Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Gemma watched as Lothar left. She felt the absence of his presence the second she could no longer see him. Lothar and his mother had arrived in the morning and had left at nightfall, yet it had felt as though they had only been there for a few hours. And Lothar had been so natural with the children.

Not something one saw very often, Gemma thought, as she stood back from the plants she had been moving to be closer to the window in the conservatory for the winter. Even her grandparents liked to move—to the other side of the house—during winter. Once the frost started to settle in, then they would have rooms cleaned and prepared as soon as was possible.

Her grandmother had a love of plants that Gemma had inherited. She had noticed that the pot plants were started to suffer with damage from frost and decided to move them where they would get more sun. Her grandmother also insisted that her chair be moved closer to the flowers. Gemma gladly helped and adored seeing her grandmother happy.

“That one needs to be further, dear,” her grandmother said, and Gemma obliged.

“Do you think that will be suitable, Grandmama?” Gemma asked.

“Yes, thank you, dear. Now, how are things between you and this Lothar fellow? I know you have been adamant that you do not want to marry. Though I think this young man seems a good match for you.”

Again with being a good match. Are they all conspiring against me? Lothar said the exact same words and it seems I am alone in not seeing what they see.

“He does seem like a good man, Grandmama. What do you believe makes us a good fit?” Gemma asked needing to know what they saw that she did not.

“It seems the two of you have a few things in common, and you two are comfortable in each other’s company to start with,” her grandmother replied with a smile.

“Surely it takes more than comfort to make a union work,” Gemma said.

“So you are considering marriage?” Her grandmother beamed at her.

“It is not a certainty, Grandmama,” Gemma replied.

“No matter. It is a vast improvement on your attitude towards marriage not that long ago,” her grandmother said.

“It was a pleasant visit,” Gemma replied.

“I am so pleased you feel that way. Your mother has accepted an invitation to tea in three days on behalf of her and yourself,” her grandmother said and looked expectant.

“We have only started seeing each other,” Gemma replied.

“You could do a lot worse than a duke, dear,” her grandmother replied.

“It does not matter what his title is, Grandmama. I know father wants us to be settled but I am not sure we make such a good match,” Gemma said as she sat down on a nearby chair.

“Marriage is not an easy undertaking, but it is one worthy of doing. The way you care for those children, you will make a good mother. How did Lothar handle being around the children?” her grandmother asked.

“He did really well. Many men feel out of place, but then he does have two sisters,” Gemma replied, smiling as she remembered his taking interest in Harvey.

“You both like children and enjoy chess. He also does not seem like an unpleasant man,” her grandmother offered.

“I do admit that I find him interesting, and very handsome, Grandmama,” Gemma said with a small smile.

“Then why are you so unsure?” her grandmother asked.

Gemma sighed. Perhaps it would be useful to tell her grandmother about her hesitancy.

“When we went to town, Ashley and I, we encountered him in the haberdashery, holding another woman’s hand. Now to be fair, it did look like the women had fainted, or pretended to at least.” Gemma explained what she’d seen. She knew her grandmother would keep what they spoke about solely between the two of them.

“Then he had only been there to help,” her grandmother said.

“Mrs. Baker had said that he had lost his heart to a woman long ago. He seemed attentive towards her. I think she was the woman Mrs. Baker was referring to.” Gemma tried to keep the disappointment from her voice.

“You do not know for certain that woman was the same woman Mrs. Baker spoke of. Besides she is given to making more of a story then there is,” her grandmother said.

“Perhaps Grandmama. Lothar and I spoke after I had seen him. He had admitted that he had once been held affections for the woman, Baroness Whitcombe,” Gemma admitted.

“He was honest with you, dear,” her grandmother replied.

“It’s just that, well, I want a husband who will love me, Grandmama,” Gemma said.

“Love can grow with time,” her grandmother said gently.

“Not if it is planted in another’s garden.” Gemma shook her head.

