38. Chapter 38

The damned angels had the nullifier. The external world still mostly wanted us dead or imprisoned. My family of misfits was at odds with one another. And to top it all off, I still hadn"t figured out how to fix the hole in the magic bubble that formed our pocket world refuge.

To sum it up, everything distinctly sucked.

Zhong came up behind me, far too silent for a hulking guy who could turn into stone, and gently slipped his arms around my waist as we stood in the courtyard, gazing out at the hazy distance that was the edge of our current world. "It"s getting bigger, isn"t it?" he asked softly, his deep voice rumbling in his chest and radiating into me, making me feel more grounded that I had any right to be at the moment.

"Yes," I said simply. Zhong couldn"t see magic the way Biz could, couldn"t focus on it and feel its design the way I could, but his gargoyle nature let him sense it in some other intangible way. It was what made gargoyles such good home security people. They became intimately familiar with the wavelengths of the energy that protected their master"s home, and could sense the intent in the magic, whether it was benign or dangerous.

I was staring out in the direction where the flaw was. A leak. Like a black hole slowly expanding from a pinprick, sucking in the energy around it. It was slow. The hole was smaller than the tip of my pinky finger. But I had a feeling the size would start increasing exponentially at some point. Eventually it would pull the whole pocket world inside out, make our bubble of safety implode and toss our particles out into the dark nothingness between realms. Like being pulled apart and launched into the icy darkness of outer space.

At least, that"s what I thought would happen. Who knew, really? The only thing I knew for sure was that it would mean death and dissolution. No more Andy. No more flawed, damaged, beautiful creatures who had somehow come to love me. Just… poof. No more.

And I wasn"t about to let that happen. I had shit to do still, revenge to plot. Asses to kick. People to love.

"You"ll figure it out," Zhong said softly. "You always do. I have faith in you, master."

I huffed. I was getting a bit more comfortable with him calling me that ridiculous title. It still made me squirm a little, but I knew it made Zhong feel happy and secure to have a master—someone who wanted him to be theirs forever. He was born and bred to serve. And though I had given him his freedom, there was a part of him that enjoyed feeling useful and treasured, possessed.

But he tended to be overly optimistic when it came to my abilities and talents. "I don"t know," I said with a sigh. "I"m afraid to mess with the spell, since I have no idea how I created it in the first place. If I destabilize it, I could kill us all. Or spit us out in the real world again, right in the SA"s lap. Which would also get us all killed." I ran a hand over my face in frustration. "I feel like everything I come up with ends with "or it could kill us all." My head feels like it"s going to explode."

He kissed the top of my head. "You are a brilliant witch," he reminded me. "Powerful and inventive. We wouldn"t even be here now, if it weren"t for your quick thinking and your skill. You can figure this out. But Andy, remember you"re not alone anymore. You have an entire house full of magic users who are ready and willing to help."

I scoffed. "If they aren"t too busy trying to kill one another."

Dyre was pretending like the way the others resented and rejected him didn"t hurt. But I knew better. Just one more thing I didn"t know how to fix.

Zhong released me but held out his big hand. "Whatever solution you come up with, it can probably wait another hour or two. Come inside. We have a surprise for you."

I didn"t argue. He was right. While this was a huge problem, I wasn"t going to fix it by standing out here staring at it. Especially not in the introspective, maudlin mood I was in at the moment. So, I let Zhong enfold my hand in his massive paw and tow me inside.

I was surprised when he led me not upstairs to my bedroom or workroom, or into the kitchen that was usually my haven in troubled times. Instead, he brought me to the little sitting room we had slowly cleaned out and converted from stuffy Lovell parlor to normal living room. My eyes went to Dyre first, seeking him out to make sure he was there, and not off somewhere brooding and alone. He had his head bent to listen to something Ambrose was saying while they sat side by side on a loveseat on the far side of the room, but his violet eyes were trained on me, steady and resolute.

