Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

"I did not lie to you that I was born into a now extinct pack, nor about how I am its last surviving member." He turns his head back toward the forest. "We were a pack of vampir hunters, tasked with keeping them in their borders as they turned into monsters from some unknown blight. This was well before my time, of course…but my pack settled in those woods at the edge of the lykin territory. Just out of the Lykin Plains, and somewhat separate from the other packs, who were more under the eyes of the wolf kings. We were beyond the towers of the plains and that afforded us some autonomy."

I can imagine it in vivid detail, as though I were actually there. I can see a pack of lykin sent into the woods thousands of years ago during the combative time with the vampir. Their ghosts fill the streets of that long-abandoned little town that we came across, right at the very edge of two territories.

"I think, after a time, the pack was forgotten by most of the lykin—or they believed we had succumbed to the vampir. And the alphas—my forefathers—liked it that way."

"It kept your ancestors safe."

He nods. "No one came looking. No wolf kings wanted to impose their rule or draw my ancestors into whatever squabbles they were currently enduring. So my kin could live in peace and harmony. The pack used their skill of hunting vampir to track game in the familiar woods. They traded with the few, rare travelers who weren't afraid of coming so close to the vampir mountains and closed-off lykin. It was an opportunity to learn about how to commune with the spirits, as the spirits realized my ancestors weren't like their kin on the plains and had little interest in their subjugation. There were humans who had gone to meet the vampir and they learned alongside us."

"It must have been peaceful," I say softly. The description of his pack reminds me of the stories of the early witches Grandma told me. Of men and women working together in collectives, pooling their power and resources. Back before the Fade was erected and magic was plentiful among the people.

"I never knew that time, but, in my imaginings, it was." He stares down at his hands in his lap, folding and unfolding them, looking more like an insecure boy than a confident man. "My father always told me those were some of the best days. But I never even saw the homes of my kin before I was brought back to Midscape as a man."

"Let's get to your story." As fascinating as the history of the lykin is, the sky is already lightening and we'll need to be off soon.

"When the wolf king before Conri came to power, he uncovered evidence of our pack—a group that had been thriving outside the reach of the wolf king for centuries. He demanded we come to the plains, abandon our homes, and submit to him completely."

"And they didn't want to." I saw the remnants of their homes in the woods. What overgrown husks that remain.

"He tried to eradicate our people and, in the process, was mortally wounded. During the chaos, my father escaped and brought me with him." His pack's knowledge of the spirits must've been the key to their escape. "My mother was not so lucky. She stayed behind to give us a path, draw their attention."

"I'm sorry." The pain of losing one's mother is all too real.

He shakes his head. "I was just a babe. I didn't know her. Not like you and your mother…"

"I was so young, too. As you know," I hastily add. There's still a part of my mind that is reckoning with the notion that Evander and Liam are the same person. All the things I told him about my life as if he didn't already know them… "You really let me talk to you as if you had no idea about my story."

"I'm sorry." He cringes slightly. "I didn't know what else to do. Was it better to tell you who I was and risk your standing with Conri—the only thing that was keeping you safe?"

"I don't know," I admit. "Carry on with your story, and I'll tell you how I feel about it all when you've had your chance to fully explain yourself." Hopefully, by the time he's finished and I know everything, my own emotions will be clearer.

"Right… Well, my father made it across the Fade with me, obviously. As I told you, lykin aren't born with the power to change our shapes. We are gifted it when we reach maturation by swearing an oath to the great wolf spirit and connecting with the power in our bloodlines. I grew up with no idea who I was—what I was." Evander leans forward slightly. "When I met you, I truly was nothing more than a hunter's son. In my mind and heart, I knew nothing else."

I study his face and find his words to be true. Dipping my chin, I say, "I believe you." Evander sighs with relief. "But, then, how did you come back here? When did you find out?"

"Most of my years, I had no idea." He shakes his head. "Father mentioned nothing. The only time I had any idea something might be…off, was when your mother died."

"Mother?" The word is dry on my tongue.

"We were in the woods. Father told me he heard a fight even though nothing reached my ears. Now I know that, if he heard it, he heard it with the keen ears of lykin. But, even more likely, he sensed Conri's presence."

