10. Sylas

TEN

Stretching out my arms,I let out a deep exhale. The ship was right on track, and we were inching closer to our final destination.

So why did I still feel so fidgety? Like there was something I needed to do, somewhere I needed to go?

I couldn't talk about it with the guys, either. Leo would just tell me I needed to get laid.

Which was probably true, however… I wasn't interested.

No, that wasn't right. There was just only one woman on my mind, and I couldn't have her. She was strictly off-limits. Forbidden.

Aurelia was feisty, didn't hold back, and wasn't afraid to tell me when I was wrong. And I was. Somehow, it was becoming a theme with her. Normally, it would have driven me insane that she could put me in my place.

But with her, I was fascinated. What was it about her? I'd been around plenty of gorgeous women before, and they'd never affected me like she did.

Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she bantered with me, and it made me hard.

Goddamn it, I was fucked.

"You need to get it together," I muttered to myself.

I'd drank more in the last two weeks since boarding the ship than I had in years, though I'd avoided the absinthe again, no thanks to my sister's help.

What's one more drink? I asked myself, changing in direction towards the bar on the recreation floor.

The ship was divided into separate living areas: the very top deck housed the observation room, which was like a solid glass dome where you could see everything surrounding us. Right below it was the bridge and captain's quarters—where I spent most of my time.

Heading down the ship on the turbo lifts, you could find the officer's floor, with enough rooms to house everyone, plus the lounge and a few other living spaces. The following levels after that were larger, common areas of the ship: the recreation floor housed the gym, mess hall, and a variety of spaces to hang out, including our own personal bar.

The ship also housed an entire floor of greenhouses and agricultural growing spaces, helpful for both not feeling like you were traveling on a tin can through space and for feeding the crew. There were also two levels of crew quarters for all the other residents on the ship, including larger multi-room family suites for those who'd brought their loved ones along, plus a classroom, daycare, and nursery.

The Paradise was fully decked out—which it had to be, since we'd be gone for so long. No one wanted to go on such a long mission with no amenities, especially when most of our time would be confined to this space.

Even if we visited the surface of another planet, there was no guarantee of oxygen, and most of my crew would never set foot on alien soil.

That was the thought lingering in my mind as I entered the bar, seeing a familiar head of reddish-brown waves with her back to me at the bar.

I should have left. That would have been the proper thing to do. Except, when had I ever been proper? When I saw her sitting at the bar all alone, I couldn't stop my feet.

"Fancy seeing you here." I slid onto the stool next to her, letting my gaze sweep over her. She was still in her dark gray jumpsuit, but it was getting harder for me to ignore just how it hugged the curves of her body. No one else captured my attention like she did, and damn if that didn't drive me crazy.

Aurelia's cheeks were light pink, a warm haze over her features and a half-drunk glass in front of her. "Captain. Hi."

"Why are you all alone?"

She shrugged. "You know how it is."

I did. But also… "I thought you and the girls had been hanging out? Watching that show?"

"Love Out of this World?" She laughed. "We were. Are. But Astrid's working late, and Finley had something come up, and Violet, well… I don't know. Didn't seem like as much fun without everyone."

I nodded. "Makes sense."

"What about you? Why are you here alone, Captain?"

God, the way she called me my title all the time shouldn't be as alluring as it was, but I couldn't help it.

"Shifts over. Thought I'd come here and think." I waved over the bartender, ordering a glass of the finest scotch we had.

Probably needed to pace myself, since there was no replacing the alcohol once we'd run out. They'd stocked the ship with the finest we had, but that didn't mean there was an endless supply.

"Mmm. And what does our oh-so-great captain have to think about?" She took another sip of her drink, and my eyes were glued to her glass, the way her tongue flicked over the rim, catching the extra drops of the purple drink.

Wait. What had we even been talking about?

Right. Thinking.

"The usual, I'd suppose. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." I quoted a document that was over twelve hundred years old, like it wasn't the most blasé statement I could make when the real thing I'd been thinking about was her.

Her damn hair. How pretty she was. How much had I had to drink? I wasn't supposed to be thinking about how pretty she was.

She just blinked. "Now I know you're really pulling my leg."

"Am not." I lied.

Aurelia let out a giggle, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "No one says that kind of shit and takes themselves seriously." She poked a finger at my chest. "Tell me, Captain Kellar. What ails you so?"

You.

"So dramatic," I muttered instead, swirling the alcohol around in my glass before taking a drink.

Aurelia hummed softly, taking a sip of her drink.

I said the first thought that popped into my mind. "Has there ever been something you really wanted but couldn't have?"

"Sure. But why can't I have it? Surely, if I work hard enough, it would be obtainable, right?"

"You'd think." My tone was dry. "But no. No matter what you do, it'll always be out of reach."

"Huh." She frowned into her cocktail. The purple almost matched the stripes on her flight suit, which somehow suited her just perfectly. "I guess that is something to think about, isn"t it?" She ran her finger around the rim. "But I guess I know what you mean. I have something like that too. Something I'd give anything to have, but it's gone." Her tone was full of sadness, and I instantly hated that this world had taken something away from this woman. That she ever knew pain. "And I can never have it back."

A deep sigh came from my lips. "But that's life, isn't it? Sometimes it sucks, and then you die." Now I really knew I was drunk, because what sort of asshole said that to a woman who was clearly grieving something?

