Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

B elle was so much more appreciative for her life at Glenwood now, after spending time in Raven Row. Being surrounded by people she loved for the past two weeks had been incredible, and she’d been able to spend much more of her time with Michael because he wasn’t working. But right now, she desperately needed to talk to Isaac. She was quite sure she was pregnant. She should probably be asking Lizzie about these kinds of things, but Lizzie would fret, and she really needed someone who wouldn’t tell her she was silly for being scared.

Of course she wanted a baby. It was the birth itself that frightened her. Her own mother had died in childbirth, which was why right now, she had no one to confide in. It was also the reason she was terrified. And in spite of how angry she knew Michael would be if he found out, she needed a private moment with Isaac. She needed him to tell her everything would be alright, like he always had anytime she’d been worried about something.

So when the men had headed off to play billiards, she’d hurried up here to wait for him. She fidgeted, trying to ignore the guilt that gnawed at her stomach for breaking the promise she’d made to Michael about having only professional interactions with Isaac. She let out a long sigh. Just this once, it would be alright.

After what felt like forever, Isaac finally appeared at the end of the hall.

“Psst.” She waved to him at the end of the corridor before he could disappear down the staircase that led to the kitchens. His long strides made short work of the hall as he came to join her.

“How can I be of service, my lady?”

“I need to talk to you,” she whispered. She ducked into a nearby sitting room and waved him inside.

“Belle, I shouldn’t be in here alone with you. You know that.”

She smiled. “That was the first time you’ve used my name in a long time. I miss that.”

“I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. It just slipped out.”

“Well, I liked it.”

He shook his head, looking a bit nervous. “I should go.”

“No, Isaac, wait. I need to talk to you. I need my friend.” She looked desperately into his eyes, tears pooling in her own.

He let out a long sigh. Slowly he nodded. “What do you need, Bells?”

“I need to tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone else.”

He nodded. “Very well.”

“I think—” She took a deep breath. “I think I’m pregnant.”

Isaac’s mouth opened in a wide grin. “Congratulations! That’s so exciting! I bet your husband is over the moon.”

Her heart stuttered briefly. “He doesn’t know yet.”

Michael’s broad form appeared in the doorway. “He does now.” His voice was quiet, but it vibrated with anger.

“You,” he said, pointing at Isaac. “Pack your bags and get out of my house.”

“No!” Belle shouted as Michael turned to leave. “You don’t get to do that, Michael.”

He turned back to face her. “I just did.”

“Michael, please. He didn’t do anything.” She chased after him as he stormed down the hall. “What happened to listening to me? You said you would do better.”

He turned to face her again. There was so much hurt in his eyes. “I would have listened, but you didn’t talk to me. You might be with child. My child,” he said, pointing to his chest, “and you thought you should tell that man, someone you’re not even supposed to be having private conversations with, instead of your own husband? What happened to having no secrets between us, Belle?”

Guilt ripped through her at his words and she had a sudden need to lash out. “No, Michael. Get down off of your high horse. You don’t get to hold me in judgment, when you kept our betrothal secret from me for my entire life!”

He shook his head, a flicker of pain in his eyes, then he turned to continue down the corridor away from her.

How had this gone so horribly wrong? She hurried back to Isaac. He looked stunned by everything that had just happened.

“I won’t let him sack you, Isaac.”

“You were the one who made a bad choice, Belle, and rather than just apologizing or taking responsibility for it, you decided to strike out and hurt him. You need to stop worrying about me and go after him.”

“And you need to stop defending him,” she argued. “You realize he’d sack you just for speaking to me that way.”

“In case you didn’t notice, he already did, so I might as well speak my mind. You’re behaving like a brat again, Belle. Just go and apologize to him.”

“I most certainly will not. He’s a brute and a bully and he’s the one who needs to apologize. And the same applies to you!”

She stormed from the room and straight out of the house. She had no idea where she was going. She just needed to get away from them. Both of them. She hurried away from the house and into the trees. A layer of mist hovered amongst them, which was even better. If they couldn’t find her, they couldn’t bother her. She’d go back when she was good and ready. It was her turn to blow off some steam, so she continued with her brisk strides, wherever they took her.

