Chapter 30

Drew

We kissed. I kissed Bella again. For at least an hour against a random tree in a park that I’ve never spent more than five minutes in before. And as she sits on my rickety old bed with her messy braid and pouty lips, all I want to do is kiss her again.

Bella Summers.

My kryptonite.

The only thing that I keep going back to even though I know it will eventually kill me.

What am I doing?

She’s the sole reason I've been relegated to this team, and my chances of drafting high have become so low. But as she sits here, staring at me expectantly, I don't care about anything but her.

I grasp her cheeks, towering over her, and give her a long, drawn-out kiss. It’s the final goodbye, if you will, and something we missed out on when I left so abruptly, as she pointed out several times today. Her hands rest above mine, her nails scratching my skin, making my cock incredibly hard because I haven’t touched a girl since Bella, and my reaction is showing.

Pulling me down so I’m lying on top of her, she wraps her legs around me, and I immediately feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. We kiss and kiss and kiss. It feels endless until the bed starts to creak below us. It’s not exactly sturdy, and I can’t break it because I need to sleep in it for the next year.

“We should stop,” I reluctantly say as I sit back on my knees and take her in. Blushing, with a coy smile on her face, she nods. I don’t want her to leave. I want to keep her in this room with me forever, but I know that’s impossible.

“So, we kissed.” I feel as deflated as I sound because reality has settled in.

She smiles coyly, unaware of my train of thought. “Yeah. We kissed.”

“But you're still going to London tomorrow?” Her smile turns to a small frown,and she does her best to hide it by flicking her now messy braid over her shoulder.

“It was the only place I wanted to finish my degree. Going to a school back home would have felt like I was going backward, and no other college excited me here.”

Grabbing her hands, I scooch forward to kneel in front of her. When all her focus is on me, I kiss each and every one of her knuckles.

“I get it. I’m happy for you. You always wanted to go back, and here’s your opportunity. What are you studying?”

“Fashion,” she replies sheepishly. “I know it’s a degree that will get me nowhere in life, but a wise guy once told me that you should live for the now because you don’t know how long you’ve got.”

I smile. “A wise man indeed. It’s the greatest thing in the world when you find something you're passionate about, and you can then pursue it.”

Her eyes drift over my face, and I know what she’s thinking. She wants me to ask her to stay. To give up all her dreams so she can focus on mine, but I’m not going to let her do that. She’s scared, and too afraid to admit that she wants to do something for herself, but she needs this. She needs to find herself, and I’m going to let her do that.

“Bella, when you said all those things earlier, I didn’t know what to do. I was so angry with you.”

“Angry?”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to get you to admit how you felt for the longest time, and you admit it now.”

She glances down, not willing to look at me. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I can hear the sadness lacing her voice, and I squeeze her hands because I don’t want that.

“Bella, I love you. I always have. It’s never been a question, or something I pushed away. It’s just a fact. One that I hated for the longest time, but I’m glad you know.” Saying the words out loud felt freeing. It’s a feeling I’ve held onto for so long, and seeing the glimmer of hope in her eyes when she looks up is enough for me to consider throwing away everything and jumping on that plane to London with her. But I can’t. We can’t.

“However.” When I said the word, her gaze shifted to the floor again because she knew where I was going. “I think we should be friends for now.” It's torture saying those words, and even worse when I see the disappointment on her face, because I feel exactly the same way.

“Friends?”

“Yeah, until you’re back from London.” She stays silent, and I don’t know if it’s because she’s upset about the ‘friends’ thing or if she’s never planning on returning. The thought guts me, but it’s not like I can just move to London with her. I have to be in the U.S. for my potential job for the foreseeable future. “How long are you there?”

“At least a year. Their degree programs are only three years, so I should be able to finish early. But I don’t think that should stop us from trying something if you wanted.”

Smiling sadly, I squeeze her knuckles. “And set ourselves up for failure again. Look what happened last time we tried to force something. You’re not in the country. I can’t leave this country. Trying to start a relationship makes no sense. The distance will kill us.”

“But not trying kills us before we’ve started.”

“Does it? Or does it just let the fates decide instead of forcing it? Our timing is off. Always has been. Maybe eventually the timing will work out, and they’ll be another freak blizzard that brings us together.”

Sitting up, she plays with the hem of her skirt, and it’s the quietest I’ve ever seen her. She doesn’t like that answer, but she’s not going to force it.

“What are you thinking about?” I nudge her with my elbow, offering her a smile.

“That if only I had said no to Jimmy Johnson, you would have been able to ask me to prom.”

“But then we would have never had sex on a treadmill.” I try to make her laugh, but I just get a sad smile.

“Look, you’ve said it yourself. You’ve always wanted to go to London. You need to do that, and I need to be here. Who knows what will happen after.”

Her eyes are watering, and I feel it in my gut just as much as her, but I’ve got to be the strong one. One of us needs to think rationally.

“So you’re okay with this? Me leaving and us being nothing more than friends?”

“Hell no. I want you, Bella. Always have.”

“Then why can’t this happen?”

“Because as much as I want to pretend this could be our happy ending, I know it would only be a misleading chapter in the book. For the time we're apart, being anything more than friends would set us up for failure again. Let's take the time to get to know each other better. Let’s build a foundation of being friends first.”

She pushes her tongue out, licking her lips in the process. “Friends first?” She processes the words and gives a gentle nod. “So, as friends, can I have your number?”

“It’s all yours.”

“Can we text?”

“I would be upset if we didn’t.”

“And call?”

“Daily.”

“What about Snapchat?”She raises a brow with a mischievous expression on her face. Guessing she’s planning on making the whole ‘friends’ concept really hard on me.

“Maybe not Snapchat. Look how badly technology ruined things for us last time.”

“So email or snail mail. I get it.” I hope she really does and doesn’t see it as a rejection. I don’t want to close off the opportunity to be with her, but we need to be realistic.

“So really it's no pressure kind of thing?”

“No pressure. Let’s get to know each other as friends. After all, I’ve known you as the girl who hated me, then liked me. Now, I need to know the girl you want to be.”

“What if who I want to be is with you?”

I shrug my shoulder, hiding how much hearing that makes my chest constrict. “Then you'll find that out in London, and I’ll be waiting.”

She looks downcast, but I'm adamant about the decision. We are not going to screw this up. We've done it too many times and learned the hard way.

“Okay, friends?” She holds her hand out, and I accept it with a shake.

“Friends,” I confirm. “Now, I should probably help you get to your hotel. Want you nice and rested for your flight tomorrow.”

“Trying to get rid of me already, friend? ”

“Never.” I kiss her on the cheek, and the taste of her skin brands me. It’s not the end. It never will be for Bella and me.