15. Aurelia

FIFTEEN

The observation deckwas empty when I opened the door, slipping inside to stare at the stars unfolding around me. Leaning against the metal railing, I let myself get lost in the swirling colors of the galaxies as a small smile curved over my lips. What was out there? How many things would we uncover? I'd always loved asking those questions to my dad. Speculating, dreaming—imagining worlds so vastly different and unlike our own.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I asked, out loud, knowing that he couldn't hear me. But wishing I could talk to my dad, anyway. "Or was coming onto this ship a mistake?" I shut my eyes, trying to imagine his response. I could barely even remember the sound of his voice anymore. Even the memories were slipping away from me, one by one.

Would he be proud of me? For looking for him? For trying to find out what happened to his ship? I hoped so. I liked to believe he was here with me. That ever since I'd set foot on the space station, I'd been closer to him. A single tear dripped down my cheek.

I'd carry him in my heart, always.

"For what it's worth, I think you are." Sylas's deep voice rocked me out of my moment of introspection. He cleared his throat. "Doing the right thing, I mean."

I reached up to wipe away the wetness from my face before turning around to face him. "How long have you been there?" I asked. "I didn't hear you come in."

"You looked like you were lost in thought. I didn't want to interrupt."

I hummed in response, turning back to the stars. "I was."

"About?"

Everything. "My dad, mostly. If this was the right decision."

He joined me, leaning onto the railing next to me. "Maybe the better question is, if you weren't here, what would you be doing? Would you be happy?"

I instantly knew the answer to that. "No. I'd have always wondered what if. What if I'd gone? What if I'd found—" I shook my head. I couldn't let myself hope. Not for that. I cleared my throat. "It's only been a few weeks, but I already love this ship. It feels like it could be home, you know."

"I'm beginning to think I do," he said, but when I looked over, his eyes weren't staring outside. They were on me. "It's a good crew."

"The best," I agreed. They'd become like my family. Even the guys, who I'd spent more time with lately, made this ship feel less like a job and more like fun.

Sylas included. Last night, talking over dinner had been different. Sure, he'd offered to help me, but this felt like the first time he really opened up to me. And he was patient, letting me ask as many questions as I wanted without trying to ask anything back. And I could see in his eyes that he wanted more.

But everything was changing, and I didn't know how to feel about that.

I didn't know how to feel about last night.

If he'd asked me if he could kiss me, I knew I would have said yes.

Without thinking, I would have let him. Because when I stared up at him—at that handsome face, the chiseled jaw covered in stubble, those deep blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean in California, I lost all rational thought.

Maybe it was a proximity thing. That I'd been spending so much time with him, late in the evening, as we poured over maps and data files stored on that hard drive. I could blame it on that, surely? That and my lack of orgasms lately. With flight school and everything, I hadn't had a regular partner in awhile, and my body seemed to know that.

Yeah, I could blame this attraction on that. It was just need. Nothing more. It would happen to anyone.

Except I knew, deep down, that it was just him. The way he carried himself. The way he kept finding ways to spend time with me. It was all confusing my heart.

I needed to remind myself why I couldn't stand him. How he'd tried to fire me.

"Lieutenant…" His voice was rough.

The doors to the observation deck opened, causing us to spring apart. It was just a member of the crew, who quickly left when he saw us standing together at the railing.

"I found something," I said, changing the subject. I needed something to distract myself from his face. "It's a solid lead, I think."

The trackers I'd installed to monitor the dataset I'd received had pinged last night, when we'd reached our current system. It meant I was getting closer. It also meant I needed to put the next phase of my plan into action. But would he go along with it?

I explained to him what I'd found. "What do you think?" I asked, hoping he couldn't see the hope in my eyes.

His eyes roamed over my face. "Hmm." Sylas seemed to ponder it for a moment. "I'll have to look at it."

Last night, we'd parted ways because I'd known exactly what would happen if we were in a room alone together. So I hadn't invited him inside. He was my captain, for fuck's sake. If everyone found out that we were fucking… I winced at the idea.

Though I had to admit the idea of sleeping with him—just once, to get it out of my system—was appealing.

He stepped closer to me, and I let my eyes wander down his body, a blatant perusal.

"Captain, I—" I opened my mouth, but he shook his head, stepping closer.

He was so close that I could feel his body heat through my flight suit, his head angling down towards mine. Could he see the heat in my eyes? The desire burning deep within me?

"What am I going to do with you?" Sylas murmured the words, and a shiver ran down my spine. He reached out, his finger tracing over the angles of my face.

