Chapter 15

"A letter for you, My Lord," the butler said, and Dawson looked up from an experiment he was conducting to find the butler standing in the doorway.

"Ah, very good, Thompson, thank you. Just put it down over there, will you?" Dawson said, and the butler gave a curt bow.

Dawson was engrossed in his work – he could happily shut himself away with his books and scientific instruments for days on end – and having not heard anything from Aurelia since the incident at the tailor's shop, Dawson had confined his attentions to an experiment on a new strain of wheat.

But despite his interest in the project, his thoughts had been distracted by the memory of his last encounter with Aurelia. He had been appalled by Silas' behaviour, and the thought of Aurelia now marrying him was enough to make his blood run cold.

"Will there be anything else, My Lord?" the butler asked, but Dawson shook his head.

"No, nothing, thank you, Thompson," Dawson replied.

He knew the servants were looking for things to occupy their time. Dawson made few demands on them, preferring to occupy himself rather than multiply the work of the house. Aurelia had previously suggested he hold a dinner or a ball at Wimbourne Hall, but he was yet to know enough of the district to make such an event worthwhile – and why invite those who would only laugh at his mistakes.

"Very good, My Lord," the butler said, and with a curt bow, he left the room.

Dawson lingered at his experiment a while longer, but with his thoughts still distracted by Aurelia, he set his work aside, taking the envelope the butler had brought and sitting down in a chair by the hearth. It turned out to be an invitation to a ball – a society event, to which he presumed he was only invited because of his title.

Dawson was beginning to realize it was his title and not himself who was the object of interest, and the thinly veiled respect he was given was based entirely on rank and class – a snobbery he had seen repeated countless times since his arrival in England. Many had no time for an ill-mannered American – as they would put it – but plenty had time for a titled American whose association they could exploit.

"What a day," Roxanna exclaimed, entering Dawson's study without knocking and causing him to startle.

The hem of her dress was muddied, and she was followed by one of the maids, to whom she was handing various pieces of outdoor wear as she walked.

"Roxanna? What's wrong?" Dawson asked, looking up at his cousin, who now paused and removed her bonnet.

"That's all, Charlotte, thank you – I'm sorry to drag you halfway across the estate," Roxanna said, and the maid curtsied and hurried out of the room with Roxanna's outdoor clothes in her arms.

Dawson raised his eyebrows.

"Did you need a chaperone for a walk across the estate?" he asked.

In the past few days, his cousin had been going out a lot – with no explanation for where she was going. Now, she looked at him and narrowed her eyes.

"I'll do what I want, Dawson," she replied.

"You can't just do what you want, Roxanna. We're not in Kentucky anymore. There're … rules," he said, and Roxanna laughed.

"Rules? Since when have I been worried about rules, Dawson? And since when have you been? I took Charlotte with me for … companionship," Roxanna said, but Dawson's suspicions were raised.

He did not like to involve himself in his cousin's affairs, but Dawson knew he could not afford a scandal, and if Roxanna was involved with an unscrupulous man, there was the potential for trouble.

He did not know why Reuben had not pursued a match with his cousin, but there had been an apparent falling out – a disagreement over Roxanna's expectations. Again, Dawson did not think it was right to involve himself in his cousin's affairs, and he was uncertain of the details, but as her ward, he had a responsibility towards her, particularly when it came to marriage.

"Companionship? Is that so? And who else's company did you keep on your walk?" Dawson replied.

His cousin scowled at him.

"That's none of your business, Dawson. I don't have to tell you that," she said.

Dawson sighed. He did not want to argue with Roxanna, nor did he want to see her get hurt. He did not want to control her, but from Aurelia, he had learned the necessity of appearance. It mattered what others thought, as much as it pained him to admit it, and Dawson knew he could not afford a scandal to erupt around his cousin and whoever she was meeting for her clandestine walks.

"But it is my business, Roxanna. I have to think of my … reputation," Dawson replied.

To utter the words made him think less of himself. Back in Kentucky, Dawson had not cared what others thought, but in England, as the Earl of Wimbourne, the opinion of others did matter. His cousin glared at him.

"And I'm sure I'm thinking of your reputation, too, Dawson. Don't worry," she said, and turning on her heels – and without any further explanation – she left the room.

Dawson sighed. He felt as though he was betraying himself in what he had said. Roxanna had every right to privacy, and Dawson was not about to tell her what to do – and certainly not who to marry. But despite himself, Dawson could not help feeling anxious at the thought of his cousin associating with whoever she was associating with, and against his principled judgement, he decided he had to find out …

***

Dawson had just settled down to his experiments again when the butler knocked on his study door, announcing the arrival of a visitor. Dawson had not been expecting anyone, but as he rose to his feet, he was surprised – and delighted – to see Aurelia standing in the doorway. She wore a yellow dress and carried a matching bonnet in her hand, along with a shawl.

"Aurelia, how nice to see you," Dawson said, hurrying to greet her.

"I'm sorry I've not called on you these past few days, it's … not been easy," Aurelia said as the butler left the room.

Dawson nodded. There was a sadness in her eyes, as though she was beginning to realize the truth about Silas – the truth about what was now to be. He nodded, offering her a seat by the hearth.

