4. Karmen

4

KARMEN

T he doctor laughed awkwardly as if I'd made a really bad joke and he was trying to be polite. "I don't think you're a demon, but I'm honestly not sure what you are. Your blood is very... unique."

Blood. Yes. I vaguely remembered something my mother had used to say. I tried to remember her face. Her name. But it had been so very long ago. Back in the olive tree days.

"It's actually abnormal enough that I posted in a medical forum where some of the country's top doctors donate their time for unusual diseases."

I tried to sit up but pulling myself upright made me feel woozy. He pressed a button on the bed and it slowly rose, helping me to sit up more comfortably.

"See? You're weak and obviously feeling unwell. But what's absolutely shocking is the way you're recovering at all. Two hours ago, you didn't have a measurable blood pressure. An hour ago, we were finally able to take blood. I wouldn't be surprised to find that your blood pressure is much improved, even though you're still weak. But a normal human would have never been able to recover from whatever trauma you experienced. You were dead, Karmen. I couldn't have saved you in that moment. You saved yourself. Somehow."

"You think I have some kind of disease?"

He grimaced. "Not exactly. Your blood is abnormal, but the lab couldn't immediately identify any recognizable disease or foreign antibody in your blood. Well, except for one. High traces of hCG."

I stared at him blankly. I had no idea what that meant.

He reached out and took my hand in his, surprising me. I jerked slightly before I could conceal my instinctual reaction. He immediately released me, but the mask of calm control I'd been wearing had definitely slipped.

I didn't like to be touched. At all. Even by doctors who were supposedly trying to help me. "Is it serious?" I asked hoarsely.

"You're pregnant, Karmen."

A strange whirling sound filled my head. Buzzing. White noise. Static. "Pregnant? You don't even think I'm human."

"I know, it sounds crazy even to me. There are things I can't explain in your blood, but there are also commonalities. We could measure your hemoglobin and white-blood cells. They tested for narcotics, cholesterol—yours is nonexistent, by the way—and hormones. When a woman of your age comes into the ER, it's standard procedure to run a pregnancy test before we administer any drugs that could harm a fetus. Although your blood is definitely abnormal with elements we couldn't identify at all, I'm fairly certain that you're pregnant. We can do an ultrasound to be sure, depending on how far along you are."

I couldn't seem to think. Everything felt distant and soft, as if I was fading away. Or maybe the world was fading away, and I was going back to that place of brutal light. A place of pain, and evidently...

Shards pierced my head, making me wince. I closed my eyes, holding still. I didn't want to remember. I had a feeling that it would be very bad. The haunting memory of pain was bad enough. I knew, with grim certainty, that I didn't want to pull those shattered pieces back together into a clear image of what had happened to me. Who I had been with. Who might be the father of this child.

My stomach convulsed and I gagged, but there wasn't anything in my stomach to come up.

"I'm so sorry," the young doctor whispered urgently. I heard rustling cloth. Hurried movements. Low voices. A woman, I thought. The nurse. A cool cloth pressed to my forehead and it felt incredible, soothing the boiling acid threatening to consume me.

"A drink might help." Her voice was cheerful despite the circumstances. I felt something pressed to my lips, so I opened my mouth enough to sip cool, sweet water. Something so small and insignificant, but so precious. I drank and I could almost feel the cells in my body swelling and plumping with fluid, relieved to have something, anything. Where had I been that even water seemed like a miracle?

Hell, I'd said. Close, but not the right word. Not the right name. My brain felt tender, swollen, and hot, as if those shards had actually caused injury inside my skull.

"Do you know who the father is?" The doctor asked gently.

I flinched again. Shook my head. Hard. I couldn't think of that. At all. Liquid fire, molten gold, pain. Such agony.

"Let's order a rape kit. I'll notify the officer who brought her in so he can start an investigation."

"No," I whispered. "It won't help."

"We need to test you now while there could still be evidence," the nurse said in that chipper voice. "Time is of the essence in these cases."

