14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Cole

Just then, the teapot whistles loudly, giving me a momentary reprieve. Noelle turns back and removes it from the burner. I quietly watch her every movement, like a man who's been deprived of water for too long.

My stomach is in my throat. I haven't talked about this in years, and it's not a topic I willingly delve into. It was a dark time in my life for many reasons.

Do I regret how everything went down with my professional career? Not anymore. Back then, I was confused, hurt, and angry. Everything I had worked toward for most of my life was over, and I felt lost .

Noelle moves to the table and fills the two mugs. She puts the teapot back on the stove and grabs a spoon from the drawer.

Sitting next to me, she scoops some chocolate powder and mixes it with the hot water. I watch as the clear liquid becomes muddy and feel like the mixing of the hot chocolate is a metaphor for my life with all my buried emotions being stirred up.

"I'm sorry," Noelle says as she drops miniature marshmallows into both cups. "I shouldn't have asked you about it."

"No, it's okay." I wrap my hands around the warm mug and take a deep breath before slowly blowing it out. "I still can't tell you how it happened; even the doctors were perplexed."

I pick up the spoon Noelle was using and push the marshmallows to the bottom of my mug. I do this for no reason other than needing to do something with my hands.

"I was pitching against the White Sox, it was the bottom of the 9th, and we were up by two runs. All I needed to do was close it out by pitching one more strike." I can hear the murmur of the excited crowd as the memory takes me back to that day. It was the perfect day for baseball, and I only needed to throw one last pitch. "When I released the ball, I felt something pop in my elbow."

"I remember that game." My head whips up at Noelle's words, and I see a sad smile cross her lips as she stares into her hot chocolate. "Gran would always watch your games while she was in the hospital. She was your biggest fan."

My chest tightens at her words. Knowing she was keeping track of my career, even if just through her grandmother, answers a question I've always had.

I feel my lips curl up. "Did she tell you I invited her to come to the game when we played the Salt Lake Bees?"

By Noelle's wide eyes and mouth, the answer is no.

"Every once in a while, she would reach out to me and wish me luck. I was so very sad to hear when she passed." I lift my eyes to Noelle's. "She was a wonderful woman."

"She was that." Noelle's eyes get glassy, and she drops her gaze to stare intently into her hot chocolate. "I miss her. Especially around this time of year."

My hand lifts to reach out to her, but I quickly put it back down. A heaviness fills the silence for a moment before I pick up where I left off.

"After the game, I told the doctor on staff what had happened. He did some quick tests to check it out, but since nothing hurt, he just told me to ice it and get some physical therapy done the next day."

I stir the spoon in my hot chocolate again, working to control my emotions. Noelle takes a sip from her mug and waits quietly. I look up to see her eyes laden with compassion, and a lump forms in my throat.

When everything happened, I was desperate to call her. I needed her by my side, but she had pushed me away. No, she had pushed everyone away, even her best friend. Noelle had isolated herself thousands of miles away, and no one could touch her.

Her pushing me away was a situation I didn't know how to fix. I couldn't make her answer my calls, and I couldn't go to her. I did the only thing I could, and that was what she obviously wanted. I let her go. It was my only choice. Plus, I had a career to focus on.

But she was the only one I wanted when everything turned upside down.

"The next game is when everything went haywire. During warm-up, there was no force behind the pitch. I was benched and sent to have my elbow worked on."

"Are you serious?" Noelle's mouth drops open. "You don't know what happened?"

"Just a pop, and then I couldn't throw. It didn't affect anything else, just my pitching." I roll my neck and shrug. "For months, everyone was trying to figure out what was going on, but every time they came up empty."

I blow out a big breath and rub the back of my neck. "My father didn't take it well. My mother was worried about me, but my dad was angry. I knew he liked to live vicariously through me, but I didn't realize how much until this happened."

I remember how my father's disappointment affected me; it was almost as bad as the fact that I was injured and no one could help me.

