Chapter 14

Fourteen

Ara had assuredme Jake had a good grasp on what to do. That from this point forward, she could advise him, but what he really needed was practice. And confidence. The confidence was especially key. Jake just didn’t have any confidence in his voice. If I could offset that, support him somehow with my guitar, then I would play until my fingers bled.

We’d spent a good portion of yesterday afternoon practicing. He’d gotten more comfortable singing with me, at least, and I’d introduced him to two songs he might easily adapt the lyrics to. Jake seized on them, and we worked the songs out together. I was proud of the end result—not only the music, but his comfort level with me.

I had no intention of pushing him, despite our own desperation. No good would come out of that. Jake had far too much on his plate to begin with. Overwhelming him with more demands would just break the man.

This morning, however, he’d surprised me by asking to go out into the fields. Jake really wanted to try working with the crops. I wasn’t about to dissuade him, so out into the fields we went, me with my guitar slung over my shoulder.

He and I walked side by side, heading north toward the Wall. Most of the time, we were in business mode, and I’d not really had a chance to get to know him. Which felt like a travesty at this point. I didn’t want a surface-level friendship with this man. My desire for him went much deeper than that.

This seemed a prime time to strike up a conversation, so I gamely went for it. “Are you an only child, Jake?”

“What? Oh, no.” He answered easily, but his brows twitched together into an almost frown. “I’m the oldest of three. I have two younger sisters. What about you, Theon?”

“The Fae don’t normally have more than one child to a family. I don’t have any blood siblings. I do have cousins, though. Ara is my cousin third removed.”

“Fae live a long time, right?”

“Five to six hundred years on average. I’m something of a new adult, as I’m only eighty years old.”

Jake snorted, eyes lifting at the corners. “Only, huh? So you’re the human equivalent of late twenties?”

“More or less.”

“Then we’re almost the same age. I’m twenty-nine.”

That made me happy for some reason I couldn’t assign logic to. It just did. “Perhaps that’s why we get along so well.”

“Naw, I think it’s because you’re made of niceness.”

It was my turn to snort a laugh. This man, such a tease. “I must ask a not-nice question.”

“Shoot.”

“You wrote—underlined, in all caps—that no one is allowed to arrange a marriage for you. You don’t intend to marry?” I hoped that wasn’t the case. Jake deserved joy. I knew his first marriage had been a disaster, but for my own sake, I hoped to build something with him. Testing the waters seemed a good tactic.

He immediately waved the idea off. “No, no. I’d like to marry. I just don’t want to be forced into a marriage not of my making. Again.”

I took a second to think about what he’d said. “You really had no say in it? Why did your parents sell you off?”

“Ha. No. My parents chose him.” Jake rolled his eyes expressively. “His family’s business and my parents’ business wanted to merge, and in their minds, a marriage seemed the best way to do it. It was such a snow job, the whole thing. I’d barely finished my master’s—ah, university—and my parents introduced Lance to me. He was charming and smooth, not to mention handsome, so I didn’t fight as hard as I should have to say no. I thought with some time and work, we’d have a good relationship. Twenty-four-year-old me was too naive. Lance was a big hobosexual. He was only playing the part of a good partner so he could move away from his parents and start partying. He knew I wouldn’t have the power to rein him in. It all went to shit very quickly.”

My fingers bit into my palms, my fists shaking with the urge to punch someone. His own parents had sold him into such a terrible situation? No wonder, then, that he safeguarded himself. I would too in his situation.

“But I’d like to be married again,” Jake said, his frown easing. “I don’t count my marriage as an actual one. We didn’t sleep together, not even once. Never shared a roof for more than a few hours. He was more this troublesome project I’d been handed to manage. Man was a god-awful roommate and nothing more.”

I couldn’t imagine it. I couldn’t imagine being with Jake and not wanting to touch him. Live with him. Cherish him. How could anyone be so stupid as to look at him, this gem of a man, and deem him worthless?

My voice came out huskier than I intended, but I said the words anyway. “Whomever you choose as your husband this next time will be thrilled. I promise you, no one will force you into a marriage again.”

The smile he gave me was so sweet, so trusting, it made my heart skip a beat.

“Thanks, Theon. I really do feel like I’ll live a better life here. I spent too much of my life not feeling wanted, so I focused on being needed. I don’t feel that here. Which is why I’m determined to get this whole singing thing down. I have a good, usable skill, and I’m not letting it go to waste because my parents were assholes to six-year-old me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Ah, right. I didn’t explain.” Jake blew out a loud breath. “In essence, my parents hated to hear me sing. The very second I tried to sing along to a song, they would shut me down. Sometimes with a good smack to the back of the head.”

Was that what had done this? Created this block in his mind? His own parents? Rage coursed through my veins. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did they not love their son at all?