"Conri was there?" I go perfectly still. These words, truths, are probing into wounds I thought long healed and scarred over. "My mother…" Died in the woods . The one place she was at her most powerful. Where she was most at home. I had always believed it to be a simple explanation because that's what Grandma had told me—what the hunter who found Mother's remains had told her. There wasn't the slightest bit of concern that Grandma let show.

"Father tried to save her." Evander reaches slowly for me. I don't move away and he rests his hand on mine, squeezing gently. "I'm so sorry we couldn't."

I shake my head, trying to suppress the emotions that are fighting their way up from the deepest pit of my heart I long ago threw them into. "It's not your fault—but how?"

"She had gone deep into the woods."

"Looking for more spirits." It was something Mother did often. She was determined to find a spirit on her own. Grandma had two. She wanted one. Perhaps to pass down to me… The notion floods me with guilt.

"She went as deep as the edge of the Fade. I suspect she did something that somehow alerted Conri—piqued his curiosity, at the very least. He sent a knight through the Fade for information."

"Who?"

"Bardulf."

I blurt laughter that has a crazed edge. Looking back to the charred patch of earth where he stood a mere hour ago has me laughing more. I laugh until I rasp, "Bastard."

"A fitting title for him."

"So much for feeling guilt over his death." I turn back to Evander and leave the remnants of any worry over killing a man behind me on the burnt grasses.

"I'm glad you were the one to do it."

"Now I am, too." Thoughts of my mother fill my mind. "Why would he hurt her? She wouldn't have attacked him."

"Conri sees witches like spirits—as tools that can be used. But if they're not with him and his mission…"

"Then they're against him," I say softly.

"Bardulf escaped through the Fade before my father could kill him, obviously."

"And, in the process, he told Conri of you and your father. That someone from the pack survived." I try to keep my focus on him and not on the revelation of my mother. I'm reeling. But nothing changes. Mother is still dead. Grief has long been settled in my heart. Any vengeance I could've wanted has been claimed. Save for maybe Conri, the man behind it all…

"Conri didn't believe him at first. Especially when he sent another knight through the Fade and found no evidence of lykin or witches."

"Why not?"

"Your grandmother gave us protection." A warm smile crosses his lips.

I remember that day…the day I met Liam—Evander. It was after the hunter had come to our hut to deliver word of Mother's death. Fate had brought us together, and from one of the worst days of my life, something beautiful would grow.

After our mourning and putting Mother to rest, Grandma said we were going to the hunter's cottage. That they needed our gratitude for their attempts to save Mother and for bringing us word of her death. The best way to give them that was our blessings.

I give words to my realization. "Grandma knew what you were."

"She was clever." He nods. "Father told me she knew the moment he came to break the horrible news."

"I'm sorry I didn't realize." If I had, I might have been able to save us both so much heartache.

"Faelyn…you were a young witch, had no reason to suspect, and didn't know what to look for." He hooks my chin and guides it back to look at him. "I had no idea, either. If I had, I would've told you."

"When did you know?" We spent years together following the death of my mother. Endless afternoons in the fields. Late evenings on the thatched roof of my hut, staring at the stars. "Accidentally" running into one another in the woods when I was out collecting herbs. The early mornings and long nights and any excuse to see each other until it became so obvious that we could drop all pretense.

"It wasn't until much, much later," he says, affirming my suspicion as he drops his hand from my face. Evander leans back and stands. He walks over to the ridge, looking down at the forest. "My father brought me back to Midscape to reclaim my birthright."

"The night you left." Even saying it puts my heart in a vise.

"Not quite." He glances back at me with an apologetic look. Mention of that night seems to hurt us both in no small measure. Knowing the pain is shared makes it somewhat easier to bear. "I performed the rites just before. You and I were to meet on the new moon, but to perform the rites, Father and I had to go when the moon was full."

"You came to Midscape to make your oath to the great wolf spirit."

He nods and then turns, crossing the gap between us in a few hasty steps. Evander scoops up both my hands in his and holds them fiercely, looking into my eyes with equal intensity. "If I had known what was going to happen—what misfortunes were about to befall us both—I would've never. Faelyn, if I could go back, I would have never crossed the Fade and made my oath."

"But you…"

"I would've rather lived a lifetime, ignorant as a human man, and have forsaken the magic of my forefathers—I would've forsaken all the magic in the world to be with you… rather than where we find ourselves now."

My grip on him tightens, as if I am trying to hold on to both our magic. The idea of someone giving theirs up is gutting to me and I am helpless to do anything but stare for a long moment.

"You can't forsake your destiny, because…you are the last of your pack," I say softly.

"And it will die with me anyway because I cannot bear children," he nearly speaks over me.

"There are many ways to have a child, Evander, and only one is by your own blood."

"In any case, my father brought me across the Fade and I made my oath. We couldn't go all the way to Den. But, thanks to the connections our pack had made with the spirits, we could summon the great wolf from the grove of Den," Evander continues hastily, clearly eager to change the subject. I let the matter of children drop, for now. It's clearly a sensitive topic, understandably so, and not the most important thing at this moment. "The full moon had enhanced not only our powers—but all other lykin's as well. Including the man who was most connected with the wolf spirit."

"Conri. That was how he found you both."

"It was hard for him to ignore the sensation of a young lykin making his oaths when there was no one in Den. After that, it was a matter of getting the information of who it was from Aurora."

"You knew Aurora?"

He shakes his head. "Aurora could consult with the wolf spirit and confirm which pack had just made oaths."

I realize why Conri forces all lykin to Den to make their oaths; it prevents any packs from resurrecting themselves quietly, away from his prying eyes. His wickedness seems only to be matched by his cleverness, and there are clearly no limits to what he'll do to ensure his power.

"Then it was a matter of Conri remembering what Bardulf had said, and coming for you and your father," I say, filling in the gap. "Which, if he had to consult Aurora, and then was coming from Den, would've taken him a few weeks."

Three people moving in tandem, each oblivious to the true actions of the others. Evander had gone to take his oaths and become a full lykin in magic as well as blood. Conri was gathering his information and his knights. And I was preparing to go before the great redwood to ask the spirits to confirm my suspicion that the young man I'd fallen in love with was, indeed, my soulmate.

"He crossed the Fade the night of the new moon. Risky for a lykin to do when his powers were weak, but he suspected, rightly, that he had the upper hand on us from numbers alone, and we were too weak ourselves to sense he was coming until it was too late. We had no warning. One moment, my father and I were going to bed—me secretly preparing to sneak away and meet you. The next moment, Father told me we had to run. He'd prepared everything as if he'd known it was a risk from the moment I took my oath." Evander drops his chin and slowly shakes his head. His shoulders droop some from the weight of that night. "I begged Father to let me leave word for you, but he said we couldn't risk it. I wanted to meet you first, but he refused that as well. Faelyn, I am so, so sorry."

"Evander, you were trying to keep yourself and your father alive. I understand." The words are surprisingly easy to say. There's still a child in me that wants to shout at him for the pain he caused me. But it is easy to ignore her.

She was a girl who saw the world in such simple rules. If someone wasn't with her, then they had left her forever. Gone. Abandoned. A girl who was afraid of losing everyone precious to her and spending her days alone.

"Faelyn—"

"Let your guilt go," I stress. I hear it lingering in his tone. Ripe with pain. "It serves no one. Not you. Not me—I don't want it."

Evander sighs and straightens some. He turns toward the dawn that lights his face orange. "Conri found Father and me in the woods. He killed my father, and nearly killed me, too. But, in the end, I think he liked the idea of having me under his control more than he liked me dead. I was the last survivor of the pack that had eluded so many kings. And Conri was the one to bring me to heel."

"Like some sick trophy," I mutter.

"Conri brought me back across the Fade while I was unconscious and bleeding out. Burning with infection and trauma. By the time I regained my wits, I was in Den. Scarred and vastly outnumbered. I was offered the choices of serving him, or dying by his hand."

"What made you choose to serve him?" I ask delicately. "Obviously, I am glad for this choice," I add hastily, with a small laugh. Evander huffs amusement as well. "But…you had just seen that man kill your father. Before then, you had spent your final moments with your father trying to run from him. No doubt being warned of the dangers. I…" I'm beginning to regret the question. But I'm in too deep. "I don't know if I would've made the same decision," I admit and leave it at that.

"You."

"What?" I blink.

Evander shifts, moving closer to me. We're both sitting angled toward each other, facing the sunrise. It reminds me of when I would slip out through the window in the loft and meet him on the roof of the hut. We'd spend the night talking, just like this, until sunrise. Though the topics were usually far lighter.

Still, like then, I can't take my eyes off of him. The rest of the world is distant and blurred. The only thing in focus is him in all the watercolor hues of dawn.

"I chose to serve him because of you."

I blink, startled. Evander continues before I can say anything.

"If I had died, it would take a lifetime to meet you again in the Beyond. As long as I drew breath, it meant I had hope of our paths crossing. I would endure whatever pain that meant, just for the chance to see you one more time."

The vise that was put on my heart tightens, causing it to beat harder, shortening my breath. Everything he endured. Everything he went through. Was because of me.

"My love," he whispers. The two words are like honey in my ears and I shiver before his hand even cups my cheek. "There is no more need of tears anymore, not now that we're together." Evander brushes away a rogue rivulet with his thumb.

"You went through so much."

"And I would go through it all again, ten times over, if it brought me back to this moment—to you."

Even though we never were able to stand beneath the redwood tree and bind our hands…I have my answer, as undeniable as the sun's rise or the wind in my hair. It was him. It has always been him.

Every gaze that lingered on another was in search of his face, even when I knew it would be impossible to find him in those moments. Every embrace I sought from others was a futile attempt to rediscover the warmth I once knew from his arms. Every kiss was in search of the taste of him.

"It was you." I lean in and press my forehead to his, as if somehow I could walk him through the sacred corners of my heart that were made for him, and him alone. The truth has been laid bare before me, each strand of choice and fate woven like a tapestry—a map, to guide us to each other.

"There are no others you want to return to?" he asks as if he's afraid of the answer.

"There were others." I've already admitted to as much. No wonder his reaction was so visceral at the time. He even winces now.

"You thought I was dead. Or, worse, that I had abandoned you," he says quickly, sounding like he's trying to rationalize it to himself as much as me. Funny that he thinks him abandoning me is worse than death.

"Yes. But…they never meant anything," I assure him. "Even when I was with them, it was nothing more than a need, a whim, or trying to fill the void you left. But none could compare. I could've walked the world and met every man, and it would've never been enough. None of them would've been you."

"I love you, Faelyn."

"And I love you, too, Evander."

Our lips meet in an unhurried caress, as though we're both allowing the words to imprint upon our very souls. The sensation courses through me like a surge of magic, making my head spin. For a breath, the fates have finally aligned in our favor. The stars and spirits themselves have conspired to bring us together. Even if the world beyond us is fraught with uncertainty, we have this stolen instant, and every other yet before us. We have each other.

Evander pulls away with a quivering sigh. "I wish I could stop the sun from rising."

"I might have some of Aurora's powers…but I can't make the moon rise again. Nor would I want to."

"No?" He pulls away, still holding on to me, to blink into the sunlight as it crests the grass in the distance.

"No," I breathe. The word is as light as the soft breeze that sweeps over the plains. "I don't want time to stop where it was. I want to go forward because that's where we will exist."

The sky is awash with color, turning the grasslands into a dark silhouette. The sun is as bright as hope. The sky is the color of all the blood that was spilled to bring us here.

"We have to go, though," I remind us both. Something in the glisten of his eyes tells me I need to be the strong one in this moment. "As much as I want to run off with you?—"

"We can't abandon Aurora," he finishes for me, stands, and offers me his hand.

I take it, letting him half pull me up. "What will we do about Bardulf?"

"I'll think about it on the way. For now, we should get moving."

Yet, neither of us do. We stand, fingers intertwined, eyes locked. I would bet that if I were to put my head on his chest, I would feel our hearts beat in time.

"When we arrive in Den, you're going to have to keep up the illusion with Conri." Pain and anger make his words low, filled with gravel.

"I know. If he becomes suspicious, it's a risk for all of us." Evander, Aurora, and me. "We'll leave as soon as we can, together, and we'll never look back."

"So long as you want me at your side." The sentiment reminds me of what I told him earlier, the harsh words I used to push him away when my heart was breaking for what will be the final time in my life.

My face relaxes into a smile that it hasn't made in years. One that only he can bring out in me. "Always, Evander. Stay by my side, forever and always."