"It's all right. You don't need to apologize. I … well, I thought it might be … difficult for you. I'm sorry about the way you were treated, Aurelia. It was wrong. But I make no judgement on what you do next," Dawson replied.

He wondered what thoughts lay behind her sad demeanor – was she still intending to go ahead with the marriage, pressing her parents for their permission? Or had she made up her mind to call it off? It was not Dawson's place to ask, just as he had not been able to ask his cousin if it was Reuben with whom she still held affection or if some other man had caught her eye …

"No, well … I think I know … I'm sorry," Aurelia said, blushing as Dawson shook his head.

"Please. You don't need to be, Aurelia. I'm glad you came. Actually, there's something I wanted to show you. I've had an invitation," Dawson said, glad to change the subject, and now he held up the envelope he had received, passing it to Aurelia, who smiled.

"Ah, yes, the Cutler ball," she said, and Dawson looked at her blankly.

He had not recognized the name of the person who had invited him – Lady Helen Cutler.

"Should I know her?" he asked, for he had found himself introduced to so many lords and ladies – of all ranks and privileges – he found himself quite unable to distinguish between them.

"She'll know you. Lady Cutler collects aristocrats. She's the sort of woman who likes to be in everyone's business. She'll have known of your arrival weeks before you set foot on English soil, and now she's made her move. She's quite harmless but a terrific snob. She'll hate the fact you're American but be desperate to make your acquaintance as the new Earl of Wimbourne," Aurelia said, and Dawson rolled his eyes.

He hated being treated as a curiosity, a thing to be laughed at for his un-English ways, and he detested the thought that a person's rank and privilege should be the reason for another person to take interest in them. Dawson would far rather invite his tenants to a ball than his neighbours …

"And that's a good thing?" he asked, and Aurelia laughed.

"Well, I suppose it means she'll be polite to you," she replied.

"If I go," Dawson said, for he was in two minds whether to accept the invitation or not.

"Oh, but you've got to," Aurelia exclaimed, and Dawson looked at her in surprise at the force of her words.

"And why's that?" he asked, and Aurelia blushed, perhaps realizing the very force with which she had spoken.

"Because … I'll be there. And I don't want to be on my own. Letitia and I had a falling out, and she's being ever so silly recently. We keep having terrible arguments, and … well, I'd like it if you were there. And wouldn't it be an excellent opportunity to practice everything we've learned?" Aurelia replied.

Dawson smiled. He had to admit that the thought of attending the ball with Aurelia pleased him, though he wondered why Aurelia should be so keen for him to do so. Was there a genuine desire on her part, or was this simply an opportunity to get back at Silas?

"I suppose so, but … well, I'm still not sure about it. Dancing in front of all those people …" Dawson replied.

He could imagine the looks they would give him – the judgemental stares as he put a foot wrong.

"Then we'll have to practice, won't we?" Aurelia replied, rising to her feet.

Dawson's heart skipped a beat. He had just spoken to his cousin about preserving herself from scandal, and here was Aurelia, unchaperoned, holding out her hand to him.

"One moment," he said, rising to his feet and opening the study door.

He wanted there to be no accusation of impropriety, even as the thought of dancing with her filled him with delight. She smiled at him and shook her head.

"If you're worried about a chaperone, I can tell you now, my parents are of the same mind – Dawson Murphy can do no wrong," she said, and Dawson blushed.

"Is that so? Well, at least someone around here likes me," he said as Aurelia beckoned him closer to her.

"Now, I know you can dance. I'm not about to teach you that, but comporting yourself as you dance is a little different. This isn't a country barn dance – though I admit I've never been to one myself. You have to show poise and elegance," Aurelia said, and Dawson smiled.

"Poise and elegance. All right, I'll try," he said.

Aurelia now began to hum – "la, da, di, da, la, da, di, da" – and joining hands, they began to dance. It was not as easy without real musicians, but Aurelia was the perfect lead, and as they whirled and twirled around the study, Dawson found himself relaxing – and even enjoying himself.

"There, now – you're getting it. You dance very well. Just like an English gentleman," Aurelia said as their dance came to an end.

Dawson laughed.

"Only because I've got you to lead me. I couldn't do the same, I don't think. I'd step on the woman's toes," he said, but Aurelia shook her head.

"Then just dance with me," she said.

Dawson smiled at her, wondering if she really meant it …

"But what about … Silas?" he said.

Aurelia had not mentioned Silas in the course of her visit, though Dawson had felt his presence hanging over them, and now it was as though a shadow came over Aurelia's face. Dawson was about to apologize for upsetting her, but she shook her head and forced a smile to her face.

"It doesn't matter about Silas. He can think what he wants. I … well, I'm just sorry you had to see what happened between us the other day. It was embarrassing. He wrote to me afterwards and apologized," Aurelia said.

Dawson nodded. He hoped Aurelia would see beyond whatever empty words and hollow apologies Silas had made. He was a jealous man, and his jealousy had welled up into anger – an anger he had blamed Aurelia for causing by the simple fact of her association with Dawson. It was no basis for a marriage, but Dawson now feared the apology had swayed her …

"And what did you do then?" Dawson asked.