Yes, I could blame it on the proximity, but I knew no one else could affect me the way he did. I needed barriers. Without walls to keep my heart safe, to keep me protected, I'd fall. And I couldn't let myself do that.

I crossed my arms over my chest as his body leered over mine. "I thought you couldn't stand me, Captain. That you didn't like me."

"Maybe…" he muttered, curling his finger around a single strand of my hair. "Maybe I just can't stay away from you."

"That still doesn't solve our problem," I said, shaking my head. Wishing I could pull away, not long for his embrace.

"Doesn't it?"

"No."

But then why were my hands clutching onto his collar?

My eyes fluttered, wondering if this was it. Every part of my body cried out, begging for him to kiss me. To know how those lips felt against mine. To know what it tasted like when Sylas Kellar smiled. I wanted all of it.

I really wasn't picky about what order it came in.

"Aurelia," he murmured, tilting up my chin to bring our faces level.

"Sylas," I whispered, wanting so badly to know what his name tasted like on my lips. Needing it. It was better than I could have imagined, especially the way his eyes sparkled. "The other night in your room…"

"Mhm?" A hint of mischief shone through his expression.

"Did you want to kiss me?"

He groaned. "More than anything."

"And yesterday, if I'd have said yes…"

"Yes."

I smirked. Fuck it. I didn't care anymore. Not about the consequences. Not when he was looking at me like that.

"Then why haven't you kissed me yet, Captain?"

He growled, pinning me in place against the railing.

Sylas's hand wrapped around my neck, and before I could taunt him again, he pulled my body against his. There was hardly an inch between us, and then his lips were on mine.

And holy shit—Sylas Kellar was kissing me. It was like a lightning bolt to my system. It wasn't a soft kiss. No. It was the result of weeks of build-up, of longing looks and lingering glances. Of every time our eyes had dipped down, eyes drawn to the other's lips. His were warm and soft and oh-so-kissable.

It was only him and I, in our own little bubble as he coaxed my mouth open, not even coming up for air. I clutched onto the railing behind me to keep myself upright, feeling my knees buckling from the heat of his embrace.

Who was this man who had lost all self control?Anyone could see us. Anyone could walk in right now and find me pressed up against the glass by Sylas's body. There was no mistaking what we were doing in this compromising position, and yet—I wanted more.

My hands wrapped around his neck, fingers curling into the hair at the nape as I let him devour me. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I barely gasped before I was giving it back, matching him breath for breath. Inhaling him like he was the air I needed to breathe.

Tightening my grasp, I pulled him down deeper into me. Relished in the groan he let out into my mouth as his tongue lazily swept over mine.

We kissed like we were starved. Like it was the first and last. Which was a damn shame, because my captain knew how to kiss.

It made me wonder, if he was this good at kissing, what else would he excel at?

My cheeks were warm at the sudden onslaught of thoughts, but I couldn't stop my spiral. Not when every bit of his hardness was pressed against my soft body, and I moaned?—

He pulled away, his hand cupping my face, fingers brushing through my hair. "Fuck." Sylas's breathing was rough.

I ran my fingers over my lips. "Wow."

"You're…" He shook his head.

I expected him to say it was a mistake. That we shouldn't have just done that. But when I looked up into those deep, ocean blue eyes, all I saw was hunger.

"Aurelia, I…"

"Kiss me again," I murmured. "I don't want to think anymore. Not about this. Not about…"

He brought our lips together again before I could finish that thought. And then he was lifting me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, my back pressed against the glass.

Fuck, yes. I let my mouth say everything words couldn't. He sucked my tongue into his mouth, and I ground down against him, feeling his hardness press against me. Gasping at the feeling, I clutched at him tighter.

"More," I begged as he pulled away. "I need?—"

He swallowed roughly. "We shouldn't?—"

Placing my pointer finger over his lips, I shook my head. I didn't want him to finish that sentence. Not if what came at the end of it was rejection.

"Don't tell me this is a mistake," I whispered. "I can't…"

"I know." Sylas smoothed my hair back before setting me back down on my feet softly. "I know."

He pecked my lips again, pulling back, breathing rough. I leaned my forehead against his chest, unsure if it was possible to calm my racing heart.

But what did he know? That I would give up everything I'd worked for, just for one night? How I would have let him fuck me right here, on the observation deck, without a care in the world for if someone came in and found us?

Because I'd let lust cloud my system. Put my own needs in front of my mission. My goal. And I couldn't do that. Not again.

I groaned into my hands as he kissed the crown of my head and then walked away without another word.

What had I just done?