2. The Darkness Within Me

two

The Darkness Within Me

Alessia

W ith a steel spine and great resolve, I enter the court that was always meant to be my home—the land that the Lírshadows cherished until we were pushed from the realm because of Yvanthia, the fae queen.

Even without knowing my family or the story of my ancestors, I can feel their history here with me.

Thousands of years of magic shimmer in the soil around me, stirring as if awakening from centuries of hibernation.

I suppose that’s not a far stretch from the truth, considering the Spiritus Court seems to be welcoming me back with open arms.

The air is stale, pitch black with the promise of secrets.

I should’ve brought a lamp—I can’t even see my hand in front of my face.

Allow me , my shadow-self says.

“No!” I warn. “Don’t touch a thing.”

But it doesn’t listen.

There’s a rush through my veins as the darkness surges through me. It bursts from my skin, stretching out. I can feel it, like an extension of me, as it reaches for the wall. There’s a soft whoosh , then another, as nearby sconces flare to life one by one. I gasp as the space brightens and comes alive around me.

The shadow lazily recoils into my skin, and my breath catches in my throat as my eyes adjust to the lighting.

“How did you do that?” I murmur, resigned.

Magic, my shadow deadpans.

The lights continue to flicker to life around me, highlighting the grandiosity of the space. Part of me is awed by what the sentient shadow is capable of, while the other is deeply annoyed.

A light titter of laughter rings out inside me. If you light the first sconce at the bottom of the stairs, the rest light up in response—matches are stored within the stone recess beside it.

Planting a palm against the rough, cool stone, I search for a groove beneath the sconce. When my finger brushes an indentation that feels different than the rest, I insert my finger, and a small compartment flips open, revealing a few dozen matches that sit in waiting.

“How did you know that?”

No response comes from my shadow. I exhale dramatically to express my annoyance and push the questions aside. The irritation is short-lived, however, because I’m distracted by Spiritus Court waking from its slumber.

The pillars in the entrance hall resemble dark, wispy trees that twist and reach upwards. Many open thresholds and corridors shoot off in every direction, resembling a crypt-like labyrinth. My mouth drops open as I take it in. The walls are made of dark stone covered in moss, matching the path underfoot.

A sudden burst of light overhead makes me jump. My head tilts back, studying the looming ceilings. Chandeliers made of tree roots dangle above. Instead of real leaves, they’re adorned with glowing green crystals cut in the shape and style of leaves .

“Wow!” I gasp, spinning around in awe.

Squinting, I try to see how far the main hallway stretches, but there’s no discernable end. The biggest indicator of being underground—besides the endless stairs I descended—is the lack of windows. But otherwise, I never would’ve guessed I’m beneath the earth.

“It’s beautiful,” I whisper in awe.

It’s mine.

All mine .

This time, I can’t tell if it’s the little voice deep inside me or my thoughts. Either way, it’s right. This is my home.

With a disbelieving laugh, I twirl around, stretching my arms out. My boots kick up the layer of dust and dirt, sending grey specks swirling through the air. I cough, ceasing my celebration.

How long has the court sat empty?

The prospect of cleaning it all by myself is daunting.

Perhaps I was too quick to demand my independence and send Ez away. It suddenly hits me how hauntingly silent it is down here. Unlike Umbra Court, there are no bustling kitchen hands baking sweets or busybody servants laundering linens.

No Das Celyn grumbling at me.

No Ken and Viv clanging steel.

Worst of all, there’s no Rainer tending to roses or brooding over tea.

You don’t need them , my shadow-self says with a hint of snark. All you need is yourself .

My chest tightens, and my heart feels heavy. The loneliness hits me hard and fast. I hadn’t anticipated this. I’m alone for the first time in my life. Instead of peaceful, as I had expected, it’s an inexplicable emptiness—an ache deep inside me.

You are stronger on your own .

“Stop,” I whisper, hating the deceptive assurances it continues to spill.

As I gaze around the endless structure stretching out before me, my joy deflates, and I feel overwhelmed by its magnitude. Each breath grows strained, like I’m struggling to get enough air, and a lightheadedness washes over me.

I can’t breathe.

I need fresh air.

What was I thinking trying to do this alone?

My feet move before my mind can catch up, and I blow toward the stairs, ascending to the morning sun as if I can outrun the darkness within me.