Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Evander runs with the speed of an unbroken stallion. My knuckles are white, fingers numb from clutching and from the cool morning air battering my body. But even as tears prick my eyes from the wind, a smile cuts my lips.

This time, when we crest the ridge in the distance, we don't stop. Evander keeps running down the sloping hills and past where Conri's prying eyes can see. I smile even wider.

He slows not long after, though, coming to a complete stop and settling his belly on the ground. I take it as a sign to dismount. As soon as I'm off, Evander rolls onto his back, changing back into his human form. He still pants loudly, sweat coating his body atop a ruddy flush.

"He really…let you…go," Evander finally manages, staring dumbstruck at the heavens above. The rise and fall of his chest draws my eyes to it and I barely resist the urge to place my hands on him here and now. It's especially hard when he tilts his head and flashes me a dazzling smile. "You really are brilliant."

I lie back in the grass next to him, watching the sheeplike clouds dance across a field of blue. "‘Brilliant' wouldn't have been caught in the first place. It would've never been taken in by his charm."

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, recovering his breath. "You're right. But better men and women have fallen for the lull of his charm. And as far as being caught, you used it to your advantage well."

I sigh softly and rest the back of my forearm on my forehead. "I had to give up an advantage to get one."

"So he knows about Brundil. What of it?" Evander looks over to me. "He can't summon her without you. And I know you would never abuse her power on his behalf."

"You have so much faith in me." I meet his gaze.

"You're someone it's easy to have faith in." Evander shifts in the grasses, looking back to the sky but only for a moment before closing his eyes and taking another deep breath.

I've never seen him so relaxed. So…free. I'm not the only one who shed weight by escaping Conri. It's a monumental relief for me and I've only been trapped with the wolf king for a short time. I can only imagine what Evander must feel any time he gets away.

"Evander," I start delicately, "what was your life like before Conri?"

He opens his eyes and stares up at the sky. I wonder if he sees his old pack, the people he loved, dancing among the clouds. During the stretch of silence that follows, I begin to doubt he'll tell me at all. We've been so careful about sharing little when it comes to anything too personal. Even though we've crossed many lines, it is a different sort of intimacy than what I'm asking now.

"Peaceful," he says, at long last. Never have I clung to what someone might say next so tightly. "We lived near the forest at the edge of the lykin's territory. I never realized what…what my circumstances were." A frown tugs on his lips slightly. "I grew up without pack politics and the wolf king. I got to live the life most pups would only dream of. Until the day he came for us."

The pain in Evander's voice draws me to him. I shift slightly, reaching through the grasses to find his fingers. But even as I make contact, he continues to stare up at those old ghosts that peer down at us through the Veil between here and the Great Beyond.

"Conri killed… He took everyone I ever knew and loved from me. He should have killed me, too, but he didn't. I was worth more to him alive."

"Because you know about spirits?" I ask, barely refraining from adding, And witches?

"That, and because I was the last male of my pack—by rights, I was the alpha of a pack of one. Me. But that is symbolic enough for him to make me his knight and take my ability to have children from me in the process. Showing the other alphas what he can reduce a pack to—a man to."

My ribs feel too small for my lungs. I suppress a whimper. This pain is his, not mine. I feel it in sympathy, but I cannot allow it to manifest because it would shift the focus off of him in this moment.

"It is…so cruel," I whisper.

That finally brings his eyes to mine. Haunted but sharp. Distant, and yet somehow able to look right into my very soul.

"He is cruel," Evander says. "Every day, I cursed his name. I wasn't sure why I allowed myself to be taken alive. There were nights I wished I would never wake from. Days I would push every boundary in the hope that Conri would just end it."

"Evander…"

"But now…now I am grateful for every breath. Every gnarled scar on my flesh and heart is like a map that led me to here, now, with you. I wouldn't change any second of pain because forsaking it would also mean forsaking the pleasure of your company, your smiles, your body." He speaks every word so plainly. So earnestly. He's so suddenly laid his soul bare before me and I've no idea what to do with it.

I thought I knew what love was…but now I know it was nothing more than a childhood infatuation. It was real, but as real as it could be for a young woman whose world was small and who knew so little. Real looks different when your perspective on the world changes with time and experience.

"Do you mean all that?" I ask, even though I already know the answer.

Evander rolls onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow. His other hand reaches for my face, cupping my cheek. He leans in but holds off kissing me long enough to say, "Every word and more."

My eyes dip closed and my chin rises slightly on instinct. His mouth meets mine in the slowest, most glorious kiss I have ever felt. I don't have to kiss him. Conri is nowhere near. I don't have a pent-up urge threatening to be the thief of my better sense.

I kiss him because I want to . Because it feels so good when his mouth is on mine. Silken lips gliding on instinct. The roughness of his stubble.

He pulls away and I rise for one last peck, stealing it right off his lips. Evander chuckles at my preciousness and lies back with a smile.

"So, where is it that you want to go? We have about a week."

"Do you actually know where any spirits are?" I ask, still genuinely curious about the extent of what he knows when it comes to the magic of witches.

