38. Realm of Fear and Fury

thirty-eight

Realm of Fear and Fury

Alessia

A tidal wave of darkness engulfs me as a lifetime’s worth of rage, grief, and regret finally breaks free. The outburst is never-ending, pouring out of me relentlessly. The suffocating shadow engulfs everything in its path, blinding me along with everyone else.

The screams thicken, polluting the air.

My shadow’s ravenous hunger pitches, driven to a frenzy by my fury. I brace for the screams to falter as my voracious beast swallows them whole.

But something in the shrieking changes.

The combative cries shift into that of fear—pleas laced with desperation.

The blanket of darkness begins to recede, relinquishing its oppressive grasp. The fog thins, winding into a single tendril as it swirls around me.

I blink, letting my eyes adjust to the returned light in lieu of my darkness. Nobody is clamoring to the exits. Instead, they stand frozen, their eyes wide with terror, their bodies quivering as they desperately grasp at the empty air around them.

I recognize the scene—they’re fighting illusions of their worst nightmares .

The horrifying moment unfolds as many of them frantically claw at their faces, ripping their eyeballs out. Blood pours from their sockets, staining their extravagant clothing. I avert my gaze in disgust, unable to bear the sight.

Their anguished screams gradually dissipate to faint sobs as their movements grow more sluggish, losing intensity. Exhausted to death, people begin to collapse, crumbling around me. Their skulls hit the ground with a sickening thump. Some seize up until they go still, others lie unmoving.

An eyeball rolls past me, and my stomach heaves. I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow the bile.

A dark, weak chuckle reaches my ears, and my attention snaps back to Rainer.

He stares at me, his eyes the color of the night sky. A silver twinkle reflects back, my image, as if I’m a single bright star in his dark sky.

“Rainer,” I cry out, reaching for him.

“I’ll always—” he coughs, and the rattling noise sends an alarm through me “—take care of my little rose.”

“You have to, Rainer.” My voice cracks. “I know you think I’m strong, but I only am because of your love. You are the lighthouse guiding me to my strength.”

He sucks in a sharp breath, wheezing. “Not even death can weed the love for you from my heart.”

“Don’t you dare!” With tears streaming down my face, I cling to him, relishing his warmth and strength.

My fingers brush against his side, coming into contact with something firm and sticky. My eyes quickly scan downward. The distinctive carved hilt juts out from his torso, taunting me with his impending doom. The iron on the blade is coursing through his veins at this very moment—poisoning him—but removing the blade would risk him bleeding out.

It’s not a question of if he will die, but rather, which death will bring him the least amount of pain.

“I can’t do this,” I rasp out between sobs. “I can’t lose you.”

“You must.”

“ How ?” I cry.

There are a thousand desperate questions in that single word: How is he using so much magic—and with iron in his blood? How can he love me so fiercely? How do I deserve him?

How do I decide which death is the easiest for him?

How can I possibly be okay with losing him?

And it’s the last question that has me burying my face against his chest, clutching his arms so tight that my fingernails threaten to bend. It’s as if I can hold him tightly enough, and then perhaps I can keep him from teetering off the cliff into death. Knots tighten in my stomach as I weigh the impossible decision.

I can’t do this alone.

I lift my head briefly, searching for Ken. He’s nowhere to be seen. Neither is Tynan.

The bodies continue to drop around us, a symphony of skulls cracking against the marble. Blood runs in rivulets through the cracks on the floor.

I feel nothing when I look at it.

All my empathy is used on the male who lies on death’s doorstep beside me .

Rainer smiles weakly at me, his dark eyes flickering. They slowly grow lighter and lighter, back to their pale blue coloring—as cold as my heart at this very moment.

Then, as those beautiful eyes shut, my frozen heart crashes to the ground, shattering into a million irreparable pieces.

The last bit of hold his power has on the remaining humans lifts, and they resume scrambling for the exit once more. They pass by in a blur.

I don’t see them.

I don’t hear them.

It doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters.

Quietly and calmly, I extend my arms and let my shadow explode from every pore. The rage is palpable, my body vibrating as the darkness bursts forth again, ready to claim all the remaining souls.

They deserve it—every single one of them.

For encouraging the Trade, for supporting Wyetta, and for killing my gods-damned soul-bond.

“Feast,” I cry, my tone lethal. “Take them all .”

A chilling silence blankets the ballroom as my words hang in the air. My shadow twists and dances, its inky tendrils lashing out and encompassing those who remain standing after Ken and Rainer’s onslaught.

An unusual sense of power courses through me. There’s no pride or joy—only an intense disappointment that it’s come to this. The weight of responsibility settles heavily on my shoulders, and I’m all too aware of the consequences of my actions .

I am a monster—a demon—a destroyer of souls because they made me one. My shadow-self carries out my vengeance with ruthless efficiency. As the cacophony of anguish and terror fills the air, I stand silent, witnessing the destruction I’ve wrought.

It might be my doing, but I didn’t choose this. I didn’t want this.

I wanted peace .

I wanted love .

I wanted freedom .

They took that all from me twice, now—once as an orphaned little girl and again as a woman who found her strength. This time, I won’t run or hide. I’m staying until they all pay.

My shadow splits into dozens of rope-like arms, surging into open mouths and snatching air from people’s lungs before they can react. I look away, not wanting their faces burned in my memory. My gaze snags on a crowd of servants and the butler from earlier. They huddle together in the corner by the bar.

One of them turns toward me, crippling fear in their pale face. A dark, jagged line sits on their left cheek.

“Shite,” I mutter, just as one of the tendrils reaches for them. “No!”

I carefully rest Rainer on the ground and jump to my feet, ready to bolt toward the group. But shockingly, my shadow halts. It wavers before careening in the opposite direction toward an escaping noble.

“Run!” I shout to the group of Tradelings. “Get out of here!”

They don’t hesitate, sprinting toward the exit. My shadow leaves them unscathed, and I exhale a heavy, shaky breath.

“Don’t touch the innocents,” I say weakly. “No Tradelings. Save them…”

The ground beneath me grows unsteady as my legs wobble and my head swims.

My body goes limp as I collapse beside Rainer. Darkness clouds my vision, but I fight to stay awake, not wanting to relinquish my shadow’s deathly feast. A woozy lightheadedness steals my focus. I try to shake it off, but it’s too much. Too heavy.

“Save the innocents,” I whisper again.

Only those who deserve it will pay .

I’m too weak to respond, but I hope my shadow feels the gratitude in my heart. For once, we understand each other. I will give the darkness what it wants if it lets me keep my heart soft when it counts.

The screams haunt me as the exhaustion of using so much power threatens to take me under, but I refuse to succumb. I will not crumble. And I certainly will not feel guilty for those who die today.

It’s their fault they must die like this—choking on terror and burning in the shadow of my anger—for they are the complicit ones who built this realm of fear and fury.