“He will have to choose. Though many men today have a few women they are with,” her grandmother said.

“I cannot abide by that, Grandmama.”

“You also have a choice to make, my dear. You may have to choose to be with a husband who may not love you but who is good for your family,” her grandmother said.

“I know to marry him would give our family the title my father wants. But Grandmama, I feel as though I am being purchased and not courted,” Gemma bemoaned.

“I thought his dinner idea was lovely. He is a romantic,” her grandmother said.

“It was a lovely gesture,” Gemma replied. “Perhaps it is so important for him to get money to help his estate that he would even marry a woman he does not care about.” Gemma tried not to sound as bitter as she felt.

“As it is an arranged marriage then there is little need to do such things at all. The fact that Lothar made an effort to be with your family showed that he does care about you. About how you feel,” her grandmother reminded her.

“That may be true Grandmama. I fear what I would have to give up, who I would have to be, to be married to a duke. He will not allow his sister to publish her writing yet says that I can still write. Is he lying or am I being told I will not be as important? It does not seem to make sense.” Gemma was happy to finally unburden her feelings. She had held onto her fears and questions, not wanting to burden her family. Yet as she spoke with her grandmother, she was reminded of the comfort and solace family offered.

“My dear girl. Perhaps it would be better if you thought about what you gained instead of what you stand to lose. Having an idea of the type of husband you want is one thing. But denying yourself the pleasure of starting your life as a woman and a mother, it is senseless.”

Her grandmother leaned forward to whisper the next part in her ear.

“Your grandfather was anything but my idea of an ideal match. I hardly wanted to sit in the same room as the man. And look at us now. Almost sixty years later and he is still the man I love.”

“How did you learn to love him, Grandmama,” Gemma asked.

“Well it turned out that we had much in common. It was something we could build on,” her grandmother replied.

“Is that why you believe we will work Grandmama? Lothar and I?” Gemma asked with a smile.

If my grandparents could make it for all these years, then maybe Lothar and I could as well. Gemma felt her mood improve and her hope for her and Lothar becoming stronger.

There is still one matter that does bother me…

“Grandmama, what if he simply wants to marry me to improve his estate, and once he has done that, he leaves me?” Gemma asked only now realizing how much the prospect hurt her.

“He does not strike me as the type of man to do such a thing. Then again, I have been fooled a few times in my life” her grandmother admitted.

“What should I do, Grandmama. I care for Lothar I am just so afraid I will get hurt, that he will not ever love me. You should have seen him with this other woman. I find it hard to believe that he could just stop loving her.” Gemma felt what little hope that rose within her almost dissolve completely.

“My girl, life is not like the books you so enjoy reading. Real life is full of emotions and decisions that alter the course of your life. It is never perfect, and we hardly ever get everything we want. My dear girl, I know you have a romantic heart and there is nothing wrong with that. If you are waiting for it all to be exactly how you wish it to be, you will wait till my age,” her grandmother said, with more feeling than she had heard her have in years.

“I am aware how imperfect life can be Grandmama. I do not want it to be perfect I only want to marry a man who will love me, and who finds the same things to be of great importance, such as my writing and being able to help whom I desire at the drop of a hat.” Gemma felt she was not being unreasonable.

“You cannot guess how your marriage will be. You must experience it and change what you do not like, even if that is your husband,” her grandmother’s tone was teasing, no doubt wanting to cheer her up.

“First, I will have to find a dress for this tea we are invited to. Where does my mother think I shall find a new dress for the occasion?” Gemma asked not wanting to disgrace herself by being seen out in the same dresses.

“She has, as I understand it been making a few dresses since Lothar has entered your life. I dare say she is as in love with you and he getting married than it seems the two of you feel,” her grandmother said with a laugh. “Do not be surprised if she asks to fit you for your wedding dress.”

“Mother has not even mentioned any of those dresses,” Gemma said in confusion.

