lifted her porcelain cup to take a sip of tea.

They ate and spoke until there were only crumbs left on the plate and they had gone through four kettles of tea.

“Shall we go for a walk to aid digestion?” Lothar asked Gemma once she had finished her tea.

“I think it has become necessary, thank you, Your Grace.” Gemma rose from her chair. Lothar felt thrilled to have her to himself. The only frightening part was that he knew he would not forgive himself if he did not ask her about marriage. He felt he had given her enough time by now to have drawn a conclusion. He was just worried that her feelings on the matter had not changed. They had made their way from the house and were now in the gardens.

Lothar knew they were not nearly as lovely as the gardens at her home, but he knew that one day they could be.

“My Lady. Do forgive me for asking. I must know, have you thought about us?” Lothar asked and felt relieved that he had said it.

“About us, Your Grace?” Gemma asked.

“Yes, My Lady. We agreed that we would give this a chance. That perhaps we could at least try for the three months your father initially gave me,” Lothar replied gently. He did not want to push her, yet he knew the uncertainty would ruin him.

“Your Grace I can honestly say that I am still very unsure about marriage. It is not because it is you, Your Grace. I have thought this way for many years, it is difficult to suddenly change,” Gemma said, and even though she had not said no it still felt like a rejection from her.

“Then what can I do to help change your mind, My Lady? Is there something I am doing wrong?” Lothar asked.

“No, Your Grace. It is not that you have done anything wrong. I wish to have a marriage where we both care about each other,” Gemma replied.

“I do care about you, My Lady. And I can live with knowing you do not… if I must…” Lothar said. He knew it sounded desperate, but he already could not live without her.

I can live without her love, but I cannot be without her. Lothar thought with growing despair.

“Actually, Your Grace, I do care for you deeply as well. If I may be honest, I do not think you will so easily forget about Baroness Whitcombe,” Gemma said.

“My Lady, I was a complete fool. I have not so much as thought about her since you have given me the opportunity to spend time with you. I find we are more compatible than I had realized, and I believe we could make this place, our place, a paradise for us and our family.” Lothar resisted the urge to take her hands in his. He did not want to push her further away as it seems he had not convinced her absolutely as yet.

“I am not even certain that I want to start a family, I have a perfectly good one already,” Gemma replied.

“It would be a shame, My Lady. You are so very good with children.

“And what would the cost be? To lose myself in the process. To be in a marriage where I will constantly wonder if you are thinking of me or pining after your old love? No, Your Grace. As it stands now, I do not believe we shall get married. The funds you seek are not tied up in matrimony. I can help you with the funds needed but I must know what it is you wish to do here before I do,” Gemma explained.

“I am not sure what you are saying, My Lady,” Lothar replied.

“You see, Your Grace. My father raised me like he would have if he had any sons. I have been working with my own finances since in my teens. After a few sound investments I have more than tripled my money. I could teach you if you like,” Gemma said. Lothar was impressed that Gemma would be in charge of such things. There was of course nothing wrong with it, it was just unusual.

“So you have a counter offer of the funds to help my estate. Your terms being that we do not get married?” Lothar asked hoping he had misunderstood.

“Yes, Your Grace. I can help you turn this estate around and we would both not have to burden ourselves with marriage,” Gemma said, looking satisfied.

A burden? Lothar thought with a tight chest.

Then without warning Gemma reached out and held onto Lothar’s arm. The unexpected touch made Lothar’s heart do its best to escape his ribcage.

Had she changed her mind and find that did want me? Lothar wondered. Then he noticed that she was visibly shaking.

“My Lady, what is the matter? “Lothar asked as she jumped forward to bury her face in his chest. Something had frightened her, and she had trusted him enough to seek safety and protection with him. It was a precious moment where he allowed himself to touch the tip of her head gently to give her comfort.

“Is it gone?” Gemma asked. The warmth of her face against his chest made him feel unsteady on his feet as the scent of honey and vanilla, of her, drifted towards him.

“Is what gone, My Lady?” Lothar asked. Gemma moved away from him, and he felt colder almost immediately.