I forced my eyes open. She smiled at me, probably in an attempt to be kind and encouraging, but it only pissed me off. "You have no idea what I've been through."

"Sadly, we see these cases all the time. I assure you, honey, this is for the best."

Rage stirred inside me. I hated her tone. I hated being called honey . She didn't know me. She didn't know anything. None of them did.

You're not human , a voice whispered in my head. They'll never understand .

I reached out and took the cup of water from the nurse. A wrinkle formed between her eyes, but she didn't take it away from me. I drained the entire cup in a few swallows. So good. I instantly felt better. More awake. More myself. Whoever that was. "More, please."

"We need to run more tests," the doctor said. "Drinking too much isn't a good idea right now. We might need to perform surgery."

I shook my head. "I'm fine. You said yourself I'm improving rapidly. Where is this place again?"

"Chicago." When I stared at the doctor blankly, he asked, "Do you know what year it is?"

Years were meaningless where I'd been. Eternity was all that mattered.

"Do you know how old you are? How long you were... held?"

My jaw flexed, the memories threatening to bubble back up and break apart like knives in my head. I forced them down, determined to wait until I was stronger. Safer. Before examining them fully. "How old do you think I am?"

His head tipped slightly. "Thirty or so, I would guess. Maybe thirty-five."

I didn't know much about where I'd been or who I was, but I knew thirty years was only a drop in the ocean. I had been existing for... Carefully, I let the olive tree return to my mind. A laughing child climbing a tree. Me. Strawberry blonde hair loose about my shoulders. A short dress of heavy material. Darker than the olives. It took me a moment for the color to register. Emerald green. Once my favorite color. I wasn't supposed to be climbing the trees. Someone was coming to see us. Someone important. I wanted to see her arrive. So I'd climbed the tree on the hill to get a better look...

I turned my head as the child and watched a line of horses coming up the winding road. Four white horses pulled a carriage with riders before and after guarding the way.

I focused on the doctor. "When I was a child, there were horses pulling a carriage. Is that thirty or thirty-five years old to you?"

His eyes flared with shock. "Horse and carriage? That would have been... uh..."

The woman snorted as if I'd told a fairytale. "Let me know if you need anything else, Dr. Mason. I think you should send her up to floor seven for evaluation after we do the rape kit."

He waited until the nurse left. "She doesn't know the blood results, Karmen. I haven't told anyone. I don't think they'd believe me."

The words my mother had told me ages ago echoed in my head. Destroy your blood. Never leave it behind . "You need to destroy any of my blood that wasn't used for the tests. It's not safe."

His head cocked. "Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just know it's important."

He laughed awkwardly and reached up to fiddle with the instrument dangling around his neck. "You're starting to make me think this is some kind of conspiracy. Are government agents going to storm the hospital?"

The room suddenly went dark, and the doctor leaped to his feet with a soft little gasp of fear. "Holy shit. I was just kidding."

I wasn't sure why he was afraid. To me, darkness meant safety. In whatever hell I'd been in, it was never dark. So it was never safe.

The machine I was hooked up to started beeping. Voices rose outside the small room and people hurried back and forth, turning off whatever wasn't absolutely necessary. A male nurse stuck his head into my room. "Hey, doc, sounds like the power grid went down. The generators are firing up now. Does she need an emergency battery for anything?"

"No, she'll be fine until the generators are up." The doctor turned back to me and sheepishly ran a hand through his hair. "No government conspiracy today, I guess." He laughed again, shaking his head ruefully. "Next thing I'll be thinking you're an alien."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't an extraterrestrial, but I certainly wasn't human either. I knew it like I knew my name was Karmen, though I didn't know what I was exactly. Or why I was here.

"When the other round of tests come back, I'll stop by to discuss the results with you." He moved to the door. Now, he seemed eager to get away, as if I was the dangerous one.

