Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

M arina and Olivia exchanged glances, watching their father bound up to Phillip from down the hall.

"Did you think he'd show up so soon?" Olivia hissed.

"Not at all," Marina answered quietly. She and Olivia watched the beginning of the conversation unfold, and Marina found herself glued to her spot. She knew that she needed to intervene, but her father's speech was so impassioned that she second-guessed herself. Were the contents of Phillip's mother's journal enough to vindicate him?

She felt her voice stick in her throat as Phillip's face softened, relaxing into something apologetic. She had never seen him look this way. He bowed deeply, formally, she assumed to show her father his respect before he made his rebuttal.

"Allow me to apologize," he began, "for the manner in which I have come to address you." Then his jaw set in a hard line, and he continued. "As much as I know that I need to make this right between the two of us, I have come to speak to my wife. Marina's opinion of me is the only one that is of concern to me right now. I have come here with haste so that I might ask for an audience with her. If Marina does not see fit that we speak, then I will leave and come back again. Over and over until she is ready to speak with me. Only then, once I have settled things with her, will I even hope to seek your forgiveness, Carlisle."

Evedryone in the room stopped, shocked by Phillip's stern words. They move the Earl to anger, but Marina found herself half-running into the room, her skirts held aloft in her hands, so she didn't trip. Phillip's eyes found hers, and he was reminded of the night they met at the ball when she ran away from him in much the same manner.

"You are to leave this instant!" the Earl cried, having not noticed his daughter yet. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave him a meaningful look.

"Papa, thank you," she told him quietly. "Allow me to deal with this." The Earl looked as if he had more to say, but he retreated at last and left the married couple to speak. He grumbled to Olivia about Phillip as they made their way down the hall, and Marina listened to their retreating steps, her eyes trained on the floor as they went.

"Marina," Phillip said quietly, taking a step closer. She held up a hand to silence him.

"Let us speak privately in the gardens," she answered, turning to lead him there. Once outside, Phillip realized that Marina nearly replicated her mother's garden in their own home. It pained him to think that she now has bitter memories there. She obviously poured so much love and care into the landscaping, and he accidentally allowed the thought of it to become tarnished by falling into a sense of security with his uncle.

When she sat down on a bench, the midmorning light hit her in such a way that Phillip could more clearly see the stain of unrest under her eyes and the pallor of disdain on her skin. His heart sank as he realized the heft of his current endeavor.

"What have you to say?" Marina asked, her voice cool and distant. Phillip sat beside her, careful to keep his distance so as not to make her uncomfortable.

"I have not come here to pander and beg, Marina. You were right to be angry. I can even understand that you needed to seek the comfort of your family after you heard about my parentage. But I?—"

"Your parentage?" Marina's eyes were ablaze with a fire he had not yet seen in her. "Is your social status and financial situation truly all you think me capable of thinking about? What of my station or my father's wealth leads you to believe as such?"

Phillip looked taken aback, and this only seemed to agitate Marina's anger. "Marina, you must understand. When I first decided to keep this a secret from you, I did not yet know your character or disposition. If I had known then what I do now, I would have been honest with you."

"And how long have you known better? Phillip, I have asked you over and over again since we were first married to open up to me. I have made every effort to show you that all I expect from you is an amicable marriage. In order for that to be our relationship, we must have respect for one another and strive to be honest. Always."

"I agree, Marina."

"Then pray tell, Your Grace, when did you intend to tell me that you believed yourself to be the Duke's bastard son?"

"Believe myself to be? Marina, perhaps you're mistaken. I know that I have no real claim to my title. Or my land. Or my fortune. The very things which have made you so happy since we were wed. When would you have me take those things from you?"

Marina recoiled from his words as if she had been struck. "Your wealth has nothing to do with my happiness. Recall, if you can, my demeanor when we first wed. Were you not wealthy then? Was I not unhappy then? Perhaps you did not notice while you were going to such lengths to make yourself scarce. I gave you every reason to trust me with your secret, Phillip."

"If you are not afraid of living like a common beggar, then what could have angered you enough to flee from our home?" Phillip was growing agitated in his own right. Marina was behaving impossibly; she either was or was not upset about finding out that their marriage had not been as prosperous as she had once thought. "Is it that I am a sham? If so, Marina, you must lower your expectations. I will do whatever it takes to maintain the lifestyle we lead now. Men lie to protect their families, and I am no exception."

Marina scoffed, staring at him incredulously for a long moment before she finally retrieved the journal from her waistband, laying it next to her husband so that he might pick it up and examine it. "You are the duke by birthright, Your Grace."

"What could you mean? What is this?" Phillip handled the journal carefully, a vague memory of having seen it once before floating through his mind.

"It is your mother's journal. I discovered it in my room before I left, and I spent the night reading it." Her expression softened and she met Phillip's bewildered gaze at last. "You were his real son, Phillip."

"That cannot be, Marina. He told me himself before I left—he had such conviction. There has never been any proof to contradict him."

"Your father was an alcoholic who suffered from a sharp temper and delusions of strife. It is all written there in the journal." Phillip stared at the small book, struck by a torrent of complex emotions. "Your mother could not have had an affair—she was confined to her home by his own instruction. The ton was well aware of her habits. She even saved clippings of the scandal sheets which mentioned her reclusive ways and attempted to show them to your father as proof that you were his blood."