He nods. "I have some prospects. But I've never been able to look into them too deeply."

"Do these prospects take us to the forest?" I sit up and nod down to the forest that walls off the lykin's territory from the rest.

"Some could."

"Good, that's where I want to go."

"You're going to prepare an escape path for you and Aurora…aren't you?" He sits as well. Our shoulders brush and I relish in the easy familiarity that comes with someone you trust—someone you've shared your body and intimate secrets with.

"That's my plan," I have no trouble admitting to him.

"And how are you going to escape Conri to get you and Aurora on this path?" Skepticism weighs down his words.

"I'll figure that out at Den." I glance his way with a slight grin. "Or, you will."

He huffs. "How did I know I'd be a part of this escape?"

"You already were once." A thought occurs to me, something that's lingered in the back of my mind since coming here. "Why did you help her on the first new moon after the Blood Moon?"

He doesn't answer for so long that I end up looking in his direction to make sure he heard. But the moment I see the severe expression on his face I know he did. His brows are furrowed in what looks almost like confusion…as if he doesn't quite know the answer.

"Because…it was the right thing to do," he says, finally.

I shift to get a better look at him. This is important to me, I realize. I must know why he did what he did because, if I do, then maybe I can fully trust him without any trace of doubt. I'll know, unlike Conri, he's not just pouring honeyed words into my ears. "Even though you were risking everything to do it?"

"I thought I was pretty explicit that my life has meant very little to me over the years." He doesn't look at me when he speaks. He continues to stare past the forest. "Once I was on Conri's leash, little else mattered, even myself."

"What kept you going?" I dare to ask.

"I…" He dips his chin, staring at the ground. A slight smile curves his mouth. "Someone I loved, or the memory of her, perhaps."

"The witch?" I dare to seek confirmation of my suspicions. His head jerks in my direction. Eyes wide. I laugh softly. "You've made it kind of obvious… You know so much about witches, so you had to be close to one, or had one captive. And I don't think it was the latter."

"How can you be so sure? Didn't I warn you I killed the heart of a witch?"

"I remember." I shrug. "There are many ways to ‘kill' a heart. Perhaps you did what you had to do to protect her."

"I…hope she'd someday see it that way," he says softly, raising his gaze once more to meet mine.

"I know this might be difficult, and I'm sorry for asking, but do you think you could take me to her? If there are witches in Midscape, I would want to meet them. They might prove valuable allies," I carefully explain in the hopes that he doesn't think I'm trying to inflict torture on his poor heart.

"There aren't any." His body language shifts, closing off. It makes me wonder if he truly means "kill" in the literal sense. Evander stands. "We should keep going to make the most of our time."

"Evander—" I stand as well and take his hand to draw his attention back to me. "If this journey will be too hard on you, you don't have to go."

He snorts. "You think I'm going to let you go on alone?"

"I'm perfectly capable." I motion to the field around us, dotted with all manner of wildflower and lupine. "You could have a lovely vacation from all obligation for a few days. Enjoy the sunshine."

"I am not a man who sits still well." Evander grins.

"Forgive me for trying to be nice to you."

He smiles and takes a step forward, resting his forehead on mine. "I appreciate it. But I don't think anywhere would be ‘hard on me' if you are at my side. Don't worry so much, Faelyn. I know there is a great deal to accomplish, but you should also try to rest and relax, too. When we return to Conri you will be fighting for your life—and Aurora's—every second. So breathe easy while you can. Gather your strength."

I nod as he pulls away. Evander gives me a slight but genuine smile before changing back into his wolf shape. Once more, he places his belly on the ground, I mount, and we're off again.

We reach the edge of the woods by the late afternoon. Midscape is larger than I thought—larger than it appears. Even with Evander running as fast as he can, it still took us the better portion of a day to make it to the forest. But the moment we cross underneath the trees, all doubts as to if this venture was worth it or not vanish.

"Evander, stop." I don't even wait for him to be fully still before I'm dismounting, jumping off. I quickly cross to the nearest tree and place both hands and my forehead upon it, shutting my eyes. This place hums with ancient energies, like the woods back home. "I greet you, sentries and spirits of this forest. I come as a friend—hopefully an ally. I hope you will welcome my companion and I and aid our path."

There's a faint humming in the back of my mind. Like the buzzing of a bee, or the flapping of a small bird's wings. It's brief, almost melodic, and ripples under my skin. I straighten with a smile and say, "Thank you."

"The woods welcome us?" Evander asks, back in his human form.

"Yes, I think so." I step away from the tree. The earth is soft, carpeted with mosses and small leafy plants that can survive in the wide spaces between the trees; this is not a condensed forest. I reach out a hand and Evander takes it without my having to ask. With his support, I pull off both of my boots and socks, resting them atop my satchel. I wiggle my toes against the lichen. "That's better."

"Would you like to lead from here?" Evander offers.

I nod. "I would, if you don't mind. That way I can focus on sensing any magic."

