Chapter 9

CHAPTER9

Traveling with an angel is… demeaning.

There’s no other way to put it.

For one, it just doesn’t appeal to my feminist sensibilities. Look, I don’t mind being rescued once in a while. I enjoy acts of chivalry. Exhibit A: when Ashen cut Jessie’s hands off. That was hot as fuck, if you ask me. I would have jumped his bones in that pool of pissy blood if it wasn’t for the hunger and poor timing. But clinging to Eryx like a baby koala as he hurtles us through the sky is just not my thing.

Secondly, I’m a vampire. So I know you’re thinking it…

…Just say it already. I’ll wait.

Hold on tight, spider monkey.

Ugh. There it is. It’ll be another fifty years before I get away from that shit.

Thirdly, heights aren’t really my thing. While I’m perfectly comfortable flying a helicopter, that’s in a fucking machine. That’s not me as a passenger who is newly prone to seizures glued to a possibly deranged angel that faints on the regular. None of that makes for a winning combination.

Lastly, Eryx smells like a jacked-up cinnamon bun. That sounds great I’m sure, but trust me, it loses its appeal when your face is smushed into the smell of sickly-sweet cinnamon sugar and cream cheese icing for two solid hours. As a result, I’ve been feeling more than a little queasy… a little travel sick… a little ready to-

Yep, there it is. I just hurled all over the forest. I’m pretty sure I got an innocent rabbit too, poor thing. Right on its fuzzy little ass.

“Your friend Ediye is such a blessing, don’t you think? If it wasn’t for her spell, we’d be crashing into the woods right now. The only thing that’s worse than blood is vomit,” Eryx says with a cheerful laugh. It doesn’t fill me with reassurance. I cling a little tighter to the angel in my koala grip and he laughs again. “Don’t worry, I won’t drop you. Besides, we’re almost there.”

It’s only a matter of minutes before Eryx slows and lowers us to a clearing near the shore of the river where it pools beneath the Blue Falls. The sun is just starting to color the clouds with streaks of pink and yellow in anticipation of dawn.

I slip my arms from Eryx and look around us, taking in the smell of the cool water as it falls over the rocks and crashes into the pool below. There’s no wind here, just the songs of birds in the shadows and the peace of time still waiting to pass from dark into light. These are the best moments of the day, if you ask me.

I look at Eryx and his easy smile is already waiting for me. Maybe it’s the flight, or the fact that I just chucked my last meal all over the trees, but I feel a bit lighter when I return his grin.

“Come on,” Eryx says, holding out his hand. I take it and he pulls us toward the water. “The sun is almost ready to break the horizon. It’s the best time for us to travel.”

We walk through the tall grass, the dew clinging to our clothes. When our feet land on the coarse sand of the riverbank, my heart starts to beat a little faster, my head pounds a little harder. I realize for the first time that I never worried about being unworthy of the Shadow Realm, even though I knew I didn’t belong there. I don’t belong in the Realm of Light either, but maybe I’m a bit scared of being unwelcome. My free pass to the domain of the angels doesn’t feel like something I earned, even though I guess I technically did.

Eryx squeezes my hand. It’s only when he does that I realize I’ve been crushing his palm in a death grip. “Don’t worry, Lu. You’ll love it. I promise.”

I focus on the falls ahead and take a deep and cleansing breath before stepping into the water. We wade into the pool toward the cascade, the cool river climbing up my body until it reaches my chest. Its soothing caress is a relief to my hot skin, and before I know it I’m letting go, diving beneath the rippling waves. When I break the surface, I watch Eryx as he swims underwater, his sharp wings cutting through the current. He comes up beside me and smiles, his skin radiant with joy. Before he can wipe the droplets from his eyes I smack the surface and spray him right in the face. His laugh shimmers enough for both of us.

“Siren or angel, place your bets!” Eryx yells and dunks my head beneath the surface. I dive deeper and reach up to jab my finger into his armpit. When I come up for air he’s still laughing. I give him a menacing grin and launch at his head, pushing him under in retaliation. Right when I think I’ve gotten the upper hand, I’m sailing through the air and crashing into the surface of the water, nearly choking on my silent laugh.

We spray flurries of water at one another, we dunk and pull limbs and smile until our cheeks hurt. When we finally realize dawn is casting long shadows through the trees around us we race each other to the waterfall, struggling to climb onto a ledge of rock through our laughter.

