Chapter 24

Lucian thought of making her stay and explain, but her being in a nightshift and robe was distracting. Further, her rumpled appearance from just rising, with her hair a tumbling mass of curls in need of brushing, and the softness in her face from a deep slumber made him wonder what it would be like to wake to her in that state each morning after sleeping beside him.

It was best that she did dress so that he could concentrate better.

At the knock on the sitting room door that led to the corridor he called for them to enter. It was Stella, a footman following with a breakfast tray for Eliza. Stella also carried a fresh pot of tea.

“Where is Miss Weston?” she asked.

“Preparing for the day,” Lucian answered.

Stella started to walk toward her room.

“Does she need you to dress?” he asked.

“That would depend on what she chooses to wear,” she answered.

He wanted to be the first to learn Eliza’s reasoning for sleeping on his chaise, not Stella, but if she happened to have buttons on the back, Eliza would need assistance.

“Please ask her to hurry. I still have questions that require her answers.”

Stella gave a nod and entered Eliza’s sleeping chamber and closed the door.

If the door wasn’t so thick, he’d position himself outside of it to try and listen, but he knew that it would be futile to do so. He had often tried to listen at his mother’s door, especially when her days were bad, or she had been hidden away for days at a time, wondering what was wrong. As a boy, he hadn’t understood her illness, and he still didn’t. Xavier had some idea that their mother had suffered from a depressive state, a melancholy, but when she emerged, she would be happy, exuberant and spending all her time with her children. Those were the better times, but they did not last because she would return to being sad again and hide away.

He didn’t want to think of the dark days of his youth and rose to take the breakfast tray from the table before the settee and brought it back to the table beside a window. There were two chairs and he smiled when he recalled that his parents had sometimes sat here and enjoyed tea, or breakfast, the two of them happy and private until their children invaded.

He placed the plate of food and utensils in the place his mother had always occupied, then returned to bring the fresh pot of tea and Eliza’s cup to the table and finally retrieved his own and settled into that which had once been his father’s seat and waited for Eliza to join him.

When she did, she had brushed her hair and it was pulled back and away from her face. She’d also donned a pale blue gown that caused her grey eyes to appear blue, just as sometimes there was a green tint to the grey when she wore green.

Ever changing eyes and he wondered what color they would be in the heights of passion.

Bloody hell! He would not think of Eliza and passion or what bloody color her eyes would be.

They would never share passion because she was a miss and he was an earl and if he crossed that line, she would become his wife.

He rose and held the chair for Eliza then returned to his own.

He could wait until she had eaten to ask his questions, but Lucian could think of nothing else to discuss.

“Why did you sneak into my room last night and sleep on the chaise?”

Eliza blew out a heavy sigh. “The letter. The one that he had been watching me sleep was unsettling, if you must know.”

“I have no doubt. I would be disturbed if I had received the same.”

“I thought that if I could put it from my mind all would be well, but when I returned to my writing, I felt as if I was being watched. I know that the footman was outside on the terrace and that he wasn’t watching me, but I still closed the drapery. It did not help, so I went up to my chamber and tried to sleep, except I am not yet familiar with the sounds of your home, what is natural and what is not, and with each creak of a floorboard, or when a tree limb brushed at the window, I had an irrational fear that the man could come here and watch me sleep.”

“Eliza it is…”

She held up a hand. “I already told you the fear was irrational and I lectured myself that it was impossible and that there were too many footmen between me and any entrance into the house, but it didn’t help so by the time I rose from my bed, my nerves were on edge and I was as frightened as a child who had awakened from a nightmare.”

He nodded.

“I thought the settee in the sitting room would do well enough, but I could not relax and decided to sleep on your floor, that way if the man did break in, you would be close enough to hear my scream.”

Lucian raised his eyebrows. “You were going to sleep on my floor?”

“I did not know you had a comfortable chaise.”

“I will have the footmen check the house again today for any weaknesses so you can be assured that nobody can get in.”

“That is not necessary;” she set her fork aside. “I know that you have taken all precautions, and I do appreciate your allowing me to find shelter here. I was simply a ninny last night and I also promise not to invade your private chamber again.”

That would truly be a shame.

Except it was for the best, Lucian reminded himself.

“I will not cower or let fear gain control. And if I am to be honest, I’m embarrassed that I succumbed to it last night.”

“I do not think you are overreacting. I know I would not be able to fully relax while not knowing where he is and if he is watching,” Lucian admitted. “I am not comfortable knowing that it is you that he wants.”

“Wants?” Eliza asked.

“He is admiring from afar, but it is an obsession.”

“Perhaps, but I have decided that I shall no longer fear him or let him control my actions.”

“That could be dangerous,” Lucian warned. He had hoped that after finally realizing the danger and experiencing the fear, she would be more careful.

“I disagree. Perhaps I am an obsession for this stranger, but he is no threat.”

Lucian picked up his cup and took a sip and studied her over the rim. How could she even come to such a conclusion? She had certainly feared him last night.

“He sends letters and when he has been in the house, it was when I was away or when I slept, and he did nothing. He even watches from afar. He does not have the confidence to approach nor do I expect that he ever will. Therefore, I am no longer going to cower or let fear rule my life. I will not hide away afraid of my own shadow.”