Was she being a brat? Yes. Without question. But she was scared. Her mother died after giving birth to her.

A single tear ran down her cheek. She just needed someone to comfort her and tell her everything would be alright. She shivered. She hadn’t bothered to get her coat before leaving the house, but she wasn’t ready to go back yet, even if she was cold, so she just moved a little more quickly.

She continued to place one foot in front of the other, not paying any attention to where she was going, thoughts swirling relentlessly through her head. Michael did want a baby, didn’t he? He’d certainly been putting plenty of effort into trying to create one. Of course he wanted one.

Why hadn’t she just told him? Her throat ached with defeat. She needed to go back home, find Michael, apologize, and tell him the truth. Surely she could make him understand. She could convince him Isaac hadn’t done anything wrong.

Slowly, she pulled her mind back to her present surroundings. Somehow, she hadn’t even noticed the fog settling in around her. There had been a bit of mist when she’d left, but nothing like this. Dread slowly filled her stomach as she looked around. Not only did she have no idea how far she’d gone or where she was, but she could barely see ten feet in front of her. How was she going to find her way back home?

* * *

She was pregnant. It should be the happiest moment of Michael’s life. In some ways, it was. He wanted nothing more than to start a family with her.

He just wished she would have told him. Why did she continue to keep secrets from him? He heard her words again, and she wasn’t wrong. He had kept their betrothal from her for her entire life. But they’d already discussed that. Was she still hurt by it? Hadn’t she agreed that it had been for the best?

But no, that wasn’t what this was really about. He’d hurt her, so she’d lashed out. But he’d done the same thing to her, hadn’t he? It had hurt him to know that she’d chosen to tell Isaac rather than him, so he’d lashed out by dismissing her friend.

But why hadn’t she just told him? Did she still not trust him after all this time? Would she ever? He was trying so hard to be patient and let it happen on its own. But in moments like this, it was hard. He still had a tendency to want to force her, another reason he’d sacked Isaac.

He let out an irritated sigh and pounded the back of his head against the door. He needed to track her down and apologize, and then make sure Isaac didn’t really go out into the cold.

Belle wasn’t in her chambers, or in any sitting room. She wasn’t with Rosie or in the library. No one seemed to know where she was. Probably curled up hiding somewhere to teach him a lesson. A lesson he deserved, but he still needed to find her. Eventually, he went all the way up to Isaac’s chamber and pounded on the door. He doubted the man would allow Belle inside, but he had to check. Maybe he at least knew where she’d have gone to hide.

Isaac’s eyes went wide when he opened the door. “My lord! I’m sorry. I’ll be gone shortly.”

Michael shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here. I came to see if Belle was in your room.”

“What? No! Of course not. I know I crossed a line earlier, but I would never allow her in my private chamber.”

“I assumed as much, but I can’t find her anywhere else, so I had to check.”

His brows dropped and he quickly pushed past Michael without another word. He sprinted down the back stairs, Michael right behind him.

“I’ve already checked all the obvious places. You’re wasting your time.”

“No.” Isaac turned to face him. “Servants know where everyone is. Someone knows where she is.” He hurried down the next set of stairs and rushed into the servants’ hall.

“Who has seen Belle?” He shook his head. “Lady Dalinridge?” He raised his voice louder. “Does anyone know where Lady Dalinridge is? Or has anyone seen her leave the house?”

A young housemaid stepped forward timidly. “I-I did. I saw her leave the house.”

Michael grabbed the girl by her shoulders. “Where? When?”

“I-I-I.” She didn’t seem to be able to get any words out. A hand pressed down on his own shoulder.

“Easy,” Isaac said quietly.

He was scaring the maid half to death and getting nowhere, so he let her go with a mumbled apology.

Isaac crouched to make himself less imposing and spoke to her. “Where did you see her leave, Jane?”

“Through the back door.”

Isaac nodded. “Good. Do you remember when that was?”

“About two hours ago.”

“And did you see her return?”

The maid shook her head.