Marina locked eyes with Phillip, willing him to understand. To believe her. She watched the truth which had driven his actions over the last ten years unravel behind his eyes as the truth of what she told him slowly sank into his consciousness. When he seemed that he had lost himself in his thoughts entirely, she reached out and took both of his hands into hers, coaxing him out of his reverie to meet her gaze.

"Your mother loved you dearly, Phillip. You meant the world to her, and she loved your father just as much. It broke her heart that they became separated by this tragic lie. She would have wanted you to know the truth."

Phillip gripped Marina's hands tightly, as if holding onto her to keep himself rooted in this reality.

"I am the Duke," he repeated. "I am rightfully the Duke of Peterborough."

Marina nodded slowly. "Yes, Your Grace. There is no secret for you to hide—your parentage is undeniable."

Phillip registered the change in her voice and demeanor, her sudden return to cold anger bringing him back to the more important conversation at hand.

"You are still cross with me."

"That seems obvious, Your Grace."

"What is it, then? I beg of you."

"I cannot imagine living happily in a marriage in which you think so little of me that you feel you must lie to keep me placated. Our home cannot stand without two pillars. You can try all you want to hold it aloft on fortitude alone. It will crumble eventually. And I cannot carry that which I cannot see."

Phillip was stunned. He had heard Marina when she asked him to be more forthcoming in their marriage, but he was realizing as she spoke that he had not truly listened to her. He had not given her the credit that she deserved, and it was with great pain that he realized why.

The Duke had been so preoccupied with convincing himself that he did not, could not, would not love Marina, that he neglected to see the radiant truth of her. He watched an expression of pain cross her face momentarily, and though she hid it well, he knew that there was still more they needed to discuss.

"I should have shared my burdens with you," he agreed gently, shifting his body so that he was fully facing her. "I wished so much to solve my own conflicts that I became short-sighted and left you vulnerable. It was my hope—no, my quest—to protect and provide for you within the confines of our marriage. I thought that it would be able to shelter you, but I was wrong, Marina." Phillip could see something shift behind her eyes, but she was still guarding herself. He did not understand what else there could be until she spoke again.

"What is it?" he coaxed. "What else did my uncle say? I know that there is more troubling you."

Marina's eyes flickered away from him. "That you married me for my dowry. I have already asked Papa about this."

"I turned down your dowry, Marina. I thought?—"

"—that my sisters could use it, I know. You only took a symbolic amount." She gracefully hid her smile behind her hand. "He did not seem to know whether he should be angered or impressed. Your uncle also said that you married me to get revenge on your father, but Papa was able to clear that up, as well. You really did do your best to tie up loose ends when you first came to him about the engagement."

Phillip nodded, reaching out now to take Marina's hands in his. She seemed startled by the display of affection but did not move away from him. "I did, Marina. I know that my intentions do not erase the mistakes I have made. Please. Understand that I strive to be nothing like my own father. He was controlling and cruel, and he often made his problems mine and my mother's. I wanted…I wanted to provide an easy life for you. Perhaps my haste made it appear that I also chose you as my bride recklessly. That is not the case. If I had been unable to resolve the matters between our families or if I were not financially ready to care for my family, I would not have returned to society at all. I would never have taken a bride, Marina. I saw an opportunity for our marriage to be mutually beneficial. For me to help you take care of your siblings and for you to help me conceal the truth though I now know that that was not necessary."

Marina turned her hands over so that she could retrieve them from Phillip's grip and turned her face from him. "You were dishonest, instead. You went into the marriage knowing what I wanted and what was important to me, but you did not allow me the same opportunity to meet you in the middle."

"I did not. I understand, now. I made a poor choice as your husband, Marina. Please. Can't you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"I could have forgiven your lack of title or even your lack of fortune, Phillip. These are things that have never mattered to me at all. You should know that already. I would have been content caring for my siblings as their spinster sister."

"But? What is there that cannot be forgiven? Tell me, Marina. Please give me the chance to correct whatever it is that still burdens you."

Marina huffed as if she were disappointed that he still had to ask. "It is your dishonesty which I cannot forgive, Phillip. Your title is a matter which has been resolved, yes, but what of your other women? My sister has just completed her first season in society. If your uncle is privy to your activities outside of our marriage, then so, too, is the ton. It is only a matter of time before such vulgarity is printed in the papers. I have never expected you to fall in love with me or even to be loyal to me, but I did expect you to give me the opportunity to protect myself and my family by preparing me for the inevitability that the truth would be revealed."

Phillip's face ran pale as he watched the pain he had moments ago seen a small flicker of build on Marina's face. For a long moment, he was unsure how to make it right. It was clear to him as he watched her that his uncle had not only made up vicious lies but confirmed certain suspicions which his wife had held, perhaps since before they were wed. His reputation preceded him, and the Duke felt suddenly that he had been insolent not to get ahead of it. Of course, she thought that he would betray their union. He had given her many reasons to think so—his distance, his irregular comings and goings, his own silence.

Just because he knew who he was and that he was not capable of showing her that sort of disloyalty did not mean that she could figure that out for herself without his explaining.

"Marina," he said gently, the quietude of his voice coaxing her to meet his gaze. The sight of tears in her eyes made his heart pound. "Let me show you something."