8. Sylas

EIGHT

Why the fuck had I told her we were having a get together?

In all my time serving on a UGSF ship, we'd never had a mandatory officer gathering. Except in the course of the last day, that was exactly what it had become. I'd convinced everyone to show up, lest Aurelia thought I was doing it for some nefarious purpose.

I wasn't. Not really.

Now we were all sitting in the officer's lounge, the guys sitting at the bar, and the girls were all crowded around the couch, laughing and smiling. I hated it.

Mostly because she smiled at everyone but me.

"This was a terrible idea," I muttered under my breath. Leo was sitting at my side, nursing a scotch, his eyes focused on the other side of the room. "Stop making moon eyes at my sister," I grumbled.

"I'm not," he said, giving a scoff. "Besides, that would never happen."

"She's strictly off limits. Especially to you." I pointed a finger at Leo's chest. "Don't even think about it."

Because I knew Leo all too well. He went through women faster than most people went through socks. Which was to say—a lot. I'd never seen him in a single committed relationship all the way back to our college days. Not that I had room to talk.

I scowled at him before returning my attention to the girls, sipping on my whiskey. My sister was sitting next to Aurelia on the couch, and I strained my neck, wondering if I could hear whatever they were talking about from where I was sitting.

Everyone was wearing casual clothes, which was the first time I'd seen most of them out of their flight suits or officer's dress. Seeing all these people who would live and work together for the next five years gathered around, all chatting… it felt strange, and yet so normal. Like there wasn't anywhere I could imagine us but here.

"Hey, have you seen Finley?" Wren asked, looking around the room for the redheaded Chief Science Officer. He'd tucked a dark gray Henley into a pair of dark denim pants, the top buttons undone just slightly, the hint of a tattoo peeking out.

"No." I frowned. "She'll probably be here soon, though."

He mumbled something under his breath, but I didn't catch it. I couldn't worry about his problem when I had one of my own.

Aurelia looked over at me, and I knew she'd caught me watching her, just like she had at the gym. She'd worn black pants and a pretty blue blouse that made her eyes even brighter. Not that I should be noticing. Just like I shouldn't have noticed how good her ass looked in those tight spandex pants she'd worn to the gym.

I knew I needed to ignore this attraction to her. The pulsing thrum in my veins that happened any time she was around. She was enchanting, magnetic, drawing me to her like a moth to a flame. Like you couldn't help but look at the stars each night.

Orion settled into the other seat next to me, elbowing me to divert my attention.

"Hey." I frowned. "What was that for?"

He shook his head, his dark skin standing out in stark contrast to his white button up. "You're staring."

Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned my full attention to him. "Was not." Ugh. How old was I? I sounded like I was twelve, not thirty-five. "Sorry. I don't know where my head's been at lately."

He patted me on the shoulder. "I will say, it's strange adjusting back to life on a ship. I thought this life was behind me, but now…" Orion massaged the back of his neck with his hand. I knew he had gone through a rough divorce this past year, and I didn't blame him for choosing to return to the federation after that.

"I'm sorry about Ilya, man." His ex-wife had really done a real number on him.

"We were just too different, you know?" He ran his finger over the glass rim. "And being away on missions, we just grew apart."

It was one reason I'd vowed never to commit myself to anyone, let alone get married. Leaving behind a wife, a family… I could never abandon anyone the way my parents had abandoned Kayle and I.

"Well, you have us now," I said with a grin, looking at Leo—and Wren, who still had his gaze locked on the door.

It finally slid open, the slender redhead barreling in, out of breath.

"Sorry I'm late," Finley said, her Irish accent coming through. "I had some problems and—" she quieted, realizing everyone in the room was looking at her. "Hi, gang," she squeaked

"It's all good," Kayle called from the couch, patting the spot next to her. "Come join us! We were just talking about this trashy reality show we've all been watching."

"Which one?" Finley's lips curled up into a grin. "I love all of those shows."

Aurelia's face lit up as Finley sat next to her. "Love Out of this World. It's like one of those dating shows, but it takes place in space."

"Of course," I muttered under my breath. Of course they'd all bond over some silly show.

Despite my hopes of speaking with my pilot, the girls held her hostage all night, smiling and laughing while swapping stories from back on Earth.

When the clocks read 2200, I finally gave up, calling it a night.

And I didn't look deeper into the reason I was so disappointed I hadn't shared a word with her all evening.

Days passed,and though I glimpsed flashes of purple with that beautiful shade of reddish brown hair all over my ship, it was always in passing. Even on the bridge, I'd hardly shared two words with her.

But she seemed brighter. Happy. Adjusted. She had all the girls now, even my sister, who sat with her at dinner and watched stupid television shows together at night.

And I had… no one.

Maybe I was a grumpy bastard, because my only friends were the ragtag group of guys I'd known since college, and had all but coerced into serving on this ship with me. I knew for a fact if they hadn't all been single, there was no way I'd have been able to talk them into a five-year mission, anyway.

It was a long time to be away from your friends and loved ones. But the only person I loved was my sister, and she was here with me.

That was the thought that stuck with me as I did the rounds, too antsy to sit on the bridge while we were still en route to our final destination. That was the thing about traveling across the entire galaxy: even with the most advanced technology on our ship, it took a while to get there.

My hand connected with the entrance pad for the ship's artificial gardens. Our crops grew on the same level, and it was the reason we would have fresh fruits, vegetables, and other goods throughout our voyage.

There was no real reason for me to check in here, but I couldn't resist the urge to go inside. It was peaceful inside—quiet. Something I'd been severely lacking lately. I'd only been in here once before when I'd first boarded and they'd given me the tour of the entire ship, but I'd liked it then.