She looked out the large windows behind the bar. From where we were seated, you could see the stars shining and the outline of a large, gas-based planet. It definitely wasn't one we could explore.

"Or maybe it's the opposite. That loss makes life worth living. Because isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?"

I frowned, thinking of my parents. They'd never loved my sister and I. If they had, they wouldn't have been able to leave us so easily. But I knew that I'd give anything to have protected Kayle from that pain. "I don't know."

A pretty blush exploded on her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm so overstepping." She picked up her glass. "This is really strong. Wow." Aurelia took another drink, draining it to the dregs. "Should I go? I should go." She stood up, not meeting my gaze.

"No." I placed my hand over hers, trying to ignore how much smaller hers looked. "Stay. Please." It was an echo of what we'd said in the gardens the other day, but I wouldn't look into that too deeply.

Aurelia let out a little hiccup, seemingly thinking about it for a moment, before nodding. "Okay." She finally returned her gaze to mine. Her brilliant eyes were sparkling as she looked over at me.

Was it obvious that I was just using this as an excuse to talk to her? That I didn't care what we talked about? But she was thoughtful, contemplative, and insightful.

And I was just a grumpy bastard who was greedy for her time.

"My mom would hate this," she finally said, another giggle tearing through her frame. "Knowing that I was up here, moping. Like I've done all this, but why doesn't it feel like I'm really living yet? Half the time I'm in awe that I'm really here. That we're in space. That I made it. But the other half of the time, I just can't help but feel like something's missing." She shook her head. "It's stupid."

I waved the bartender over and ordered us another round of drinks. She got another one of those purple beverages, the alcohol shimmery and swirling in the glass.

"I know what you mean," I said, swirling my finger around on the top of the bar. "About feeling like you still want more. I mean, I'm the youngest captain in the fleet, and I still can't help but feel like I haven't achieved enough. But when does it end?" No matter what I did, it wouldn't be enough for them, anyway.

"But you're Sylas Freaking Kellar." Her eyes were wide. "Do you know how many people talk about you in the academy? How many people look up to you?"

I scoffed.

"No, it's true. When I found out I was assigned to this ship, that I was placed under you, I was a little intimidated. After all…" She gestured to me with one hand, the other wrapped around her glass. "Look at you."

I puffed up my chest a little at that. That she was intimidated by me. I mean, fucking look at her. "And then?"

She laughed, and the sound was like an arrow to my stomach. A shock to my system. Because I was quickly becoming greedy for her laughter, and her smiles. I wanted to hoard them, all to myself. "And then I found out you really were a grumpy asshole." Aurelia patted my shoulder. "I'm going to regret saying that tomorrow, aren't I?"

I nodded, hiding the subtle upward quirk of my mouth behind my glass. "Probably. Just be glad I can't put you on scut duty."

Though, sober or not, I'd never punish her for it. Not when it was the truth. Maybe if she called me a grump or an asshole enough times, it would finally stick in my head that she didn't want me. Then this attraction running through my veins would go away.

She wrinkled her nose. "Is that really a thing?"

"Used to be."

"You sound like you speak from experience."

"I do." I sipped the scotch, savoring the taste of it on my tongue. "It wasn't fun."

"Mmm. I'll keep that in mind." Her shoulders shook, and I was surprised at how fun and easy this was. This banter between us wasn't arguing anymore. It felt natural. I didn't want it to end.

"Good. I'd hate to lose one of my officers to cleaning duties, after all." I winked at her.

She gave an exaggerated gasp, her hand flying over her heart. "You wouldn't."

"No," I agreed. "That would really cement my grumpy asshole status, after all. I'd rather force everyone to get dinner with me instead."

"I never said thank you for that."

"Why would you have to thank me?" Surprise lilt my tone. I hadn't told her I'd done it for her. In fact, I'd said the exact opposite, scowling and denying her claims.

"Hmm. Because even though you don't like me, you got all the officers together and made everyone bond."

"I didn't do that for you," I grunted.

"Sure," she said, but there was a twinkle in her eye.

Shit, she was on to me.

And even though that thought crossed my mind, I didn't stop talking. Not even when the clock passed 0400, and I knew we should both be asleep.

I didn't want this moment to end.

I was tooold for hangovers.

Groaning, I rolled out of bed, second guessing why I'd had a second drink last night. And the third. Aurelia and I had sat in the bar until the late hours of the night, talking about nothing—and everything. It was strange, because it was one of the best nights I'd had in a while.

And it was all because of her.

The conversation had flowed, a teasing banter back and forth forming between us. It was exciting talking to her. Hearing her thoughts about the world. Getting a small look into her brain.

"You look like shit." Kayle snorted as I sat next to her in the Captain's chair.

I huffed out a breath of air. "Just love getting shit from my First Officer first thing in the morning."

My sister gave me a teasing grin. "Sorry, Cap."

"What's the status report?" "All systems are running smoothly. Nothing unusual going on."

I looked over the officers working in the bridge, surprised to find that Aurelia wasn't here yet.

I'd expected to find her in that chair first thing, lighting up the room with her brilliant smile she seemed to give everyone but me.

"Good." I leaned back, shutting my eyes. "Smooth sailing ahead then."

I couldn't stop thinking about how last night she'd laughed for me.

That I made her laugh. Grumpy asshole, who? A chuckle slipped from my lips just thinking about it. Maybe people said that you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks, or that people didn't change, but I liked to think that slowly…

She was changing me.