Chapter 37

He really needed to stop putting himself in awkward situations. Henry kept his eyes ahead as he embraced his sister, too ashamed to search for the golden-brown eyes near him. He had embraced her as though it was the most natural thing in the world, and it was, but it was wrong of him.

That was the awkward part, especially when he had kissed her nearly two months ago. Henry was a coward for failing to address that night, but he had become so overwhelmed by the end of the night that he didn’t know what to do. Retreating into himself had been the best decision then, but it wasn’t necessarily the right decision.

Lady Ruth pressuring and reminding him of his promise had made him feel like a scoundrel for breaking it. However, fulfilling the promise meant ignoring his feelings for Rebecca, and he didn’t know if he could do that. Henry didn’t even know if pursuing anything with Rebecca was possible.

He hadn’t bothered to consider her feelings in this predicament, but one thing was clear—he may have kissed her, but she didn’t reject him. He had to take into consideration that she was just too afraid to pull away because he was the duke.

Many commoner women knew that fighting against a man of his status was like signing their lives away, but he doubted he had done anything to make her frightened of him. It could be that she also had feelings for him, but he was too afraid to ask because he was worried about her answer.

There were too many factors to consider, and it seemed easier to pull away from everyone. Ignoring everything and everyone had always been his way of dealing with stressful matters. Although it had made his life miserable, it had been safer. These feelings for Rebecca were foreign, scary, and unpredictable.

“Thank you,” Juliana said, patting his hand. “Thank you both for everything. I feel much better.”

Henry kissed her brow again, happy to hear those words. “I’m glad you feel that way, Jules,” he said. “Do you mind if I leave? I have an errand to run.”

Really, he wanted to avoid looking into Rebecca’s eyes. Henry could tell she wanted to know where they stood, but he didn’t have the courage to address that question yet. Frankly, he didn’t know where they stood. She wasn’t just another woman to him.

Rebecca was the woman for him, but too many obstacles stood in their way. The biggest one was the matter with Lady Ruth. If he could just get that out of the way, he might have a clearer picture of how to address his situation with Rebecca.

“Of course, you can go, Henry,” his sister said, smiling at him. “Will you be home for dinner? I’d really love to have a meal with you. I know you’ve been busy, but I’d like to celebrate with my family.”

Guilt pricked his conscience. He had avoided his family because he couldn’t handle the challenges in his life, but it was hurting his loved ones.

“I’ll be home in time for dinner,” he promised.

Juliana beamed. “I’ll see you then.”

He smiled and nodded, rising to his feet. Still avoiding Rebecca’s gaze, he quickly left the room. The sooner he went to see Lady Ruth, the better.

***

Henry arrived at the Wimpole home later that afternoon, surprising Lady Ruth.

“What a surprise, Your Grace,” she said, welcoming him into the parlour. “You haven’t been to my home in a long time.”

“How are you, Lady Ruth?” he asked, settling into an armchair.

She was surprised, and he didn’t blame her. He had avoided her since Christmas dinner, refusing to see her even when she came to visit. That made him somewhat nervous about what he was about to do, but it was necessary. He couldn’t allow her to continue to believe they had a future together. She deserved better.

“Happy to see you,” she said, smiling. “Let me ask the housekeeper for some tea.”

She took a step away, but he stopped her. “Just a moment, Lady Ruth,” he said. “I do not need any tea. Please, sit. I have something important to discuss with you.”

“Oh?” she said, frowning.

“Please, sit down,” he encouraged.

She nodded, worry entering her eyes. “Very well,” she said, taking a seat.

Henry shifted to the edge of the chair, resting his elbows on his legs as he clasped his hands. This wouldn’t be easy, but it needed to be done.

“I need to be frank with you,” he began. “You have been patient and understanding during this difficult time, and I appreciate it.”

“Of course, Your Grace,” she replied. “I know how important your family is to you.”

Henry inwardly sighed. She was making this difficult for him. “You’re a lovely woman, Lady Ruth, and I have been unfair to you for months. I tried to convince myself we were compatible, but we’re not. I should not have given you hope that our courtship would continue.”

Lady Ruth’s eyes widened. “What are you trying to say, Your Grace?”

Henry bowed his head apologetically for a moment, remorseful for what he was about to say.

“You deserve someone who can be with you without question,” he began. “I am not that man. I should have never courted you when I knew we were wrong for each other.”

“I beg your pardon?” she said, giving a little laugh of disbelief. “How can you say you’re not the right man for me? You’re the only man for me, Your Grace!”

“I’m not, Lady Ruth,” he countered. “And I think you know that.”

She shook her head. “I cannot believe this,” she said. “I cannot accept this. Did Lady Hannah say something to you?”

The question caught him by surprise. He didn’t see what his aunt had to do with the situation.

“You cannot believe everything she says,” Lady Ruth continued. “Lady Hannah is obviously troubled and could say any number of things that simply aren’t true.”

“I do not understand what you are saying,” said Henry. “Why are you talking about my aunt?”

Lady Ruth stilled. “Your aunt didn’t speak to you?”

“About what?” he asked but soon mentally shook the question away. That bit didn’t matter. “I’m terribly sorry for troubling you, Lady Ruth. I hope one day you’ll forgive me.” He stood up. “Please, excuse me.”

He lowered his head slightly, glad she didn’t lash out at him or demand he take back his words. He didn’t know why he expected any less because she had always been level-headed and calm. It was one of the things he had liked about her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to spend the rest of his life with her.

He returned to his horse and mounted it, glad he had finally put the matter to rest. Lady Ruth might hate him for a little while, but she would eventually realize it was for the best. Now, he needed to address his situation with Rebecca. He just didn’t know how he was going to do that.