The smell of flowers drifted into my nose, sweet and pungent. It was an incredible greenhouse, simulating the look and feel of Earth itself. Even the ceiling above us was programmed with familiar blue skies and fluffy clouds, while the sun lamps brought a warmth to the place.

My stroll was calming and relaxing, and I wouldn't have even realized someone else inside except… There she was.

Aurelia.

Her long, wavy hair tumbled down her back as it caught the light, making it appear even more red than normal. Last night had been the first time I'd seen her have it down since she'd burst into my office that first day, since she normally wore it up.

She had her head tilted up towards the artificial light, a small smile brightening her entire face. I was entranced, unable to look away. I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be watching her, but there was something so effortless in her being that I couldn't look away, either.

Fuck, what was I doing, staring at her? I stepped back, but my foot caught on a small twig, which cracked underneath my weight.

Her eyes fluttered open. "Oh. It's you." She blinked, adjusting her stance. "Sorry, I didn't expect to see you here."

Before, she'd seemed so open. So… free. Now she was guarded. I hated I did that to her. After all, this was her home now, too.

I cracked a smirk, trying to look nonchalant. "It is my ship, after all." Shoving my hands in my pockets, I resisted the urge to reach out towards her.

Aurelia gave a slight chuckle. "I suppose it is, Captain. I just… forgive me if I'm overstepping, but I haven't seen you in here before."

"No?" I raised my shoulders. "Maybe I should remedy that, then. Do you come here often?"

I liked the idea of her spending time in here, among the flowers. Beautiful—just like she was.

Her cheeks were the slightest shade of pink. Adorable. "Sometimes. It helps me think. Feels like home."

"Did you have a garden at home?" I couldn't help asking the question, because I wanted to know her. Wanted to know all of it. Her childhood, what her life was like growing up—everything.

She shook her head. "No, but my dad loved taking my mom to the rose garden. When I was little, we'd go all the time. As I got older, well…" Aurelia frowned. "Things changed. You know how it is."

Did I? Even before they'd abandoned us, my parents had never done a thing like that for Kayle and I. "I don't know that I do."

Her eyes turned to me in surprise. "You don't…"

I didn't like her looking sad over me. Didn't want her to feel bad about me, period. Because I wasn't worth her pity. "We didn't have any gardens where I grew up. But that's okay. I wouldn't have appreciated them, anyway."

"And now?"

I raised an eyebrow in question. "Now?"

"Do you find the view beautiful, Captain Kellar?" Aurelia's hand brushed over the open petals of a purple lily.

"Very," I replied.

But I wasn't looking at the flowers.

"Ah." Another smile curled over her lips. "Well, that's good then. I should…" She looked around. "I should go."

"Don't." The word slipped out of my lips before I could think better of it. "You were here first, anyway. I'll go."

"Or…" My breath caught in my throat as she looked up at me, so much hope in her eyes. "We could both stay. Just for a little while."

I said, "Okay." Settling onto a bench in the middle of the ship's garden, I copied her position from earlier, tipping my head up like I was absorbing the rays of the artificial sun. It wasn't quite the same as the real thing, but suddenly, I didn't feel so alone anymore.

She sat next to me, neither one of us quite touching.

"The other night," Aurelia finally said, breaking our silence. "When you had everyone get together for the officer's night…" she trailed off, before finally settling on, "Tell me the truth. Did you really plan that for me? Because I heard…"

I looked up at the ceiling at the fake sky above me. Dear Lord, this girl.

A grunt escaped my mouth. "No. Of course not." She looked hurt, and I hesitated. How did I smooth the situation over without revealing all my cards? "I thought it would be good for everyone. To get closer. We have a long mission left, after all." Crossing my arms over my chest, I kept my eyes straight ahead.

She looked contemplative. "That's true." Aurelia made a humming noise, and then said, "Your sister is really nice, you know."

I could read between the lines here. "Yeah, yeah. She's better than me in every conceivable way. Don't worry, I already know that." I scowled, and her face softened, her hand resting on my arm.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." I smoothed a hand over my face. "But it's true. I'm an asshole, and she's the most caring person I know." Keeping my face straight ahead, I continued. "We both went through the same stuff, but she didn't come out of it all broken. Not like I did." Fuck, why did I just admit that? "I don't know why I just told you that," I said, voice rough. "Sorry. Didn't mean to dump on you."

Aurelia frowned. "It's okay."

I shook my head, standing up and shoving my hands in my pockets. "It's not. But thanks for the company." I dipped my head at our surroundings. "You're right. It's nice here."

"Any time," she mumbled as I waved goodbye, pacing away before she could say anything else.

I didn't know what it was about her. I was attracted to her—of course I fucking was, I had eyes—but there was something more.

She was everything good in the world—like a shooting star, lighting up the night sky—and she didn't deserve to have my darkness taint that. She deserved someone better. Someone younger, who would be by her side through all the upcoming stages of her life. Marriage, kids, a happy life—she deserved all of that.

Something that I could never give her, because those things weren't in my future. All I had was this job. This ship. Being the captain of the S.S. Paradise was my future, and I was okay with that. Love wasn't for me.

Maybe other people could believe in love, but they didn't know what it was like to be abandoned. To lose everything and not know what you did. How much it hurt to be left behind. To have to wonder what about you was so fundamentally wrong that no one wanted to stay.

It was why I'd sworn off love. It wasn't for me. I rubbed at my forehead.

She wasn't for me.