“I thought I had seen a bat, Your Grace,” Gemma said, looking up at him still looking pale.

She had been truly frightened. Lothar thought as he tried to understand.

“A bat, My Lady? Are you very sure? I have not ever laid eyes on a bat, and I have lived here all my life.”

“Forgive me, Your Grace. Perhaps I was mistaken. I have a terrible memory from one,” Gemma said. He held onto her waist to ensure she would not faint.

“Would you like to tell me about it, My Lady?” Lothar asked wanting to know everything he could about her.

“I was about nine years of age, Your Grace. I had the loveliest pet hound. She was sweet yet protective. One day when we were running in the field as we did every day after my daily lessons. We stayed out later than we should have,” Gemma stopped to wipe a tear from her face.

This part of the story must be difficult for her, Lothar thought with sympathy.

“As it became dark one of those wretched things flew at my dog and bit her. She was just trying to protect me you see, and it was my fault for being out so late. At first, we did not think anything of the bite.

Then one day she became so ill that she did not even recognize me. She looked like a wild wolf with her eyes bulging and foam coming from her mouth. My father had to put her out of her misery as the doctor said there would be no saving her.” Gemma finished her story angrily wiping away at her tears.

Lothar gently wiped one away. “My Lady that was not your fault. Children forget the time of day most days. I am so very sorry that happened to you. No wonder you fear them so, I would also.

They stood there a while before deciding to go back into the house. Lothar had his one hand at the small of her back and she had taken his other hand in hers.

“I enjoy your company, My Lady. I hope you might rethink how you view our courtship,” Lothar said, as they reached the house.

“I enjoy your company as well, Your Grace and that is the point. We should get married wanting to do so and not as part of a business negotiations. I know it is how things are done but I cannot abide by it,” Gemma answered.

I do want to marry you because I feel more for you than any woman before you or any that could come after you. Lothar thought but did not say anything. They walked to the estate and Lothar wondered if the gift he had planned to give her would still be a good idea.

I do not want to chase after another woman who does not want me. Lothar thought but he knew that Gemma would not be a woman he would stop caring for as easily as he had with Henny.

Lothar asked Gemma to take a seat in the tea room. When they entered their mothers got up to leave, allowing them a few moments to themselves.

Lothar went to the old cupboard that nearly filled one wall, unlocked it and took a small wooden box out before locking it again. He placed the wooden box in front of Gemma. She frowned up at him and he gestured for her to open it.

She did so carefully to reveal a chess board with hand carved pieces. “This is a stunningly beautiful set, Your Grace.”

“It belonged to my grandmother. She was the one who taught me how to play. I want you to have it, My Lady,” Lothar said.

“Oh no, Your Grace. I could not possibly accept this gift. It must be part of your family for years now. The memories alone make it priceless.”

“Nonsense, My Lady. My grandmother would have loved you,” Lothar replied.

As I do, he thought but did not dare speak aloud.

“Your Grace, I do not know what to say,” Gemma said as she ran her fingers over the dents and chips in the board. “This is the loveliest gift anyone has ever given me.”

“Say that you will play a game with me. Perhaps with a tiny wager attached?” Lothar said the last part without thinking. He felt at a loss after Gemma had made it clear that she had not changed her mind and would be yet another heartbreak.

“A wager, Your Grace?” Gemma said looking suspicious. Lothar’s mind raced, he had no inclination what he could ask for. He did not want to cheapen their relationship, but it was all he wanted and all he could think of.

“I was thinking to perhaps reduce the payments I may owe you, My Lady. Or was there something you had in mind?” Lothar asked hoping she would say something more interesting than he had.

“Payments? We could wager the final two months on our courtship, Your Grace,” Gemma replied.

“Well, My Lady. I was hoping I could gain an upper hand on that loan you spoke of earlier. I also fear you may start charging me for your sage advice,” Lothar explained.

“We shall have to see about that, Your Grace. So what is it to be? Gemma asked.

Well that does qualify as interesting! Lothar released a breath he did not even know he was holding.