"Cole, I'm so sorry." Out of the corner of my eye, I see Noelle reach her hand out only to pause before pulling it back. "Gran and I tried to figure out what happened, but there was so little news. You were on the top of your game, and then you were just…gone."

My heart slams against my ribcage at her words. I take a deep breath, trying to relieve the pressure in my throat before sipping my hot chocolate.

"Some things just aren't meant to last," I lift a shoulder, praying I'm only referring to baseball and not Noelle and me. "In some ways, it worked out for the best. I love what I do now, and I never would've even considered it if not for a freak injury."

"Do you have any regrets about it?" She asks softly.

My gaze slams into hers, and my heart stops. Regrets? Yeah, one big one, and it isn't about my baseball career being over.

"Many." I look at her pointedly. A light shade of pink appears on her cheeks before she looks down at her cup, breaking eye contact. "But not about baseball. I had an amazing three years before that injury happened. I got to pitch in a World Series. I had a few no-hitters. It was almost better than I could've ever imagined."

She tilts her head to the side, and a small smile lines her lips.

"What?" I ask, my brows pulling together.

"I'm just so impressed with you," her smile widens, and I feel my lips tug up in response. "And happy for you. How did you end up becoming a firefighter?"

The quick topic change surprises me, but I go with the flow.

"Even though I knew I would be cut from the Tampa Bay Rays before the next season, it wasn't final until right before Mike and Mel's wedding. I knew that I didn't want to stay in Florida, especially with my dad continuing to harass me about me not doing everything I could to ‘fix myself'." I scoff, remembering my dad's reaction. Even now, it's hard for me to understand.

"Your dad did always have a way of sucking the fun out of things." A chuckle escapes me.

"You can say that again," I sigh. "But bringing it back to the firefighting. Mike kept hinting at his department needing men. Hinting is a kind word, actually. There was no hinting involved."

"Mike trying to be subtle?" She tilts her head and narrows her eyes, making me laugh.

"Yeah, not subtle at all," I grin. "It really was the best move, though, and there isn't a day that goes by that I have any regrets about doing it. Plus, I love the town."

"Except maybe the whole cat thing?" Her eyes light with mischief, and a smirk covers her lips.

"Yeah, the cat thing." I snort, feeling my face heat up.

The light fades a bit, and I notice a swirl of emotions cross her eyes before she looks down and fiddles with her cup.

"Do you want more before we tackle the garland?" When she lifts her head and mug up, I notice the emotions in her eyes are gone. She pushes herself up from the table and heads to the stove. "I'm going to reheat the water."

"You know I'm never one to turn down another cup of hot chocolate. Especially when there's a blizzard." A slight grin crosses her lips just before she bites her bottom lip and pulls her eyebrows together.

Immediately, I feel my stomach spin, and I start replaying every word of the conversation we just had.

There wasn't anything I said, at least I don't think there was, that could make a worried expression appear on her face.

She leans against the counter, continuing to spin her cup. I try to keep my breathing regular, but my pulse is picking up.

Noelle lifts her head, and her gaze locks on mine. My heart stops.

"I…" The words freeze before she looks away. Her focus returns to me again just as she blows out a breath. "When you got injured…"

"Yes," I say after a moment of her not speaking. My heart is banging around inside my chest.

"I almost called you," she says so softly I have to strain to hear her above my pounding heart.

"You almost called me?" I ask, my mouth dry.

She nods. "So many times…"

"Why didn't you?" To think that we could've avoided all of this if she had picked up the phone. "When everything was happening, you were the one I wanted to talk to."

"I just couldn't," she rubs her hand on her face. "I didn't even call Mel."

"I almost called you, but I wanted to respect your wishes." Her eyes whip to mine, and every nerve ending in my body comes to life. "Noelle…"

Fear stops me in my tracks. What if I say this, and she pushes me away again? What if…

No! I'm not living in the what-ifs this time. I did that when I should've called her.

"Noelle," I start again. This time, there is no hesitation. "Letting you push me away was, is, my biggest regret. I had every intention of changing that at Mike and Mel's wedding, but then I saw you with Dean…"