He was uncomfortable among the others now. But he had Ambrose to anchor him. And me. Of course he always had me. A sense of relief pulsed along our connection, traveling through our lifebond, followed by a warm sensation that blossomed through me. Love. That was love I was feeling. Not mine, but his. He didn"t care if he didn"t fit in or if the others loathed him now. He was just glad I was here.

I gave him a slight nod and tried my best to send the feelings back to him. I was glad he wasn"t hiding. I wanted him here. It had been rocky between us, but I loved him, too.

Then I let myself take in the rest of the room. They were all here. All the traumatized, tortured creatures I had freed from my family"s evil grimoire. And they looked… content—happy, even—as they lounged around the room, waiting for me. There were cups and bowls of snacks on the coffee table and end tables. Niamh was fiddling with the TV and DVD player.

For some reason I couldn"t explain, electronic devices worked here—more than should be possible with our one small magic-powered generator. It was like plugging things into an outlet connected them to the grid, just like we were at home. Some complexity of my magical weaving that I didn"t dare look at too closely. That was the way things worked with me. I invented things with my magic… but that didn"t mean I knew how they worked. I couldn"t explain all the steps I took to get there, the way a classically trained and educated witch might be able to do. Only that it worked. I had told the magic that I needed the house to move, and somewhere in there, I must have implied I needed it to work as usual. And the magic had complied with my unspoken intent.

I could see why people might think that was terrifying. Like Dyre said, I hadn"t really ever acknowledged the depth of my magical well. Because it was fucking scary.

I moved into the room, taking a seat on the couch in front of the TV, next to Hasumi. A feeling of calm and contentment washed over me, compliments of my water weaver, and I took their hand, lacing my fingers through theirs as I leaned into the sensation. Hasumi was silent, but their ethereal face wore a soft smile, and I knew they weren"t just pushing happiness to make me happy. They were feeling the emotion too.

I felt my shoulders drop as the tension I had been carrying all day left me in small increments. Niamh sat cross-legged on the rug in front of the TV stand, and she turned to me with an arched brow, her green eyes sparkling as the opening music of my favorite human movie—a terribly inaccurate adventure involving witches—began to play. "I took a guess at what you might want to watch," she informed me. "Is this okay?"

I nodded and patted the empty cushion on my other side. "Perfect. Come here."

She obliged, unfolding and pacing over to the couch with all the lean fae grace of the hunter she was. Sitting next to me, she draped an arm over my shoulders and pulled me in against her side. Zhong reached over us to plop a bowl of caramel popcorn on my lap, then went to grab his own seat in an oversized wingback chair he had unofficially claimed as his own. Aahil slunk by, all grace and confidence. His golden eyes met mine, and he smirked before settling in on the rug at Zhong"s feet and using the bigger guy"s legs as a backrest. When he held out one graceful, clawed hand in an imperious gesture, Zhong shook his head, but placed a cup in the jinn"s hand, not hesitating to follow his unspoken commands.

Goddess, they were stupid. And adorable.

Dyre was sitting stiffly upright on the loveseat, his sharp features blank and eyes alert as he watched us all. When the movie started, Ambrose met my gaze and winked. Then the boogeyman stretched out with his head in Dyre"s lap and his long legs dangling over the arm of the loveseat. Dyre let out a soft sigh and shook his head, but I saw him move out of the corner of my eye when I returned my attention to the TV, hesitantly threading his long fingers through Ambrose"s silky black hair like petting an insistent house cat.

He was okay. We all were. Everything was going to be okay. They had all come together to give me a chance to pretend anyway, at least for a while. And damn it, I wasn"t going to waste the opportunity. I snuggled in between Hasumi and Niamh, determined to enjoy the impromptu movie night. And the amazing people around me.

Usually, my lovers found kinkier ways to distract me. But this… this was nice, too. And I realized it was just as important to me, this feeling of family. Security and contentment. Hasumi"s smooth fingers touched my cheeks, wiping away the tears that were suddenly falling unchecked. "It"s okay," they whispered, pressing a kiss to my temple. "You are safe here, Oleander."

