Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

T he ache in Carswell’s chest grew stronger with each minute as the sleigh retreated in the distance. How was it possible for someone he’d known for so little time to discomfit him this much?

“Do come inside, Lord Bingham,” Mrs. Waverly said from the door.

He turned slowly, his feet crunching in the icy snow. Taking one last glance over his shoulder, he finally did as he was bid.

“She will be back in a sennight.”

“Ten days,” he muttered as he removed his greatcoat.

“But who is counting?”

He glanced up to see Mrs. Waverly’s smiling face. “I see the way you look at our Beth. One might wonder if you’d have been better off tricking her into an engagement much like your friend did her sister.”

His jaw slackened.

“Do not look so astonished. I have more ears in this house than any other occupant. It pays well to befriend your servants, you know. They hear everything.”

“How long have you known?”

“From the very beginning, I think. A stable hand heard them in the woods that first day, then there was the maid who happened to be cleaning in the music room, and my housekeeper was in the library moments before you all interrupted their cozy tête-à-tête.” Her round cheeks lifted and her eyes sparkled.

“I see you are quite proud of your matchmaking skills.”

“That I am.”

“But you have made one slight error.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. My match does not want me.”

“Is she your match, Lord Bingham? I thought you did not believe in love.”

His brow furrowed in confusion.

“Servants, remember?”

The laughter in her eyes brought a begrudging smile to his lips.

“I… I am unsure what to believe.”

“Tell me, do you think of her when she is not in the room?”

He nodded.

“And when you are apart do you wish you were not?”

His eyes strayed to the door.

“I will take that as a yes.” She chuckled. “When you are together, do you finally feel like you can breathe again? Not that you could not before, but that when she is in the room your chest loosens and your lungs fill with life giving air so easily that you realize how hard it had been to draw air without her there.”

How had Mrs. Waverly described his feelings so completely? He did breathe easier when Beth was around. Life was still difficult, but her presence made it so much less daunting. She did not treat him like a crippled lord who became far too particular about his environment when he was distressed. In truth, she’d hardly looked twice at his oddities.

Instead, she’d helped him when he was unable and stilled his need to organize with her comforting presence. He stopped the hand that moved to straighten a picture realizing it was the first time in over a week he’d been tempted to bring order to a room.

“But I have lost her,” he said softly.

“No, you have only been given time to figure out how you will win her back. That is all. If I know, Beth, her sweet heart will grow fonder the longer she thinks of you.”

“Or she will grow to hate me. Time does not heal all wounds.” He held up his hand. “I should know.”

“True, but if aided with a little medicinal treatment, it can help the healing process along.”

“And what medicine would you prescribe?”

“Love.”

He chuckled. “I cannot convey that if she is not here.”

“Take a look outside.”

There were no windows near the entry door, so he crossed to the ones in the front parlor all the while hoping he’d see the sleigh returning. Instead, a bevy of white flakes glided gently to the ground.

He turned in confusion. “Snow?”

“Yes, and if my guess is not far off it is enough to stall them in Kendal. They will take up at the inn.”

“I should go.”

“Not yet. Give her a night or two to sleep on it. You too, for that matter. In the morning you can plan your pursuit. They will not be going anywhere.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Servants,” she said with a smirk. “They not only know everything but can also work wonders when asked.” Then with a wave of her hand, she sauntered away.

Carswell smiled. The woman was tenacious.

Turning back to the window, his smile faltered. The wind had picked up and the snow swirled chaotically around the house. For a military man, Mr. Haynes had not planned his departure very well, but the man had been determined. Carswell only hoped he was not so irrational as to push on through the nasty conditions.

The silence in the room broke when someone cleared their throat. Carswell glanced over his shoulder. Kaye stood in the doorway, shifting from one foot to the other.

Carswell returned his focus to the window. “What in the devil were you thinking, Kaye?”

“Pardon?”

“Engaging yourself on a whim. You could have ruined Miss Julianna’s reputation entirely.”

“Or Mr. Caleb Waverly could have ruined it, forcing her to marry him. Would you have her be subjected to such a domineering unfeeling gentleman?”

“No, but there must have been another way.”

“Perhaps, but I am happy with how things have turned out.”

“As am I,” a feminine voice added.

Carswell spun around. Miss Julianna placed a hand on the back of the settee, her gaze fixed on him. It was ungentlemanly to question a lady’s judgment, but he found the words leaking from his mouth before he could stop them.

“Why would you wish to marry a fool like Kaye? The man is impetuous, chaotic, and a terrible flirt.”

Miss Julianna’s eyes flashed with blue fire. “You forgot loyal, brave, and self-sacrificing. If I recall it was he who saved you from certain death on the battlefield, is that not correct?”

He opened his mouth to respond but she continued. “You do not need to answer that. I already know it is true. What I must ask, is why do you continue to belittle him for his difference in temperament? Or me for that matter, for I have often heard Beth claim I have the same compunction to act quickly on my thoughts.”

Kaye moved to stand beside her and placed a hand on the small of her back. The show of support made Carswell’s chest tighten and his hand throb. He tried to convince himself that he was not envious of their unity, that he did not yearn so deeply for the same connection, but he knew he did. And the only woman he could ever imagine that connection with was Beth.

His shoulders slumped. “You are correct, Miss Julianna. Kaye has many good qualities as well, but how can you both be so sure after such a short courtship?”

“Love can bridge many gaps, Carswell.” Kaye gazed fondly down at his intended.

Kaye’s use of his Christian name brought power with his words. Still, Carswell could not help saying, “You cannot possibly know that you are in love this soon.”

Miss Julianna smiled. “Perhaps not, but we can choose to love every day from this day forward, to cultivate what we do feel for one another and help it grow.”

Love grew? Of course it did. The idea sunk deep in his soul. He’d already noticed the stirrings of something much weightier than mere attraction for Beth. It had grown more intense over the last few weeks until it was undeniable. Mrs. Waverly had already named it for him, but the idea that one could purposely cultivate it, that he need not know love’s ins and outs before claiming it for himself brought comfort.

Carswell dropped his head. “My apologies. I should have had more faith in your tenacity, Kaye. I had no place to question your devotion, Miss Julianna.”

“Please call me Julianna, for if I do not delude myself, there might be some hope that we may one day call each other brother and sister.”

He slowly lifted his head. “It is my greatest hope, but at present Beth will have nothing to do with me. My skepticism seems to have broken the fragile bond we shared.”

“It is not your skepticism. It is her fear. She is like a beaten pup, worried she will get kicked again if she puts her trust in you. Beth was looking for a reason to run, even if she does not know it. She would have found it one way or another. Now it is up to you to show her you will not be put off so easily.”

“How do I convince her that I will guard her heart?”

Kaye tipped his head to the side. “Will you?”

“As diligently and completely as we guarded our supplies from the French at Vitoria.”

“That fierce?” Kaye smiled. “I do not think you ever fought as hard in any other battle as that one.”

“Then you know how serious I am.”

Julianna crossed in front of the settee. “Yes, but it is Beth who will need to be convinced, not us.”

“And how do you suggest I go about it?”

The conspiratorial smile that passed between Julianna and Kaye made Carswell wonder if he’d asked the right two people. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound.