32. Chapter 32

Ididn"t burn up.

For so long now, I had lived in this broken, wounded state. Sometimes it felt like I would never heal. That the splintering of everything I thought was me had damaged me too much, broken me into too many pieces to ever be put back together again. But back in that clearing… when my witch was in danger, I didn"t think twice about self-immolation. I had taken off the protective charm that kept me from accidentally killing myself with my own flames. I had called on the fire like an old friend—like the ever-present part of me it was. And it came. Not as an enemy this time. Not as self-loathing that seared me from the inside out. It came in a rush of protectiveness that had been growing stronger ever since I first laid eyes on Oleander Lovell.

The flames didn"t burn me. They were once again under my command. And it was exhilarating. I wanted to burn the world down just to feel my power again. But some of the reckless edge that used to be part of me seemed to have… dissolved somewhere along the way. I wanted the people who had wronged us to suffer, yes. I wanted to teach the assholes a lesson. But the motive behind all that was staggering. In that moment, the one thought on my mind had been to show the SA grunts they would never be allowed to harm my family.

"Oleander Lovell, what have you done to me?" I asked the wide-eyed jinn in the mirror. My golden-brown eyes blinked back at me, a flicker of fire flaring to life in their depths before going out again. Ever since the O"Leary coven abducted me and used me—and maybe even before that—I always saw a stranger staring back at me from my reflection. A being who had somehow become so lost and tarnished that I didn"t recognize him anymore. But today, for the first time in ages, I looked in the mirror and saw myself.

I was thinner than I used to be. My red-brown skin was less luminous than it should be. I looked like someone who had suffered some great tragedy, but… come out on the other side alive. I saw life in my eyes. That was the difference. For the first time, my gaze held the fierceness of a man who wanted to grasp onto life and live it, rather than simply rain down death so everyone around me could feel my pain.

Spinning away from the mirror, I paced the length of my borrowed room, running a hand through my hair. I was unsettled. Terrified was closer to the fucking truth. Because while I felt more like myself, I also felt like I had been completely transformed into someone else. Without the weight of my anger, and bitterness, and pain… I felt like I might dissolve into nothingness.

Closing my eyes, I took in a deep breath, held it, then let it out with a puff of smoke. Andy needed me. Her sister was right. The entire world needed a fucking reset. And Andy was just the witch to do it. But she might need a nudge. And a bit of reckless fire to support her. I had… a purpose now, I supposed. And for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt like I might actually be useful.

I called to the fire, let it flare up in my palm and dance over my fingers before I extinguished it.

I didn"t burn up.

My flames didn"t harm me.

And as much as I loathed the thought of admitting it out loud, I knew I had Andy and the others to thank for that little miracle. If not for them—all of them—I would have self-destructed and burned myself out of existence. Physically, yes, but also in every other way. I had wanted to disappear. But now, suddenly, I wanted to be seen.Not allowing myself to question it, I pulled off the ridiculous, unnecessary hoodie I had lived in the past few weeks and tossed it aside, setting it ablaze with a fire so hot that not even ashes were left behind. I contemplated taking off the t-shirt as well. I didn"t need clothes, really. Being cold was not a problem for me. But I didn"t want Andy to be too distracted by my perfection. Not yet, anyway. One hurdle at a time. Right now, I needed her to be alert.

I glanced one last time at the charmed suppression necklace that lay on the top of my dresser, but I didn"t reach for it. Pivoting, I dematerialized and transported to Andy, letting my bond to the witch draw me to her along the warm golden thread that connected us. I stepped back into physical form in the workroom, where she was currently pacing and yanking at her tangled green hair while she yammered at the dead angel.

"Witch," I said, crossing my arms over my chest and lifting my chin to give her a commanding look, projecting more confidence than I felt when those gray eyes landed on me. "What are you doing wasting time with your specter when we have a theft to plan?"

She arched her dark green brows at me, and her lips turned up into a wry smirk. "Oh, hi Aahil. Feeling feisty today, are you?" Her tone was light, but she was observant. I knew she noticed I wasn"t wearing my charm.