"I don't mind at all. I have a keen sense of direction, so don't worry for us getting lost."

"Sometimes…getting lost for a while is the best way to be found." I start walking, pulled by the beats of my heart, the feeling of the living earth beneath me, the shifting breezes, and the animals that scurry and flit between the trees.

"You're more right than you know." Evander falls into step beside me.

As I keep my senses open for spirits, and my eyes open for potential points of shelter, Evander and I make hours of conversation. He tells me more of the ways of the lykin. How, in the primordial forest of Den, there is a Grove where the lykin can speak with the great wolf spirit—one of the few spirits they can commune with. I tell him of how my grandmother taught me, as a girl and as a woman, to identify the magic in everything—traces of spirits—and how to use that combined with the power within me to perform small blessings and feats of magic.

I ask him about how the lykin's magic works, how it feels to be a wolf, how they determine their hierarchy and what the markings on the sides of tents mean—different packs, as I'd begun to surmise.

He asks me about the most mundane things in reply. What I ate from day to day. How I occupied my time. How long it had been since my grandmother passed the Veil to the Great Beyond.

The day passes effortlessly.

"We should probably bed down for the night." Evander stares up at the stars winking through the canopy. The moon is nearly full and offers a great amount of light, even filtered through the tangled boughs above.

"Evander…" I stare up at the moon as well, at what it means beyond merely light for us to see by.

"Yes?"

"When I free Aurora"— not if, when —"what will happen to the lykin?" I know Conri has claimed it would be the end for them. But I don't trust him to be entirely forthright.

"It's impossible to know," he says softly. "Perhaps we will go back to as we were before Bewulf the Uniter swooned her and we will no longer be able to transform at will, but only when the moon is full. Perhaps she has been one with our kind for so long that her magic is as much in our blood as the old wolf spirit's is, and we will remain as we are. Perhaps, somehow, even after all we have done to her, she'll take pity upon us and give us that boon, however undeserving we might be of it."

I continue to stare up at the sky. My insides knot. I'm heavy with the weight of all he's told me. Of his people and their ways and history. A history that, one way or another, I will be forever entrenched in. I doubt I will be known as anything more than a villain.

"Faelyn." Evander places a hand on my shoulder, grounding me back in the present. My eyes are drawn to him. He's cast in moonlight. A silhouette outlined in silver and shadow. Both suit him, the light and the dark. "The lykin will survive. No matter what. We're a tough people. Born of the moon and of the wolf. Both will always be a part of us, one way or another. So do what is right. Aurora is a stain on our legacy as she is now. That is why I tried to free her, and continue to do so. This chapter is a disgrace in our history books. If you can liberate her…then it must be done."

I nod. If only Conri wasn't the wolf king and you were , I want to say. But I can't bring myself to. Evander has been through enough. The hardships of ruling shouldn't be yet another weight upon his shoulders.

"I won't falter," I vow to him, and to the moon above.

"Good." Evander steps away and begins to set up the tent.

"It's a lovely night; I don't think that's necessary," I say. The air here isn't too hot or cold, despite it being summer. There's a nice breeze, but not too rigorous.

"Are you sure?"

"Just the bedroll is fine," I insist.

He rolls out two bedrolls a modest amount apart. I fold my arms as he finishes and give him a dull look when he turns in my direction. His brow furrows. I can't stop a grin.

"What?" Evander asks.

"You're really putting them like that? After last night?"

"I…didn't want to assume." The moonlight mostly hides what I dare think is a blush. "I wasn't sure if last night was a moment or…"

I kneel on the earth next to him, sitting back onto my ankles, so I can look him in the eyes. "Do you want it to just be a moment?"

"Old gods, no," he breathes like a desperate prayer.

He wants me. Still. Even now. I can feel it as much as I can see it in his eyes. In the twitch of his hands as he refrains from touching me. It swells like a rush of too much sugar, surging through me. It takes my head like too much mead. Before I know it, my hands are on his cheeks, my mouth is on his. His hands are on my rear. I'm maneuvered into his lap, straddling him.

"Have me again," I whisper against his mouth, raking my fingers through his silken tresses. "Not because of Conri's charm. Or because of unfulfilled urges. Have me because you want me and I want you. Because you feel this draw as much as I do."

As I talk, his hands slide up my back. They spread across my shoulder blades. One slips up to grab my hair at the nape of my neck, pulling my head back, as it makes a fist.

Evander draws a quivering breath against the soft skin of my neck. "I could have you a thousand times, and only want you a thousand more."

"I welcome the challenge," I breathe.

With a growl, he takes my skin between his teeth. His hips rock against mine. My nails dig into his shoulders as he grabs at my shirt.

The moment our flesh meets again, the world is right. The second of pain when he fills me, followed by the bliss of my body accepting him, is enough to make my mind go blank. My arms around his shoulders. His body atop mine.

Tonight, we are not quiet. The sound of our bodies moving, our moans and ragged breaths, fills the woods with shameless abandon. Tonight, we have nothing to hide, and nothing to pretend to be other than each other's.