34. Rule #34 Forgiveness Is The Hardest Part

Rule #34: Forgiveness Is The Hardest Part

Zoe

I kept the light off in my room, hoping that anyone who came looking for me would think I was asleep. Rory had left too and that hurt more than I thought it would. I tried to draw on my power, but it was seeping away again.

Curling up in a ball on top of my bed, I hugged a pillow and buried my face in it. It still smelled of him and my stomach clenched but I refused to cry again. Anger had burned the grief away. Fuck him to be honest. A knock sounded on my door. Now he wanted to come after me. Well, it was too fucking late.

"If your name is Daniel, you can fuck right off!" I yelled.

"What if my name is Lewis?"

I marched over and ripped my door open. Light spilled in from the hallway. He wasn't out of my crosshairs either. I glared up at my stupidly tall best friend who had the decency to look sheepish.

"You're on thin fucking ice," I said, pointing a finger at him. I spun on my heel and marched straight back to my bed. He was lucky I didn't slam the door in his face. I grabbed a pillow and sat back against the headboard. Lewis mirrored my position stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"You mad at me?" he asked.

"You ambushed me," I replied.

"Yeah. I did. I'd say I'm sorry about that, but we both know you wouldn't have come down otherwise."

"He lied to me!" I spat.

"You lied to me," he said softly. It was like a record scratch went off in my brain. I turned to look at him and frowned.

"You hid who you were from me. You lied to me for five years about what you were. A big part of who you were."

"That was different," I replied with a frown. "He didn't trust me!"

"Was it though?" he asked gently. "You lied to protect me. You lied because you were scared I wouldn't accept you for who you were. You didn't trust me with an important part of who you were. You didn't trust me to love you no matter what."

He put his arm around my shoulder, and pulled me closer. Kissing the top of my head, he said, "He fucked up. I'm not saying he didn't. But his intentions were good, even if his execution was dumb."

"So dumb," I mumbled.

"I'm not saying you have to forgive and forget everything. But just don't give up on him. He loves you."

I didn't say anything. I just remembered what he said the last time we had been together.

Everything I do is to protect you. Everything I do is because I love you.

He knew. Even then, he knew what he was going to do.

"I had to grovel," I said eventually. "I even brought you cinnamon rolls. "

Lewis laughed into my hair. "I don't think cinnamon rolls would have helped this situation."

"I don't want to speak to him tonight. I need time."

"That's fair," he replied. "But we don't have a lot of time. When he doesn't show up for that wedding, it's going to be war."

"He's not going through with it?" I asked, pulling out of his hold, looking him in the eye.

"Of course not. He said he'd rather die."

"I don't want that," I whispered. Because despite how much he'd hurt me, I still loved him. He still held all the pieces of my fragile heart.

The house had been quiet for two days. Rory was still gone, Lewis was trying to give me space, but still texted incessantly and Lexi had taken to staying in her attic. Daniel was respecting my request for time, but I knew we were running out of that too. I didn't expect the loneliness to hit as hard as it did. I didn't think that I'd gotten so close to Rory, that I would feel her absence so keenly. She hadn't replied to any of my texts, and a small kernel of worry lodged in my chest. I was wandering around the house aimlessly. I was sick of looking at the walls of my bedroom, the kitchen was sparkling clean, and the living room was depressingly empty. I sighed and made my way to the library. Lewis had cleaned up his mess, but he had neatly stacked the books he kept referring back to on a low table. I stood in front of his "crime board" as he called it. I zeroed in on Lexi's school friends. There weren't many of them. Three to be exact – Sarah, April and Cillian. Then there was Vivienne, Queen Bee of the school and someone who had made Lexi's life a living hell, according to Lewis. She was the daughter of a fellow coven, I knew that much, but she had moved away with her hotshot hockey boyfriend when he'd been drafted to the NHL.

A knock sounded on the front door, drawing me out of my reverie. Lewis didn't bother knocking, so I knew it wasn't him. Opening the door revealed Madame Picoult.

"Zoe. Oh, good, you're home."

"Oh, hello Madame Picoult. Please come inside," I said, pulling the door open wider.

"Sorry to just drop in like this, but I was in the neighborhood and wanted to see how you were all settling in."

"Of course. Rory's not home at the moment, so it's just me."

"Ah, everything okay?"

"I think so?" I sighed. "To be honest, no actually."

For some reason Madame Picoult felt like a safe place. And maybe the older witch would have some advice for a lost soul like mine.

She placed her hand on my shoulder. "Sometimes a little outside perspective can help."

I led her back to the library and she froze when she entered, staring at the crime board.

"What's this?" she whispered.

"Oh, yes, so we've met Lexi."

Her head whipped to me and fear, guilt and regret swirled in her eyes. "I told her to stay out of sight."

"Well, I'm glad she didn't. We love having her around," I said, sinking down onto a couch, curling my legs beneath me.

"We're going to find out what happened to her," I said with a fierce kind of protection. "She deserves rest."

Madame Picoult sat beside me and reached for my hands, holding it in both of hers. "You're a good woman, Zoe."

"To be fair, this is mostly Lewis," I replied .

"Is he your young man?"

"Why does everyone assume that?" I grumbled. "No, he's my annoying best friend. Daniel is my, was my…" It hurt just thinking about him. I missed him so much.

"What happened?" she asked gently and I laid it all out. I told her about Lewis finding out about me, about this friendship we had all formed, how I felt about Rory's sudden absence and her radio silence. How I was worried about her. I told her about falling in love with Daniel and his betrayal. I even told her about how my power had been growing stronger and then faltering again. She smiled at that, eyes shining brightly.

"What's that smile for?"

"You found your coven," she said.

"No, I haven't. A coven is made up of other witches."

She waved her hand impatiently. "Coven, nest, pack. They're all the same thing. It's family. It's a group of people who choose each other. Your magic grew stronger as your bonds did. And it faltered again when Daniel hurt you and Rory left."

I sat back, taking in her words, replaying the last couple of months. I had felt stronger with them. And now…

"I need to fix this," I whispered.

"Well, no. Not exactly. Families are messy and complicated and we all make mistakes. Hecate knows I did. But you also have to know when to give them a chance to fix things. This isn't all on you. But you're the leader, the heart of this coven. And sometimes all we have to do is give people the grace to atone."

"Thank you," I said.

She unexpectedly wrapped me in a hug. "No. I should thank you. For Lexi. If you need any help, please let me know. "

I nodded and as I watched her take her leave, a million thoughts rumbling around in my head.