I nodded to her once, a curt acknowledgement that I was fine. Then I arched a brow. "Well? What are your plans and when do I get to burn something? I cocked a hip and tapped an impatient foot, slipping into character in a way that was comforting.

She grinned at me, all of her worry apparently forgotten at the sight of me in all of my jinn glory. Crossing the room, she dared to touch me, cupping my face in her soft hands and staring into my eyes. "You"ve got your control back," she breathed. "Oh, Aahil. I knew you could do it!"

I scoffed at her words. I wasn"t a child who needed fussing over at the smallest accomplishment. But I couldn"t help the pulse of warmth that I knew she must be able to feel through our bond at her words. "Yes, yes," I drawled. "It"s all very impressive and you get all the credit. Now focus on the important things. Like how we are all about to become supervillain heroes."

She laughed and released me, her eyes crinkling at the corners and her entire aura sparkling with whatever she was feeling. Relief? Joy? I had no idea. But it looked good on her. Throwing caution and ego to the wind, I pushed up into her space and kissed her, drinking in some of that simple pleasure. Andy seemed surprised at the show of affection, but she didn"t let that stop her from melting into me, her arms looping around my shoulders and fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of my neck.

For once, it felt good to be touched. The ghost of remembered anxiety was still there, but Andy chased it away with her openness and acceptance. Broken or otherwise, this amazing woman had always accepted me for who and what I was. Unfortunately, there was still another ghost to contend with. "I suppose I"ll go check on the others, then," Elijah said on a gusty sound that was probably a specter sigh.

I released the deliciously plump witch who threatened to derail my entire purpose for coming here. "No. Stay. We need to strategize."

Andy rolled her eyes, then shot me a suspicious look. "Don"t tell me you actually agree with Bella."

I huffed. "The mere sight of your sibling makes me want to choke the life from her for leaving me stuck in that fucking book for decades after she escaped your coven." Turning away to fiddle with a rat skull that decorated one of the bookshelves, I shrugged. "But she did help me escape the O"Leary assholes. And I suppose she"s proven useful in other ways. I might not have to kill myself for agreeing with her."

Andy shook her head. But she didn"t waste breath reprimanding me for making light of self-harm, the way she would if she was truly concerned that I was serious. I appreciated that more than I wanted to examine. I was still slightly ashamed of how fragile I had been recently. It didn"t bear examining at the moment.

"You seem to care about other people," I said, setting the skull aside and turning back to Andy. "Boring. But I suppose you won"t want the entire realm—both of them—to self-destruct. And I have recently come to accept the awful fact that I want you to be happy." I shuddered just for effect. "So, I suppose we have to go save the world by giving them all something to fear."

I grinned at her, slow and feral. "I could use the excuse to cause some chaos."

"Seriously?" she said with a sigh.

I dropped my flippant act and took her hands. "Seriously. I knew you would be here, doubting yourself, tying yourself up in knots over all the moral implications of putting the Alliance in their place and finally stepping into your full power. I wanted… to support you." I couldn"t quite hold back all the snark. "It"s disgusting," I added flatly.

She squeezed my hands, and her exhale had a little tremble in it. "That means more than you know," she breathed. "Especially coming from you, Aahil. But we are not going along with Bella"s crazy ideas of taking over the world. We"re just helping get the artifacts from the SA."

I nodded resolutely, unwilling to fully descend into the new emotions that wanted to overwhelm me. "Whatever you wish. I am with you," I said instead. "My flames are at your disposal. If it helps."

She blinked rapidly, and I braced myself for silly tears. But she gave me a tremulous smile. "I can"t believe you want me to set the world on fire. For their own good, of course."

I shrugged. "Let"s just start with one corrupt organization and go from there, shall we? Since you"re apparently too sickeningly good for real adventure."

She was still worried, I thought. But her laugh sounded genuine, and her aura felt brighter.

And that made me feel better as well. Perhaps I could do this. Perhaps I could be good and loving and still be a bit wicked and wild. It was a novel thought. But it didn"t come with the loathing that I expected. The fear was still there, but there was something else as well. Something that almost felt like… relief.