“If you thought that was fun, just wait until you see what’s on the other side,” Eryx says as he stands and pulls me to my feet. When he looks down at me I smile, and I realize that this is the first moment of fun I’ve had in a long time. And though he returns my smile, I see a glint of sadness in his eyes. I think he understands just how elusive joy has been during my time in the Shadow Realm. Maybe even longer than that.

Eryx steps beneath the stream of the waterfall and draws me with him, pulling me into his chest. I’m surrounded by the scent of cinnamon, of lilacs in spring. “Hold on tight, Lu. You’re in for a ride.”

Eryx’s wings fold around us, shimmering and lethal, sharp and iridescent. The water cascades across the blades of his feathers. I shield my eyes and look up at a filament of water that shines like liquid gold, as though the yellow warmth of dawn has unspooled to infuse the stream around us with light. My breath catches in awe as the stream of the waterfall slows until every drop is suspended. I reach out and touch a golden tear, grinning as it floats away from my finger and pings against another drop.

The pressure in my head starts to build. Just like diving in deep water, Ashen once said. But before the sadness of memory can burrow into my chest, a rush of color and glittering stars bursts around us as though we’re a bomb that’s detonated time itself.

When the fragments of dawn fall to our feet, we stand in another world.

The Realm of Light.

I step away from Eryx and press a hand to my heart.

No. Fucking. Way.

The space around us is alive with shouts of joy and peels of laughter. There’s a roaring, clattering sound and I look up as a roller coaster cart zooms overhead on a set of blue tracks. A Sky Screamer spins in the distance on the left, a Ferris Wheel looks out over a bright azure bay on the right. I can see figures surfing on the waves that curl into the shore. Roller coasters and water slides snake around us, passing cotton candy vendors and popcorn carts and ice cream stands. A little train bobs along its tracks in front of us, tooting a welcome as children on the cars giggle and wave. There’s music and dancing and churros and arcades, there are dogs that are dogs and not weird tripod crawler souls that hiss in your face. These are happy dogs, wagging their tails and playing with children and snagging stray popcorn from the ground.

There’s a crackle of sound and I look up as fireworks burst through the sky in explosions of pastel light.

It’s like a creamsicle overload. Everything about this place is candy sweet and ridiculous and I FUCKING LOVE IT.

I beam a widening smile of disbelief at Eryx. Is this for real? I whisper.

“Yeah, I mean… the whole place isn’t like this, exactly, but it’s pretty amazing… right?”

He almost looks unsure, like he’s worried I might think it’s lame. But I don’t think that at all. I mean, it is lame, in the most amazing way. It’s not just amazing.

It’s fuckingepic, I try my best to say.

“Do you feel well enough for a ride or two before we take the portal to Saqqara?”

No. But also YES.

I let go of his hand and race Eryx to the first roller coaster. There’s no line, of course. It’s too next-level perfect here for things like lines. We’re both still dripping wet as we sit next to one another and the braces slip over our shoulders to lock us into our seats, Eryx sitting on his folded, gleaming wings. My heart thunders but not with fear or loss or pain for a change, though my physical injuries still hum in my skin. It pounds with excitement. And maybe that will trigger a seizure, who knows? Right now, glancing over at Eryx and seeing the same excitement and joy in his face, I don’t give two flying fucks. I just wanna have FUN. Don’t look so surprised about it either. Like I said a while ago, I’m not the crusty old vampire of your imagination. I might be five thousand years old and capable of reciting The Lament of Ur word-for-word in ancient Sumerian, but… why? Why when roller coasters are so much better?

The gears turn and the car lurches forward, whisking us up a steep incline. From here, I get a view of the land and sea that surround us. There’s an archipelago of small islands in the water, some with white structures that point like pins toward the sky. Straight ahead, the amusement park skirts along a canyon cut by a river, over which a bridge leads to a grand white city. To the left, the rides are bordered by a high wall, and beyond that are green plains of grasses and wildflowers that sway in a gentle breeze. I point to it as we near the top of the hill.

“That’s the city of Anur, straight ahead,” Eryx says, gesturing to the white towers and palatial buildings. “The House of Virtues controls this park and the closest quarter of the city. Those plains to the left fall under the stewardship of the House of Esagila. They have the ziggurat there on the left within Anur, you can see the top of it capped with gold.”

The ziggurat temple is blocky and imposing, surrounded by a fortified wall. The gold glints in the sun, making the building seem both beautiful and severe. I want to hear more about this place. I want to learn everything there is to know. But the bottom drops out beneath us and before I can think of anything else we’re plummeting toward the ground, rocketing through the park on tracks the color of the summer sky.

