Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

" I s she feeling all right?" Beside Benedict, one of his guests watched as Thalia hurried toward the manor. Indeed, he could see that several others nearby had noted Thalia's sudden exit.

Benedict cleared his throat. "I do not know."

"Perhaps we should –"

"I shall send a maid after her," Benedict assured his guest. "I am sure everything is fine. Please, continue to enjoy your evening."

Satisfied, the other dancers nodded and went back to conversing with one another. But Benedict, stepping away, continued to stare at the place where Thalia had vanished.

What had happened indeed?

They had been enjoying themselves, hadn't they? They had been talking, flirting. Even Thalia herself had made a saucy remark, making Benedict laugh and hold her just a little tighter.

And then…had he said something wrong? He had complimented her. Was that not a good thing? Was that not something he was allowed to do?

To be honest, Benedict had no idea what things should be done and said between them. He had no idea what Thalia was to him, nor what he was to her.

Reminding himself that it should not matter, Benedict sought out Roberts and asked him to send someone to check on Thalia. Then, he set about ensuring that his remaining guests were enjoying themselves.

But, as he talked and mingled, his mind never strayed far from Thalia. He began to worry that something was truly wrong. After all, she had not been at breakfast or lunch today. Was she unwell? Why, then did she agree to dance with him? Had he made her ill with such exertion?

Whilst speaking with Lady Winthrop, Benedict found himself glancing around for a sign of his butler.

"Your Grace?"

The sound of Benedict's title drew his attention back to the older woman. "Yes?"

Lady Winthrop chuckled uncomfortably. "I fear I am boring you."

"No, not at all. Forgive me, Lady Winthrop, I find myself distracted at present."

"No doubt by the beautiful Lady Selina," she guessed, gesturing to where Selina and her father stood talking nearby.

Benedict frowned. Had they not seen Thalia's departure? Had neither of them gone to check on her?

As soon as he spotted Roberts, leaving from the backdoor of the kitchen, Benedict excused himself and hurried toward the man.

As Benedict approached, Roberts shook his head. "I'm afraid Lady Thalia is nowhere to be found."

"What?"

"I sent a maid up to her rooms, but she was not there. I checked the library myself but could not see any sign of her."

Without another word, Benedict started toward the manor. His heart was racing. Had she collapsed somewhere? How long would it be until he could find her?

Panic gripped his chest as he took the stairs two at a time. Throwing open the door to her rooms, Benedict himself checked for Thalia. But Roberts had been right. Though Thalia's things remained, the lady was nowhere to be found. She had not come up here.

Striding down the stairs, Benedict checked the rest of the manor, his heart rate rising. "Lady Thalia?" he called out, all but running down the hall.

Then, a thought drew him up short. Following the impulse, he headed back outside. Making a large circle around the party, Benedict avoided the others as he headed toward the garden maze.

Mind still racing, trying to make sense of Thalia's sudden departure, Benedict nearly collided with someone as he sprinted into the maze.

"Thalia!" Instantly his hands were on her arms, holding her before him so that he could study her face. "What is wrong? Are you in need of a doctor?"

Startled, Thalia looked up at him in surprise. With a jolt, Benedict realized that her eyes were red. Had she been crying?

"I, I am fine. There is no need to call a doctor."

"But…" Benedict continued to hold her, searching her eyes and face, then looking her up and down as if he did not believe her and would see some horrible wound upon her. "You were unwell," he protested. "You were not in your rooms."

"You came to look for me?" Thalia's expression betrayed a wounded kind of surprise.

Confused, Benedict nodded. "Of course."

As soon as he had spoken, tears sprang to Thalia's eyes. She pulled away from him, turning her back to the duke. "There is no need. Thank you for your concern, but I am well."

"That is clearly not the case," he protested, moving to stand before her once more. "Whatever is the matter? Tell me."

As he reached for her once more, Thalia's eyes flashed with anger. She batted him away, stepping out of his reach. "Why will you not leave me alone?" she cried, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Benedict was dumbfounded.

"I have given my permission," she continued indignantly. "I will not stand in your way of courting my sister. You are released from the odious duty of having to win my approval. So why do you still plague me as if you truly cared what I did or said? Why do you pretend to act concerned for my wellbeing? Why do you do these things that make me -"

Thalia clamped her mouth shut. "Go and dance with my sister," she sighed, tears now coursing down her face. "Leave me alone. Please."

"You think me so insincere?" Benedict would not let Thalia leave. Not yet. As she turned away from him, he reached out to gently but firmly turn her back to him. "You think that I lie when I say that you are beautiful?"

Thalia pressed a hand over her mouth to muffle a sob. Why did he continue to make things worse? Could he not see what he was doing to her? How he was making her suffer?

As she continued to weep, she watched Benedict grow increasingly more incensed. "Do you think so little of me?" he pressed. His wounded expression was the last straw for Thalia.

"No, that is the problem!" Thalia wanted desperately to pull away again, but she did not have the strength, nor the heart. "I think…you are…" She could not say it. "And yet you keep tormenting me! Why? You are free to marry my sister. I will not stand in your way. I am leaving anyway, after the wedding, so you will not have to see me ever again. You will be well and truly free of me."