"He wants to meet me – unchaperoned, in secret. I didn't like the tone of his letter. There was something … threatening about it. I'm sorry to burden you with this," she said, but Dawson shook his head.

He wanted to be burdened by her – he wanted to help her. Her words made him angry. Silas had no right to threaten her. That was not how a man in love should behave. They were standing close to one another, having let loose their hands after their dance, but not having stepped back.

He placed his hand on her arm, knowing he should hold back but wanting her to know he was there for her. This was not the time for the "English" way of doing things. She was hurting, and Dawson wanted to do something to alleviate that hurt.

"It's not a burden. I'm glad you have. And Aurelia … I might not be an English gentleman, but I know Silas did something wrong. He shouldn't have treated you like that, Aurelia. You deserve far better – infinitely better. A woman like you deserves to be treated like … royalty. Picnics, rides in the countryside, visits to the theatre, dancing … if I were Silas, well … I'd make sure you never wanted for anything, Aurelia," Dawson said.

He was speaking as he thought he should – how a gentleman should speak. And yet his words also came from the depths of his heart. He was not speaking just as a gentleman would but for his own feelings, too. With every passing moment, Dawson's feelings for Aurelia were growing stronger.

He was falling in love with her, and it pained him to see her hurt in this way and by a man who clearly did not love her as he had professed to. Aurelia smiled, holding his gaze, and reaching out to take his hand in hers.

"That's very kind of you to say. I … well, it's not been easy – the past few weeks, I mean. When I met Silas, he was … different. But I've come to see a different side to him, and it's not one I particularly like. Not at all, in fact. I felt afraid of him the other day, and how grateful I was to you for stepping in as you did," Aurelia said.

"Like I said – you deserve a lot better than Silas, Aurelia," Dawson said.

He was not about to tell her what to do. If she chose to pursue the match with Silas, so be it. It was her decision. But Dawson could not help his growing feelings towards her, and seeing her hurt like this broke his heart.

"And I think I'm beginning to realize my parents were right – and so was everyone else. Even Letitia. I'm sorry you've had to be involved. It's hardly the best of introductions to aristocratic life, is it?" Aurelia said, but Dawson only smiled and shook his head.

"I'm used to mucking in," he said, and Aurelia laughed.

"You make us sound like horses," she said, and Dawson shrugged.

"We can dress ourselves up and make ourselves out to be all the things we're not, but nature always wins. True colours reveal themselves. I think I've realized the problem with English society – no one says what they really think. Not to someone else's face, at least," Dawson said.

He was used to speaking his mind, but he had found those he had encountered in England less inclined to do so. Aurelia smiled and nodded.

"Yes, absolutely – you're right," she said.

There was a pause, the two of them still looking at one another, their gazes fixed …

"And … perhaps it's time you spoke your mind about Silas. To yourself, I mean," Dawson said.

"Yes … and I think I have. I mean … well, I don't think I can marry him. All this business about meeting in secret. I don't know what he intends. I don't like it, though," Aurelia said.

"Then be honest and say so. Your parents aren't forcing you into the match. They're against it. It's no one's choice but yours, Aurelia," Dawson said.

Aurelia nodded, appearing as though she was torn between her heart and mind. But it was the truth that mattered – the truth of how she felt – and Dawson only wanted her to be honest.

"And what about you? What do you feel?" Aurelia asked, and Dawson blushed.

He knew what he felt, and he knew he had been the one to speak of honesty – absolute honesty. But could he really tell her how he was feeling?

"I … I think I'd like …" he began, leaning forward as though he meant to kiss her.

But as he did so, a knock came on the study door, and once again, they were interrupted. It was Thompson, the butler, and now he appeared to announce the arrival of several tenants, come to discuss the planned improvements to their farms.

"I should be going now. I'm glad we were able to talk, and I'm certain you're ready for the ball," Aurelia said, as she prepared to leave.

The moment had passed, but the possibility of it had changed everything. They had come close to kissing before, but this was different – Dawson's feelings had only grown stronger, and now he was certain Aurelia felt something for him, too …

"Do you promise you'll be there? I don't want to go on my own. I'll be a laughingstock," Dawson said, and Aurelia smiled and shook her head.

"You wouldn't be. But I'll be there, I promise," she said.

"And what about Silas?" he asked.

Aurelia thought for a moment and shook her head.

"I've decided I'm not going to meet him," she said, and there was a definite resolve in her voice.

Dawson was pleased. He had seen how easily Silas could manipulate her, and though it was clear he still held power over her, that power was diminishing.

"I'm glad to hear it," he said, and smiling at her, he showed her to the door, where the butler was standing stiffly to one side.

"Goodbye," Aurelia said as she stepped out into the hallway.

"Goodbye," Dawson replied, knowing he would think of nothing else but her until their next meeting.

When she was gone, and after Dawson had received his tenants, he returned to his experiments, but still his mind was restless, as he wondered whether Aurelia really would be strong enough to resist Silas' advances.

"For her sake, I hope so," he thought, as the memory of the kiss that almost was still lingered.