Maybe I was. "Doctor?" He paused at the door and glanced back at me, eyes wary. "How sure are you?"

"About the pregnancy?"

I nodded, jaw clenching.

"As sure as I can be, given how different your blood chemistry is. Elevated levels of hCG are the primary indicator of pregnancy. Yours are quite high, Karmen. If you were a human, I'd guess that you were even having twins before doing an ultrasound."

I couldn't seem to move or think. I watched him leave. I watched the other nurses and doctors hurrying to take care of the more critical patients. My body felt numb and heavy. At least I didn't feel like I was going to float away again. I shifted restlessly on the bed, feeling trapped and exposed. I needed to do something. Anything. Lying here waiting for a human doctor to run more tests wasn't going to help me. He didn't even know what I was.

I don't know what I am either.

The restlessness increased. My nerves twitched and itched inside me with anxiety. The darkness weighed heavier. Instead of hiding me in safety... I suddenly feared I was in danger again. I felt trapped. I couldn't get out. I didn't know this place. I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to be here any longer.

Every instinct screamed with alarm to flee. Flee now.

Where could I go? I didn't know anyone. If this place wasn't safe any longer... where could I go? The doctor was at least trying to help me.

Someone screamed faintly in the distance. Inside this building? Or outside? I couldn't tell.

Heart racing, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and gingerly touched my feet to the floor. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to walk. The tiles were cold beneath my bare feet. I tested my strength, slowly slipping more of my weight off the bed. My knees felt a little trembly, but I took a step. Another. I used the end of the bed to balance myself, straining to hear the screams again. I lurched for the door, gasping for breath as I leaned against the doorframe.

I stared down the darkened hallway. Emergency lights cast a greenish glow along the floor, but the upper half of the hallway was wreathed in shadows. I started to turn and look the other way, but something crackled. Up in the darkness, a flash of red and gold. The lick of fire.

Ice filled my veins. I whirled away, stumbling down the hall, bouncing my shoulder along the wall to keep upright. They're here. They're here.

I couldn't stop babbling inside my head, even though I didn't know who they were. No, that wasn't true.

I knew exactly who they were.

I didn't want to remember.

Fire. Gold. Flickering flames in the darkness. For them to materialize in the shadows took immense effort. So they were the strongest of the entire legion.

I broke into a stumbling run.

EIVIND

The passenger door of my car flew open and someone hopped in before I could even bark out, "What the fuck?"

I opened my mouth, but my words stilled. The woman in the alley.

The fucking queen .

"Go," she ordered, looking back over her shoulder. Dressed in a hospital gown, she still looked bruised and thin, as if she'd been held in captivity for months or longer, but definitely better than dead.

For her, at least.

I'd been sitting here in the car cursing myself out for at least an hour, but I couldn't find the strength of will to leave. I told myself it was curiosity. I wanted to make sure the woman I'd found was saved. Nothing else. I didn't want her to die. But it was so much more than that.

I'd known she was feeling better without having to call Harris, because I'd felt the incessant pull tugging on me. Demanding that I leave whatever I was doing and run to the aid of the queen. My queen.

Fucking bullshit call. Not something I ever wanted or intended to heed. Ever.

The king of the wolves was no queen's Blood.

My wolf bristled inside me, teeth bared. We would not go to a leash and cage easily."What the fuck are you doing?"

She turned her head, meeting my gaze, and it was all I could do not to snap my teeth at her defensively. Even though she didn't wield any power that I could feel, she was still formidable. The strength of her will hammered at me. "There's someone after me. We must leave immediately."

She obviously wasn't budging, and now a couple of police cars approached the hospital with their lights and sirens on. Fucking great. The last thing I needed was to get dragged into the station again for questioning. Detective Harris would do it too, just to prove he could.

"Please." Even a soft, whispered plea from her was as devastating as a tsunami. Exactly why I didn't want to be anywhere near a queen, especially one who had such a hold on me already. She didn't even know me. She couldn't. She'd been unconscious when I found her.