I spoke without thinking, outraged on his behalf. “What six-year-old can carry a tune? Of course you weren’t a good singer at that age. No one but musical prodigies are. No, no, that’s not the true crux of the matter. How dare they take away your voice? How dare they punish you for being happy? What kind of an adult robs a child of joy?”

Jake stopped dead in the middle of the road. He looked up at me like I’d just said something that had opened a door for him.

“My god,” he murmured. “My god, you’re right. Why didn’t I ever think of it that way? I was only six. Of course I wasn’t good at it. All they were doing was training me to be obedient and silent.”

Had he been so brainwashed that he’d not questioned it as an adult? It seemed that way. “Everyone spends their childhood learning how to express themselves. They had no right to repress you.”

A choked-sounding laugh escaped from his mouth. “You’re right. I feel stupid for not realizing this before. The reason my parents stopped me from singing is because they don’t like music and only wanted silence. That’s the truth. Ha! Bastards. I hate them even more now.”

This seemed even more bizarre to me. “They don’t like music?”

“I’ve seen them attend classical concerts and operas, but I think that was just for show. They really do not like anything artistic. Their entire focus is money. Nothing is more sacred to them than that.”

From what little he’d told me, he had every right to hate them. I certainly did. If only there were a way for me to curse them from this distance. I’d do it happily, content in my good deed.

I couldn’t restrain myself in that moment. I had to touch him, relay to him as best I could that he was amazing and cared for. That I cared a great deal. Reaching up, I smoothed his hair away from his eyes, the soft texture like a fine silk against my rough fingertips. “Your voice is beautiful and deserves to be heard, in all its ways. You’re far more than what they tried to make you.”

A hint of color touched his cheeks as he glanced up at me, the corners of his lips lifting up in a beautiful smile. Determination firmed up Jake’s posture and face. “I think I’ve given them enough. They’re not taking my voice away anymore. I might not be great at this, but y’know what, I can at least do it.”

Feeling so proud of him and like this might be a good moment, I tried offering some advice. “Honestly, I think half the reason your voice sounds strained is because you’re not projecting properly. You’re choking yourself out.”

He paused and gave me a considering look. “Huh. You might be right. Well, there’s no one around here it seems, and I can tell the miasma is in range. So let’s give that theory of yours a go.”

Seriously, this man’s drive and courage left me in awe. For every moment I spent with him, I felt the urge to grow closer become that much stronger. Jake was well worth all the effort to get to know him.

I promptly slid the guitar around and put my fingers to the strings, ready to do my part. “Which song?”

“‘Let It Grow.’”

“Got it.” It was the one we were both most comfortable with, so it was a sound choice. I started strumming, giving him the opening refrain.

Jake sucked in a breath and started singing. It sounded rough, like usual, that mental hold choking his voice. Then he made a face and glanced back at me apologetically. “Sorry. Start again?”

I didn’t mind. I simply started again. I’d do this for hours if he needed me to.

He took in another breath, and this time he was louder. Perhaps thirty percent more confident. His voice steadied as he sang, like he was finding the right pitch and feeling. By the third line, he actually sounded decent. He wouldn’t be paid to go on a stage anytime soon, but he was better than before.

The result in the fields around us was blatantly obvious. The yellowing edges of the leaves turned vibrant and green once more. The wheat had looked ill when we arrived, but now it was turning into something I knew we could harvest. My heart swelled with joy and relief. If Jake could do all the fields like this, then we’d not starve this winter.

Jake finished the song and did a slow turn, eyes roving over the work he’d done. His lips curved up tentatively, but by the time he faced me, his smile was dazzling.

“Damn,” he said almost reverently. “That definitely worked better. Theon, how did I sound?”

“Much better.” I was happy to answer honestly. “A good fifty percent improvement.”

“Really? That much?” Jake clapped his hands in delight, then rubbed them together. I could see the fervor ignite in his eyes. “Okay. Okay, I think I have the hang of this now. I want to practice until I get comfortable with it. Time for that ‘two birds, one stone’ approach. Theon, I want to hit this spot one more time. It needs a second dose, I think, then let’s walk and make music. I’m going to clear the fields until I’m too parched to go on.”

I didn’t want Jake to overdo it, so I’d need to keep an eye on him, but I also didn’t want to quell his enthusiasm. So long as Jake wanted to sing, let him sing. He’d been told not to for far too long. “Lead on. Which song next?”

“Let’s do ‘Let It Grow’on repeat.”

“Sure.” I didn’t care.

We started off with me playing and him singing, getting closer to the Wall as we worked, before turning left and walking through the wheat field directly. Jake improved a bit more as he sang, and I had a feeling that by the time he stopped, that scared little boy wouldn’t be in control any longer.

“See!” Coin said from Jake’s pocket. “I told you to sing from the diaphragm!”

Jake promptly fished it out and threw it into the miasma without breaking stride or losing track of the song. I snickered.

One of these days, Coin would learn to not mouth off. But it was apparently not this day.