It was a brave speech, and Lucian wasn’t certain if Eliza was trying to convince herself to believe it.

He had also hoped that she would realize how vulnerable she was so that she would no longer argue about remaining in the house or on the terrace.

“Whether you think you are in danger or not, you will always have a guard if I cannot be with you.”

Eliza frowned as she drew in a deep breath. “While I appreciate your concern, Lord Garretson, it is I who will decide what is best and safest for me.”

Bloody hell, she was stubborn and foolish.

Yet, as brave as Eliza was trying to be, he noted some fear lingered in her eyes.

Why didn’t she just allow him to protect her? Why did she insist on relying only on herself?

He answered his own question immediately—because she had always had to. Whether it started before she was sent off to school or not, she was very much alone from the age of thirteen through eighteen because her parents simply forgot her and her brothers rarely visited.

She did not know how to count on anyone and maybe she feared doing so. She wouldn’t be disappointed if she didn’t rely on anyone but herself.

A protective urge rose from deep within and Lucian wanted to pull Eliza into his arms and promise that she could always count on him and that he would not forget her, ever. He also knew that even if he did that, she would not believe him. Only when he proved himself would she trust. Lucian just didn’t know how long that would take and how often they would argue before she realized that she did not need to be so alone.

Eliza thanked Lucian for his concern then excused herself before making her way to the parlor where she planned on spending the day working on her novel.

The first thing she did when she entered was open all the drapes to let the sunlight in and the windows for fresh air. She was determined to get over her fear.

At least Lucian had not laughed at her, for which she was grateful, but she was just as certain he saw her as vulnerable and weak, which she hated.

Eliza had always kept people at a distance mainly to avoid being hurt.

It was not something that she had been consciously aware of until nearly five years ago. It had come about in a conversation with her dearest friends. She had formed a bond with Rosemary Fairview and Lady Sophia Trent when she had first arrived at the Wiggons’ School for Elegant Young Ladies. During that first year, she’d been well behaved and attended to her studies. Then her parents forgot to bring her home for holidays from school and Eliza was stuck there with only Mrs. Wiggons and Rosemary. Eventually Rosemary and Eliza enjoyed those holidays in the home of Sophia.

The difference between Eliza and Rosemary was that Rosemary’s parents hadn’t forgotten her, they simply traveled far and wide. And even though Rosemary rarely saw them, letters and packages were received nearly every week. As for Eliza, she sometimes received a missive from her mother with an apology that she had forgotten to make arrangements to collect her and then would list excuses for why she was so busy, which was making certain her brothers were well situated for taking a wife, or seeing to their education, or simply being in Society because when one had an heir and a spare it was quite time consuming.

In any situation it hurt to be rejected, but when a parent simply forgot, that was more painful than anything a person should endure. That is when she started acting out, or at least trying to be so much of a nuisance that Mrs. Wiggons would finally send her home, but it never came to be.

Eliza would never understand why she got away with so much, except perhaps Mrs. Wiggons knew that Eliza would likely be ignored at home as well, so she might as well be in a place where she had friends and could get an education.

Regardless of her intentions, Eliza learned at a young age that there were five people that she could count on completely. The first being Mrs. Wiggons, who may as well have been her mother for those five years. The others were Rosemary and Sophia, and later Olivia and Victoria Westbrook. None of them would ever let her down, or hurt her, or forget her existence and they certainly wouldn’t reject her.

And, because Eliza never wanted to relive that pain again, she avoided courtships and came to rely on herself. She did not need to be married to be happy or even content and did quite well alone. This stranger who was sending missives was simply a minor distraction and she came to the realization while preparing for the day that whoever he was would never approach her or he would have already done so.

There were only a few things her life lacked and that was passion and intimacy—something she intended to rectify. Just because she would not allow anyone close enough to hurt her or put herself in a position to be disappointed did not mean she could not take a lover. Gentlemen did so all the time without emotional involvement so shouldn’t a woman be able to do so as well? It wasn’t as if she were an innocent miss during her first Season and believing in love ever after. Eliza only wanted a lover.

If she attempted to seduce Lucian, would he allow her to do so, or would he reject her?

It was something she would need to think on, but for today, she was going to be brave and not allow some stranger who liked to write letters keep her inside, and with that thought, Eliza set her pencil aside, rose from her desk, and marched to the library where Lucian was working.

“I would like to visit the cemetery.”

He glanced up from the ledger he was writing in. “I can assure you that there is no mummy in the cemetery.”

“Yet you admitted that nobody has bothered to look.”

He blew out a sigh and leaned back in his chair before rubbing his eyes.

Lucian was going to deny her and just hadn’t uttered the words.

“It is up to you whether you accompany me or not, but as soon as I retrieve my gloves and parasol, I will be going to the cemetery.”

With that, she turned on her heel and marched from the library and made her way upstairs to inform Stella where she was going and insisted that she need not accompany her but would have a footman with her if not Garretson.

When she returned downstairs and exited to the terrace from the parlor where she wrote, she found Lucian waiting for her.