I hold my arms up and scream with terrified delight even though no sound comes out of my mouth. And normally that loss would grip my heart in a tight fist of sadness, but there’s no time for that. Not with Eryx absolutely shrieking next to me. All I can do is laugh and laugh and laugh.

And that’s how we spend the morning. Shrieking. Laughing. Maybe seizing once or twice. Okay fine, three times. The Slingshot is legit terrifying, even here in the Realm of Light. And yeah, I feel like shit still. I’m too hot. My head pounds. But really, it’s all worth it. Even though I’m sore, and I tire out fast like a human, and sometimes my brain feels like it’s sizzling inside the toaster that is my skull... it’s still worth it. Two days ago I was stuck in a cell. I thought I’d never have fun again. And now I’m making the most of it. Fuck the consequences.

That’s exactly what I’m thinking as I eat cotton candy and stroll next to Eryx as he dips a churro in chocolate sauce with a look of absolute ecstasy layered on his face. I don’t usually eat much human food at all. It doesn’t always have… positive results. But straight-up sugar is at least easy enough to digest. See also: fuck the consequences.

“Try this,” Eryx says as he catches me watching. He tears a piece off and makes sure it’s thoroughly coated in chocolate before passing it over. “Cole made me churros as dessert for our first date. His were better, but still.”

I pop it into my mouth. It is fucking good, and an oddly decent accompaniment to cotton candy. I mime a question to him and back it up with silent words. How did you meet?

“Oh, he killed me,” Eryx answers, his tone matter-of-fact and his face serious as he nods his head. I choke on my churro.

What?!

Eryx pats my back as I cough and gives a wistful laugh. “Yeah, he killed me all right. I was human. So was he, at the time. It’s how he got himself noticed by the Shadow Realm.”

I look around us, feeling off-kilter, like some other secret might be lurking in plain sight. I roll my hand in a gesture for Eryx to keep going.

“He made a deal. If he relinquished his wings for this mission, any human life he took in the Living Realm to get himself on the demons’ radar would be given the chance to become more than just a soul here in the Realm of Light. I had the choice to become an angel.” Eryx shrugs and smiles, tearing at a piece of the fried dough in his hands. “It sounded kinda great. And it has been. I mean, flying with knife wings is pretty kickass. Don’t you think?”

My smile grows. Yeah, actually, it seems pretty great. I nod and Eryx looks a bit relieved that I might agree.

Eryx leads me to a railing where we can look out over the cliff of the canyon to the river that leads to the sea. We lean next to one another, watching the water snake through the stone. “When I was told why Cole did what he did, I offered to join the effort to keep the balance. I sought him out. I wanted him to know I forgave him,” Eryx says, his smile faint with the pull of memory as he turns his gaze to the City of Anur. “It took a while to convince him it was true. He was angry at himself, even though he did what he had to do. Sometimes he’s still angry about it, especially when he has to reap an immortal soul and send them to the Shadow Realm.”

Eryx falls silent for a long moment and I think we both become lost in thoughts of Cole. My chest constricts when I imagine what it must feel like for him, to give up who he was, to have to do terrible things to earn a place among his enemies. To live among them day after day. To become one of them for little more than a chance of stopping some kind of war. My throat tightens and I turn my gaze out toward the sea.

Were you angry?I ask after a long while, tapping Eryx’s chest and miming the emotion. He takes a moment to answer, but when he does he gives a gentle smile as he looks down at his hands.

“Yeah. Sometimes. But I also saw what kind of person Cole is. A good man. A brave man. Even despite what he did to me and what he’s done to others. He made hard choices, not ones he wanted to make. It wasn’t difficult to fall in love with even the darkest parts of him. Those were the parts I saw first, the worst of him.”

I look down at my own hands, turning my palms over to look at my scabbed-over nails and the cuts and bruises that still lace my skin. I think of Ashen, wondering why he made the choices he did. Were they hard choices or easy ones? Was he trying to protect himself, or the interests of his realm? I can’t say that he was driven by some noble principle. And after what I’ve endured, I don’t know as it matters if he was. Because the anger and hurt I feel are still hot in my chest and bright with flame.

My hand folds into a fist as I look to the sea again. It’s not the same, I whisper to myself, not expecting Eryx to notice the movement of my lips. But he does. He lays a hand across my shoulder and pulls me to his side.

“Ashen is a demon, Lu. If you give your heart to a creature of the shadows, you have to learn how to love the darkness as much as the stars.”

We stand in silence for a long while. I turn his words over and over in my mind as the rides whirl behind us and the laughter and music fill the air. Somehow the atmosphere of this place loses its shine when my thoughts are trapped by shadows.