“She wants to be prepared. Do you know that when she was a little girl, she would make dresses and suits for the ducks we had at the time. Every few days there would be a wedding for these animals. Your mother enjoys happy events.” Her grandmother shrugged her shoulders as if it explained everything.

“Well I have sat down long enough now,” Gemma said as she got up to move more pot plants to where they would do better. Though her grandmother had offered her insights into the situation, she did not feel any more confident in knowing what to do.

Gemma thought it over as the days passed and the tea they were to have with Lothar and his mother came closer. She enjoyed Lothar’s company, and his mother was a pleasant woman. She had heard of how mothers-in-law have made their children’s spouses bitterly unhappy.

I hope that is not my future. To be in a loveless marriage with a woman who seeks my destruction, Gemma thought as she looked at the dress she was to wear. Her mother had indeed been making her a few new dresses.

Her mother had enjoyed making her children’s clothes. They could afford to shop for clothes, but were not as good quality as what her mother made. She had not once encountered a loose thread or an uneven cut in all her years. The clothes that were ordered, even fine ones from Paris, paled next to her mother’s skill.

“You have been busy, mother,” Gemma said as she entered her mother’s sewing room. Her mother was concentrating on the fabric she was putting together while she hummed a joyful song. It was only when Gemma came to sit in front of her that her mother noticed she was not alone.

“Oh hello dear. What do you think?” Her mother asked earnestly as she carefully put her work aside and got up to show Gemma the other dresses.

“They are as magnificent as always mother. I hope you have not worked too hard,” Gemma replied.

“Never mind that. This fabric, have you ever seen such rich colors?”

Gemma knew this conversation was not going to be easy. Her mother had so much joy since she had started showing an interest in marriage, that Gemma feared she was running away with it and would get hurt.

What if I do not marry Lothar and she has already started with the dress for the occasion ?

“Mother it is very beautiful, as always. I do hope I will get the opportunity to wear them all,” Gemma replied.

“Why would you not?” Her mother asked.

“It is not official that Lothar and I will wed, Mother.” Gemma waited to see her mother’s reaction. She merely smiled and shrugged.

“It does not have to be Lothar, my dear girl. I want to make sure I have done my duty before my hands are too old.” Her smile showed it was a joke on her part, yet they both knew time did not wait. Soon her mother might be too old to create things with her hands.

“Thank you, Mother,” Gemma said, and embraced her mother.

What would I do without her? Without any of my family? Gemma thought as tears stung her eyes. The thought alone of losing any member of her family was enough to upset her.

Gemma decided to keep their conversation light and had rather go ahead and try the dresses on to see if they needed to be adjusted. They all fit almost perfectly.

She and her mother spoke well into the night about who was now getting married or had to move to another country after getting divorced. Her mother, who did not like rumors, would ironically know more than those who chased after other people’s misery.

Did she know of Lothar and the baroness? How could she not have if it was general knowledge?

“Mother, do you know a Baroness Whitcombe?” Gemma asked. She did not want to relive seeing Lothar with her, but she had to know if her mother knew anything she did not.

“I do not believe that I do, why do you ask?” her mother inquired with a slight frown.

“She was Lothar’s first choice for marriage, but her wishes were taken more seriously,” Gemma replied.

“I am confused,” her mother said, her frown more pronounced now.

“Mrs. Baker said that his heart belonged to another. I saw him with her at the haberdashery and I am quite unsure that it is over between them. Even if he says different,” Gemma explained.

“You spoke to him about it?” Her mother asked wide eyed.

“Yes mother, why do you look so surprised?” Gemma said putting her hand in front of her mouth as she could not help laughing at her mother’s shocked features.

“I am just taken aback. You are not one to speak freely about your feelings, let alone to a man. I am sure that if Lothar says he wants to marry you, then he means you alone. He had better. White silk is the most expensive color to buy,” her mother replied with a teasing grin.