With a low sound of disgust, I started the car and quickly pulled out of the parking lot ahead of the police cruisers. "Why this car, huh? Why me?"

I knew, but I wanted to see if she did. That would give me a good indication of how hard I was going to have to fight to escape her. Plus, I had to admit I was curious. Who was she? How had she almost died? Why was she alone, when she obviously wasn't a fledgling? Why hadn't she immediately demanded I feed her and seal a Blood to her side to defend her? She believed she was in serious danger, enough to beg for assistance, but didn't try to take me as her Blood.

That made me hesitate and wonder. No queen I'd ever known would have allowed a perfectly good Aima warrior to excuse themselves from a fight for her life.

Glancing back again, she watched the traffic intently. "I don't know. I came out of the building. I needed to get away. You seemed..." I felt her gaze on me, but I didn't look away from the road. "Familiar, somehow. Honestly, it was your scent."

"Oh? You've got a pretty good nose for a human then."

She didn't answer, but I didn't feel her gaze on me any longer. "I don't know what I am."

I snorted. "Sure, yeah, I believe that. And I've got a great used car that I'll sell you super cheap, too."

"The doctor said I wasn't human. He joked that I was a government conspiracy or an alien." Her head snapped back to me and I felt her attention burning a hole in my skull. "Do you know what I am? You do." She waited a moment, and I knew the moment she realized the truth. She let out a quick puff of air. "You're the same as me. That's why I knew to come to you, isn't it?"

I didn't answer. She didn't need me to confirm what she'd already figured out. Besides, I didn't want to wander into Blood-queen territory. I'd throw her ass out of the car going 70 mph down the freeway if I had to. Whatever it took to avoid being collared by a queen.

"I smelled you in the alley," she whispered, nodding to herself. "Like a dog, but something wilder like a wolf. I caught that same scent and came straight to you. So why..." Her words fell off and silence weighed heavily in the car.

She was smart, I'd give her that. But then again, most queens could outmaneuver each other from an early age. They were born learning how to move their Blood and sibs on the board in the great Triune games.

"Thank you."

I jerked my attention to her before I caught myself. "For what?"

She shrugged, a wry smile tugging on her lips. "You saved me, even though you didn't want to. I'm pretty sure I would have died without you. So what are we?"

Letting out a low grunt, I turned my attention back to the road. "Aima, descended from Gaia's daughters, the great goddesses of the world. You're a queen, gifted with powers from whichever goddess founded your line."

"I don't know."

"Bullshit," I retorted. "All queens know their house and line from the moment they can talk. They know their power and how they'll use it."

"Power? What power? I was lying dead in an alley. I don't remember what happened. All I know is that my name is Karmen."

I jerked the steering wheel hard and swerved off the freeway, taking a random exit. I slammed on the brakes and threw the gearshift in park. Leaning closer to her, I snarled a threat. "Well listen here, Karmen of no house and no memory. I know full well how much power you'll wield once you claim a Blood or two, and you can fucking count me out. You got that?"

She wasn't intimidated by my loud voice or aggressive stance. In fact, as my tone roughened, her jaw firmed and a glint shone in her eyes. A warning of the fiery temper contained within. "I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about, wolfman."

"Sure." I sneered, letting my wolf shimmer closer to the surface. He howled inside me, hungry for blood. "You know I carry a wolf inside me, but you don't know what you are. You don't know about power."

Her mouth flattened out in a grim line that made even a rabid wolf hesitate. "You think some mean words and a little hint of teeth are enough to scare me? I've seen..." The spark blew out of her, and she stared back at me with dead, cold eyes. "Too fucking much."

Her voice cracked ever so slightly on that last word, as if she was near tears. But her eyes were hollowed out with grief and pain. Staring into those dark chasms, I knew one thing for sure.

Karmen of no house and no memory had lived through enough bad shit that it was a fucking blessing that she couldn't remember what had happened to her.