She turned to go, shame burning her cheeks.

But a hand on her shoulder stopped her. "You are leaving?"

Thalia hesitated. Why did Benedict sound angry?

She allowed herself to be turned to face him once more. But when she looked up at him, she could not read the expression in his eyes. "You are leaving?" he said again, his voice low but threatening.

"Of course," she replied, "what else is there for me to do?" Her outrage grew. What right did he have to question her actions? Why would he care?

"I forbid it." Benedict was shaking his head as if he could not fathom what she was saying. "It is absurd. You are not leaving."

"You have no right to tell me what to do," she snapped, taking a step toward him.

"I command you to stay," he pressed. " You are the one who has no right; you have no right to leave me."

Thalia's tears were renewed. She fought against the breaking of her heart, trying to block out the fervency in his voice. His words would destroy her if she let them.

Benedict pulled her to him, his volume rising. "You have no right to make me live, never seeing you again, never being near you."

"There is nothing for me here. I am only in the way! I –"

Thalia's words were stopped with a kiss so fervent that her knees went weak. Benedict clutched her as if he feared that she would turn and run away at that very moment. And, in spite of herself, she clung to him too. She whimpered as he deepened their kiss, her tears making both their cheeks wet.

But finally, she could allow herself this one last refuge no longer. It was only a fiction.

She pulled back, placing a hand on his chest to keep him away. "Stop this. This is…you must marry my sister. She is the duchess you deserve. What we have shared…" Thalia forced her words out as her throat all but closed up around them. "I will never regret it," she whispered. "You have shown me a world I never knew. You have given me a taste of a life I will never live. But it cannot go on. I saw the way your mother looked at us when we were dancing."

Thalia could not stop thinking of Marina's face and her evident scowl as Benedict and Thalia laughed and danced. How humiliated she must have felt, seeing her son – the duke – paying so much attention to a spinster.

"You can never marry a woman like me," Thalia continued. She forced her shoulders back. It took the rest of her strength to look confident before him. But she knew he could see that it was a lie. She was nearly falling to pieces. "I never expected anything more than what you have given. But I cannot stay."

"Why not?" Benedict clasped her hand between his. "You do not have to leave."

He would not understand. Not unless he knew the truth. Thalia closed her eyes, furious at the hand that fate had dealt her. "I love you, don't you see!"

Silence descended around them. As Thalia opened her eyes, she watched Benedict take a step back, dropping her hand. He opened his mouth, eyes wide with astonishment, but nothing came out.

That was exactly the response Thalia had expected. But it broke her heart all the same. "I love you," she repeated, hanging her head in shame. "And that is why I cannot stay. It will hurt me too much. For once in my life, I think I have earned the chance to look after myself. It is time I did what I needed, not what others needed of me."

Thalia forced herself to take a step back. Then another. "Goodbye, Your Grace."

Turning, Thalia picked up her skirts and ran. She heard her name shouted after her, but she only ran faster. Though tears clouded her eyes, her feet continued to meet the ground with harrowed desperation.

Her decision had been made. Just like that. And, though it hurt her, she knew it was for the best. Thalia knew that nothing good could remain here, not when Benedict and her sister were married. She could be nothing to him then. And she would not stick around to become entangled in a mess even more shameful and heartbreaking than the one she had already created for herself.

No, Thalia Fletcher was leaving. And no one was going to stop her.

At her urging, Thalia and her family left Ravenwood Manor before breakfast. Only Marina was there to send them off. Thalia did not know why, but it hurt her that Benedict had not been there to say goodbye.

Then she reminded herself that he had not appeared for her own sake. He must have seen how difficult it was for her to leave him. He did not want to make her have to say goodbye a second time.

This small gesture of kindness would stay with Thalia, she knew. Though a man like him could never return the feelings of a woman like her, he had at least shown some respect for her position.

As Selina and Jerome climbed into the carriage, Thalia spotted Eliza standing nearby. She would follow after them shortly. Eliza, it would seem, was the only one who looked happy to be returning home. Both Selina and Jerome wore matching expressions of disappointment.

And Thalia…well, she was just trying to stay upright. It was strange how empty she felt, now that her future was certain. Perhaps it was simply the absence of choice she now sensed. Soon, she hoped, she would settle into the feeling. Or at least grow more used to it.

Following her sister and father, Thalia climbed into the carriage. A moment later it lurched into motion.

Losing her resolve, Thalia turned and allowed herself one last glance back at the manor as the carriage took her away from it. This was the last time she would see the place. And soon, the last time she would see the duke.

To her shock, Marina was not the only one watching them from the steps of the manor. As the carriage rolled away, another figure appeared. A man. Broad-shouldered and instantly recognizable. He raced out the door and down the steps after the carriage.

Benedict's mouth was open, but the crunch of gravel beneath the carriage wheels obscured whatever it was that he was saying. It did not matter.

As the carriage picked up speed, the duke's figure grew smaller.

Thalia forced herself away from the window. She closed her eyes against the tears that stirred there. He had come to say goodbye after all.