“Did you see which direction she went?”

She shook her head again. “She was obviously upset, but I didn’t think she’d go far because she wasn’t wearing a coat.”

His heart stopped. She was out in the cold, without a coat. For two hours? Dear God. He heard Isaac giving some kind of orders behind him as he sprinted up the stairs. He only had one thought. He had to find her. He burst through the back door.

Icy fear tightened like a noose around Michael’s lungs. The temperature had plummeted and all he could see was fog, thick and dense. Even the nearby trees were completely hidden. He stumbled forward, not knowing which direction to run. This couldn’t be happening. He turned in a desperate circle, his hands gripping the top of his head as his eyes searched frantically through the thick fog. Oh, God. Belle.

“No, no, no, no.” A steady hand gripped his shoulder. He turned to face Patrick. “She’s gone, Patrick! Where is she?”

“The servants are doing a search of every room. Let’s go inside until we know for sure.”

“No! She isn’t in there.” Anguish overwhelmed his control. “I must find her!”

“Michael.” Ash’s voice was commanding as he stepped in front of him. “I know you’re afraid for her, but look around you. You can’t see more than ten feet in front of you. There’s no use blundering aimlessly through this. All you’ll manage to do is get yourself lost and freeze to death. Then what good will you be to her?”

“I can’t just do nothing, Ash. She’s my wife.” He’d sent her fleeing out into this. Cold like he’d never felt before trickled through his veins.

“I know,” Ash said. “We’ll find her, Michael.”

“How, Ash? How exactly are we going to get her back? We don’t have the faintest idea where she went.”

Michael stared into the impenetrable fog, willing his eyes to see farther. The muddled voices behind him didn’t form words in his brain as his feet began carrying him away from them. He had to find her. That was the only thing that mattered.

“Belle!”

Suddenly, two sets of strong hands gripped his arms, snapping his brain back into the maelstrom that surrounded him. Patrick and Isaac began pulling him toward the house.

“What are you doing?” He tried to pull his arms free.

“Just get him inside,” Ash instructed.

“Come on, boss. Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.” Isaac’s features were contrite as he spoke, but neither man loosened their grip.

“Ash, you bastard!” he shouted, digging his heels into the ground. It made no difference. He fought them every step of the way, but in the end, they got him inside and pushed him, bodily, into a chair.

They all stared at him like he was a caged animal. Not that he could blame them. He felt like one. After locking the door, Ash stood, tapping his cane on the top of his shoe before eventually crossing the room and crouching down in front of him.

“Michael,” he said quietly. Michael’s lungs felt as if they might rupture from his rapid, gulping breaths, but it still wasn’t enough. He needed more air. No, he needed Belle. His lips began to tingle, and dizziness grew inside his head.

“Michael,” Ash said again. He pressed a hand firmly against Michael’s chest. Its steadying warmth slowly pulled him out of the disorienting haze of panic. Ash inhaled slowly and deeply and blew the breath out gradually. Michael automatically emulated him and together they repeated the exercise three more times.

Michael still wasn’t capable of words, but he managed a nod, which Ash understood to mean he wouldn’t fly into a rage or try to flee. With a gesture from Ash, the hands holding Michael in place were gone.

“We have to do something, Ash. I don’t give a damn about the fog or the cold. I have to find her! She’s out there, lost in the cold, while we sit her twiddling our goddamned thumbs.” He got to his feet and strode for the door, but of course it was bloody locked. He slammed his fist against the hard surface.

“If you don’t unlock this door, Ash, I swear to all that is holy, I will kick it down.”

“Michael,” Ash’s voice was quiet, and it irked him all the more. “Do you really think we’re going to just sit here and do nothing? Of course we’re going to go after her. I already have lanterns being prepared so we can start a search. But if you go off half-cocked, you’re just going to create more problems.”

Michael released a long sigh. Ash was right, of course. And Michael should have known he already had a plan in the works. This was Ash, after all.

Michael closed his eyes, pulling himself together. He nodded his agreement to cooperate.

“Good.” Ash clapped him on the shoulder. “Let’s go find her.”