I shook my head. Safe. That wasn"t it. Was it? I didn"t feel unsafe. I was just…

"Even the strongest among us has to let their guard down sometimes," Niamh said in that matter-of-fact way of hers. "We have to keep it together in the field, on the hunt. But the strongest hunters know they can cry among friends."

I huffed. But then Zhong was there, standing behind us, his enormous hands kneading my shoulders, and the tears just wouldn"t stop. I could feel Elijah"s cool presence hovering nearby. Ambrose appeared out of nowhere, perched on the arm of the couch, reaching past Hasumi to pat me on the head. And Dyre pushed the coffee table out of the way to crouch in front of me and touch my knee. I just sobbed harder, the emotions too powerful and tumbling out of me too fast to name.

Magic flared, and I suddenly found myself with a lapful of jinn. I snort-laughed as Aahil straddled my lap, jamming his knees between me and Hasumi and Niamh as he gripped my face in his overheated hands. "What have you imbeciles done to my witch?" He demanded. "You broke her!"

I wrapped my arms around his slender waist and buried my face in his t-shirt clad shoulder. And he let me. Aahil showing concern and letting me cling to him for comfort was the absolute last straw. I cried so hard I couldn"t breathe.

Eventually, my outburst subsided, and I let go of Aahil long enough to wipe my face and draw a few hiccupping breaths. "I"m sorry," I muttered, feeling like a complete moron. "I don"t know what that was."

But I did know. It was exactly what Hasumi had said it was. Safety. I felt safe to share my fears and my doubts and this feeling that I was utterly out of my depth. For the first time in my life, I had people to support me. Who wouldn"t shy away or give me shallow, false reassurance. For the first time in my life, I finally understood what it was to be loved.

That almost got me crying again. Thankfully, I had Aahil to keep me in line. "Do not," the jinn warned firmly, "get my shirt covered in snot again." I barked a laugh and heard a few of the others join in. Aahil narrowed his eyes at me, but his touch on my face was suspiciously gentle. "Would you like me to set someone on fire for you?" he asked gravely.

I shook my head. "No, thanks. I think we can just watch the movie now. I promise not to leak on you again."

He let out a long-suffering sigh. "We all know it will happen again. Don"t make promises you can"t keep, witch." Then he leaned in and pressed a warm kiss to my forehead. "I suppose I"ll survive it."

I chuckled again. Then I glanced around at the others. "Thank you," I said, my throat aching with emotion. "Really. Thank you for… well… all of this." I waved my hand to indicate the snacks, the movie, and the people crowded around me, unable to put my feelings into words that would come close to saying what I felt.

Hasumi tucked my hair behind my ear and met my eyes with their unflinching turquoise gaze. "They know. We all do. We are all connected to you now, Andy. One doesn"t need any skill with reading emotions to feel the love in our bonds."

I let out a shaky sigh. Right. Of course.

Dyre stood from where he was crouched on the floor and moved to return to his loveseat on the other side of the room, probably desperate to escape close contact with the others. But I wasn"t having it. Not now. Not when I was feeling so connected and so vulnerable all at the same time. I reached past Aahil to snag the back of Dyre"s shirt. "Don"t run away," I demanded.

And that was how we ended up rearranging the furniture. All the couches and chairs were shoved together, and I didn"t have to try too hard to reach out and touch every single one of my lovers. I wanted to purr like a cat in a puddle of sunshine. Nimah restarted the movie, and this time we actually watched it, sharing snacks and cuddles. At some point, Dyre ended up sitting next to me, and I refused to let him go. The others folded him in like it was nothing. I knew not all of their concerns about him had evaporated with this one interaction, but they were at least trying to be civil, which was something.

And when the movie ended and Zhong scooped me up like I weighed nothing, Dyre didn"t disappear. His dark eyes met mine over the Gargoyle"s shoulder, and he followed us up the stairs to my room, despite Aahil"s heated presence at his side.